“Say whatever you need to say, Bean,” Zach said gently, hiding his growing worry. She was acting a little strangely, and she was much too pale.
“Are you all right?” Zander asked.
“Yes, yes I’m fine.” Time to stop stalling and get on with this, she told herself firmly. “Um…okay...well…,” she trailed off and cleared her throat before taking a breath so deep that it made her a little dizzy.
“You’re going to hyperventilate at this rate.”
“Hush, Iffon. Deserters don’t get to make comments.” She heard him grumbling but ignored him.
“You guys know that there’s a way to get that…that…ball thing off the ship that doesn’t involve elevators,” she said hesitantly. “You do know that. Right?”
Zander started to shake his head, then groaned. “We’re idiots. Appreciative idiots since you were kind enough to tell us this out of everyone’s sight so we can continue to pretend otherwise. Thank you for that, Bean.”
“Why are we idiots?” Zach asked, then his eyes closed and his head went back. “I agree, we’re idiots. Jeez.”
“What are you…oh,” Zain said sheepishly. “Looks like I’m the last to board the bus.”
“Oh good,” she said with a relieved smile. “I’m sure you were so shocked and upset by everything that it just didn’t occur to you because you really didn’t have much time to think about it and the whole thing is shocking, what with invisible balls popping up without any warning and I’m rambling again, sorry.”
“You’re very kind and generous, Bean,” Zander said, smiling at her ramble.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Was Debora the woman who…you know, the crazy woman?”
“No, she wasn’t,” Zander said. “Debora told us that Cela died about five years ago, and that she was her sister. Apparently mental problems run in the family.”
“I don’t get it,” Zain said. “How could she have possibly known that we’d be on the Askara when we didn’t know it until after the mission began?”
“You didn’t recognize her?” Zach asked, and Zain shook his head. “Remember that day in the Garrison, the day we saw Bean the first time?” Zach asked.
“Sure.”
“Do you remember the woman who came up to us after Zander caught Bean and handed us a bag that Bean had dropped?”
“Oh yeah,” Zain said. “I thought she seemed a little familiar but I thought it was from seeing her around the ship.”
“I still don’t get it,” Bean said. “How does her picking up a bag I dropped end with her being on the Askara?”
“We were drawn to you,” Zander said. “Strongly. Prince Garen sensed it and assumed you were our berezi. We had to tell him that we didn’t know if you were our berezi or not because of our suppressants. He said that you were, but that it wasn’t the right time. Soon, but not yet.
“There were a lot of people around, and he didn’t say it quietly. I suspect she overheard it and decided to stick by you, knowing that we’d eventually show up wherever you were.”
“That makes sense,” Bean said a little sadly. “It really is too bad, though. I liked her. Well, I didn’t know her all that well. I just talked with her a few times, but she seemed perfectly normal to me. I thought she was nice. Since she was almost certainly the one trying to kill me, I guess I misjudged her.”
“I’m sorry, Bean,” Zain said. “We know that wasn’t an easy thing for you to do.”
“I don’t like that I had to kill again, but I’m glad that you three are all right.”
“Again?” Zander asked.
“I killed one of the Nomen on the bridge.”
“You can’t possibly feel guilty about that,” Zander said.
Bean looked up at him, then shrugged. “I know it was him or me, but still…I don’t like that I had to do it, or how it made me feel. Killing Debora is much worse. I think because I knew her.”
“You didn’t kill her,” Zach said. “She did that herself. You protected us, and everyone else for that matter.”
“That’s what Jax told me, too.”
“He’s right,” Zander said. “If not for you, Bean, she would have destroyed this ship. Gamma rifles are banned for a lot of really good reasons. I’d like to know how she got that weapon onboard in the first place.”
“That’s probably a question for Kyrus,” Bean said. “Whatever the answer turns out to be, I suspect that Chaos had a lot to do with it.”
“Chaos wanted to kill us?” Zain asked.
“I don’t know about that. But I do know that Chaos wants to kill me.”
Zander nodded, then changed the subject. “Come on, we were just going to get some breakfast. Would you like to join us?”
“Yes, I would,” she said, turning around to walk beside him. “I just ate enough food for three people because of the energy I expended yesterday while Iffon healed me, and now I’m hungry again.”
“Considering how strong your shields were, that’s no surprise,” Zain said.
Bean looked around as they approached the cafeteria. Where’s Zach?”
“He’s on the vox with Transport,” Zander replied.
“Oh, that’s good. The sooner that thing is out of here the better I’ll feel.”
She stepped forward to hug her cousins, one at a time. “Thanks, guys, so very very much. Now, you need to go get some sleep.”
“You’re okay?” Jax asked, watching her carefully.
“Yes, I’m okay. Just hungry.” They all laughed at her, nodded to the Commanders and left for their bunks.
Zach joined them and they waited just outside the cafeteria until someone from Transport came down to get the exact coordinates of the ball. A couple of minutes later they watched it vanish, transported out into space where it could cause no harm. Then they went into the cafeteria and ordered breakfast. Hera gave her an odd look, but Bean honestly could not have cared less what the woman thought.
“You’ve never made a shield before?” Zach asked while they waited for their food.
“No, I never even thought about it.”
“You saved our lives, Bean,” Zander said. “Again. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome but honestly, it was kind of an accident. Not that I didn’t want to save you, but I had no idea that would happen.”
“How’d you do it?” Zain asked.
“I don’t really know. I saw you three, and I saw her. I saw right away she was holding a gamma weapon, and somehow I knew there was nothing you could ever say to her that would stop her from using it.” She smiled her thanks when Zach refilled her coffee cup from the carafe. “When I saw her finger tighten on the trigger, I just did whatever I did.”
“You leapt out of the doorway, scaring us out of a few decades in the process,” Zander said. “You moved so fast we barely tracked you. You had both arms up, one hand toward us, the other toward her.”
“You were screaming Stop at the top of your lungs, too,” Zain added.
“At almost the same moment she pulled the trigger,” Zach said. “I saw the gamma rays leave the weapon, then hit something that pushed them back. Then there was an explosion that filled a transparent ball that suddenly appeared out of nowhere with blue light and thick white steam, and we were fighting to get to you but we couldn’t because you’d shielded us, too.”
“I think I must have shielded you in case I was unable to stop her. Sounds reasonable, anyway.”
“Yes, I think so too,” Zander said. “I’ve truly never seen a shield that strong before. I suppose some of the soul-linked male-sets could do it, but that’s using magic. What you did wasn’t magic. It was psychic.”
“How are you, Ausreba?” Kyrus asked, coming up behind her.
“I’m good, Kyrus,” she said, looking up at him.
“That’s good,” he said. “I don’t want to interrupt your breakfast, but I thought you might like to know that Debora is the one who tried to kill you.”
“Kash just voxed me a minute ago. He and Kasper took a quick look around Debora’s stateroom and found enough evidence to convince them. We’ll investigate the room more carefully, but there’s no doubt in my mind, or theirs.”
“I’m not happy to know it was her,” Bean said. “But I am happy to know it’s over.”
“As are we all,” Kyrus said. Hera arrived with their breakfasts. “I’ll let you eat now. I just thought you’d like to know that.”
“Thank you, Kyrus,” Zander said. “We’ll speak further on this later.”
“Of course, Commander,” Kyrus said. He gave Bean’s shoulder a gentle pat, then left.
Bean picked up her fork and started eating her third or fourth breakfast. She wasn’t really sure. They ate quietly for a while, the silence an easy, companionable one which Bean enjoyed. As she ate she thought about what a surprising morning it had been, not the least of which was her lack of concern over the rather large amount of drama that had taken place.
Chapter 22
11 days to deadline
The day after Debora’s attack, Bean was back in her training room, struggling to lift more weight, and throw further with more speed. Her frustration mounted to the point she lost all focus.
Then, all of a sudden, she couldn’t do anything at all. She tried and tried, edging closer and closer to panic with each failed attempt. She was near tears when she heard the door open behind her.
“Bean, what’s the matter?” Zach asked as all three of them approached with worry darkening their brightly colored eyes.
“The telekinesis isn’t working any more,” she said helplessly. “I can’t do anything at all.”
Without thinking twice about it Zander stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. When she laid her head against his shoulder and sighed softly, he looked at his brothers in surprise. It was the first time he’d held her in his arms just to comfort her and she was not only allowing it, she was relaxing against him. Zach and Zain moved closer so that she was surrounded by all three of them, and she relaxed even more.
“I’m going to make myself scarce for a few minutes,” Iffon said so that they could all hear him.
“Thanks, Iffon,” Bean said silently. She felt him fade, and smiled. After a long time she turned around within the circle of Zander’s arms and looked up at Zain and Zach. “Thanks, guys,” she said. “I really needed this.”
“You feeling better now?” Zain asked, reaching out to gently brush a loose lock of hair from her cheek. He paused for a moment, surprised at the softness of her skin against his fingertips, then forced himself to withdraw his hand.
Bean shivered, her eyes darkening as the scent of her arousal perfumed the air. Zander’s arms tightened around her, and Zain and Zach moved close enough that their bodies touched hers. She shivered again, then swallowed hard before looking up at them.
They felt her nervousness and worry before they saw it, and immediately reacted by backing off a little. Bean was both relieved, and disappointed.
“Bean,” Zander said softly, gently turning her around to face him.
“Yes?”
“What I’m about to say might be embarrassing, but please remember that we are your Rami. We will one day, hopefully very soon, link our soul with yours. There is no reason for you to be embarrassed about anything with us.”
“I’m not sure reason has anything to do with embarrassment,” she said. “But I understand what you’re saying.”
“Good,” he replied. “We know you’re aroused when you’re with us, and we know that it’s becoming steadily stronger as the days pass. It’s a natural and normal reaction that we’d joyfully take advantage of if we could.
“Unfortunately, it’s probably going to be another week or two before Zain’s suppressants wear off enough for our mating fangs to descend. But that doesn’t mean you have to wait that long for relief. We can help you, and would be more than happy to do so.”
Bean understood exactly what he meant, and closed her eyes for a long moment as she considered it. When she opened them again, she was smiling.
“I appreciate the offer,” she said. “But I’d prefer to wait until we can all be together the way we’re meant to be. However, I wonder if you’d mind kissing me? I’d really love to know what that feels like.”
Zander smiled as he gazed into her eyes, his hands sliding gently from her shoulders to her neck. He cupped her jaw in the palms of his hands, framing her face, then tilted her head back as he slowly bent to rub his lips lightly against hers. His eyes closed and he hummed softly with pleasure, then pressed several gentle kisses against her soft, full lips before covering her mouth with his own.
She responded eagerly, and with more passion than he expected. A soft groan rumbled in his chest as he deepened the kiss, reveling in the velvet touch of her tongue against his, her scent, her flavor. He wanted her so badly that it was almost a surprise that his body didn’t react to her. Which reminded him that stoking her arousal would not be a kindness.
He withdrew gently, kissing her lips one last time before lifting his head. She opened her eyes slowly, smiled at him, then spun around and reached for Zach.
Zach’s arms wrapped around her, his hands sliding slowly down to the small of her back as he kissed their berezi for the first time. Zander knew he was struggling not to pull her tightly against his body. Zach, too, had realized that they needed to hold back for Bean’s sake.
When Bean turned to Zain, he looked into her eyes for a long time, then cupped the back of her head in one hand before lowering his mouth to hers. When he kissed her, it was slow and sweet, and so tender that Zander’s eyes stung.
Afterward she rested her forehead against Zain’s chest for a long moment, catching her breath and composing herself. “Thank you,” she said. “That was…I have no words for it. Beautiful is as close as I can come.”
Zander understood. He had no words for it either. How a single kiss could hold such emotion and meaning he didn’t know. But he’d never forget it.
Zach cleared his throat. “Okay, let’s think about this for a moment.”
“Think about what?” she asked, blinking up at him in mild confusion.
“About your telekinesis,” Zach said with a grin. “I think it’s time to switch subjects.”
“I know, you’re right. Um…what about the telekinesis?”
“What were you doing just before it stopped working?”
“I was trying to lift more weight, but I couldn’t,” she said, her frustration returning. “No matter what I do or how hard I try, I can’t lift more than two hundred pounds, I can’t throw more than fifteen feet, and I can’t make anything move fast. I just got so frustrated. Time is running out and nothing works.”
“I thought you said the other day that getting angry and frustrated made your telekinesis stronger,” Zain said.
“When I was little, it did, which is why I was so afraid of it. Not long after I started trying to use it I discovered, to my immense relief, that no matter how upset I get, nothing unexpected happens.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” Zander said. “Yesterday you created an Air shield stronger than anything we’ve ever seen. Not just one, but two of them. At the same time. That takes a massive amount of power, Bean.”
“I honestly have no idea how I did it, but I do know that I don’t have magic power.”
“No, but your telekinesis is incredibly powerful,” Zander said.
“That’s what I created the shield with?”
“Yes, it is,” he said smiling. “The question is, why?”
“Why what?”
“Why were you able to create two impossibly strong shields?”
“I don’t know.”
“What were you feeling when you did it?”
“Mostly I was scared that she was going to kill you. I was also scared that her weapon would blow a hole in the ship, which would kill everyone else.
I had to stop her so I just…did.”
“Remember what Zaza said?” Iffon asked, projecting his voice to all of them from where he was sliding down her arm.
“About what?”
“About your true power.”
Bean frowned as she tried to remember. Then her brow cleared. “She said my real power came from my heart. Something like that. Right?”
“Yes, and she was correct,” Iffon said, unmelding. She waited until he was standing on her shoulder in the form of the white cockatoo before asking another question.
“Does that mean I can protect those I care about?”
“Yes,” Iffon said slowly.
“You don’t sound too sure of that.”
“Because I’m not. Did you care about Debora being harmed?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, frowning. Then she shook her head. “No, I didn’t. I didn’t think about what would happen to Debora until afterward. It wasn’t that I wanted to kill her, because I didn’t. I just didn’t think about it. I was thinking of Zander, Zach, Zain, and everyone else on the ship.”
“I think I’m beginning to see what’s going on here,” Iffon said. “In fact, the more I think about it, the more certain I am about it.”
“Please share with the rest of the class.”
Iffon snorted. She frowned. He tilted his head. “Birds don’t snort, Iffon.”
“As you know, Bean, I’m not a bird.”
“You look like a bird, you fly like a bird, you ruffle your feathers like a bird. You should act like a bird too, and birds don’t snort.”
“Fine. I won’t snort. Do you want to hear this or do you want to send me to the corner for a time-out?”
“First I want to hear it, then I’ll send you to the corner for a time-out.”
Iffon sighed dramatically. Bean bit her tongue against reminding him that birds don’t sigh, either. He leaned over and rubbed his head against her jaw, and she stroked his feathers affectionately.
“When you were a child you buried your emotions in an effort to prevent yourself from using your telekinesis. I think that, in the process, you created an enormous block for yourself. One that actually prevents you from using power if you’re angry, frustrated, or experiencing any other negative emotion.”
Bean's Heart (Hearts of ICARUS Book 7) Page 37