by Dani Lovell
When we finish staring at each other, Daniel heads to the kitchen to make the tea and I crawl back under the duvet and wait for my man to come back and join me. I pick up the remote for Daniel's iPod and press play; a bit of music to preoccupy my thoughts.
A beautiful song plays softly in the room, one of my favourites, 'Last Request' by Paulo Nutini. As it plays, the lyrics - which I have always known but never really thought about - now mean something new, something heart wrenching. Although I'm pretty sure the song is about another situation entirely, many of the words relate to the situation Daniel and I are in, right now.
My heart aches listening to the sad, sad words, and the tears stream from my eyes instantly. I raise my fingertips to my mouth and try my hardest to keep the sobs from erupting. At that moment, Daniel walks in with my tea, completely naked with a gorgeous smile on his face. He takes one look at me and his expression falls, concern etched on his face. He puts the tea on the bedside table before sitting next to me and pulling me into his body. The song continues and I pull back to look at him, the lyrics poignant. I sob and he knows exactly why.
"We're going somewhere, baby, just hang in there, I'll work it out," he says, softly as he holds my face and gazes sadly into my eyes, "please don't cry." He crawls into bed next to me and holds me, gently rocking while I sob, uncontrollably into his chest. So much for no more fucking crying. "This isn't a last request, baby. We'll do this again, we'll be together, maybe not tomorrow or next week, but one day, soon. I promise."
"Daniel," I manage between sobs, "don't make promises you can't keep, we both know we're not going anywhere. We've only known each other for nine days, we can't move heaven and earth to make something happen that might not even last more than a couple of months."
"I don't care how long I've known you, I know how I feel and I know that we've got something worth fighting for. I..." he drops his head to the top of mine and shakes it, kissing my hair, "...I just need you so much."
We sit, gently swaying, listening and holding each other until the song comes to an end. Another Paulo Nutini song follows; 'Loving You', which is equally as beautiful. He repositions himself, facing me, and holds my face in his hands, kissing me tenderly. We kiss slowly, listening to Nutini sing about making love, being in love, before Daniel pulls away. He tilts his head to one side and looks down before locking his beautiful eyes with mine.
"What these words mean, is what I feel, for you," he whispers.
I stare at him, trying to decipher exactly what he's telling me. A tear spills over my lashes as I gaze into the beautiful turquoise. Searching. He simply nods with a terribly sad, but gorgeous smile, and instantly, I know.
He wipes the tears from my face with his thumbs and I just stare at him, fresh streams sliding over my cheek bones. "I love you, baby," he whispers, and I whimper as I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him.
"I love you, too. I love you so much," I cry, "I thought I'd never get to tell you." His arms wrap around my body and we hold each other, tightly. We love each other. He loves me. He loves me!
Looking into his eyes, I lean forward to rest my lips against his. He opens his mouth slightly, inviting me to deepen the kiss, and I readily accept. I close my eyes and lose myself in this incredible moment of togetherness. I'm with the man I love, who loves me back. I may not be with him again, but I'm here now.
I open my eyes, still immersed in a perfect kiss, to look at his face. His eyes are firmly closed and he's frowning, as if in pain. "Daniel..." I whisper against his lips, pulling away, "Daniel, are you ok?"
He keeps his eyes closed for a moment and drops his head. When he lifts it, he looks straight at me, his eyes glisten with moisture. "Baby, I'm fine. I've wanted to tell you so many times. Now I have and you feel the same, but you're leaving. I love you, you can't leave." Oh dear god, if I wanted to stop crying, I did NOT need to hear that.
"Oh god, please don't say that. I don't want to leave... I have to. I want to stay and love you," I say as my voice wobbles and trails into a whisper.
"Make love to me," he asks, "real love."
"Oh, Daniel."
"Bea..." he whispers as he grabs my face and kisses me, urgently. He manoeuvres, pulling me down the bed slightly so that my head rests on his pillow. He lies on top of me, kissing me fervently as I thread my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. His hands running all over my body, feeling every inch of me, trailing love all over my body.
"I love you, baby," he says, as I feel him hovering between my legs, "say it... please?"
"I love you, so much. Make love to me, Daniel." He moves in between my legs, parting my folds with his tip. He runs it gently up and down, over my clitoris and back down to my entrance where he gently eases into me, agonisingly slowly but incredibly deliciously. He stretches me as he gradually pushes deeper and deeper. I let out a long, loud groan and rock my head back into the pillow. I'm still sore from yesterday, but feeling him inside me almost soothes it away, he's my medicine, my cure.
"Oh yes, Daniel, you're amazing, I love you."
"I love you, baby, I love you so much," he says as he presses his lips against mine and kisses me, passionately, amazingly. He slowly eases nearly all the way out of me and back in again, pushing hard as he sinks deeper. My moans are so loud, I can't help it, I'm making incredible, sweet love with my Daniel and nothing in the world is better than this. And I can tell him I love him!
As I run my hands over his impeccable torso, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, this body is mine, because the man who it belongs to, loves me. Not one of the super-amazing Hollywood girls, not Heidi the hot assistant, not Holly the ex... me. Beatrice Hart from Rickmansworth.
I wrap my legs around him and he slowly grinds into me, over and over.
"Oh yes, baby. My beautiful girl, you're all mine," he whispers, between kisses.
"Uh huh, oh yes, Daniel, yes. I'm yours, only yours. Oh, oh!" I cry, everything building up, slowly; the intense waves, the tingles, the toe curling, the imminent explosion brewing deep inside. My muscles tense in anticipation.
"Fuck, baby, you're unbelievable. I've never known anyone like you." The volume of his voice increasing with each word, "Oh, baby... I'm... I'm... I..."
And as my orgasm bursts and crashes around him, I scream out loud. "Fuck! I love you, I love you, Daniel, oh fuck!" And he immediately comes inside me, calling out my name.
Daniel rests on my chest, panting. "Me too, baby. I love you, so much."
I stroke his hair and smile. "How will I live without you telling me that every day?"
"I will tell you every day. I promise." I decide not to disagree with him. I can't see how he will ever be able to find a solution to our problem, but I'll let him believe, or try to make me feel better, if that's what he's doing.
"Shall we have a bath now?" I ask.
"Sure, baby, I'll go fill it," he says as he kisses my lips and slowly rolls off me to sit at the side of the bed. He pauses for a moment and turns back to look at me, smiling. "I wanted to tell you so much, baby, but I didn't want to make things worse for you leaving. I'm glad you know, though, because now I do too, and I feel so lucky to have someone as incredible as you, love me."
I reach up to run my fingers down his stubble and smile at him. His handsome face looking at me, lovingly.
"I'm lucky, Daniel. I never knew a man as perfect as you could exist, and not only have I found him, but he feels this way about me... after only ten days."
"I felt it before ten days, I can assure you. I've never felt this way before."
"Me neither. What I felt with my ex was nothing, in comparison."
He leans down and kisses me gently. "Good. Don't get back with him."
"Of course I won't! I don't feel anything for him, Daniel, it's only you. Now go and run the bath, I need to pack and then we can spend the day telling each other that we love each other. Make the most of being able to say it, face to face."
"Sounds like a plan," he says as he
stands to walk to the bathroom. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, and exhale slowly. I will not cry. I don't want to ruin the day. Be strong, Beatrice, be strong.
After our wonderful, relaxing, hot bubble-bath together, we dress and I disappear off to the bathroom to wash my face and reapply my make-up. As I emerge, Daniel is sitting on the end of the bed, looking gorgeous in his Ralph Lauren casual attire, holding an envelope and a small box, wrapped with a ribbon. I stroll over to him to kiss him on the lips. "Hello."
"Hey, baby," he replies, "this is for you." He hands me the envelope and box and I look at him, questioningly.
"Don't open it now, save it until you're gone."
"Oh," I pout, "what is it?"
"Just a little gift, baby, not much. I can't let you go without giving you a little something. But I did arrange this all by myself, Heidi didn't help with this. Just so you know."
"You've given me so much, Daniel, thank you. I'm very intrigued and I'd like to open it now!"
"Patience is a virtue... apparently," he says with a grin.
"Thank you, darling," I whisper as I bend to kiss him again before placing the card and box in my handbag, smiling, wondering what it is.
"Why won't you ever wash your make-up off in front of me, sweetheart?" Daniel asks as I start to make the bed.
"No one sees me without make-up on, Daniel. Well, except for the girls and my mum, and even then I can't stand feeling so exposed."
"But you're beautiful, what do you have to be self conscious about?"
"I just hate it, I don't look like this in real life, I need, at the very least, a bit of mascara to be able to show my face."
"Ok. I just wondered. I wish you'd feel comfortable enough to let me see you without, though. I love you, all of you."
I smile, he's so cute! "Thank you, Daniel, but it's very unlikely that you'd ever see me without make-up on. It's how I've always been."
"I'll consider that a challenge then, Bea. One day, you'll let me see you. The beautiful, make-up-free you."
"I'm not beautiful without make-up on."
"Don't say that, baby. You might not think so, but I do. I may not have seen you without, but you're the most beautiful woman in the world to me, either way."
"Thank you, Daniel. I'm going to say it for the millionth time this morning... I love you."
"I love you, too, baby. I think you know that now," he beams.
"I do. But I'll never tire of hearing it, so you can say it all day long."
Daniel stands and holds his hand out to me. "Shall we go to the pool-house and pack? I'm starting to get hungry."
"Yes, let's. Oh and one more thing..."
"Yes, baby?"
"I love you."
He chuckles, "I love you, too."
I climb into Daniel's car and as he sinks into his seat, next to me, he hands me a Nordstrom bag. "Here."
"What's this?" I ask, he hasn't gone and bought me more has he?
"It's my boxers and sweater, your new comfies. I put my cologne on them, as you asked, so you can smell me."
Tears threaten as my eyes heat and prickle. I gaze at him, smiling. "Thank you, Daniel. I would have been really upset if I had forgotten something to sniff you by."
"Well, I sniffed my pillow this morning and it smells so much of you, so at least I can bury my face in that when I need you. I will never let the maid wash my bed linen again!"
~~~~~~~
We arrive at the pool-house while Tilly is packing in the bedroom with Luke.
"Hi kids!" she shouts as we walk through the french doors.
"Hi Til, hi Luke."
Luke strolls out and high-fives Daniel. "Hey, bud. Hey Bea, how's it hanging?"
"Hey," Daniel responds.
"Hi, Luke, have a good day yesterday?"
"It was great, thanks Bea." He doesn't seem as jovial as usual this morning, although I expect maybe he's tired, I know they'll have been up all night having wild, good-bye sex.
"Bea, your case is in here, doll," Til calls from the bedroom and I walk in to meet her. She hugs me, long and hard, saying nothing, rocking slightly.
"Are you ok, Tilly?" I ask, this isn't like her.
"Yes, of course, I'm fine, Bea. How are you?" Her voice lowers to a whisper as she pulls away, "How was yesterday, did you tell him?"
I look down. "He told me this morning... and I told him back."
"Oh, darling, how are you?" She wraps one arm around my shoulders.
"I'm ok, constantly trying not to cry but I'm coping. For now. Listen, Til?"
"Uh huh?"
"I'm going to be a right old mess, later. You know that, don't you?"
"Yes, babe, I'll be right next to you. I'll look after you."
"I apologise in advance."
"Don't be daft, Bea," she raises her voice back to a normal volume to continue, "now, get on with your packing, you've got..." she looks at her watch, "eight hours until we need to be at the airport."
Daniel appears in the doorway. "Actually, ladies, you've got ten hours."
"No," Tilly responds, "our flight leaves at nine-twenty, and we need to be there for check-in, three hours before."
"It's only three-hour check-in for economy, in upper it's one hour before departure."
"We are in economy," I add, "remember? I told you my uncle got us upgraded but only one-way?"
"Baby, trust me, you're travelling in upper."
Tilly and I look at each other confused. "Hang on, what?"
"You're in upper class, baby. Ok?" Daniel says, exasperated.
"Daniel! What have you done?" Tilly gawks at him.
"It's nothing," he says with a shrug and a smile. He walks over to swiftly kiss me and swat my bum before leaving to join Luke in the lounge.
"Oh my god, Bea, I think I love your boyfriend."
I smile, astonished. He just keeps doing these lovely things. I walk, purposefully, into the lounge and throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him, kissing him, passionately. I couldn't give a fuck if Til and Luke are watching, I love my man and I'm going to let him know it. He stumbles back a little, clearly not expecting my forceful display of affection, but he quickly steadies, snaking his arms around my waist.
"Thank you, darling, thank you," I mumble against his mouth.
"You're so welcome, baby, it's nothing."
"Yes it is, Daniel. Thank you. How did you manage that?"
"Oh, Heidi knows."
"She's good, she might be super hot and gets to see my man every day, but I like her, you should keep hold of her," I say with a grin.
"Yeah, yeah. If she liked guys her own age, you probably wouldn't like her so much."
"Probably not, but she is good."
"That she is, now come on. Pack." He's amazing.
It doesn't take long for me to pack all of my stuff up and change into a short summer dress, and before I know it, we're all sitting on the decking, finishing a cup of tea, about to leave for brunch. Tilly and Luke are joining us.
I'm tucked under Daniel's arm on the step, holding my tea. As Luke and Tilly chat to Gemma, Daniel looks down at me and I up at him, he smiles beautifully and kisses my nose, making me grin from ear to ear. "Love you," he mouths, his eyes twinkling.
"Me too," I whisper, gazing at him. I stroke his cleanly shaven cheek. "You're so handsome."
He smiles and rolls his eyes, he's so damned cute! "Will we have time to make love again, before you go?" he whispers.
"I'm sure we can arrange it, darling," I reply, my voice a whisper, "Daniel...?"
"Bea?"
"When are you next coming to the London office?"
"I don't know, as soon as I can. I'll make sure it's soon, I promise."
"We aren't doing long distance though, you know that, don't you? If we can't figure out a way to be together, we just can't be. Ok?"
"I know. Let's not talk about it now, sweetheart."
"Ok, but I still want you to visit me when you go to the London office. Every time.
"
"Oh don't worry, baby, you couldn't stop me."
"Good. Shall we go? I'm starving."
"Me too, come on," Daniel stands and holds out his hand to pull me up.
"Ready to go?" Tilly asks before we take our cups indoors and head out to Luke's car.
~~~~~~~
We arrive at a restaurant at The Grove, and pick a table outside in the lovely sunshine. I like the sound of the brioche french toast, which Tilly orders, but I decide on eggs Benedict, someone on a nearby table is having that and it looks amazing. I could eat a horse.
I've been working up quite an appetite, I don't think I've ever had so much sex in such a short space of time in my life! I can't even count how many times Daniel and I have had sex since we met. Oh, so good. How long will I have to wait until I get to make love to him again? Maybe forever, if he meets someone else before his next London visit. I shake my head, clearing the nasty thought from my mind and take a sip of refreshing, ice-cold pineapple juice that the waiter has just placed in front of me.
"You ok, baby?" Daniel asks, clutching hold of my hand on the table, lacing his fingers between mine.
"Yes, I'm fine thanks."
"Good." He gazes at me and smiles, lovingly and I can see Tilly, staring at me, out of the corner of my eye. I look over at her and she's got her head tilted to one side, she's frowning and gazing at both Daniel and I, with a sad smile on her face. She looks like she's going to weep.
"Alright there, Til?"
"Oh... yes. Sorry." She quickly looks away, shaking her head.
She's sad! Is she sad for me and Daniel? Or is it because she's leaving Luke? She'll never admit it if it is that, but these two are acting strangely today, I think they're realising just how much they like each other. But I could be totally wrong.
My food is delicious. There aren't enough places to go for a proper brunch where we live, obviously you've got the 'greasy spoons' for fry-ups - but that's not really my thing.
"What are you guys doing now? Need a ride back to your car or are you going out hang out around here or at mine for a while?" Luke asks.
Daniel looks at me, eyebrows raised in question. "What do you fancy, baby?"