At least now I know where he learned to play, but what about school?
“The owners of the club let me hang out, then gave me a job cleaning the tables at the end of the night, after the customers were gone. The guys in the band would bring me clothes, and there was a bathroom at the back of the club, and they’d make me shower at least once a week and change my clothes, and bought me a toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant that I was never to be without.” He laughs again. “They did what they could to make my life a bit easier and got why I didn’t want to go back into the system. I remember telling Louie that if they told anyone I was living in the alley that I’d disappear. I didn’t want to go back into the system because I had found a safe place, until it turned winter.” Christian shakes his head and takes a swig of the beer. “That first night that it snowed, Louie took me home. He never had any kids of his own, but he told me that he could probably figure out what to do with me.”
My heart swells for this Louie. A true mentor to Christian when he really needed one.
Louie means a lot to him. There is love and warmth in Christian’s eyes as he’s talking about the guy.
“He let me crash on his couch and in turn, I cleaned, did dishes, took out garbage, anything I could to keep my spot on his couch, and I went to the club with him every night. He talked about trying to foster me, but since he was in his fifties, a bachelor and a musician, he assumed his request would be rejected. At the very least, they’d take me from him until they could do all the background checks and everything needed to be a foster parent, which would put me back in the system, even if it was only temporary. Louie knew I wouldn’t have any of that and would run before they took me away.”
“Did anyone ever find out?”
“No. The tenement he lived in didn’t care. They were all too busy trying to survive to care if Louie had a kid living with him.”
Hundreds of kids get swallowed up in New York City every year. Some find a good place, others end up in really horrible places, but there are so many runaways that it’s hard to find them all. At least Christian found a good place.
“Louie wanted me to go back to school, but we couldn’t figure out how to make that happen since I needed a guardian, so he got a computer and I started doing stuff online. He also took me to the library and checked out books he figured I needed to read based on curriculums he’d found on some Home School websites.
“He was really taking care of you.”
“Yeah. He was teaching me to play, making sure I was getting an education, at least the best you can get over the internet, and I was in a really good place.”
I don’t like the use of was.
“That’s also when I decided that I wanted to one day work in the music business. Not only did I want to play up on stage like Louie and the other guys, but I wanted to be a part of the whole industry, which is why I studied hard and got a job at a small recording studio.”
“You got a job when you were twelve?” It’s not like he was on a farm where things like age are overlooked or given a pass for things like detassling corn. Though, I’m pretty sure even twelve was too young for that.
“I was thirteen by then, and they paid me cash to run messages and stuff.” He shakes his head, no longer smiling.
My gut sinks. Is he going to tell me what happened or is this going to be another one of those times of his life that he skips over?
“I was so fucking stupid. I thought I had an important job and liked hanging out in the studio learning things. It never occurred to me that the packages I was running around town had drugs in them, or that the big ass envelopes were full of cash. They told me that I couldn’t look inside, ever, and I didn’t. I wanted this job and I wanted to learn the recording business.”
“Oh, no.” He doesn’t have to tell me anything for me to already know that he was caught and probably arrested.
“I’d never been so scared in my life when I was put in jail. My first call was to Louie, who came, but couldn’t get me out until I was arraigned.” He takes another drink and stares across the room. “It was messed up. I was messed up.”
I reach out and grab his hand. “Oh Christian. I’m so sorry.”
“I so was not prepared for jail or juvie, which was full of all of these tough kids and I wasn’t tough at all. I thought I was because I’d had my share of fights in the past, but those were pretty much self-preservation. These guys were mean and figured me out real quick.”
He laces his fingers with mine and turns more fully toward me. I’m really glad he’s not pulling away.
“They cornered me the night before my hearing and I took a beating like I’d never experienced, nor will I ever forget.”
“How bad?”
“Nothing permanent, it’s like they knew how to hit and kick, but not injure me enough to put me in the hospital. Their way of establishing that I was the lowest of the shit in that place. I was also warned not to talk or tell anybody who I was running drugs for or I’d not be alive the following week.” He shrugs. “I guess some of the guys in there already knew who I was and what I’d been doing, and they were also part of the business I’d become a part of too. I found out later that there was a big sting operation, and we were the ones who were caught, not the guys running the drug business.”
11
I can’t believe I’m telling Bethany all of this. I was going to give her some background, just so she knew that I didn’t come from a place like hers, with no details. But, I can’t help myself. Other than the shit home I won’t talk about, I’m telling her everything, and for once, I don’t mind seeing sympathy in her eyes. I used to hate it when someone looked at me like that, but not her. Maybe it’s because there is no judgment there either.
“Louie was in the courtroom that day and he about lost it when he saw me with my face all bruised and swollen.”
“What happened?” she asks.
“Well, I plead not guilty, even though I’d been caught with the drugs on me. The DA, who had questioned me before the hearing had wanted to cut a deal if I’d give up the names of who sent me on the errands.”
“Did you?”
“I couldn’t. I wasn’t the only one being arraigned that day. The same guys who beat me up were there too, so if I talked, they’d kill me, or someone would. That I never doubted.”
“So, you had to go back to jail?” Bethany seems almost horrified, and I can’t blame her. I was scared shitless.
“Just as the judge was about to decide how much bond would be, not that it mattered since we didn’t have any kind of money, this older gentlemen walks in and claims he is my attorney.” I can feel myself smiling. “It took me a minute to realize that it was Johnny, the guy who plays piano in the band. I never knew he was a lawyer, but Louie had called him and the other guys when he found out what had happened.”
“Thank God you had someone on your side who really did know you instead of an over-worked public defender.”
“Johnny argued that this was my first offense, that I had no record, that I wasn’t a flight risk, which I was actually. If I got out, I was going to run because I couldn’t go back in the system.”
“Did you get out?”
I shake my head. “Not then. But what I didn’t know at the time was that the judge knew Louie and Johnny and the rest of the guys in the band. He knew Johnny the best. They’d worked together back in the day. One became a judge and the other followed his passion to play music. The judge even frequented the club. So, what I find out later is that the judge, and it was probably really illegal or unethical or whatever, came to the club to hear the band and then had a sit-down with Johnny and Louie about me.” I’m shaking my head because even ten years later it is hard to believe that I got so fucking lucky. “He sees dozens of juveniles a week in his courtroom and it was impossible to separate the kids who are basically decent and just got caught up in a bad situation from the ones who come off really innocent but had plans to one day rule a violent gang.”
&n
bsp; “So, they told them you were a good one?”
“Yep. It took a few days, but Johnny and the DA cut a deal and the judge settled my future.”
She frowns at me, like she doesn’t understand, then her eyes brighten. “He got you to a good place and back in high school. Did he let you stay with Louie?”
Bethany knows I went to high school and that is where I met my friends, but I also need to tiptoe around the details of that school. “I told the DA everything he wanted to know. Names, details, the different places I’d made deliveries. In return, all charges were dropped against me, but I had to see a therapist, which really wasn’t a bad thing even if I thought so at the time, and he’d got me a scholarship to a boarding school.”
At this her eyes pop open. “Boarding school? Aren’t those places like really expensive and picky? You hadn’t been in school for what, almost two years?”
I just laugh. “It wasn’t one of those places that only the rich and privileged go to.” In fact we had only one rich, privileged kid there, Mia, but I can’t tell Bethany that. “It was a high school for the arts. Only kids with a talent got in, and apparently, I had talent. When I left the courthouse, Louie was waiting, with the other guys. They’d packed a suitcase with what little I had at Louie’s and other stuff they bought so that I’ve have decent clothes, and then Louie gave me his old saxophone.”
I have to look away from Bethany and take a drink. Every time I think of what Louie did for me I get choked up and I don’t want to sit and cry on Bethany’s couch. But, I owe that guy my life, literally. Without him, I would have been sent to juvie and who knows what would have happened after that.
“That’s where you met your friends?”
“Yep.” I clear my throat.
She leans back, letting go of my hand and stretching her legs. I glance over. She’s got this kind of dreamy smile. “That is so awesome.”
“Yeah. It is.”
“So, you graduated, went to college and now you’re playing and about to go on tour.”
“Yep. Got a music education and business degree, but I haven’t done much with it. All I really want to do is write and play.”
“Amazing.” If I’m not mistaken, I think I see admiration in her blue eyes too, and she hasn’t sent me for the door. I just told her a bunch of shit about me that hardly anybody else knows.
“And, that is my life, pretty much.” I pull her foot into my lap and squeeze it.
“And mine is incredibly dull in comparison.”
“Perhaps less eventful, but not dull,” I counter.
“Dull.” She snorts. “Are you still in touch with Louie and Johnny?”
The corner of my mouth tips. “Yeah. I go hear them play at least a couple of times a month.” They’d like her.
“That’s awesome.”
“Yeah it is.” And, if things continue as I hope, she’ll be the first girl I ever take to meet Louie.
What an amazing man. To go through what he did and be where he is without being fucked up is freaking incredible. He’s got a world of experience, and talent, and I’ve got very little to offer a guy like that. In comparison my life was dull, and still is. Why the hell is he sitting here with me?
“So, now you have to tell me more about you.”
I blink at him. “There is nothing that I haven’t already told you.”
“Come on,” he teases. “At least tell me about a boyfriend, or prom, or something naughty you did as a kid.”
My face heats. I wasn’t a naughty kid, not really. “Well, my one and only boyfriend was gay.” At least it’s different from most high school romances, I think.
Christian chokes. “Seriously?”
I have to laugh at the shocked look on his face. “Don’t worry, he was gay before we went out so it’s not like I turned him or anything,” I tease.
Christian turns my foot and presses against the arch with this thumb, then massages up.
I groan because it feels so good. Part of the reason I get pedicures is more for the foot massage than the pretty toes.
“Tell me more or I’ll stop.” He grins at me.
“That’s blackmail.” If he keeps rubbing my foot like that, I’ll confess to anything he wants. It’s not just the massage, but the sensations that are shooting up my leg and straight to my girly parts, which have been on alert all night, wanting personal attention from Christian.
He lets go of my foot.
“Fine,” I cry. “What do you want to know?”
“Tell me about your gay boyfriend.”
“We’d known each other since kindergarten, best friends and stuff. Since we were always together, it made sense that we date, and we did, all through high school.”
“He was your only boyfriend in high school?” Christian asks as if he doesn’t believe me.
“It’s not like I was interested in anyone else, and they weren’t into me.”
“I find that hard to believe. The not anyone else being interested in you.” Christian starts rubbing along the top of my toes and a few of the joints pop, and it feels wonderful.
“Well, they weren’t and even if they were, I wasn’t,” I assure him. I can’t think of one guy I would have wanted to go out with. We had a ton of cute, nice guys but really, none of them interested me in anything other than a friendship.
“He didn’t come out until after we graduated,” I continue.
“You didn’t know before then?”
“I had an idea, but we were doing all things that teenagers were normally doing when dating, so I figured I was wrong.”
“Sex.”
“Yep.”
“But he was gay.”
“Yep.”
Christian shakes his head as if he can’t figure it out, then starts rubbing around my ankle and I’m surprised he finds a tender spot just on the inside.
“I think my parents were more disappointed when it didn’t work out than I was.” I laugh. “His parents always suspected, from when he was a kid, but thought they had it wrong, especially after they caught us in bed together.”
“I bet that went over well.” Christian snorts.
“Actually, they were more confused.” I laugh. “They just thought we were dating to be dating because it was easy and were waiting for their son to basically, come out. But, when they found out we’d been having sex, well, they’d figured they’d read their son wrong.
“Shouldn’t that have made them happy?”
Christian was the last person I would have thought would have assumed a small minded attitude. “Mr. and Mrs. Swager didn’t care. They just wanted their son to be happy.”
“That’s good to know.” He nods with approval then sets my foot aside. “But, I’m assuming he did come out since you guys aren’t dating anymore and he isn’t living here with you.” He shifts my other foot to his lap and starts rubbing that one.
“I loved him and it made sense to date and eventually have sex. Of course, that was before Kelly decided for certain he was gay, or he didn’t want to accept it, or, I really don’t know.” Maybe he didn’t want to be, or maybe thought his hormones were giving him mixed messages, or assumed it was something he’d grow out of because he was dating and having sex with a girl. “He tried to explain it to me, but he wasn’t really sure he understood himself. We had a good time, but nothing was earth shattering. I’ll never forget that after we were done one night, this was after we graduated and a few weeks before we were both headed off to college, he sat up and asked me not to take anything the wrong way because the sex felt good, but he just didn’t think he liked having it with me.”
I can’t believe I just admitted that to Christian. What if he takes it that I’m bad in bed, and maybe I am, but I don’t want to put the idea in his head before we ever get there? If we get there.
“He actually said that to you and you’re still friends?”
“Most girls would be crushed, but I got it. We learned a lot from each other and after the awkwardness of learning what
we were doing, it was okay, but something was missing. For him, he wanted a guy. For me, well, I’m not sure. He’s the only guy I’ve been with so I’m not sure what was missing.”
Christian stops rubbing my foot. “Only guy? As in nobody since your high school boyfriend who was gay?”
He must think that I’m a total loser. “Between working, school, homework, and volunteering, it’s not like I had time to date.” It’s not like guys weren’t interested in me. I just wasn’t interested in them. In fact, Christian is the only guy since I left home that I’ve been attracted to and I still don’t understand why I have such a strong, physical attraction to him. “Besides, school is too important to take a backseat to a boyfriend or lover. I saw too many girls get caught up in a guy and let their studies go. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me.”
Christian just shakes his head as if in disbelief then starts massaging my calf. If I thought the foot was making my girly parts tingle, the calf massage was making them throb. What else could those talented fingers do? “Did he ever come right out and tell you?”
“Yep. After he took me home, we sat in the car in the drive and he turned to me and said, ‘I think I’m gay’.” I tilt my head to look at Christian. “I think Kelly just had to come to it in his own time, in a way that he was ready to acknowledge it, if that makes any sense?”
“It get it. Just because people are a lot more accepting of the LGBT community, there is still a long way to go, especially when there are people in power who still think conversion camps are a good idea.”
He frowns and presses a little hard before he lets up. That certainly touched a nerve.
“High school age is hard no matter what you are going through, with all those hormones and I get why he questioned, or maybe even denied. We’ve all got to come to accept ourselves on our own timeline, as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else.”
Shake, Rattle and Roll: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 7