He answered immediately. "I love her, Jules. Without a shadow of a doubt. I've never felt this way about anyone and I guarantee I never will again. It's just that, right now, I wonder if it would be easier..."
"If what would be easier? Finish it!" she demanded when he trailed off.
"I don't know, just easier, if I wasn't, you know, bringing her down." He felt sick even mentioning it.
"You're thinking about leaving?" she asked, then added, "Is there someone else?"
Logan turned toward Julia, knowing where she was going. "You wouldn't want to be with me. Trust me."
"You don't know a thing about me anymore. All I'm saying is that we used to have some pretty good times, sweetheart. You know that."
She was right about that, but they had also been immature and reckless. He may not be ready for the grave yet, but he wasn't a spring chicken. He happened to like being safe, and happy.
"It's not the same now. I still love you, I always will. You were my first and you're always welcome in my life," he said, tapping his finger absentmindedly on the sweaty glass.
He mind flashed to the way it could be, just for a second. He knew Julia was a perfect match for him. Lina was out of range, and he knew it. She was with him now but would she wake up one day and realize that she didn't want an old blind, scarred biker husband? She belonged with a doctor, or a lawyer, someone who would always be there to take care of her and provide for her. Sure, he had money, but all that could disappear if he lost his presidency and control over the city.
He avoided answering the rest of her questions and tried to keep up with her drinking. They ended up having to get a taxi because no way was she under the legal limit. He stumbled up the drive and she laughingly propped him up against her.
They knocked on the door, and Lina answered in silky lounge pants and a white cotton shirt. She rubbed her eyes, looking tired.
"Hey," she mumbled sleepily. "Come on up to bed."
"Oh, he's not going to bed, silly. This is just the beginning!" Julia exclaimed, pulling him into the house. Lina tried to help, but she just felt in the way.
Logan muttered something indistinguishable under his breath but let Julia lead him into their media room. She got out the drinking roulette wheel that they had stashed in the corner. She helped herself to the liquor in the kitchen. Lina took one look at what she was doing and excused herself. She had work in the morning while the other two did not.
It was around three or four in the morning when they finished the game of roulette. Logan couldn't stand and Julia wasn't much better. They helped each other up the stairs, knocking over a vase and some pictures in the process.
He crawled into bed, trying not to wake Lina. He closed his eyes, just to rest for a minute and fell into a liquored dreamless sleep. When he woke up, Lina was gone and just a note remained.
Don't forget about dinner tonight! Just us...
He remembered that he had agreed to meet her for dinner. She had pushed, even though it was a week night, and he was surprised. Her birthday was still a week away, but maybe she wanted to talk about that. Usually she wasn't pushy, so it must be a big deal.
He slept off and on through the day, answering some emails on his phone and getting up to use the bathroom and get a glass of water. He really wasn't very productive, and on days like this he was glad he didn't really have to be.
He woke up, hitting the button on his phone to read off the time. 6:36 p.m. He closed his eyes once more before realizing.
"Dammit!" he said, frustrated. He checked his phone for messages but there weren't any for it to read to him. He and Lina were supposed to meet for dinner, and he was over half an hour late. If she hadn't called, she was either running late herself, or....
He didn't want to think about the alternative. He could understand if she was angry, but hoped it wasn't so. It took a lot to get her mad. He tried calling her, but she didn't answer. Bumping blindly around the room, he got dressed as best he could and went to find Julia. He called for her, but she didn't answer. When he tried calling Lina from his cellphone, he got her automated message saying she was out with friends and would call back later.
He collapsed, embarrassed and frustrated, onto the sofa. He had nothing else he could do besides sit and wait for her to return.
She arrived a little after eight. Apparently she had ended up calling some friends and having dinner when he didn't show. She sat gently on the sofa next to him. He reached out for her hand, but she didn't return the squeeze.
"Lina, I'm really sorry." He thought of what else he could say. He truly was very sorry but didn't know what else he could do about it.
"It's okay," she said in a very small voice. His ears perked up. That was not like the Lina that he knew. She was never meek, never beaten down. That was one of his favorite things about her, that she was so resilient.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" She didn't answer, and he got more nervous. If she wouldn't talk about it, then it was big.
"Lina," he tilted her face towards him even though he couldn't see it any longer, “tell me. We'll get through it, whatever it is."
"It's not something we can get through," she said, defensive and obviously hurt.
He ransacked his brain, thinking of anything she might be referring to. He had a sudden moment of clarity.
"Babe, Julia and I, we're just friends."
She cut him off. "You and Julia can be whatever you want to be, Logan."
He paused. Without his sight, he couldn't tell if she was angry or resigned. Either way, it didn't bode well for him.
"What do you mean, Lina?" he asked quietly. She didn't answer immediately.
"I can't be a part of this life." His blood ran cold when he heard her words.
"What?" he asked hoarsely, his fingers clenching around hers.
"I don't want the life that we have right now." He heard her swallow. "This isn't what I signed up for in the beginning."
He didn't even know what to say. "Lina, I know things are not exactly easy right now, but I can't do anything to change that."
He felt her get up off the sofa and pace back and forth. "It's not...you know, the injury, Logan. It's this."
He wasn't grasping whatever she was getting at. She was leaving him, he thought. That much he got, but he didn’t know why. He tried to keep the blank look off his face, but knew that she saw it.
"I can't live here with you while you want to be with someone else. While you want to be someone else. The person that you were is not who I want to be with the rest of my life," she stated quietly, determinedly.
"If this is about Julia...honey, that was a long time ago. Sure, she's fun, but I don't want to be that person, either. It was fun when we were young, but I have no inclination to start that back up again. Not just that. She's not...she's not...well, she's just not you!"
Lina stayed quiet, and he fidgeted nervously on the sofa waiting for her reply.
"It's not just about that. There's something I wanted to tell you. Tonight. But then you didn't...you know. You weren't there." He could hear the disappointment in her voice, and knew that whatever the reason for wanting this dinner, it had been a big deal that he had not shown up. He cursed Julia, and damned himself for choosing to play around instead of caring for the woman he loved and had promised to protect.
He motioned her back down to sit and she perched on the edge of the leather sofa. He reached for her hand but couldn't find it, and let her finish.
"Logan, I have to tell you something. And please know, that no matter how you feel, I won't be angry." He took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, but not even knowing what the worst was in this situation.
"I have...I am..." She started and stopped, as if searching for the right words. He felt her tremors through the cushions. "I'm pregnant."
His whole world spun and then tipped. His head swam and he couldn't grasp reality for a second. "What?"
"I'm pregnant," she said, stronger this time. "With your baby. I'm carrying y
our...our...baby."
He wanted to cry, to scream, to explode, but instead settled for, "How long?"
"After you were released from the hospital. It's hard to pinpoint an exact date, but sometime following that." She paused. "How do you...you’re not..."
He interrupted. "Are you kidding me? This is, by far, the best news I've ever gotten! Lina, we made a child. Together, in love. Are you serious? I'm overjoyed!"
He stood and pulled her to him. He lifted her until their faces were even. He imagined he was looking deep into her eyes. "I love you. And I will love this baby until my dying day. And probably beyond that."
He heard her sniff. "I love you, too."
He hugged her close and let her feet drop to the ground. Placing his cheek on top of her soft hair. "I can't believe you thought I'd be angry."
She laughed tearfully. "Well, I didn't think you'd be this happy, that's for sure! You're sure this is what you want? Because I didn't mean to make you feel trapped. I know this isn't what you would have wanted right now."
"I’ve never considered myself to be good enough to have children, but I do know that this child will want for nothing, including love. And he will have the best mommy I have ever had the pleasure to meet!"
Six months later, at a regular checkup, they found out they were having a boy. Lina could never have imagined how happy she would be at this moment. She had everything she could want. Even Logan had seemed to find his stride with his disability. It wasn't easy every day, but there were moments that everything felt normal.
Walking out of the hospital, they heard a "Look out!"
Lina caught sight of a football spiraling towards them and before she could do or say anything, Logan tugged her over onto the sidewalk. The ball fell harmlessly on the opposite side.
Adrenaline rushing, Lina looked at Logan wide-eyed.
"Logan?" She asked hesitantly.
"I...I..." He seemed just as confused as she. "I saw a shadow. Not much, but I saw it coming. I know I did."
Her heart beating, she pulled him back inside the hospital. They saw a doctor who said that his pupils were reacting and that shadows and shapes were often the first sign of returning vision. After a multitude of tests, over in the course of a couple hours, he continued to see more and more clearly.
By the time they got home from the hospital, he could see full shapes. The shapes were blurry and dark, but they were both ecstatic. They ate and went up to bed, enjoying the newness of his independence and strength.
In the morning, she opened her eyes to find her husband gazing deep into her eyes. She teared up instantly.
"Hey stranger," she whispered.
"Even if this goes away tomorrow, I will always remember this moment. I will never take it for granted again," he vowed. He reached up and fingered a strand of her hair. "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."
He placed his hands over her round tummy. "And you are the most handsome."
One year later, they both watched their toddler as he attempted to scoot across the floor, sucking on his toy giraffe.
Lina looked up at her husband, and thought, “You are a lucky, lucky girl, Paulina Black.”
OTHER WORKS BY A. L. SUMMERS
TOUCH/CLICK THE COVER FOR PREVIEW
Part One of the Dark Riders MC series - AVAILABLE FOR FREE
Aubrey Carmichael hates not being taken seriously.
Aubrey Carmichael will never be anything more than Little Aubrey, not since her brother Danny's became the Vice President of the Dark Riders. When a jealous ex-boyfriend who happens to be the president of the Dark Riders' biggest rival club starts following Aubrey around, she turns to the only person who might listen to her.
Charlie Hill has never been anyone’s favorite person.
Quiet and a loner by nature, Charlie Hill's habit of going rogue has earned him few friends in life, not even from his brothers of the Dark Riders MC. When the sister of the club's vice-president comes to Charlie seeking help, he isn't sure what to think, but he knows he can't say no.
Fate brought them together, but the world is trying to rip them apart
Aubrey didn't expect herself to fall for Charlie, but with each day he's in her life, she finds it harder and harder to tear away. But as their relationship heats up, the situation around them deteriorates. Soon, Charlie and Aubrey find themselves fighting not just for freedom but their future.
***
Forced to rely on a man she doesn’t trust, can Claire Decker save the only family she has left and keep her heart safe in the process?
When Claire’s little brother bought a Harley after his 18th birthday, she never expected that four years later he’d be moving across the country and joining a motorcycle club. Time went by and they slowly lost touch. But when she is fired and kicked out of her apartment on her 35th birthday she has option but to give Charlie a call.
Jason Shepard is not pleased. Shep and Charlie Decker became brothers after joining the Kings of Chaos MC together. But when Charlie tells Shep that his sister Claire is coming to stay in the townhouse they share, Shep is less than pleased. Things go from bad to worse when Shep actually meets Claire. Soft blonde hair, shining sky-blue eyes, and legs that seem to go on forever, Claire is someone whom Shep wants more than any other woman he’s ever seen before.
Claire’s staying far away from the tattoo-covered, motorcycle-riding bad boy who just so happens to set her heart pounding and turns her blood hot in her veins. Likewise, Shep does his best to stay far away from complication and this girl--no matter how sexy--has complicated written all over her.
***
Part I of the Free Devils MCseries
Sex, leather and a thrumming engine between her thighs are what Katlyn Vaughn lives for. But what happens when flirting with danger becomes more real than the wild lifestyle she's used to courting?
As the daughter of a motorcycle club president, Kat knows better than anyone about how to look after herself. At least, until her heart suddenly takes an unexpected beating in the form of Tony Saenz, her latest beau.
Gorgeous and seductive, Tony comes from the El Paso chapter of the club. But more importantly, he brings a breath of fresh air to Kat and a chance for her to live as another rider in the club and not just the president's daughter.
But when a simple misunderstanding spirals out of control and Tony ends up in hot water, Kat must find the power within herself to take control of the club before they do something stupid.
***
Given a choice between a soft sonata or a hard rock head-banging tune, Alicia Davenport never thought she'd pick the latter. But that was before she met Charlie Grieg
Alicia Davenport's life has taken a sudden turn for the worse, her life dream to be a concert pianist is shattered by unexpected events in her life. Now she has taken a gig as a regular entertainer at a motorcycle clubhouse, the last place the classically trained pianist ever imagined herself to perform.
But life is determined to throw one challenge after another at Alicia and the biggest challenge of her life comes in the form of Charlie Grieg--the President elect of the Neon Hawks Motorcycle Club. In spite of his tattered leather and bawdy tattoos, Charlie is ever the gentleman to Alicia and she finds herself drawn to him. But there's something about Charlie, something that makes Alicia wonder just what other mysteries the handsome biker is keeping to himself.
Charlie Grieg has other things to worry about, or he's supposed to. With the traditions of his club in jeopardy, he can't afford to be distracted. Yet night after night, he finds himself listening to the pianist whose skills seem inappropriate for a place like the clubhouse. An innocent question will propel the two down a path that neither expected and both will discover things they never thought they'd ever know.
***
All Raina ever wanted is freedom, yet she never thought in a million years that it would come on the back of a roaring Harley...
All her life, Raina has lived under the oppressive shadow of her father
Miles Chaplin, CEO of the biggest power company in all of Texas. Her life has been one well-rehearsed act after another and all she ever wanted was to be free of it all: just pick up her things and go far, far away from here.
When the Crossed Reapers club rides through her town of Porter, Texas, Raina gets a taste for the freedom that she's always dreamed of when she meets their president Neil Gunn.
Tattooed, wild, and dangerously handsome, Neil has a way of dominating a room with his presence alone and when he catches sight of Raina Chaplin, he finds himself inexorably drawn to her until she's the only thing on his mind.
The Endless Road: A Biker Erotic Romance (Black Death MC) Page 2