by Woods, Karen
“Does it ever get any easier to be alone, Babushka?” Kiril asked.
“Easier, yes,” Irina said. “It does get easier. It never becomes easy. The loneliness, the sadness, sometimes can be oppressive, particularly in the early years of widowhood.”
“Yes,” Rita said on a sigh. “Oppressive. That’s the right word for it. It does ease up some. It was several years before I stopped reaching for Dryusha in the middle of the night and waking up, confused, when he wasn’t there. And I still, from time to time, catch myself thinking, ‘I must tell Dryusha about this’ or ‘Dryusha will laugh about this’.”
“I understand that,” Irina said. “I tell Sasha about it in my evening prayers. I believe Sasha is still praying for me as I still pray for him.”
“Yes,” Rita replied. “I still pray for Dryusha and for Papa, and for Svetlana, and hope that all of them are praying for me.”
“I’m sure they are,” Kiril said.
“Did you ever think about entering a monastery, Babushka?” Alexei asked.
Irina sighed. “Oh, Lyosha, when my Sasha, your grandfather, died, your mother was heading to medical school. I needed to work hard so that she could become the doctor she wanted to be. Then afterwards, I was busy being both a physician and babushka to her children. I have had a rich life with my practice, my grandchildren, my music, and my parish,” Irina said. “I am too old to be a nun, even if I wanted to take tonsure.”
“But do you want to be a nun?” Masha asked.
“We can’t always have what we want,” Irina replied. “What community in their right mind would take in a woman of my age as a novice in training? I am probably too set in my ways to join a community.”
“Mama said she had thought about becoming a nun,” Alexei replied.
Rita nodded, “But it wasn’t where God wanted me, then. All of those doors were closed to me long ago.”
“Doors can reopen,” Masha offered. “Just because something wasn’t right at one stage of your life, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be appropriate now.”
“You’re the second person, recently, to say something like that to me.”
“Who was the first?” Masha asked.
“Em, Jack’s widow, at the reunion, and on the way to the airport as I gave her a ride. She is contemplating becoming a nun. It makes me think about it again.”
“That is about the only way I could take tonsure,” Irina said, “with you in a new community. Are you serious in your contemplation of this, Daughter?”
Rita sighed. “I am thinking about it, Mama. Vladika has urged me to consider it, more than once. I just don’t know. I need to pray on it more.”
“Doctor Em? Doctor Jack is dead?” Kiril asked, clearly shocked.
“Car accident a few weeks ago,” Rita replied. “I didn’t know until I was talking with an old friend before the reunion that Jack had passed.”
Alexei shook his head, sadly, “Memory Eternal.”
“That must have come as a surprise,” Masha stated.
“It was. He was a good friend to me during my childhood. I stood with him as his godmother when he became Orthodox on the day of his wedding to Em. But, you will find that friendships change over the course of your life. People grow apart. Life happens and once close friends become more distant,” Rita allowed.
“You were so young when you married Papa,” Kiril observed.
“I was twenty-one, almost twenty-two, when we married. That’s not so young. I already had finished medical school, my residency, and was a second year fellow in cardiology,” Rita defended herself.
“Yeah, well, you were a wunderkind,” Kiril dismissed with a chuckle.
“Your father was not in any way less intelligent than I am. You boys inherited the family talents for academics. You all graduated high school no later than fifteen and college by the time you were eighteen. All of you were out of professional schools by the time you were twenty-one.”
“Except me, because I went to Law School after I took my Masters’ in Mechanical Engineering,” Alexei said. “I was twenty-two when I finished my J.D. and passed the Bar.”
“We’re over achievers,” Kiril teased.
Rita shrugged. “We are what we are. And we’d never change, even if we could.”
“That’s the truth,” Kiril said.
“You all make me feel like the village idiot, in comparison to you,” Anya admitted.
“There is nothing idiotic about you, Anya dear,” Irina said.
“I was twenty-three years old before I took my doctorate,” Anya answered.
“Most people don’t accomplish that any sooner than the age of twenty-five. Many people take a good deal longer to achieve their Ph.D.s,” Rita replied kindly, “if they manage to complete the degree at all.”
“All of you are among the most brilliant and capable women I know,” Kiril offered. “None of you qualify to be the village idiot.”
Alexei offered, changing the subject, “I spoke to the cruise director. He said that we can have the ship’s chapel on Saturday nights, at eight-thirty for Vespers, that will be after the first show lets out, and on Sunday mornings at seven, if we want to pray Obednitsa as a group on Sundays. I took the liberty of booking the room for both times during both weekends of the cruise.”
“That would be very nice. Vespers to prepare for Sunday,” Kiril said. “And that hour of the day for Obednitsa would leave port days open for us to go exploring. I brought my travelling icons.”
“As did I,” Rita replied.
“I think we all did,” Irina added with a smile. “I’ll be there.”
“We all will,” Masha said. “Thank you, for arranging this. We were planning just to pray in our rooms. But to have a chapel to pray in together is much better.”
“I’ve already prepared the readings and all the moveable parts, for our family prayers for the next two weeks,” Kiril said. “They are all printed and in a folder in our cabin.”
The staff cleared away the dinner plates and asked for dessert orders. Rita declined, opting instead for a cup of herb tea. Everyone else ordered rich, chocolate, confections and coffee.
Masha said, “We have half an hour until the show in the main auditorium. What do you want to do?”
“There’s a pianist in one of the lounges on this deck,” Masha offered.
Kiril nodded. “Sounds nice. I need to run to our cabin and get icons and prayer books, first though.”
Irina smiled broadly. “I thought I’d go take a look at the casino. We’re far enough out to sea it should be open by now.”
“Babushka?” Alexei asked, clearly startled.
“I like playing cards from time to time. I know I taught all of you how to judge the odds in games of chance. And how to bet appropriately,” Irina replied on a chuckle.
“I’m going to join Babushka in looking at the casino,” Alexei said.
“Good. We’ll see you all outside the main auditorium for the early show in a while,” Rita said. “Have fun.”
Chapter Twelve
The chapel was empty. As chapels went, this one was smallish and very plain. It was a white painted room with a few chairs and a pulpit and lectern. No Christian symbols. But no symbols of any other religion, either, which she supposed was a small mercy.
“Which way is east?” Irina asked.
“Liturgical east is that way,” Alexei said, pointing to the front of the room. “That’s all that counts.”
Kiril turned around the pulpit and placed the icons there before he began chanting the opening prayers of Vespers in the Church Slavonic that was so familiar to all of them, words that translated as, “Through the prayers of our holy Fathers, O Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on us.”
Alexei and Kiril took turns leading the prayers and psalms, with the rest of them forming the choir for the responses. As their sung prayers and praises continued, their voices were joined by other women’s voices, singing the responses in Church Slavonic.
Rita glanced
around to see that several young women dressed in cruise line uniforms had joined them for evening prayers. She walked over to the group of young women and offered them her prayer book, open to the proper page. They accepted it, with smiles and murmured thanks, before she returned to stand with her mother for the rest of the service.
They all sang, O Gladsome Light, a hymn of evening that had been sung daily in evening prayers by those in the Orthodox Church in one form or another, since the beginning of the Christian era. They sung the hymn, “O Gladsome Light, of the holy glory of the Immortal Father. Heavenly, Holy, Blessed Jesus Christ, having come to the setting of the sun and beheld the light of evening, we praise the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; God. At all times, You are worthy of praise in songs, Son of God, giver of life, therefore the world glorifies You.”
The beauty of the singing of the hymn took Rita’s breath away, and the service of evening worship continued. Except for the specific prayers appointed for the day, Rita could have sung all of this in her sleep, which was a good thing as she had given her prayer book to the young women.
As the service drew near to the end, they all sang the Hymn of St Simeon, which translates to, “Lord, now let Your servant depart in peace, according to Your Word. For my eyes have seen Your Salvation, which You have prepared before the face of all people, a light to enlighten the Gentiles and the glory of Your people, Israel.”
Eventually, they all sang the dismissal hymns that translated, “Preserve, O God, the Holy Orthodox Faith and Orthodox Christians unto ages of ages.
More honorable than the Cherubim, more glorious beyond the Seraphim, without defilement you gave birth to God, the Word, true Theotokos, we magnify you.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, unto ages of ages.
Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy.
Bless, O Lord.”
Kiril sang the dismissal prayer that reminded everyone of the Resurrection of Christ and asked Jesus for mercy.
Everyone responded with an Amen.
Kiril prayed that God would protect and defend all present and all the leaders of the Church. Then he invited all who were present to venerate the icons.
“Spaseebah”, thank you, one of the young women who joined them for prayers said, in Russian, joyful tears in her eyes as she returned Rita’s prayer book to her. Then she continued in Russian, “I haven’t heard the prayers sung by anyone but women since I left home and began working for the cruise line. My father is priest. When I am home, I go to Church on Saturday night, frequently, to prepare myself for Liturgy. Since working here, I sing my prayers to myself and with a small group of women who work on the ship. But this was wonderful. Thank you for doing it.”
“We’ll be having Obednitsa tomorrow morning at seven,” Irina replied, in Russian.
The young woman nodded and smiled. “May we join you for Sunday prayers?”
“We would be happy to have you, and any other Orthodox Christians, to pray with us,” Kiril told, kindly, her in Russian. “My father was a priest. My brother, who is not with us, is a priest.”
“Is good thing,” the young woman replied with a smile.
“Good night everyone,” Irina said as they walked down the hallway on the deck where their cabins were.
“See you all at seven in the chapel. Then we’ll do breakfast together after we pray,” Kiril said.
“What other plans have people made for tomorrow?” Irina asked.
“I booked the four of us girls,” Masha said, “into the spa for an afternoon of pampering. Our appointment is at one. Thought we’d get lunch then go to the spa. My treat.”
“What time will you be done in the spa?” Alexei asked.
Masha said, “I booked us in for a four-hour slot of various pampering services. We’ll be done by five p.m., in time to dress for dinner.”
“How much did that cost?” Alexei asked.
“It’s my treat,” Masha repeated, clearly not amused at being questioned. Then she lightened her tone, adding, “So don’t worry about it, Lyosha. It’s girl time. See you all in chapel in the morning.”
“Sleep well, Masha, Kiryusha, Lyosha, Anya,” Rita said.
“Goodnight, all,” Kiril said as he unlocked their door.
Once inside their cabin, Irina asked, “I want to audition for that passenger talent show they announced tonight at the show. Would you form an act with me?”
“What would you like to perform, Mama?” Rita asked as she sat down on her bed and removed her shoes.
“Gori, gori, moya zvevda,” Irina said. “I saw that you brought your piccolo. That would be perfect to accompany my singing.”
Rita walked over to the desk where she had left the piccolo in its case. She opened the case and assembled the instrument by sliding the mouthpiece into the body of the small flute. She ran through the scales to warm up.
Walking back to the bed, she sat down and began to play that tune. Irina began singing at the appropriate point. Her voice and the sound of the piccolo blended into a haunting, almost hypnotic, beauty as her mother sang the very Russian romantic song. The last plaintive notes fell off into silence.
“Sounded good to me,” Rita said.
He mother laughed. “Better than good. Good enough to win.”
“Maybe. Depends on who we were competing against,” Rita said as she disassembled the instrument and began swabbing it out in preparation for putting it away.
“How are things going at the clinic?” Irina asked.
“Pretty well. Mama, there’s something I want to ask you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to say yes, if this isn’t something you really want to do,” Rita said as she continued to work on putting the instrument away.
Her mother smiled, “Ask away. The worst I can say is ‘no’. And I have a hard time saying ‘no’ to you, whatever you ask of me. Always have.”
“I need to have more general practice physicians at the clinic. Would you consider coming to work with me? You could live with me in my cottage, or you could have an apartment of your own in the staff housing. Whatever you would like.”
Irina smiled broadly. “Darling girl, I would be delighted to come to work in your clinic. I wouldn’t need to draw a salary. I will file to draw my social security.”
“You haven’t done that yet?”
“Why would I have? I would just have ended up paying taxes on it as I was still working at a decent salary at the hospital. Oh, I had to file for Part A of Medicare years ago, but as long as I’m still working, I’m on the health plan at the hospital.”
Rita shrugged and chuckled. “You could have invested the payments for your old age.”
Irina snickered. “I never intend to be old. Age is much more than the chronology. Most days, I don’t feel any older than I did when you were a small child.”
“I wouldn’t begin to ask you to work without pay.”
“You worked without pay when the clinic began.”
“But it was my business. That was my risk to take. And when money started coming in from patients, I began to take a salary. Now, the clinic is quite profitable and I can pay my staff very well. I can certainly afford to pay you a very good salary.”
“You will always do what you want to do, as you always have done,” Irina replied, with a chuckle.
Rita sighed, heavily, “That’s not exactly so, and you know it. I’ve wanted many things that I’ve never done.”
“There are many things we have all wanted that we have never had. Life is like that. We pick up and move on.”
Rita nodded. “But what happens when we get a second chance at an earlier dream?”
“You are talking about becoming a nun?”
“Vladika would like for me to convert the clinic grounds into a monastery.”
“And what about the clinic?”
“I suppose I’d run it as a ministry of the monastery.”
“And Janet?”
“I don’t know. We�
��d work something out.”
“You need to decide what you want to do, what you feel called to do,” Irina advised. “Examine your heart. When you know, let me know. If you go ahead and begin this, with the blessing of your bishop, then I will join you, if you will have me.”
“There is no question of my being willing to have you.”
“Well, I need to send some emails. Then we ought to sing Compline and go to bed,” Irina replied.
Chapter Thirteen
Several young men and women joined them for the prayer service early on Sunday morning. All their voices blended beautifully in their sung prayers, making Rita think of the angelic choruses. Then again, one of the great hymns of the Church proclaimed that the congregation was mystically representing the cherubim in their worship.
Alexei read the Epistle lesson. Kiril read the Gospel passage appointed for the day. He followed that up with reading a sermon by St John Chrysostom on that Gospel passage.
It was easy to feel the presence of the Lord here in this place during their communal prayers. Of course, Christ had promised that whenever two or more were gathered in His name, He would be in the midst of them. It wasn’t the same as going to Divine Liturgy, but it was the best they could do under the circumstances. Rita was sad to have the service end.
After resetting the chapel to its normal state, they went to the dining room for breakfast.
Sitting around the table, after ordering their food, Kiril asked, “So, what is everyone doing this morning?”
Irina said, “My daughter and I are auditioning for the talent show they announced at the show last evening.”
“Babushka, are you certain that you want to do that?” Kiril asked, his voice careful.
“I always enjoy performing,” Irina replied with a chuckle. “All we’re doing is auditioning. They might not even want us for the show. But what will it hurt to audition? It should be fun.”
Kiril sighed. “Babushka, do as you wish.”