by Mj Fields
“The book,” I say, holding her still when she tries to pull away.
“Just their schedules and information.”
“Lemme see.”
She opens it. “This doesn’t go to court when you try to fight me for custody of Chance to prove I’m nuts.”
“Ava,” I sigh, shaking my head. “You think I would do that?”
She shrugs.
“You think I would do that to you, to Hope, to him?”
She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Visitation, custody, wanting him closer to you...”
“Visitation, we work out together. Custody, he’s mine and yours. Him being closer...” I shake my head, knowing what I’m about to say is going to start a pissing match, and she’s fucking sitting on my lap, straddling me, her hips in my hands, and she has no fucking bra on. Fuck! “Gonna want you all closer. This place isn’t the safest to raise a family, Ava.”
“But the culture...”
“Between your family and mine, they’ll be plenty cultured.”
She and I both laugh.
“Please don’t push me, Luke. Please...I’m doing the best I can.”
“You’re doing really well, Ava.”
“You’re not doing too bad yourself.”
“No?”
She shakes her head. “Thank you for not hating me.” She starts to climb off my lap, and I notice tears in her eyes.
I put one hand behind her back and slowly pull her closer until she is leaning against me. I hold her, hug her—whatever it is we are doing—and it feels right. God, I hope we keep right on doing it.
Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.
She sits back after a minute, telling me, “I like you a little bit.” It makes me smile.
“I like you a little bit, too.”
She climbs off and sits a little closer to me than she did before.
“So, Dad’s coming.”
“You want me to be here when you tell him—”
“NO!”
“Jesus, Ava. Okay.”
She clears her throat. “I mean, no, I’m not ready, and no, you can’t be here, and no—”
“Ava, chill.”
“Chill?”
“Yeah, just chill.”
And the chill comes.
She goes to bed, while I sit on the couch with her computer, looking at pictures of my son and Hope.
The next day, Hope is cranky, but not like other kids I have seen. She seems to get upset that she’s...upset.
Chance stares at her. I can tell he wants to be closer to her, wants to be around her. It is amazing to watch, to be part of.
Ava is still where I sent her, in Chill-ville, and I’m pissed that I ever mentioned the word.
She’s in the bathroom a lot. Like, a lot. And I give her the space she seems to need, but I stick close to her.
Three days later, and it’s two hours from the time she has an appointment for the kids who are now asleep. She packs and unpacks the diaper bag at least ten times. She makes sure that notebook she writes in obsessively is in the bag, and I find out that she has another that I don’t ask about. I just simply walked by and looked.
She writes questions she has for the doctor. Why is that sexy?
To get out of her hair, I go into the bedroom to do sit-ups, push-ups, and even pull-ups on the doorjamb. When I hear her talking to someone, I walk toward the door.
“I told you, you didn’t have to come back.”
“The kids have an appointment, and I’m your driver; it’s my job,” I hear a female voice say with a half-laugh.
“It’s really fine. Just go ahead and leave. We’re okay.”
“I’m not okay. I’ve missed you and them.”
Ava’s trying to get her leave because of me. Well, I can make it easier for her.
I walk out and clear my throat. Both Ava and Casey’s heads spin toward me.
“Everything okay, Ava?”
Her eyes widen, and she nods. Then she clears her throat. “Of course,” she practically screeches. “Casey, this is my, um...my friend Luke from, uh, home.”
Aka, Chance’s father, I want to tell her.
Casey smiles a bit. “One I haven’t met.”
“Yeah, well, he was, um...in an explosion and is better now, so he stopped by.”
“And I’ll be staying for some time, so...” I shrug, leaving it hanging.
“Some time?” Casey asks.
I snap my head around and look at her. “You’re the help, yes?”
“Luke!” Ava snaps at me.
“Thomas hired her, correct?” I ask.
“She’s our friend who happens to work for us.”
“Right,” I comment as I walk toward the kitchen to get a drink. “Sorry, my bad.”
“Casey, will you excuse us?” Ava asks as she stomps toward me.
“Of course. I’ll put my things...”
“Wherever you like,” Ava finishes.
“Ava,” Casey stops her. “You look great.”
“Thanks, Casey,” she says as she continues to glare at me.
Once Casey is in the elevator and heading down, Ava snaps, “What was that? The help? Are you—”
“What do you know about her?” I interrupt.
“I know she’s been here, and no matter how much I push her, she stays.”
“You pay her. Of course she—”
“Luke! Don’t be an asshole.”
“Have you done a background check?” I ask, knowing that, even if she did, she sure as hell didn’t find what I found.
“I’m sure Thomas did,” she says condescendingly.
“Great, and so”—I stop myself from telling her I already did one—“will I.”
“It’s not necessary.”
I laugh. “As your friend”—I pause to make sure she gets that that statement pisses me off a tad— “it’s the least I can do.”
“Oh, so you wanted me to just announce, ‘Oh, hey, and he’s Chance’s father’?” She throws her hands up in the air like it’s a ridiculous idea.
“Yes.”
“You’re pushing,” she warns.
“No, Ava, I’m not. I don’t have a good feeling about that girl.”
“Well, I do,” she counters, touching her chest. “And he was my child first.”
“I’m pretty sure when my sperm touched your egg—”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Luke!”
I take a deep breath and walk away, heading into the shower to cool off and get ready for the doctor’s appointment.
She’s understandably on edge, but so am I. So am I.
When I am dressed and ready, I come out to see Casey getting into the elevator with Chance’s car seat.
“Hold up,” I call out, making my way as quickly as I can toward the elevator.
Once inside, Ava looks at me nervously. “You going out?” she asks, giving me a look like I am supposed to play along.
Well, if I have to, so does she.
“You forget I’m going with you?”
Her eyes slowly narrow as she looks at me. Then, in a much sweeter tone, she says, “Casey is here now; I can manage.”
“Just two seats in the front of my truck. Casey will be a little squished between the car seats in the back.”
“Casey is driving us.” Ava’s voice is a little less sweet now. “You don’t need to.”
I smile. “I insist.”
“There won’t be enough room,” she snaps.
I wait to respond until the elevator stops and I open the door. “Ava, the seat bases are already in the truck. Wouldn’t want to be late, would you?”
When I walk by Casey, I take my son’s seat. “I got this one.”
Chapter Eighteen
It’s okay. — Ivy Love
Ava
He is infuriating, bossy, arrogant, and a complete and total ass.
I am sitting in the back seat of his white Chevy, crammed between two car seats, because he had a crazy-eyed look I have never seen him don, and
I was afraid of what would come out of his mouth if I fought him after he had the balls to tell Casey that my ass—and yes, he said ass—would fit better between the seats.
I’m embarrassed for him and because of him. Embarrassed to the point I am rendered speechless, and I am Ava fucking Links—I don’t do speechless.
Chance is babbling, and Hope is just staring at me. My poor girl is way off her norm, and that helpless look makes me feel it deeply. I feel it with her.
I know it’s just teething. I know it is. And she...They both have been through so much more, so much worse.
Whoever said being a mother is easy was insane. It comes naturally? Maybe parts of it, like the whole your tits are now feeding equipment. Then there is waking up at the butt crack of dawn, and your days of sleeping in until noon on a weekend are over. Yeah, that’s now just a fond memory. But easy? Hell no.
Take away the situation, the whole “Who’s your daddy?” conundrum from the madness going on around me with GI Jackass, and I’m surprised I am wearing pants.
“Isn’t that right, Ava?”
I heard his voice, but I have no clue what the hell he just said.
“Sorry, what?”
“Your father is coming in just a couple of days,” Luke clarifies, cocking his eyebrow.
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
I look back up at him, and he gives me a look that seems to say, “Figure that one out, Ava.” When I glare at him, he pulls his shades out of some compartment above the console, throws them on, and shrugs.
“He is. And Casey”—I wait until she looks back at me— “he doesn’t know Luke is here.”
Casey nods as if she understands, but she so doesn’t. Nevertheless, that’s just another reason I love her. She has my back.
“Maybe Casey should take off for a few days, too; give you and your family some time with the kids.”
“Or maybe she can stay,” I disagree, trying not to sound snippy.
He doesn’t say shit; he just turns up the music.
Ugh, country.
I lean back in the comfy seat and close my eyes, wishing I could poke my eardrums out. Seriously, this freaking music...Ugh.
“I wanna be the kind of man she sees in her dreams. God, I wanna be your man, and I wanna be her man. God, I only hope that she still believes in the man I wanna be.”
I am happy. Well, not happy, but relieved that the next song isn’t so damn offensive to my ears.
The woman sings, “Little miss, do your best. Little miss, do your best. Little miss, be my guest. I’ll make more anytime it runs out. Little miss, you’ll go far. Little miss, hide your scars.”
I open my eyes to see Luke smirking in the rear view mirror. He nods toward the radio, and I shake my head and roll my eyes.
“Sometimes, you gotta lose until you win. It’s all right. It’s all right. It’ll be all right again.”
Luke used to be more of a metal guy, not this...this...sappy-ass music.
I look at Chance. “You’ll love pop and rock; I swear it.”
Two days later...
They are growing like crazy, healthy as any baby can be, and they deserve it. They so deserve it after going through so much.
I stand at the foot of their cribs, watching them sleep. Thankfully, Luke has slipped back into the jackass I thought I loved in the past—okay, I did love. And now after T and even after...him this past week, I have no idea what I was thinking back then. Well, I get it, but, oh my, how things have changed.
It has been almost eleven months from the day he wrecked me, and then T changed everything I thought I knew about love. Months later, my children proved to me that love is so much more than that of a man and a woman. It is so much more than I could ever imagine.
“Hey.”
I look up at Luke as he walks up to me with no cane, hands shoved deep in his pockets, and worry clear on his face.
“I’m not pissed, Luke. Just be nice.”
“Not trying to piss you off, Ava, but I’m not nice to people who don’t deserve nice.”
My head whips around, and I point at the door, conveying to him that I don’t want this conversation taking place in the babies’ room. He doesn’t move, so I do, knowing he will follow. But he doesn’t. He’s in there for quite a while before he comes out. By that point, I am pacing in front of the bedroom door, waiting for him.
He stalks toward me as if he hasn’t been limping for days. He looks angry. He looks...Oh, damn.
I hold my hand up to stop him, except he doesn’t stop, and my hand hits his chest. He reaches behind me and opens T and my bedroom door, stepping forward and forcing me backward into the room.
I am at a loss for words, which would make any mother who ever told their children “If you have nothing to say, don’t say anything at all” proud.
He pushes the door shut behind him and stares at me, face all lines and angles, his eyes blasting their bluest.
“Ava.” He shakes his head. “You trust me?”
“I guess,” I croak out.
“No, it’s a yes or no answer. You trust me or you don’t.”
“Are you having a...spell, or a—”
“Ava,” he growls. “Do you trust me?”
I take a deep breath, hoping somewhere in this room that seems to be getting smaller and smaller is my...sass.
“Fine, I’ll play. Yes, Luke Lane, I, Ava Links, trust—”
He captures the back of my neck with one hand, and places his other hand flat on my back, pulling me toward him. And his lips, I swear they bruise mine.
He plunges his tongue deep, deeper...Oh, damn. Damn you, Luke. Then he slides his hand up until it’s in my hair, and he turns my head, controlling the kiss.
When I am sure he has fucked my soul by way of our mouths and that I am going to die because I can hardly breathe, he pulls away. Only then do I realize I am against a wall and that my hands have found their spot, like it’s a habit, linked behind his neck.
“She can’t be here, Ava,” he whispers softly, pushing his forehead against mine.
“Okay,” I say without thinking, slowly opening my eyes.
“I’ll tell her now. She’s done.”
“Wait, what?” I gasp, releasing him.
“You can tell her, but you’ll do it with me in the room.”
I slam both hands against his chest. “Get, go, and no! She stays. You need to be out by five tomorrow morning.”
“Ava, you trust me. You said—”
“This is because Thomas trusted her. This is because you’re jealous—”
“I should kiss you to shut you up, but then I’ll end up fucking you, and you’ll think it’s because this was his and your room, and that’s not fucking so.”
“Don’t you—”
“That’s him, Ava, not me. She goes. She goes, or I’m staying.”
“You wouldn’t,” I gasp.
“No?” He crosses his arms over his chest, and I swear he flexes his...boy boobs, and it pisses me off.
“I will never forgive you if you do that to me,” I tell him, putting my hands on my hips.
“You will. It’ll just take a while.” His eyes dart from my eyes to my lips and back again.
“Stop looking at me like that!”
“Like what?” he asks, as if he’s not looking at me like...that.
“Like you want to fuck me.”
He smirks and shakes his head. “Oh, I want to, but you’ll have to beg first.”
“You have a better chance of seeing God.”
He looks at my boobs and sighs.
“Don’t look at those, either, Luke.”
He points. “But—”
“But nothing.” I slap his hand away.
He smirks. Then he holds back a laugh.
“Oh, ha, ha, ha,” I mock.
“Ava.” He points again.
“Oh, for God’s sake, they’re boobs, Luke, and you have never been a boob man.”
“But, Ava, they’re...leaking.”
I look down, mortified. I feel my face burn so bright the people across the river can probably see it.
“It’s—”
“Get out!” I snap. “Get. Out.”
Chapter Nineteen
He didn’t mean it. — R. Wright-Jessup
Luke
It’s three in the morning, and I am sitting in one of the rocking chairs like I have been for a while now, holding Chance, my son.
Christ, how did I get so lucky? I sure as hell don’t deserve this, no more than I deserve Miss A being so...hospitable.
Fuck, she is going to be the one who does me in.
“God kept me alive so your mother could get her revenge on me for being such a...” I pause. “Not nice. For being not nice.”
He’s asleep, but I don’t want to put him down. I have to leave here in just a few hours to hide out so Lucas and Ava can spend some time together.
“Your grandfathers—both of them—are probably a bit disappointed in me. Well, one is. The other will be, but after that, after the initial shitstorm, it’s gonna be a little emotional. Your grandmother Jade, she’s going to go nuts. Don’t worry, though; it’s a short trip. I’ve put her there a million times. She won’t get lost, Chance; she knows the way. Then you will get to meet some more of the team. Your aunts, Riley and Lauren, are going to go insane over you and your sister. Your uncle Jackson, I’m gonna tell you a secret about him. He’s my hero. Best guy you’ll ever meet. And then Ryan...you are so lucky you’ll have him in your life.”
I huff. “Your mother could have screwed me with that, too, but she didn’t, because she’s Ava. She’s Ava, and she may not be mine right now—hell, may never be again—but I’ve always been hers. Now I’m yours and Hope’s, too.
“I haven’t always made the best choices, Chance, and I don’t know what would have happened had I not been in that explosion, but I’m here to tell you—promise you—I will never let you down. None of you.” I feel a tear run down my face as I hold him tighter. “No one, and I mean no one, will make sure you’re safer than I will. It is my duty, and my privilege.”