Besides, it’s not like I really have time for a guy anyway. I intentionally avoided the messiness of dating anyone in college because studies were too important and I didn’t want to mess it up. Going out on occasion was fun, but a relationship was off the table. And, since my education is far from over, it’s even more foolish to get involved with anyone now.
At least that’s what I tell myself and it got me through the first three and a half years of college when there wasn’t anyone worth getting involved with who was also interested in me. However, none of them were Christian Sucato. Not that he’s going to bother to call me again either.
“Did you put in your choices?” I ask Mary.
“Yep. Emergency, Pediatrics, Psych, Cardiology and Out Patient Surgery. You?”
There is no guarantee we’ll get our first choice, which is why we were told to pick five in order of preference. “Emergency, Pediatrics, Neurology, Psych and Orthopedics.”
No experience is bad experience and so much overlaps. “Maybe I should have put in Substance Abuse.” I could probably get a lot of that at a clinic.
“It’s not too late,” she reminds me.
“True. I’ll have to think about it.
“Dylan says that Christian is hating the tour.”
I blink at her. “Really?”
Mary frowns. “You haven’t talked to him?”
“He called the first night. I was asleep because he forgot about the time change. He hasn’t called since.” There is no way I’m telling her why he probably hasn’t called me back.
“We’ll it’s not like he has time anyway, at least not during normal hours. I think Dylan said that he called at like five in the morning, which would have been two his time.”
“Why so early?”
“Because he knew Dylan would be awake. That man does not sleep. At least not normal, human sleep. I thought that would change once he got Nina settled, but it hasn’t.”
“And Christian was awake at two?” Maybe he’s a night-owl.
“The band was partying.” She shakes her head. “Their agent got them a suite in Las Vegas so the rest of the band used that as an opportunity to bring a bunch of people back and party to the early morning hours.”
My stomach tightens. I don’t have a hold on Christian, we did only have that weekend, and I saw the way females reacted to the band. Hell, one girl wanted Christian to sign her boobs. That probably happens all the time and he’ll have almost two weeks of that. Just because he wants to see me when he gets back doesn’t mean he isn’t going to thoroughly enjoy himself while he’s gone.
The very idea ties my stomach in knots.
“For two nights he left the suite since he couldn’t sleep with the noise, and his roommate was bringing girls back to the room they shared. He didn’t want to try and sleep while they were doing the nasty in the other bed.”
“You mean they would have with Christian right there?”
“I guess some people don’t care if they have privacy.” She shrugs.
“So, what did he do?”
“Sat in the bar for two nights in a row. He hopes to get some sleep on the bus today. They are driving to Boise.”
I kind of knew his schedule and knew he’d have some down time when we were both awake, and hoped he’d call. He’ll probably sleep the entire time so I am not going to call him. Besides, I still don’t know if he heard what I said the one time he did call. For all I know, he’s putting distance between us, not because of the time change, but because I scared the shit out of him with the “L” word.
22
Sleep was the plan, but I didn’t take into account that I was on a bus with these asswipes. I’d hoped they’d need sleep too, but they’re wired, high on excitement from the reception we received in Las Vegas.
It was good, I suppose, and the lounge was packed each night, but it was a lounge and not a main stage. Sometimes I wondered if we could even be heard over the slot machines, but we were. However, I’m not expecting the same reception in Boise. Not that I know much about the place. A club was willing to book us, so at least I hope they’ll like our music.
When Grey first formed, their name choice, not mine, when I was in college, I never dreamed we’d leave New York, let alone travel to Idaho. It was just a way to play music, a blend of classic jazz and classic Rock and Roll, and to make some money. I never really thought we’d be together as long as we have. Not that it has been that long, just three years, but a lot has changed in that time. At first, we were all of the same mind, to take the old and make it new again with a modern sound. The rest of the band always had their sights on a record deal. I just wanted to play.
Now, we have two records and are traveling.
This is not what I signed on for, even if I do like hearing my music play on the radio.
“Christian, we’re thinking of heading down to L.A. after Portland,” Conner tells me.
This is not news. They’d been saying that much of the time since the tour was booked. “Have fun.”
“Man, we can’t go without you,” Austin argued.
I’ve told them for over a month that I was going home after Portland, but they won’t let up.
“Harry is working on setting some meets with producers,” Jason reminds me.
Harry, our agent, listens to the rest of the guys and never me. Of course, when we make money, so does Harry, so of course he wants to push Grey as far as it can go.
“I already told you guys, I’m not going to L.A., or anywhere else after Portland.”
“Why do you have to be such a fucking jerk?” Eric shouts. “It’s one fucking week.”
That will turn into two and then three, especially if producers like what they hear. Hell, it could be months before I get home if I listen to these guys and I don’t want to be on the west coast. New York is my home. I need roots. They are slowly growing, but I’ll never have them if I’m constantly traveling.
Sure, I could put down roots anywhere, but it’s not going to be hundreds of miles away from the only family I’ve ever known.
None of these guys would get that. Each one of them have a mom and dad, most have siblings, and none of them ever had to move. They lived in one house their entire life, went to schools and had the same set of friends from the first day of kindergarten until they graduated high school. They’re anxious to escape their mediocre life when all I want is what they’re trying to escape.
“I don’t like living out of a suitcase.”
“It will be like a month, at the most. It’s not that big of a deal,” Austin argues.
Already they’ve gone from it only being a week to only a month at the most. There’s no way in hell I’m signing on for a constantly changing deadline, and I’m not going to live out of a suitcase again. Not after this tour.
All I want is a home of my own and to be able to put the suitcase away forever. Maybe I’ll take it out for a vacation or two, but that’s it. A fucking tour that is never ending, is not a vacation. It’s a life and I’m not going to live it. These guys won’t get that I want a home, roots, the same bed to sleep in every night and a closet to keep my clothes in.
I do have a home now, but it’s not a permanent home. The guys and my family from Baxter will always be there for each other, but we won’t always live in the same brownstone. Besides the fact that it’s rented, Alex and Kelsey are tight and will eventually want their own place. The same will probably happen to Dylan and Mary. One by one the guys will find someone they’d rather live with until we are all living in separate places. Which is fine, but I don’t want to be the only one without a home and a special someone because I’m touring and never got the chance.
Worse, they’ll marry, maybe, and start having babies and I’ll be the fond uncle who spoils without ever having the one thing I crave: a wife, house that I own, and kids that are of my blood. Roots! I’ll never have roots if I let the guys in the band drag me into their dream. I need to stick with my own.
Love you. I can
still hear Bethany’s sleepy voice in my mind. I know she didn’t mean for me to hear her, and it was sleep talk, but I kind of hope it was her subconscious talking and maybe I have a shot at her, and roots, and a life of stability.
It’s too soon to be thinking about a future with Bethany, and someone should knock me upside the head for even thinking it, but I can see myself with her in her uncle’s loft, just hanging out, talking, fixing meals and having sex, of course. But it’s more. It’s how I feel when I’m around her. Something deep inside recognized her as someone I need, but will it last?
I glance down at my phone. It should be four in New York and I’m pretty sure she is done with classes, but I didn’t get enough of the rest of her schedule. When does she volunteer at the free clinic or work at the one on campus?
Well, there is only one way to find out.
Christian: Hey.
I stare at the phone waiting for a response to my text.
And stare.
And stare.
Nothing.
Ice cream and wine! Why not? It’s been that kind of day. Hell, it’s been that kind of week and it’s only Thursday.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t fucked up with the “L” word, but since I haven’t heard from Christian and Dylan has, I’m pretty sure he’s cutting me loose, and I can’t really blame him.
After pouring a glass of wine and grabbing a spoon, I dump books out of my bag and set everything aside. It’s officially spring break and I’m part of only a handful of my friends who aren’t headed to a warm sandy beach somewhere. That kind of trip is not in my budget, especially since the next few years of school are coming out of my pocket by way of student loans, and will really be coming out of my pocket when I start paying it off, so I’d better start saving now. Mom and Dad refused to pay for another degree, insisting I didn’t need one and that I should use my nursing degree back home.
They still don’t get it. They don’t know I’m never coming back there to live and that’s the main reason I didn’t go back home for break. I’m just not in the mood to have to listen and argue with them for a week while she invites the veterinarian to dinner. He’s still single. Mom told me last night.
Grabbing my phone, I head to the couch and flip on the television. There’s got to be something on. Maybe I can spend my break binge watching shows, eating ice cream and drinking wine. There are worse things I can be doing.
Or, I could hang out with friends. The few that are here were making plans for tonight, Friday and Saturday. If I get bored, I’ll track them down, but I can’t do that until I charge my phone. I’m as bad at charging that as I was at not watching the gas level in my car back home. Usually the gas light dinged when I was miles from a gas station and often arrived at a pump going on fumes alone. My phone went dead about noon because I didn’t check the battery.
After plugging it in, I start channel surfing then flip over to Netflix to find something, anything that will keep me entertained.
Before I can totally get settled in, someone is knocking at my door. With a sigh, I put my ice cream down and go see who it is. Just because this is a secure building doesn’t mean I still don’t check the peep hole.
“Hey, Ben.” I say after opening it.
“So, you’re okay?”
I look around. “Yep, shouldn’t I be?”
“Well, your mom is trying to reach you and when she couldn’t, she called her brother in Paris, who called Bill, who called me to check on you.”
I just roll my eyes. “My phone died today. It’s charging.”
He steps in and looks around. “What about that guy? He around?”
“Did they send you to check up on me?” I nearly laugh.
“Well, we’ve never met him and we haven’t seen you since you brought him home, then when nobody could contact you…”
“You expected to find my dead body?”
“Well, I was hoping I wouldn’t.”
“I’m fine,” I assure him. “Besides, Christian is on tour and won’t be back for a few weeks.”
“Good to know. Call your mom,” he orders and heads for the door.
I lock it behind him and head back to the couch. I should be irritated that my mom over-reacted, but it’s also kind of nice to know that if I did go missing, someone would notice.
Grabbing my phone I turn it on. I probably could have gone the entire night without looking at it. I’m not like so many of my friends who have to have it in their hands constantly, texting, or on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and all the other social sites out there. I just use it as a phone—calls and texts and that’s about it.
When it comes on, it lights up with the missed calls from my mom. With so many I wonder if something horrible has happened.
Then my heart stops when I see the one text from Christian. It was sent two hours ago.
“Shit!”
Text Christian first or call Mom?”
Text!
Bethany: Hey, sorry I didn’t respond. Phone died and had to charge it. How is it going?
Then, I call Mom.
“Bethany,” she answers by way of a hello and by the anxiousness of her voice, I’m pretty sure she assumed I was dead.
“Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
“I really wish you’d consider coming home. I hate that you are all alone on your break.”
“I’m in New York and have friends. I’m not alone.”
“Yes, but I worry about you.”
And so begins the same conversation we’ve had dozens of times since I decided to come here for school.”
“I’m fine Mom. Besides, I have plans.” Not really set plans and I may just spend the entire week in my apartment, but she doesn’t need to know that.
“Really, with that boy you met?”
How the hell does she know about Christian?
Of course, Uncle George told her. Not that I said anything to Uncle George, but Bill did. Jeez, it’s like living back in my hometown again where my business belongs to everyone else.
“Christian. That is his name, but he is out of town for a few weeks.” I’m not telling her anything else. Not until I know what to tell her. Our weekend activities are certainly off the table.
“Is it serious?”
“We just met, Mom.” And we fucked like bunnies. I grin at the thought of her reaction if I’d said that to her.
My phone dings, which means I have a text. I hope it is from Christian, but it could also be one of my friends letting me know where they decided to head out to tonight.
“Well, just keep your head. I know how heartbroken you were when Kelly dumped you.”
She was heartbroken. “I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten over that.” Mom never believed that it was a mutual thing and blamed me because I wanted to go to New York, so Kelly broke his parents’ heart by heading to the opposite end of the country. Mom still doesn’t accept or understand that Kelly is still my best friend and that, before we started our senior year of high school, I had decided on New York and Kelly was already thinking about Portland.
“Dr. Thomason was out to check on the horses today.” And right on cue, she mentions the good veterinarian. “He’s such a nice young man. Only thirty and no wife or girlfriend.”
“I’m not interested in Dr. Thomason.” Not that I have anything against him, because he is nice and very good looking, truth be told, but he lives there and I live here. Had I stayed in Kentucky, maybe it would be different, but since I’m not going back, it’s a moot point. Besides, I’ve met someone much better.
“Your father and I will be up for graduation,” she reminds me. “He’s looking into renting a van to move all of your things back.”
That woman never listens “I’m not coming home for the summer. I haven’t yet, so why would I now.”
“But you are done with your classes and will have the summer free. I really wish you’d come home.”
“I’ll come home and visit, when I can get the time off, but I’m not moving. I
need to work and get ready for the next semester.”
“You’ve had four years of college. That’s all you really need, unless you are going to be a perpetual student.”
“Only a few more years, Mom, then I’ll be done. I promise”
“Fine, but Dr. Thomason might not be single by the time you are done.”
I bite my bottom lip to keep from screaming. The only way that woman is going to get that I’m not coming back to Kentucky is when I don’t, in like ten years. “Hey, I need to go. I’ll call later.” If I don’t get off the phone now, I might end up yelling and I hate to argue with my mom, or yell at her, but the woman can be exasperating.
“Take care and be careful.”
“I will, Mom. Bye.”
I quickly check my texts.
Christian hasn’t responded, but the girls are headed to The Poison Apple.
Do I go, or stay home?
Since I really don’t want to get off the couch except to change into pajamas I decline the invite and settle back to find something on Netflix. Besides, if I go out, I might not hear my phone and I don’t want to miss a call or text from Christian.
Oh shit! That’s what I’ve become?
I’ve never been one of those girls who waits around on a guy, and we don’t live in the dark ages anymore where you actually have to sit at home if you’re waiting for a phone call, though I had to until I was sixteen because Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me have a cellphone until I started driving. It was their opinion that the house phone was perfectly fine for conversations. That sucked, big time. But, that’s exactly what I’m doing now. Pathetic.
23
My phone vibrated in my back pocket a few hours ago, but we were unloading the truck. We’ll get everything set tomorrow afternoon and then do a sound check. Once we were done, the guys headed to the bar to get a bite to eat. I’m hungry and follow them and after taking a seat at the bar and ordering a burger, fries and a beer, I grab my phone. The rest of the band is at the other end of the bar, closer to where the cute girls are hanging out. I said I’d come here and put in an appearance, but I’m not flirting or going to try and get any of them back to my room, which I will blessedly have all to myself. Harry got us adjoining suites this time. No doubt there will be a party again, but I’ll be in the smallest room, by myself and the other guys will be sharing. I claimed it the minute we stepped in to the suites. The other guys bitched because they may need privacy.
Shake, Rattle and Roll: The Baxter Boys #4 (The Baxter Boys ~ Rattled) Page 13