“No,” he replied slowly, not liking the cynicism he’d just heard in her voice. A bit of witty sarcasm here and there was one thing, but this had a darkness to it that was completely out of character for her. The Falcorans were not having a good effect on Bean at all.
“What then?”
“I think they’ve decided they want the Falcorans to be the Commanders after all, and therefore feel they need to be briefed on the mission.”
“They’ve been briefed.” She reached for the carafe and refilled her cup, then drank the coffee without really tasting it.
“Under the terms of option one, which you expressed your dislike of,” he pointed out as he dug into the last of his breakfast.
“You want me to tell them everything?”
“Not at all. But I do believe we’ll all be safer if they know more than they do now.”
“I really don’t want to do this, but it’s because I don’t want to spend any more time with them than I already have. That’s not a good enough reason though, and I know it.
“Therefore, I’ll hear what they have to say and, unless they give me reason not to, again, I’ll tell them what they need to know up to their security level. Then, hopefully, they’ll leave me alone.”
Iffon wasn’t sure if that would be a good thing or not. He knew Bean worried a lot. About everything. She just hid it really well the same way she hid her emotions really well. Seeing her so upset that she wasn’t even able to hide it was very troubling.
He looked up at the Falcorans and was surprised to find Zander and Zach staring at Bean. He hoped they didn’t intend to upset her further. If they did, his guardian instincts would probably prod him into doing a little more than warning them, and he knew how Bean felt about scenes and drama.
By the time Iffon was finished eating his breakfast, Bean had finished off the entire carafe of coffee while barely touching her breakfast. As a result, her stomach was churning and her hands were shaking. She pushed the remains of the last cup away and reached back to pull her hair over her shoulder.
“My hair’s mostly dry now,” she said. “We have enough time to return to our room so I can braid it. Do you mind?”
“No, of course not,” Iffon replied. Bean gathered Iffon’s dishes and wrapped them in a napkin to wash later in their room.
“Thank you, Bean.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied as she pushed her chair back and stood. With a hop and a quick beat of his wings, Iffon was on her shoulder. Checking to be sure he was settled, she turned and left the cafeteria, pleased that she’d managed to refrain from looking toward the Falcorans the entire time they were in the there.
She took the stairs down to her room, glad to have a few minutes to compose herself before facing the new Commanders again. After braiding her hair, she brushed her teeth and checked her appearance. She almost wished she hadn’t put on her usual makeup before going to breakfast, but since she had, she wasn’t going to change it now.
She picked up the three hair sticks she wore now and slid them into her braid, brushing her fingers lightly over the carved flowers. She left the bathroom, retrieved the weapons carrier from the closet shelf and put it on the table. Removing the knife belt she’d worn to breakfast so she wouldn’t be without a weapon, she returned the knives to the carrier, closed it back up and put it away.
“Let’s go, Iffon.”
“It’s still rather odd to see you armed all the time,” he said after landing on her shoulder.
“I know, it feels rather odd, too. But it also makes me feel safer even if my skills are practically non-existent.” Bean opened the door, locked it behind them, then headed for the elevator. “Do you think it’s a bad thing?”
“Not at all. It’s necessary to accept things as they truly are, Bean. Pretending otherwise is a good way to end up dead.”
“I know,” Bean said. When she reached out to press the call button for the elevator she realized that her hands were shaking and her heart was beating a little too fast.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“No, I really don’t,” Bean admitted as she stepped into the elevator. “I just don’t have much choice.”
“You could put it off until later.”
“Yeah, but what’s the point? I have to do it anyway so I might as well get it over with.”
“I think I’ll move to your arm again.”
“Are you tired?”
“No, not at all. I find that I like watching from the sidelines, so to speak.”
“All right,” Bean said, not even tempted to argue. She’d had enough drama since the Falcorans’ arrival to last her the rest of the way to Kinah. She felt the light burning sensation of Iffon melding with the flesh of her arm until he was in the same position as before.
Bean left the elevator and walked up the corridor, stopping outside the conference room door. “Will you help me again if I need it, Iffon?”
“Always, Bean.”
“Thanks.” She raised one hand and knocked.
“Enter,” Zander called.
Her heart skipped a beat when she realized that she recognized his voice. She pushed the thought away, pressed the door panel and stepped inside when it slid open. The Falcorans rose to their feet, surprising her almost as much for displaying manners today as they had with their lack of manners the previous day.
“Thank you for coming, Lady BreeAnna,” Zander said, gesturing toward the chair at the end of the table where she’d sat before. There was even an unopened bottle of water in front of the chair. She eyed it suspiciously, then walked around the table while attempting to control the same faint tingling sensation she’d experienced while watching them spar. Telling herself she was grateful that it wasn’t any stronger, she sat down in the same chair as the previous day and kept her expression blank.
The Falcorans exchanged looks, then took their own seats. Bean started to ask what it was they wanted, but bit her tongue. This was their meeting, so it was theirs to run.
“We’d like to apologize for yesterday,” Zander said. “Without going into personal details which I doubt you’d appreciate hearing, I’ll just say that you were right to be offended, and it won’t happen again.”
“That was a little too smooth,” Iffon said.
“Agreed, but, an apology is an apology,” she replied. “Your apology is accepted, Commander. Thank you.” She took a deep calming breath. “If that’s all, I have other things to do.”
“Actually, there are a couple more things,” Zander said. “This is embarrassing to admit, but yesterday afternoon we overheard you speaking to, we presume your guardian, in the machine room. More accurately, we heard your half of the conversation.”
“That’s a surprise,” Iffon said. Bean agreed, her wariness increasing though her face remained expressionless.
“We had no right to do such a thing, so it would be wrong for us to even discuss what you said. Despite that, I can’t help but say that we hope to eventually change your opinion of us.” Bean had no idea what to say to that, so she said nothing.
“And finally,” Zander said, “we’d like to ask that you complete our briefing. Getting this ship and all hands aboard her to the far side of the galaxy and back again is our responsibility, and we can’t do it blindfolded.”
Bean reached for the water bottle and twisted the cap off, then took a sip, buying time to think. She’d already told them what they needed to know to complete the mission despite what they (and everyone else) seemed to think.
Ironically, she was troubled by the smooth apology, the sudden manners, and the admission of eavesdropping. She didn’t understand their sudden change in attitude toward her, which increased her reluctance to tell them more.
“What do you think, Iffon?”
“Rather slick.”
“My thought exactly.”
“Ask him.”
“Really?” she asked, surprised.
“Really.”
“Why the sudden cha
nge?”
“We don’t have a good excuse, or any excuse, for our behavior yesterday,” Zander said, choosing his words carefully. “Unfortunately, we can’t go back in time and change that. The best we can do is attempt to make amends while not repeating the mistakes we’ve already made.”
Bean dropped her eyes to the table to hide her surprise. “That’s a little too familiar.”
“Agreed.”
“Chaos?”
“I don’t know, Bean, but like you, I can’t rule out the possibility.”
Bean set the bottle aside, then placed her palms flat on the table in front of her, fingers close together, one of Iffon’s eyes staring up at her from the back of her right hand. “I’ve been given choices and options regarding how much I share with the three of you, or don’t share with you. I can’t say that I’m happy with the responsibility, but I accepted it and will do my utmost to make my choices with care.
“The first option is to tell you the barest information necessary for you to guide this ship to her destination and back again. To be honest, I didn’t think much of that option when it was explained to me. I know very little on this subject, but it seems to me that if you’re in command, you should know whatever information is available in order to keep your ship and those aboard her safe.
“I intended to go straight to option two yesterday, but you convinced me that I should leave it at option one, which is what I did.” She raised her eyes and met Zander’s gaze steadily. “I did not leave this room without honoring my promise to our Princes, despite what you think. In accordance with the parameters of that option, you are fully briefed.”
She dropped her eyes, swallowed nervously, glanced at the water bottle and decided to leave it where it was. This was going to be the hard part, but she had to be honest for her own sake, if not theirs. Eyes back on her own hands, she continued speaking.
“If all you want is to get this mission done and behind you, to earn a few gold stars for your service record and get back to your previous duties, that’s fine. I’m in no position to criticize or judge, nor do I care to be. You, Sark, the Bearens, and a few of the other officers have enough information between you to undertake this mission and complete it successfully. Your records will reflect that accordingly, and your field promotions will likely stand.
“If, on the other hand, you wish to be brought up to the parameters of option two, I ask that you give it careful thought, first. Increased knowledge increases responsibility, Commanders, and from some of the comments you made yesterday, I seriously doubt that would be to your liking.”
“You’re leaving this decision up to us,” Zander said, surprised.
“The only thing I know about you aside from your rank, security level, and names, is that you were extremely rude to me yesterday, you attempted to bully and intimidate me, and you insulted me repeatedly. All for no discernible reason whatsoever.
“I’ve never heard of a Clan Jasani male treating a woman the way you three treated me, even with cause. I admit that it shocked and disturbed me. It still does, in truth.
“Maybe you don’t like my hair or the color of my eyes. Maybe you don’t like that I’m not military. Whatever your reason was, or is, doesn't matter.
“What does matter, to me anyway, is that our Princes chose you to take Captain Reynolds’ place, and as I respect them, I must at least attempt to respect their judgment. It is my earnest hope that your skills as Commanders recommend you more than your treatment of a woman who is a complete stranger to you.
“Unfortunately, I have to confess that I’m now biased against you. Therefore, since you surely know yourselves better than I do, who’s better qualified to make the decision?”
“Thank you, Lady BreeAnna,” Zander said. “That’s incredibly generous of you. You’re correct that our behavior yesterday was abominable, and although I wish I could explain why we acted as we did, I can’t because I just don’t know. I am curious, however, as to why you didn’t contact Prince Garen and ask that we be replaced as I know, now, you could easily have done.”
“Time,” she replied without hesitation.
“Time?” Zach asked.
“As I said yesterday, we must reach Kinah and transport the survivors onto the Askara within a specific time period. We’ve already lost more than five days.”
“What happens if we don’t get there by the deadline?” Zander asked.
Bean sighed softly. “I need an answer, Commander. If you choose not to continue this mission, I’ll have to contact Prince Garen immediately.”
“Our decision is already made. We want to know as much as you’re willing, or able, to tell us.”
“Iffon?” she asked out loud. She wanted them to know he wasn’t a pet or sidekick, but an intelligent being whom she trusted above all others.
“That was very well done, Bean,” Iffon said, lifting his head from the back of her hand as he’d done the day before, though this time he did not fully unmeld. He fixed his gaze on each of the Falcorans in turn, then turned to look at her.
“They seem sincere,” he said. “But there is something there I don’t understand.”
“Such as?” she asked, continuing to speak out loud.
“I’m not sure, but it has nothing to do with the mission.”
“Fair enough,” she said, then glanced up at the Falcorans, careful not to meet their eyes or even look directly at their faces. “By the way, this is my guardian, confidant, and friend, Iffon.”
“It is our honor to meet you, Iffon,” Zander said, dipping his head politely while Zain and Zach followed his example.
Bean looked back down. “Thank you, Iffon.”
“You are most welcome, Bean. I’d like a moment to say something to them privately.”
“Certainly.”
Iffon’s head turned back to face the Falcorans. “This is for your ears only, Falcoran fledglings. I am Lady BreeAnna’s guardian, assigned as such before her birth by one whose name you have not earned the honor of knowing. She is more important to the future of the Klanaren than your feeble, self-involved minds could hope to comprehend. Treat her with more care and respect than you’ve thus far shown, or I will petition to have you removed from this branch of her life. For all time.” Their expressions of surprise were quickly hidden, but Iffon was satisfied with their reaction.
“We understand your anger, and your warning, Iffon,” Zander said, responding silently. “Based on our behavior yesterday, your threats are justified. They will not be necessary in future.”
“I shall hold you to your word, Zander Falcoran.” Iffon stared at him for a few moments longer, then lowered his head to meld with the back of Bean’s hand once again.
Zander looked at Zach, then Zain, their shock as clear to him as his own. They’d thought Iffon was an unusual creature the previous day. They now knew he was far, far more than that. They still didn’t know what he was, but during that last brief moment he’d allowed them to sense his power, and it had been immense. The question on Zander’s mind now was, why did she need such a powerful guardian? But that question, like all others, had to be set aside for now.
“We are ready when you are, Lady BreeAnna,” Zander said.
“I ask again that you be certain of this choice,” Bean said. “Information, once learned, can’t be unlearned.”
Zander considered that. The implications in that simple statement were not as staggering as what Iffon had said, but they came close. He glanced again at Zach, who nodded, then Zain, who hesitated for a moment before nodding as well.
“Understood,” Zander said, but Bean was shaking her head.
“I’d like to know what you were about to say, Commander Zain.”
“I can’t help but wonder why you know so much about all of this. It…troubles me.”
“Troubles you?”
“Yes, very much, in fact.”
“Why?” Bean asked, completely floored. “Do you think I’m too stupid or too inferior to be allowed knowledge yo
u don’t possess yourself?”
“Classified information and situations are generally dangerous,” he said without answering her second question. “The more dangerous, the more secret. If this expedition is so dangerous, why do you, a civilian, know all about it when we, as Clan Jasani Warriors do not?”
Bean was shocked by his blatant insult, and irritated with herself for allowing it to hurt her. She dropped her eyes, and spoke only when she was sure she could do so without revealing her emotions. “What I know and why I know it is far above your security level, Commander Zain. I will tell you only that my mission has no bearing on you, or your mission.”
“You have a mission?” Zain asked, suddenly feeling as though an icy hand had grabbed the back of his neck.
Bean fervently wished she’d refused to attend this meeting. She decided not to respond to Zain’s question since she was there to talk about their mission, not her own. “Do you want to know more than you’ve already learned on those subjects that affect you, or do you not?”
“We do,” Zander answered for all of them.
“Very well. It will require several meetings to bring you up to date on the events and information that your security level allows.”
“Why so long?” Zach asked.
Her impatience rising with each and every question, Bean attempted to calm herself with a few deep breaths. “If this is going to be a problem for you we can end this meeting now and I’ll return to my own responsibilities.”
“It’s not a problem, Lady BreeAnna,” Zach said. “I was just curious.”
Bean nodded, wondering at her reactions to their questions. She felt defensive, ready to take every word as a potential threat or insult, which was decidedly not normal for her. She knew all too well how insidious Chaos could be, so she decided to think twice before saying anything else.
“Before I begin relating the events I spoke of, there are a couple of things you should know now. Things that may affect decisions you’ll need to make once we venture beyond Marrazon space.”
“Very well,” Zander said.
Bean took a deep breath which, Zander noted, she often did when she was tense or upset. Or when she was about to say something she didn’t want to say.
Bean's Heart (Hearts of ICARUS Book 7) Page 17