by John Marco
So why was she so unhappy?
An image of Richius flashed through her mind. Lately thoughts of him were becoming irksome. He had made his decision. It didn't matter if she disagreed with it. She had a husband and a child to care for. Richius would have to care for himself.
But she missed him. Amazingly, she was fond of the strange fellow from Nar. He was gentle like Tharn, but much more vulnerable. His frenzied screams when he had discovered his dead wife had become the talk of the citadel, and there were those among her own attendants who spoke of him as less than sane. Dyana did not share their sentiments. When she had learned of his wife's execution, she had cried for them both. There was something bitingly tragic about him, something that made him always push his way back into her thoughts.
She glanced down at the suckling Shani, tracing a finger over the small contour of her ear. She had his features, his eyes and colorful hair. These things would mark her all her days in Lucel-Lor. But she also had her mother's features, the thin bones and frail face, and these things too would mark her if she ever ventured outside Triin borders. And so she was very much like Richius, an innocent youth made homeless by circumstance. She was the Jackal's daughter, and only Tharn's grace protected her from those who hated her father.
Her mood soured a bit more. War with Nar was imminent now. She could lose all of them--Richius, Shani, even Tharn. Not even the high walls of Falindar could protect them from the Empire's weapons, that's what Lucyler was saying. Instinctively she held Shani closer. They might need some sort of miracle to survive, and it was the responsibility of each of them to pray for one. Drol or non-Drol, they all had the work of the faithful to do.
Dyana herself was not very faithful. Until very recently she hadn't even believed the gods existed. Seeing Tharn's broken body changed that. Like hundreds of others, she had witnessed the cunning-man's powers and the terrible toll the lords of heaven had exacted on him. To her, Tharn was vital proof that gods indeed held sway in the world, and if he said to pray then she would pray with all her strength, and hope that her voice reached the ears of caring powers.
"I pray for you," she said to the nursing infant. She always addressed Shani in Triin. It was Tharn's one demand. "I pray for your peace and your life."
But will it be enough? she wondered. It was commonly known that Tharn would never use his arcane abilities again. This time the gods would need to devise a different means to save them. This time all the demons of the Empire were against them, and though she knew much less of Nar than did her husband, she knew enough to understand the threat they posed. Nar had the weapons. She had already seen the handiwork of a flame cannon. The Triin had only jiiktars and courage.
"And Tharn to lead us," she added thoughtfully. The realization heartened her. He was a fanatic, too, capable of inspiring his people to great deeds. He had already organized the warlords and put an end to their bitter squabbles. If he could do that, then surely he could unite them in war against Nar.
"Tharn will save us," she whispered gently. "Do not worry."
Shani obviously wasn't worried. She continued to nurse, oblivious to her mother's words. Dyana smiled lightly. Shani was such a good baby, not at all like those other terrors she had heard about when she was carrying. Even her wetnurse had commented on the child's mildness. Dyana was proud of her.
A sudden shuffling outside her door startled her. Quickly she pulled Shani away and drew her garments close. But then she recognized the sound of her husband and relaxed as she heard his rapping on the door.
"Husband?" she ventured. "Come in."
The door creaked slowly open and Tharn appeared. He looked at her apologetically.
"Dyana, can we speak?"
Dyana unclasped her hand from her shirt and let it hang open again. "Yes," she answered. "But I am nursing. Do you mind?"
Tharn glanced down at her open shirt and for one brief moment something like lust flared in his eyes. But he looked away quickly, closing the door with a clumsy effort.
"I do not mind," he said. He turned back to her but would not look at her again, choosing instead to distract himself with the view outside the window.
Poor man, thought Dyana as she brought Shani back to her. She could almost feel his struggling. He always hid it well, but sometimes, like now, it bubbled to the surface and was plain to any woman who had ever seen desire in the eyes of a man. Tragically, Tharn could do nothing to ease his appetites. He couldn't force himself on her if he wanted to, and for some odd reason she pitied him for this. Carefully she arranged her shirt closer about her bosom.
"You look thoughtful," she said.
Tharn seemed disappointed. "Do I? Forgive me. I am..." he shrugged, "preoccupied."
"Do you have bad news for me?"
"Not yet," replied Tharn dully. "But there are troops massing in the Saccenne Run. I think they will strike Ackle-Nye soon. When they do, then I will have bad news for you."
Dyana was silent. She knew that whatever Tharn wanted from her, he would ask her in his own time. He shuffled closer to the window, ignoring her for a while as he stared out at the day.
"I need you to do something for me," he said finally. "I would not ask you normally but you are the only one who can do this."
"I will do it if I can," answered Dyana.
"Is the baby well?" he asked.
Dyana nodded. "Yes."
"Strong?"
"She is strong."
"And you are strong, too, yes?"
He was still not looking at her and his evasiveness unnerved her.
"I am well now, husband, do not worry. What is it you want me to do?"
"It is a good day outside, not too cool. Perhaps you should take the child out for some sun and air."
"Is that your favor?"
"No," said Tharn. "Not exactly." At last he turned to look at her, and all the lust was gone from his expression. He shuffled closer, dragging himself next to her with his cane. She looked up into his serious eyes and felt a nervous flutter.
"Husband?"
Tharn stooped nearer. "What I am going to ask you is important, Dyana. But you may refuse me if you wish. I will not be angry. Do you understand?"
Dyana nodded. She didn't really understand but the pretense made him continue.
"Your man from Aramoor. He is not well. He is not thinking clearly. Do you know this?"
"I have hardly spoken to him," answered Dyana evasively, suddenly wondering how much Lucyler had told him.
"That is because he will not see anyone. My wife, I know you have tried to speak to him. You may admit it. I have not come to chastise you."
"Husband, no..."
"Do not lie," warned Tharn. "It is too easy to read your thoughts. You care for him, and have been trying to speak to him. I know this."
Dyana fussed with the baby, hating the way he spoke to her. But she had been indiscreet. She knew she should apologize, but the words would not come. Thankfully, Tharn seemed not to expect an apology.
"What is it you want from me?" she asked icily.
"I have been trying to get Richius to help us. He has knowledge that we need. But he will not listen to me or Lucyler. I think he might listen to you. I want you to convince him to help us."
Dyana's head sprang up. "Husband, I cannot. He will not see me. You know this already."
"If you go to him he will not turn you away, I am certain. He will not be able to because he loves you."
Dyana feigned a laugh. "He does not."
"I have no time for your games, woman," Tharn said roughly. "He loves you as I do. And I know you think much of him. To be honest, I am jealous. Now, may we continue with important matters?"
"Yes," said Dyana. "But I will not seduce him. And I will not deceive him, as you have."
Tharn's expression hardened. "Do not task me. I'm not asking you to deceive or seduce him. I only want you to convince him that he must help us."
"No, husband," Dyana insisted. "I cannot see him."
Tharn ba
cked away a step, then said calmly, "Dyana, I have already told you I would not be angry if you refused me. But I want you to let me explain myself first. We are in trouble. If the word from Ackle-Nye is true then thousands of Naren forces are already poised to strike at us. And none of us knows as much about them as Richius. He may be our only hope."
"You are wrong--"
"I am not done," he interrupted firmly. "They will be using weapons none of us have ever seen before. And their tactics will be new, too. We will be fighting the legions of Nar this time, the emperor's own troops. It will not just be men from Talistan or Aramoor. Richius can tell us what to expect. Even if he will not fight with us, he has knowledge we can use. I have learned all I can from my texts. I need him."
He leaned forward on his stick, satisfied with his speech.
"That is all of it," he said. "Now you can make a proper decision."
"And if my answer is no?"
"Then that is a proper decision for you."
Dyana laughed. "And you will be disappointed."
"I will," said Tharn. "But I will respect the decision." He moved in a bit closer. "I could order you to do this, you know. You are my wife. Most men do not grovel as I do."
"Husband, I do not think you realize what you ask of me," Dyana said boldly. "He has already told me not to try to speak to him. He wants nothing to do with me anymore, and though I do not understand why I know that he means it. And it is likely that he means what he has told you. If he does not wish to help you, I cannot change his mind."
Tharn's expression become earnest. "Dyana, if you go to him with the baby, if you show him what he is fighting for, I am sure he will listen."
"The baby? I will not manipulate him so."
"We must manipulate him," said Tharn sharply. "We must make him see everything. He has a child here! Let him tell you to your face he will abandon it. I do not think he can do it."
It was a horrible suggestion, and it appalled Dyana to hear it. Worst of all, she thought it just might work. Tharn saw things very clearly. He had already looked into Richius and found a caring soul there, one incapable of leaving his daughter to die.
"I know he cares about both of us," said Dyana. "But perhaps he doesn't think he can help us."
"He has already told me that," said Tharn. "It is nonsense. He just needs confidence, a reason to believe in himself. That is why it must be you, Dyana. I cannot get him to listen. He hates me and perhaps he should. But he loves you. He will do as you ask."
The presumption made Dyana chuckle. "Husband, you make too much of me. He has been strong enough to refuse to see me."
"So go to him without request. Do not let him refuse you. He is on the greens, Dyana, grooming his horse. He is alone."
"You want me to go now?"
Tharn nodded. "When you are done here, yes."
"No," said Dyana. "It is too soon. Perhaps when he is over his wife's death..."
"There is no time for him to grieve," said Tharn. "If you are going to do this, it has to be now. The Naren troops in the Run could strike at any time. Once they enter Lucel-Lor there may be no stopping them. There is also their navy to worry about." He pointed out the window toward the restless sea. "They could start landing men here soon, right outside our doors. We are in danger, my wife. We cannot waste time." His expression softened, and he bent nearer. "I'm sorry, but if you're going to refuse me I must know quickly. I have plans to make that cannot wait. The warlords have already been summoned for council. In less than a week they will be here. I have to be ready for them."
Dyana's face lit up with alarm. "The warlords?, You've summoned them here? All of them?"
Tharn nodded nonchalantly. She could tell he perceived her fears. "All who can make the journey."
"And Voris? What of him?"
"I am expecting him," answered Tharn coolly.
Dyana bristled. For a wise man, Tharn could also be remarkably stupid. He already knew the danger this posed to Richius, and obviously he thought it acceptable. But Richius had to be warned. She would have to see Lucyler again, and make certain he told Richius about the Dring warlord's arrival.
"I want Richius at the war council," said Tharn. "He can tell us all what to expect. I need him on our side, Dyana. Only you and Shani can convince him to join us."
Shani made a bleating sound and a trickle of milk foamed from her mouth. Dyana lifted the babe off her lap and examined her. There were still times when she couldn't quite manage feeding the baby, like when she was distracted. She rose from her chair and passed by Tharn without regard, then placed the infant in her ornate crib, arranging the blankets comfortably.
"This is unexpected," she said finally. "I don't know if I can help."
"The choice is yours," conceded Tharn. "I will try to respect whatever you decide."
"You say Lucyler cannot convince him? He has tried?"
"More than once. I fear Richius no longer trusts him."
Dyana nodded dully. "I will answer you soon," she said. "By tomorrow morning." She could almost hear the smile crack on Tharn's face behind her. Under her breath she mouthed a tiny curse. Tharn always got what he wanted, damn him.
"I will wait for your decision," he said, then turned and shambled out of the chamber, closing the door as he left.
Dyana absently did up the buttons of her garment, ignoring Shani's cranky cries. She wanted to go to Richius, to show him his daughter again and listen to him weep about his wife. She wanted to sit down next to him and talk for hours about little things, and get to know him like she never could before. But none of these things were possible, because she was married to Tharn, and Drol love was terrible. All that she could do was tempt herself with Tharn's mission, talking to Richius of war and councils and battles and death instead of the things she wanted to talk about. That was her bleak choice; speak to him for Tharn or not at all.
It was a surprisingly easy decision.
Just as Tharn had promised, she found Richius outside on the greens, tending to a brawny brown gelding. The "greens" were really just a collection of grassy slopes on the citadel's south facade. More like an untended farm than a garden, they were overrun with colorful wildflowers and industrious honeybees. Because of their romantic trappings, they were a favorite place for men to take their lovers. Or, if they had no lover, to take their horses.
Richius didn't see her as she approached. He was busily brushing the horse's lustrous coat, taking each stroke with affectionate slowness. The steed wore a blissful expression, enjoying every moment of its master's attention. Dyana slowed and lightened her footsteps, blocking Shani's face from the sharp sunlight with her hand. Richius' tall shadow wavered on the grassy earth. She stepped into it.
"Thank you for the dress," she said nervously. "It is beautiful."
His brush hand stopped in mid-motion, hanging in the air for a moment before falling to his side. Next his head fell. She heard his plaintive sigh.
"You got my note," he said without facing her. "I'm sorry, Dyana. I meant what I said."
"I have brought the baby to see you," said Dyana quickly. At once he turned around. His serious face brightened when he saw the bundle in her arms. "You said you would come to see her. You never did, so I thought I would bring her to you."
"Dyana..."
"You are her father, Richius. If you are going to live here you should get to know her."
Richius looked contemplative. He dropped his grooming brush to the ground and moved closer to them, his eyes darting from one to the other and finally coming to rest on Dyana's face. "I'm glad you've come," he said. "I've missed you."
And I have missed you, she thought. But she didn't tell him that. Instead she held out the child for him.
"Hold her," she directed. "You have not yet, and you should." Richius hesitated.
"Here," she said encouragingly. "I will show you." "No, I know how," he said. "It's just..." "What?"
"I'm afraid to hold her. I'm already in love with her, Dyana. If I hold her I don't
think I will be able to let her go."
Dyana hurriedly put the baby into his arms, not waiting for him to refuse again. He was surprised by her actions but he took the infant up quickly, fumbling with her swaddling blanket as he tucked his arm under her buttocks and neck. The entire exchange happened without a single bleat from the baby. Dyana beamed at him.
"You have done this before," she said. "Where did you learn?"
"There were plenty of children back home," said Richius. "Someone was always pregnant." He laughed. "My father was constantly offering to watch the babies of the servants. The servants, mind you. He was king! He loved children, but every time they needed cleaning he called me to help him." Again he chuckled. "God, I hated that."
"But you learned well. Look, she is still asleep." They both peered beneath the blanket into Shani's expressionless face. Only a rivulet of spittle distinguished her from a statue. Richius raised her gently to his lips and placed the smallest of kisses on her forehead. His eyes remained closed for a very long moment. When they opened again they were different. "Thank you for bringing her," he said. "I was wondering if I would ever see her again."
"You had only to ask. I would never keep her from you. I tried to tell you that. Why would you not listen to me?"
As soon as she asked the question she regretted it. She knew why Richius had refused to see her. He had already explained it to her and here was the proof of it, painted all over his face. He loved her. Even being close to her was painful for him. That she did not yet share his pain so acutely only made her hate herself more. He went over to his horse, tugging on the beast's reins just once and walking back toward Dyana. The horse followed him.
"Let's sit for a while," he suggested.
Together they moved through the flowering grass to the edge of a smoothed rock, its surface well worn by thousands of prior squatters. They sat down on the outcropping, the horse stopping contentedly behind them, and Richius kept the baby in his arms, rocking her gently and singing her a barely audible lullaby. Dyana listened, impressed by the simple beauty of his voice. When he was done he glanced at her peripherally, a hint of embarrassment sparking in his eyes.