by Fleur Beale
Hadleigh picked one up. ‘Start with this. Most enlightening.’
It was a book about personality disorders. I sat at the kitchen table while they made dinner. Every few minutes I’d give a yelp. ‘Hey, listen to this! This is what she does. All the time.’
Enlightening? Hell, yes. I should have gone back to Gwennie, should have found out more. I could still do it. Next week in fact. But right now, Su Lin’s books were like a light going on.
We ate dinner, laughed a lot, and by the time we’d done the dishes I was certain that my brother and Su Lin were in love.
‘When will you tell Mum?’ I asked.
Hadleigh shrugged. ‘Dunno. We’ve got to get on the right side of Su Lin’s family first.’
‘They’ll come round,’ she said. ‘Give them time. It’s hard for them. I’ll be the first one to marry a non-Chinese, even though the family’s been here for over a hundred years.’
‘And nobody’s married an outsider in that whole time? Wow!’
‘No cross-pollination at all,’ Hadleigh said. ‘And they still speak Cantonese at home.’
‘Man, is it ever going to be the clash of the Titans when they meet Mum! How d’you reckon she’ll handle it?’
Hadleigh crossed his eyes at me. ‘I could be out of the will.’
‘She wouldn’t do that. Not to you. But would you mind?
‘Not too much. Besides, she’ll live till she’s a hundred and ten. Long time to wait for an inheritance. The bummer will be if she leaves it to the Association for the Extermination of Cats Who Pee in Her Garden.’
I didn’t want to talk about her any longer. Su Lin and her family were far more interesting.
‘My sister and both brothers are all tidily married to Chinese partners,’ she said.
‘So you’re the youngest?’
She laughed. ‘Yes, and I’m the freak who’s unmarried at the ripe old age of twenty-three.’
So she was older than Hadleigh. Mum wouldn’t like that either. This got more interesting by the minute.
HADLEIGH AND SU LIN had plans for Easter to visit friends in Taupo. They asked me if I’d like to go with them, but I didn’t want to play gooseberry, and anyway I had a tonne of work to do. When they’d gone it was like being back at St Annie’s — plenty to do and no mother around to yell at me.
I’d put in a good couple of hours on Sunday morning when there was a knock on the door. My first thought was that Mum was on the warpath, but the silhouette through the wavy glass on the door didn’t look like her. Somebody peddling religion then. I went to answer it, a polite but firm response in my head.
It was Nick. All I could do was goggle at him. I couldn’t have said a word to save my life.
‘Sorry, Bess. I should have warned you I was coming.’
I stepped back, motioning for him to come in, terrified he’d vanish. ‘No. It’s fine. I’m just surprised.’ Oh god, get it together girl. I peered over his shoulder. ‘Where’s Lulu?’
He came inside, shutting the door. ‘I don’t know. We broke up at Christmas.’
‘Oh … I mean, I’m sorry. That must’ve been hard.’
‘It wasn’t fun. In the end it came down to us wanting different sorts of lives.’ He gave me a slight smile. ‘Look, the thing is, I’ve got to fly out at five, but I wanted to talk to you. Can we sit down? Does Hadleigh have a lounge, for example?’
‘Sorry. Yes. Of course.’ I sounded like a complete idiot. Why on earth had he come? ‘Where are you flying off to?’
‘Honolulu. Runway show.’
I bit my tongue on asking if Lulu would be there and led the way into the lounge. Nick sat on the sagging couch. I sank into the nearest armchair.
‘But you and Lulu,’ I said, ‘you’re both models, both jetsetters. How come you want different lives?’ I had to make sure about this, had to press hard on the bruise.
That seemed to surprise him. ‘I’m just doing the modelling to work my way through uni. Not Lulu, though. It’s the only life she wants.’
I could almost feel the cogs readjusting themselves in my brain. ‘I didn’t know that. I thought you were … What are you studying?’
‘Microbiology. Can’t wait to finish, get a real job and ditch the modelling.’ He jumped up. ‘Have you got time for a walk? We could go along the river.’
‘Yes. Of course. But Nick, why are you here? Why have you come?’ I couldn’t have got out of that chair if the house was on fire.
He stopped still for a few seconds and I held my breath. When he turned round to look at me, his face was intent — intense. He knelt down in front of me and reached for my hands. His touch nearly undid me, my heart was so near to choking me. ‘Bess, I had to see you. I wanted to see you. Yes, Lulu and I broke up because we were headed in different directions. But ever since that day — the day of the ice cream—’
The day of the kiss.
‘—I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. Out of my heart. It makes no sense. I can’t explain it, but I feel like we’re connected. That you’re the other part of me.’
‘Nick …’ It was all I could say. I leaned forward, touching my forehead to his.
His voice shook. ‘I’ve been wanting to kiss you again. Ever since that day. Is that okay with you? You’re so young. Four years younger than me. I don’t want to—’
I put my hand over his mouth. ‘Please, kiss me.’
‘For real? You mean it?’ He looked into my face — at the brimming tears, and the smile I couldn’t quite hold steady. ‘You do? Come here where I can reach you!’
Both of us scrambled up, got tangled together and fell sideways back into my chair. So there I was, stuck in a stupid squashy chair with the guy I loved almost flattening me, and his arms were around me and it was magical. I could feel the beat of his heart, and his warmth flowed into the frozen pieces of my soul.
We stayed like that, heads together, bubbling with laughter until he said, ‘Shall we try that again?’ He pushed himself free of the chair, then tugged me upright and kissed me.
There’s nothing so sweet as a kiss you’ve thought would never come. I swear I melted. There were no bones in my body, no sinews, and the only muscles were in my heart.
The fate of the olive grove lovers, whatever it was, would not beset us this time.
‘I love you.’ He held me away to look into my eyes. ‘It’s crazy. We’ve spent no time together. We don’t know each other. Logically, I can’t love you. But bugger it, Bess, I’ve spent every day trying to convince myself I don’t, and it doesn’t work.’
I reached up, took his hands from my shoulders and held them tight. ‘I’ve done exactly the same thing. Sore, bruised heart. Head saying get a grip. Keeping busy, trying not to grieve—’
‘You have? Whoa! That’s way too freaky. I might have to kiss you again.’
He gathered me up in his arms, sat himself back in that chair, with me squished in beside him. ‘Comfortable?’
‘Can’t tell. Too blissed out.’
It was ages before we extracted ourselves from the chair. ‘Man, I’m hungry,’ my beloved said. ‘Let’s go find a horse I can eat.’
Me, I didn’t care if I never ate again. Well, not until we were sitting in a restaurant, then the hunger kicked in. Nick ordered steak and I went for the spiced calamari. It’s tricky eating when you can’t stop smiling.
‘This is beyond bizarre,’ I said. ‘I don’t know anything about you. For starters, I’m still trying to see you as a uni student and not a model. And anyway, what uni are you at?’
‘Massey. The Palmerston North campus. What about you? You’ll go to uni?’ He grabbed my hand, fork and all. ‘Bess, it’s crazy to be even thinking about this — but I really want us to be together. In the same town, at least. I’ve got another year of my Masters to do, then possibly a PhD. Could you study in Palmy? What do you want to do?’
All my insides leapt into meltdown. ‘I want to be with you. It’s what I’ve been dreaming of.’ My tear ducts went into melt
mode too.
Nick mopped my face with the serviette. ‘I still can’t believe it.’ He stroked his thumb across my hand. ‘You are real, aren’t you?’
‘Tell you what,’ I said. ‘I’m real if you are.’
Do all people in love say daft things to each other? I didn’t care about others. Nick loved me. My olive grove boy.
‘Nick, listen. There’s something I haven’t told you.’
His eyes sharpened. ‘Might this be another past life you’ve seen, by any chance?’
‘Smart as well as handsome! You should definitely do a PhD instead of modelling.’
‘Yes, well, this is intuition, not smarts. I rather think I want to hear this story. Let’s go for that walk, eat ice cream and talk.’
‘I’ll buy and I’ll choose,’ I said. I got him blackberry ripple, and classic hokey pokey for me.
We walked beside the river and I told him about my olive grove lovers. ‘They’re so happy. I can see that by the way they are together. I saw their wedding. Lots of family, children, flowers, food — the whole caboodle. Happiness just shines out of them.’
‘Well, they’d make a pleasant contrast to burning Iris to death.’ He tucked my arm more securely into his. ‘Did you recognise them? In this life, I mean.’
‘Sorry. Forgot I hadn’t told you that part. The boy is you and I’m the girl.’
‘Ah.’ We walked in silence until he said, ‘You know, I don’t think I’d believe it for a minute if it weren’t for the fact that I love you. Against my better judgement, common sense, reason.’
His better judgement? ‘Don’t you want to love me?’ Love. It did such terrible things to the breathing. My lungs felt squeezed empty.
Immediately, his arms went round me and he was kissing me, in between saying, ‘Never think that! Never. It’s just that you haven’t had time yet to get out into the world, to meet other guys.’
‘I don’t want other guys.’
He held me away from him and I put a finger on his lips to shush him. ‘Please don’t get all … fatherly on me!’
He gave a crack of laughter. ‘I assure you, I feel anything but fatherly.’
‘Good.’ I grinned at him, my lover with his movie-star face and his dark, dreamy eyes. ‘You’re taller than you were in that life. And I’m shorter.’
‘We were happy? Got married and lived happily ever after?’
I shivered, and he held me close. ‘That’s the trouble. I don’t know. They seemed to be worried about something. I think it was a sickness in the town, but I haven’t seen any scenes since the wedding.’
‘Well, if they did come to grief that could explain why we’ve got such a weirdly strong connection now.’
But just then the alarm on his phone shrilled. ‘Shit. Time to go. Come with me to the airport,’ he said. ‘I’ll pay for the taxi back again.’
And so I sat with him in the back of a taxi while it took us to the airport. We kissed goodbye while the driver waited to take me back again.
‘Known each other long, have you?’ the man asked, suspicious as hell.
‘Only for several hundred years.’
Strangely, he didn’t talk to me after that.
Chapter Twenty-nine
NICK’S LOVE LIT MY DAYS for the rest of the holidays. Hadleigh picked up immediately that my head and heart were in a space far away.
‘Spill. Who is he and why didn’t you tell me you had an assignation today?’’
Su Lin made coffee and winked at me.
‘Assignation! Get over yourself! Besides, look who’s talking.’ I glanced at Su Lin. ‘I bet you didn’t freeze her out when you vanished to see the world.’
He had the grace to look shame-faced for a whole two seconds. ‘Don’t change the subject. Who is he?’
‘Nick Southey. And don’t bloody tell Mum.’
He laughed for the rest of the week.
Su Lin, though, took the news much more seriously. ‘Listen, Bess. I suspect your mother isn’t going to like this at all. She’s not going to approve of any boy that she hasn’t personally selected. So be careful.’
Of course I’d be careful. It wouldn’t be difficult. Nick wasn’t home very often, and when he was I’d stay with Dad and Iris so he could pick me up from there.
Meantime, he sent me messages every day. They were light-hearted and they were loving.
At the end of the week, I caught the bus to Auckland, unsure how much of the story I’d tell my friends. If Charlotte was staying at Clo’s as well, then it would be the abbreviated version.
But Clodagh was alone when she picked me up from the bus station. ‘Charlotte and Maddy arrive on Thursday,’ she said. ‘They’ll go straight on to school from mine.’
‘Maddy!’ I clapped my hands. ‘Thanks a million, Clo. You’re an angel.’
‘But a cunning one,’ she said. ‘I want to hear all the news that would send Charlotte running for the pills.’
I grinned at her. ‘Good thinking.’
‘Ah,’ she said. ‘So there is more. Excellent.’
‘Did you tell Giles? What did he think?’
‘He’s inclined to think your brain is messing with you,’ she said. ‘We’ve had some riveting discussions.’
‘He hasn’t convinced you?’
‘I prefer to keep an open mind. It’s far too interesting to dismiss. Besides, I have the advantage of knowing that you’re not given to indulging in flights of fancy.’
She drove to her house, parking the car beside the other two in the garage. All the family were home — parents, grandmother and the devil twins — and the house was full of noise and movement. I thought briefly of Mum dining in splendid silence all by herself.
After lunch, with a skill born of long practice, Clodagh ensured that the boys disappeared. All she did was pick up our plates and then look thoughtfully at her brothers. They got the message, dumped their own plates in the kitchen and vanished. I was still laughing when we shut ourselves in her bedroom.
‘Tell,’ she said.
This time I chose to sit in the armchair Charlotte had occupied, rather than the beanbag. ‘Remember I told you about Nick Southey?’
‘The babe magnet? The one with the girlfriend?’
‘Ex-girlfriend now.’
‘Ah! And does he just happen to have a different girlfriend now? One he’s known for — oh, a few centuries, for instance? I like it! And you look really happy. You’ve been very quiet about him, though.’
‘Don’t be mad at me. I haven’t. Truly, I haven’t.’ I ran my hands through my hair, realising how crazy it all was. ‘It all only happened on Monday. Kind of, anyway.’ I told her about the ice-cream date and how he’d kissed me. ‘Then he went silent all the way home. I was a mess. He was my olive grove love. I knew that without a doubt. But he went all quiet and distant. Besides, I’d met Lulu.’
She said nothing for a few seconds, her face abstracted. ‘Between December and last Monday, he’s dumped the girlfriend and declared undying love for you? Did he feel a connection between you? Did you tell him about the past-life thing?’ She smiled. ‘Sorry, too many questions.’
‘Easy to answer, though. Yes to everything. He said he wouldn’t have believed it for a second except that he had no explanation for why he couldn’t get me out of his head.’
‘Wow, what a story.’ She went back to being abstracted. ‘I wonder if I’ve been with Giles before. I’ll have to think about that.’ She snapped back into the present moment. ‘So this Nick. What does he do?’
I fished the tablet from my bag and brought up images of Nick Southey as Nico Hamilton. ‘Have a look for yourself.’
She took one look, her eyes popped and, probably for the first time ever in her life, she squealed. ‘He’s a model? You’ve fallen in love with a piece of eye candy?’ She scrolled through the photos. ‘He’s definitely to die for.’ She fanned her face. ‘Jeez. What a babe.’ She got serious. ‘But Bess, will you like that world? Glamorous women, buffed blokes,
flying all over the place all the time?’
‘Clo, I’d have done it, just to be with him. But I’m glad I won’t have to. It’s not his career, he’s just doing it to earn his way through uni. Microbiology.’
‘So he’s not just a pretty face.’ She looked at the photo of him bare-chested in jeans. ‘No, he’s more than just a face.’
I took the tablet from her. ‘Wipe your chin, you’re drooling.’
‘Guilty!’
‘Clo, can we not tell the others? Su Lin — she’s Hadleigh’s secret girlfriend and a psych major — she says be careful with Mum. I don’t want to risk her seeing something on Facebook.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ll keep quiet.’ Then, as she was apt to do, she jumped a few steps in the conversation. ‘You’ve made an appointment with Gwennie?’
‘Tuesday at nine. That okay with you?’
‘I’ll even drive you there. And I’m going to book a past-life session for me too.’
I started laughing. ‘You’re such a surprise box. Are you going to tell Giles, your family?’
‘Giles, yes. The family — Granny probably. Yes, I’ll tell her. Not the others though.’
I SLIPPED INTO LIFE in Clodagh’s family as if I’d lived there for ever. They were busy, kind and friendly. I sent Mum several dutiful emails and got nothing in reply. Iris wrote several times. The orders were still coming into the factory, she told me, and Dad was bounding out of bed in the mornings. He wasn’t even grizzling about the healthy meal regime.
On Tuesday I had the session with Gwennie, starting with the whole story about Nick and including Su Lin’s warning.
‘I agree with your brother’s girlfriend. Your mother will object to your choice. And I have to give you another warning. Even though you and Nick were together in the past, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll work this time.’ She held up a hand to stop my protest. ‘You’re very young, both of you. You’ve a lot of growing to do in the next few years. People change, go their separate ways. This may not happen, but be aware that it could. Don’t go blindly on with the relationship if it stops feeling right. But enough of that. How have things been?’