Unconventional Scars

by Allie Gail

  She passed her finals with flying colors and had never felt prouder. Phil and Lisa took her out to a very fancy restaurant to celebrate, and after dinner Phil gave her a little box containing diamond earrings like Lisa’s. Anna could hardly believe it.

  When Lisa asked what she planned to do with herself all summer, she didn’t really know how to answer. Schoolwork had been taking up so much of her time lately, she hadn’t given it much thought. Phil said it would be a good idea if they practiced driving together some so she could get her license before the fall term began. Other than that, he said he just wanted her to have fun and enjoy the summer. “You deserve to have some time to be young without shouldering adult responsibilities,” he said. Anna knew he was referring to her previous life. Funny, it had only been a couple of months since she’d left it behind, but already it seemed like a distant, unpleasant dream.

  ****

  Alex invited her to Creed’s graduation. She met him at his house, wearing a rose-colored dress and low heels that she hoped she wouldn’t trip over. Lisa had fixed her hair for her, with curls piled on her head and a few ringlets framing her face. She was pleased with the result.

  When Alex came to the door, her jaw nearly hit the ground. He was dressed in a sport coat and tie, and his shirt was an indigo blue that brought out the color of his eyes. Anna had never seen him look so scrumptious. “You look nice,” she said lamely, tongue-tied.

  “We may not make it to the ceremony,” he told her. “I don’t know how I’ll keep from pulling over and having my way with you right in the middle of the road.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

  “I’ll get lipstick on your jacket,” she protested, even as she hugged him back.

  “I can live with that.”

  “You can have your way with me after graduation. Until then, behave.” Anna straightened his tie. “Where’s your mom?”

  “She and Creed went on ahead in her car about an hour ago. We’re taking his truck.”

  “Cool. Well, are you ready?” Anna didn’t feel ready to leave. She wanted to pull Alex inside and throw herself on him. He looked so handsome it made her ache. He smelled good, too. Is it normal for someone to make you this crazy? Is falling in love supposed to turn you into a blathering idiot? If so, I’m done for. Lock me up, throw away the key . . .

  She tried to make small talk on the way there, asking rational, safe questions to prevent herself from blurting out what she was really thinking, which was that she loved him so much it completely freaked her out.

  “Is Jennifer graduating, too?”

  “No, she’s a junior.”

  “Oh. I thought she was a senior, too.”

  “Nope.”

  “Is Creed planning on going away to college?”

  “Actually he’s going to work full-time this summer, then start community college in the fall. After he has his associate’s degree, he’ll transfer to a different school. So he won’t be going anywhere for a while yet.”

  “Oh. That’s nice.” She tried to come up with something else to say, but failed. So much for intelligent conversation. Was she really this slow-witted, or did he somehow sap the aptitude right out of her? All he had to do was put on a coat and tie, and her IQ dropped fifty points.

  Alex glanced over at her. “He’s going to a party after graduation with Jen. They’re taking her car so I can use his truck. So we can go someplace afterwards, if you like. Maybe a movie?”

  “Sure.” The idea of spending some time alone with him tonight was exhilarating. Hanging out at his house with his mom and brother around most of the time was fun, but marginally frustrating. Sometimes she got the feeling that Alex didn’t want to be alone with her. That maybe he was afraid of things going too far, too fast, the way they almost did on Storm Night. He could be right. Who knew what might have happened if Uncle Phil hadn’t unexpectedly shown up?

  The graduation ceremony had a bittersweet atmosphere, like that of a wedding, where everyone is happy and at the same time pensive. The poised Charlotte Somerville became teary-eyed when her eldest son’s name was called to receive his diploma. Alex squeezed his mother’s hand, and Anna thought again what a warmhearted person he was.

  After the ceremony, they found Creed in the crowd long enough to congratulate him, and after hugging his younger brother he kissed Anna on the cheek and thanked her for coming. He no longer looked at her as if he viewed her as some sort of unknown threat. Anna supposed she would never know what had been going through his mind. When one of Charlotte’s acquaintances stopped to speak to them, Alex introduced Anna as his girlfriend and her heart almost burst from happiness.

  “So what would you like to do?” he asked her once they were in the Tacoma. “Want to catch a movie?”

  “What’s playing?”

  “I don’t even know.” He paused for a moment, apparently turning something over in his mind. “We could just go for a drive. Have you seen the lake?”

  “There’s a lake?” This was news to Anna.

  “There is. It’s not far. Why aren’t you wearing your seat belt?” Alex reached over her lap and pulled the nylon belt across her, buckling it securely.

  Because I forgot. Because I was too busy thinking about how sexy your eyes are and how much I adore you. Does that answer your question? She wanted to unbuckle her seat belt just so he’d reach over her again. Pathetic.

  The lake turned out to be only twenty miles away. Alex pulled into a gravel lot near a boat landing where he parked facing the water, then shut off the engine. Anna could see the moonlight reflecting off the surface of the lake, casting a million sparkles into the darkness. It was lovely.

  “Let’s go out on the pier,” he suggested, and they walked across the gravel with their arms around each other, toward the wooden structure. Their shoes made a hollow sound against the planks that seemed to echo in the quiet, still night. When they reached the end of the pier, Alex removed his coat and spread it across the boards, motioning for Anna to sit. She pulled off her shoes so she wouldn’t accidentally drop one into the water, a likely scenario considering her lack of agility, and sat on his warm coat with her feet dangling off the edge of the pier.

  Alex sat close beside her, their legs touching, and rested a hand on her thigh, palm up. She slipped her hand into his. The water lapped gently against the pilings, a sleepy sound that lulled her into a pleasant lassitude. In the distance, frogs called to one another in creaking voices. Countless bright stars stretched across the endless expanse of the clear sky. The night held something magical in the air, something too indefinable for words.

  Alex turned to look at her. She met his gaze shyly, sensing that somehow he could read what she felt in her heart. That in some bewitching way, he could see into her very soul and know that she loved him fiercely. It unnerved her to be so vulnerable, an open book to be devoured by soft blue eyes.

  “You look like a princess with your hair up like that,” he told her, tugging lightly on a stray curl.

  “Does that make you my prince?” He’d never looked more like Prince Charming to her than he did tonight.

  “I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”

  “I’ll settle for you just being my Alex.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “That’s all you ever need to be.”

  “I hope you mean that.” His hand tightened around hers. Then softly, so softly she barely heard him, he confessed, “I’m falling in love with you, Anna.”

  She lifted her head and stared at him in wonder. So the night was magical, after all. In that moment she could easily believe that every fairy tale she’d ever heard was real, that the stars in the sky could truly grant wishes, and damsels were sometimes rescued by handsome knights on white horses.

  “You came to rescue me,” she said. His puzzled expression made her smile, and she kissed her prince there by the shimmering lake, underneath the magic stars.

  ****

  Summer held a promise of endless delight. Alex had a part-time job w
orking for a landscaper on weekday mornings, but most of his spare time was spent with Anna. They went hiking on some of the nearby mountain trails, stopping to rest by scenic waterfalls. A passing hiker took their picture for them and Anna put it on the mirror over her dresser. They played Goofy Golf, even though she was awful at it. They walked downtown to rent movies and had ice cream cones. One June day Alex borrowed his brother’s truck and took her to a crafts fair in a town eighty miles away, where he bought her a stuffed bear that looked just like a real black bear cub. Even though he protested that it was the wrong species, she named him Yogi.

  Phil wasn’t gone as much because he was working on several local projects. He still spent Saturday nights with Lisa, however. Anna, at Charlotte’s suggestion, would now have dinner at the Somerville home on those nights, staying afterwards to watch Netflix or challenge Alex and sometimes Creed and Jennifer to a game of Scrabble. Once, Josh came over, bringing along Erica, Karen and Dalton, and they all grilled hamburgers and played football in the back yard. The summer days melted away like drips of Popsicle, each more delicious than the last.

  On the fourth of July, everyone went to the lake to see the fireworks. Anna and Alex rode there with Phil and Lisa, and once there separated from the adults and met up with their friends. Erica had spread a huge blanket on the ground and she sat with a reclining Josh’s head in her lap while Karen and Dalton playfully chased each other with sparklers. The magic stars were still over the lake, but Anna had no wishes to make. There was nothing more she could possibly want.

  The fireworks reflected not just off the lake but in Alex’s eyes that night as she held him close. Life was perfect. Too perfect. Something was bound to fracture it.

  ****

  On a bright, sunny day in mid-July, while Anna was away swimming at Erica’s house, Philip received the phone call he’d been dreading. Only, it wasn’t quite the one he’d expected. Bianca had been located, yes. But she hadn’t been arrested. She wasn’t in police custody. She wasn’t in rehab either. She was dead.

  And now, Phil sat hunched over the kitchen table, head in his hands, staring at a cup of coffee that had long since grown cold. His mind was crowded with garbled memories of his sister - as a know-it-all older sibling always bossing him around, as a fiercely independent teenager with a quick temper, as a grown woman whose wild nature refused to be tamed. As an eventual drug addict and single mother to a child she didn’t want. With all his heart, he wished he could have helped her.

  How do you help someone who won’t be helped? When they suddenly vanish from your life with no warning, no explanation? I tried, Bianca. I tried, but you wouldn’t let me. You wouldn’t let anyone. So now here I am, saddled with the burden of breaking the news to your daughter, the one you ran out on. How could you do this to her? To me? To yourself?

  He dreaded the moment when Anna would arrive home, and when he heard the front door open, his stomach tightened. He waited there, fingers clenched tightly around the coffee cup, until she bounced into the kitchen, smelling of chlorine and suntan lotion. She wore a yellow cover-up over her swimsuit, her sun-kissed hair pulled into a damp ponytail, cheeks radiant from the sunshine. And he had the sickening task of removing the glow from her face. Just great.

  “Annie. Honey, would you sit down for a minute?” His voice sounded thick.

  “Do you mind if I get changed first?” she asked, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’m all wet. I didn’t really get a chance to dry off before . . .” Noticing, suddenly, his bloodshot eyes and grim expression, her smile faltered. “Is something wrong?”

  “Sit down, pumpkin.”

  She sat, watching him tentatively. He continued to stare into his coffee cup, reluctant to meet her eyes.

  “Annie, your mother has passed away.”

  For a moment she just looked blank. As if she didn’t understand the words.

  Then, quietly, she simply said, “Oh.”

  There’s more. There’s more and I hate like hell that I have to be the one to tell you. It’s not pretty. He took a deep breath. “She was sharing an apartment with five other people in some seedy neighborhood in L.A. According to their testimonies, she claimed to have just arrived from Mexico. Nobody seems to know what happened to the lawyer or how she wound up in California by herself.

  “Anyway, the police said one of the roommates found her on the floor in the bathroom. She’d already been dead for a couple of hours. Obviously they don’t know anything definite yet, but it appears to have been an overdose. She had cocaine residue on her skin. There were also numerous bottles of prescription medication in her room.”

  Anna’s expression remained unchanged. It reminded Phil of the first time he saw her in that foster home, detached and remote, devoid of emotion. It worried him.

  Until she finally blinked, and asked, “Will there be a funeral?”

  “As soon as the autopsy is complete, they’ll send her back here and we can bury her in the family plot, next to our parents. I’ll make all the arrangements. I think . . . ah . . . I think considering the circumstances, a simple graveside service will be sufficient. If that’s all right with you.”

  “She wasn’t always like that, you know,” Anna suddenly said.

  “Yes. I know.” His voice cracked.

  “When I was younger, before she started using . . . sometimes she was like a regular mom, sort of. I mean, she tried. She just didn’t know how.”

  He nodded, not trusting himself to speak without breaking down, trying to hold it together for the sake of the girl he loved as his own. They sat together in mutual silence for a while, until she stood to leave. Pausing at the archway, she turned back to Phil and he saw tears in her eyes as she said, “Don’t put orchids on her casket, okay? She never liked orchids.”

  Then she ran upstairs, leaving Phil to his own grief.

  ****

  The service was held on a Wednesday at the Ridgecrest Cemetery. There was no viewing, no funeral, no hymn played for Bianca Lisette Moore. She was laid to rest with only Philip, Anna, Lisa, the Somerville family, and a few of Phil’s closest friends in attendance, her casket blanketed with white daisies at her daughter’s request.

  13

  Alex was changing in his room after the service when Creed tapped on his door and asked to come in. Yanking an NCSU t-shirt over his head, Alex called, “Yo!” His brother came in, closing the door behind him, and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “What’s up?” Alex wanted to know.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “Okay. So talk.”

  Creed scratched his head. “Promise you won’t get defensive on me, okay? I just want to ask you something. Have you told Anna?”

  “Told her what?”

  “You know damn well what! I’m not here to play games. Does she know or not?”

  “No. She doesn’t.”

  “That’s what I figured. Okay. So are you ever planning on telling her? Or was it your intention to dump her before this all blows up in your face? Because I really need to know what you’re thinking. I mean, do you honestly see this ending well?”

  “You’re asking me this now? Jesus, man, her mother just died! I’m not springing this on her right now!”

  “For Christ’s sake, I didn’t mean rush over there this very minute! I just want to know what’s going on in your head, that’s all. As in, what were you even thinking when you started seeing this girl?”

  With a defeated sigh, Alex sat on the other side of the bed, pulling one leg up so he could turn to face his brother. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I’m just postponing the inevitable. But how can I tell her now? It’s a little late, don’t you think?”

  “You could end it. Before somebody gets hurt.”

  “You think if I ended it, no one would get hurt? Are you that blind?”

  Creed frowned. “All right. So . . . suppose you decided to tell her the truth. How do you think she’d react?”

  “How would you react?�
��

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Just give me the rest of the summer,” Alex proposed. “I’ll think of something by then. One way or another, I promise you I’ll take care of it.”

  ****

  Anna and Alex were stretched out in the front porch swing the following Saturday afternoon, his legs on either side of her while she rested her back against his chest, his arms wrapped snugly around her middle. He was using his right leg to push the swing gently back and forth while they talked.

  “Is it bad that I feel more guilty than upset?” she was saying. “I mean, I didn’t give my mother a second thought after I came here. I just pushed her out of my mind and it was like she never even existed. That’s so wrong.”

  “It’s not wrong. It’s called survival. Moving on with your life. You did what you had to do because she gave you no other choice. Could you have lived a normal life here if you were constantly being reminded of someone who hurt you?”

  “I guess not, no. But it’s just so sad. She had no real friends and the only family she had was Uncle Phil and me.”

  “It was her decision to live the way she did. Not yours. Not your uncle’s. Hers.” He kissed the top of her head. “After my dad left, I wasted too much time feeling guilty and blaming myself. Eventually I realized that leaving was his choice. There was no point in letting all this negative energy consume me. He left because he wanted to.”

  “Don’t you ever see your dad?” Anna asked, surprised.

  “No. I haven’t laid eyes on him since my parents got divorced. And that’s fine with me.”

  “How can parents just walk out on their kids without looking back? I don’t understand it. I know my mom was under the influence of drugs a lot of the time, but still . . .” Her voice trailed off. She ran her fingers lightly back and forth across his arm. “You have such beautiful skin.”