by Angel Lawson
He stood behind me, hand lightly grazing my back. I inhaled, consumed with his closeness, his towering height. He touched my hair, pushing it aside to expose my neck. His lips blazed hot on my neck, under my jaw. His fingers tugged at the back of my shirt, moving to my arms and lighting a fire across my skin. The pads of his fingers danced over the scars and my belly filled with desperate want.
“So you liked my skirt?” I asked, too aware we were in a semi-public place.
“Hell yes. It was all short and barely skimming your perfect, tantalizing ass.” His hands wandered down to my leggings, cupping the curve of my butt. “And those pigtails and that tight, white shirt. School-boy fantasy, babe.”
I swallowed. “What other kinds of fantasies do you have?”
He grew still, fingers still teasing my backside. He bent and kissed my shoulder, ignoring my question.
Touching the edge of the washer, I moved to turn, but he held me in position, his hips pressing into my backside. He was hard and the mere thought, feeling, of it created a flurry of excitement in my lower belly. I blinked, looking at the wall in front of me, at the poster explaining how to call maintenance if there was a problem, and remembered that day. If that day turned him on, it wasn’t just the clothes, it was being outside—alone—but also in public. Like now.
I eased back, feeling him behind me, and his teeth scraped along my collar bone. “Is this what you want? How you want it?”
He grunted. “The guys would kill me.”
They still had hang-ups. Each one of them were terrified they’d break me or offend me or treat me wrong. The reverse was true. I was having to break them down one at a time. “The guys aren’t here. This is between you and me. Our relationship. Our rules.”
He still wasn’t convinced. I felt the hesitation tremble in his body. I lifted a hand back behind my head, touching his hair and neck. I leaned into him and he wrapped his strong arms around my stomach.
“I know you think it’s easy,” he said quietly, “But we promised one another we’d always treat you right, take care of you and respect you.” He ran his nose down the column of my neck. “The things I want to do to you…they are definitely not how you treat someone you love.”
The strain in his voice, the undeniable desire…it made me weak in the knees. I couldn’t help but say, “Tell me what you want to do.”
He swallowed thickly, his voice quiet in my ear. “I want to take you here—now, with the risk of someone catching us. I want to claim you, let the world know you’re mine and most of all let you know that I’m in—all in. That I love and worship you. I want to hear you cry my name when you come. I want to have to hold you up because you’re so overwhelmed you can’t stand.”
Holy. Shit.
“It’s too much,” he confessed.
“No,” I breathed. “No, it’s not. If anything, it’s not enough. When you hold back it makes me feel…inadequate. Like you don’t think I can take it. That I’m still the pathetic Heaven that had no friends and gets used by the people in my life. Not the person I’ve strived to become.”
He spun me around, gray eyes searching mine. “Inadequate? You’re fucking with me.”
Tears burned in my eyes. I don’t know why I had to have this conversation with them over and over but dammit, I wanted more.
His jaw ticked and he bent down and kissed me softly on the lips; a strange, gentle gesture. When we parted, the color of his eyes shifted, darkened, and he turned me back around.
“Let me explain something to you,” he said, in a gruff voice. “I hold back because I’m terrified of myself.” He placed our hands together. His dwarfed mine. “It’s not your mind that I’m worried about, babe. It’s your body. If I let go, like really, really let go, I could hurt you.”
“I’m stronger than I look.”
We stared at one another for a beat longer and with sudden force, his chest slammed into my back and I leaned into him. Hayden’s hand crept up my shirt, palming my breast. His movements weren’t gentle, but firm. He knew what he wanted and god, I wanted it, too.
His fingers dipped under my waistband, diving deep, touching me between my legs. His breath grew ragged and deep.
“Put your hands on the washer,” he told me.
I did, and he rummaged through his pockets dropping coins, wadded up paper and a condom nearby. He picked up the condom and tore the wrapper with his teeth.
I heard the clink of his buckle and the rustle of his jeans as they fell to the ground. I felt the soft brush of his cock across my backside as it sprang to life. Then he rolled the condom on and I waited, petrified to move—scared he’d change his mind.
He reached for my leggings and yanked them down, the cool air from the basement hitting my thighs. He ran his hands over my ass, cupping my cheeks, then easing my panties over my hips.
I trembled at his touch and he said, “Heav, you okay?”
I nodded.
“Speak up, or we can’t do this.”
“Yes. I’m okay. I want this.”
He tapped my hip. “Spread wider.”
My stomach dropped, but I did as he directed. The weight of his hands dragged down my sides, landing at my hip.
His cock pressed into me, slipping between my legs, until he pushed in, catching me off guard. I gasped, adjusting for the briefest of moments but the feeling was so powerful, so intoxicating that I slammed back, taking him all the way in.
Hayden responded with a deep groan that shuddered from his chest through my own. At first, he moved slowly and I let him take the lead. I didn’t know what I wanted—what he wanted—this was the first time I’d done something like this. Was I doing it wrong? Was there a reason he moved so slow? His fingers tightened at my hips and a feral moan fell from his lips and he just…let loose.
The tentativeness from earlier was gone and Hayden pounded into me from behind. I clung to the washer, watching the coins from his pocket bounce across the metal with every thrust until they found a pace, a rhythm that was uniquely ours.
A slow-moving wave rolled over me, separating my body from anything that wasn’t connected directly back to my person. Anything that wasn’t Hayden in this very defined moment. My elbows buckled and his arm snaked around me, holding me up just like he’d wanted. I felt him everywhere and the tight coil inside my belly wound and wound until I was sure it would snap, breaking me into a million pieces.
“Oh god,” I cried, barely able to speak. Hayden held on tight, never stopping, never letting go. My name fell from his lips.
I fell forward, collapsing on my arms, my insides quivering with release, which only seemed to encourage him. Hayden pumped in me harder but more definitive, eventually groaning with deep satisfaction. He eased in and out, slowing, finishing, until his hand landed on my back and he pulled away.
I rested my face on the cool metal of the washer, overcome.
Breathing heavy behind me, he walked off for a second, tossing the condom in the trash. I watched him go, looking at the lean muscles of his thighs, the red heat of his cock. He glanced my way, worry marring his face. I lifted up to my elbows.
“Tell me you’re okay.”
“I love you.”
He stopped cold. “Even after acting like a barbarian?”
“Because you acted like a barbarian.”
He smiled and footsteps sounded on the stairs.
“Fuck,” he whispered. With wide eyes and laughing we scrambled, tugging on clothes and covering ourselves before two girls from the second floor barged in with their laundry baskets.
I busied myself with changing out laundry and Hayden shoved the condom wrapper in his pocket. We carried a load over to the table, ignoring the girls and the heat of our cheeks for almost getting caught. I glanced down and saw his sketchpad and picked it up.
I shook my head and laughed. Sure, it was a drawing of me standing at the washer, looking to the side just as I’d posed. But instead of a tank and leggings, he drew me like he’d seen me that very first
day. White shirt, plaid skirt, the edge of my ass hanging out.
We may have fulfilled one of Hayden’s fantasies tonight, but one day I’d definitely have to dig out that skirt again.
20
On Monday, after class, I was surprised to find Noah in my suite.
“Hey,” I said, walking through the door. He’s sitting on the chair and Ruthie lounged on the couch. “What are you doing here?”
“I was looking for you,” he said. “Your dad gave my dad your address, I hope that’s okay.”
“I told him he could wait,” Ruthie said. “I knew your psych class was over at four.”
My suitemate had on a workout outfit, her red hair pulled back in a high ponytail. Full makeup covered her face and I didn’t know if she actually exercised that way or not. My eyes slid to the square Apple watch on her wrist. I hadn’t seen it before.
I turned to Noah. “What’s going on?”
His eyes darted uncomfortably to Ruthie and she took the hint, standing and making an excuse to leave. She programmed something in her watch, grabbed her headphones and walked out the door.
“My parents are coming up this weekend for the game. They have a standard tail-gate spot and I thought maybe you could join us.”
I mentally scanned my weekend. I didn’t have much planned. The guys were all involved in their own sporting activities—most off campus. “Yeah, I think I can do that.”
He broke into a wide grin. “Great. I think this will be the perfect thing to get my dad off my back.”
“Maybe it will work for both of us.”
He relaxed into the chair, letting his legs take up most of the floor. “This dormitory is pretty nice. All girls?”
“Yeah. That was my dad’s idea.”
“I bet. So, yeah, I wanted to ask…are you dating anyone?”
Loaded question. I wrinkled my nose—surely a tell for lying. “Not seriously.”
“Good,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to make some guy mad that we’re hanging out.”
Try four, I wanted to say.
“Eh, what we’re doing is family obligation,” I said, not liking how it felt. Sure, I’d been truthful about Noah to the guys and I’d tell them about this weekend, but Hayden made one thing clear Saturday night. He wanted the world to know I was his. Theirs. I was blurring lines and didn’t like it.
“I’ve never tailgated before,” I said. “Should I bring anything?”
He shook his head. “Nope. My mom and her friends put out a massive spread. Food, drinks, dessert. They bring all these games. It’s a huge party.”
“Okay. I can do that.” I stood, giving the idea that he should probably go. He took the hint, hopping up.
“Can I pick you up? Around eleven? Game starts at four.”
“Sure,” I said. “Sounds fun.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled shyly as he walked out of the suite. Noah was a good guy, I figured, just caught in a bad family situation like I was. Maybe together we could make it a little bit easier.
“Is it just me or is Ruthie watching us all the time?” Anderson asked after class on Friday. He made a concerted effort not to make eye contact with the red-head lingering by the door.
“It’s not just you,” I said. “I’ve been getting weird vibes off her all week. “Ever since Noah came over on Monday.”
Anderson responded to Noah’s name with a grunt. I’d told them all about tailgating and the game, promising to check in frequently. “Maybe she could go out with Noah,” he suggested.
I rolled my eyes. If it was only that easy, but to be fair, I’d wondered the same. “I have a feeling Ruthie’d eat Noah alive.” I eyed Anderson’s fit body. “I think you’re more her type.”
His eyes flicked to mine. “You know I hate that I can’t take you on the road with me.”
“For luck?”
They walked down the stairs. “Luck, companionship, snarky jabs. Any would do. I hate being away from you.”
I frowned. “I hate it, too. Maybe you should quit the team and hole up with me all weekend.”
He groaned, but I noticed how his hand clenched around the strap of his backpack. He’d do it if he could—I had no doubt—but Anderson’s passion and commitment was one of the things I loved about him—all of them. The Allendale Four played and loved hard.
“Hi, Heaven,” Ruthie said. “Anderson.”
“Hi,” I said. Anderson nodded.
“All ready for your big date with Noah tomorrow?” Her eyes never left Anderson’s. If she thought she was going to bust me in a lie with one of my boys ,she gravely misunderstood me.
“Heaven promised she’d bring me back one of those big foam fingers,” Anderson said, giving me a wink.
Ruthie studied her cherry-red nails. “I’ve got tickets, maybe I’ll see you there.”
“Maybe,” I said brightly, unwilling to let her get me. I wasn’t sure what her problem was, but I needed her off my back.
She turned, flipping her red hair behind her shoulder, and Anderson watched her retreating form. He raised his eyebrows. “Any idea what that’s about?”
“If I had to guess, I’d say she has a crush on you. She’s been bugging me about you for weeks.”
“Not interested.” He didn’t look but I did, noticing how Ruthie’s hips swished as she walked. “You know I only have eyes for one incredibly sexy, super lucky girl.”
“I know,” I replied, feeling foolish. “Back in high school you guys made it clear there was no one in Allendale that caught your interest. But here…there’s a lot to look at.”
“I’m only interested in looking at one woman, Heaven Reeves. That was true then and it’s true now.”
I took a deep breath, pushing Ruthie out of my mind. “Good luck this weekend. You call me after every race, got it?”
“I will.” He grazed my cheek with his thumb. “And you be careful. I’m serious. Don’t take any chances—no matter how much you want to please your father.”
I nodded. “I won’t. I promise. Noah is harmless. Plus, his ultra-conservative parents will be there.”
We walked across campus and Anderson pulled me behind a bush near the school chapel. He kissed me, muttering, “I hate keeping this quiet. I hate it.”
I kissed him back, hoping he knew that I felt the same.
Noah arrived at eleven on the dot, standing at my door in a crisp, white, button-down shirt and plaid shorts. Sunglasses perched in his hair and a small gold cross hung around his neck from a chain.
I’d asked Samantha what to wear and she suggested a dress. I found a short-sleeved, red-and-white-striped cotton dress in Amber’s closet and accessorized with white Converse and a row of chunky bracelets on my arm.
“You look great,” Noah said, taking me in. The dress was modest; I didn’t feel comfortable showing off too much skin with him or his parents. The last thing I needed was word getting back to my dad that I’d embarrassed him somehow.
“You look nice, too,” I said closing the door behind me. Amber was still asleep and Ruthie and Samantha left earlier carrying red and black pom-poms for the game.
“My mom’s a traditionalist. Dressing up for the games has always been a big deal for her.”
I looked down at my shoes. “Too casual?”
“Nope.” He smiled. “Perfect.”
The whole campus transformed overnight, turning into one big party. Cars, campers, buses, and tents occupied every open space. Noah explained that his family had staked out the same location for the past thirty years, when his parents went to school at the University.
“I guess he wants you to follow his footsteps?” I asked.
“Yep. Business degree. Fraternity. Girlfriend. It’s like he wants a clone.”
“Can’t you tell him you want to live your own life?” I asked, walking around a grill someone had set up in the middle of the parking lot.
He looked at me from the side. “Can you tell your father that?”
“Appare
ntly not.”
Noah introduced me to his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Hancock. They were clean-cut and professional-looking. Everything about them screamed vanilla with a side of wealth. What was my father, a small-town evangelical, doing with this man? Something didn’t add up.
Mrs. Bennett was lovely, handing me a plate filled with barbeque, deviled eggs, and piping-hot cornbread. She asked me about my classes, my mother, and where I was from. I couldn’t imagine my mother talking to this person for more than a few minutes. My skin itched from the anxiety of being around someone so genuine. I felt like I was in an alternate reality.
“We’ve been so worried about Noah since he started college. He’s always been a little rebellious—pushing his father’s buttons,” she said in a quiet voice, touching her very blonde hair. A huge diamond glinted on her finger. “But when he started this year I prayed for a change in his heart. I had no concerns about him not having a steady girlfriend. I always knew he’d find the perfect girl, but Roger is definitely feeling a little relieved. Kids date around these days, don’t you think? Everyone is less worried about settling down. It’s smart, if you ask me.”
Noah walked over with a plate filled with food and eased up next to me. Then he rested his hand on my back.
My lower back.
I tried not to jump out of my skin but instead cleared my throat and said, “Do you have a water?”
“Oh sure, honey,” his mother said. “A whole cooler full, right over there.”
I made my break and wasn’t exactly surprised when Noah followed me over.
“What the hell was that?” I asked.
“Just playing it up for my dad. He’s watching us closely, haven’t you noticed?”
“Not really,” I said, twisting off the bottle cap. “I’ve been talking to your mom.”
He nodded. “She likes you. I can tell.”
“Noah,” I said, as evenly as possible. “It doesn’t matter if she likes me. This isn’t real.”
“I know,” he said, frowning. “But they need to think it is, or he’ll never get off my back, and your dad…”
“My dad what?”
“Your dad wants my father’s funding and it’s my understanding there are some concerns.”