“I have no goddamn clue,” Dusty said, reaching out and putting his hands on my shoulders. He very carefully moved me aside. I tried to resist but holy fuck, he was strong. “And I don't much give a shite.” He clearly gave at least two or even three shites, but that was beside the point. “Now, move. I have a life to get back to you—one that I hope hasn't been flushed down the toilet while I've been gone. I have a business to run and orders to fulfill.”
“You can't leave,” I said as he turned away and grabbed the handle.
For a moment there … just one perfect second frozen in time, an instant that would change the course of my everything … I believed I was in a romantic comedy, that Dustin would turn, scoop me into his arms and kiss me with a vigorous passion usually only reserved for black and white movies with Humphrey Bogart in them.
But … Dustin was a right proper prick, he was.
Fucker.
He turned the doorknob, scooted into the hallway and slammed it behind him.
That piece of … what had he called the fae queen? Goblin shite?
I was totally stealing that one.
“Smokey,” Warden blurted out from behind me, and I paused to glance over my shoulder, finding his perfect hazel eyes on me.
No, he's fucking leaving, I thought, feeling my heart pound and thunder inside my chest, an entire storm happening right inside my rib cage. He's going to sit here after Dusty just walked out and tell me that he's ready to go, too.
I opened my mouth to talk but Warden interrupted me, standing up from the edge of the bed.
“I, uh …” he started, paused, reconsidered his words. “Erm, well … I'm still pissed at you for leaving me in college. If you hadn't left then … we'd have been living happily ever after all this time, I think.” He glanced away sharply and ruffled up his black and red hair with his fingers.
“You think … that?” I asked, turning and putting my back to the wall next to the door for just a minute. Billy, Reg, Shane, and George were all staring at the two of us with a mixed bag of expressions. Reg and George looked relieved … Shane seemed mildly irritated … and Billy looked both ecstatic and pissed? I was having a hard time sorting it all out. I'd never been much for the feels anyway.
“I know that,” Warden said, exhaling and glancing away. “I know it.”
“And this means … what?” I asked carefully as Shane made a growling noise in his throat and moved over to the bed, stripping his shirt before sitting on the edge of it and taking off his boots.
“It means you best figure out what you want to say, and then make up your damn mind right here and now.” Shane tossed his boots aside as Warden glanced back at him, and the two of them exchanged a look. “Joan and Charlie and … hell, none of our parents have been able to look at you since you got back. Doesn't that bother you? And you've barely said a damn word to them? Because you're leaving again … or you're afraid to see what they might say when you tell them you're staying?”
“I …” Warden started and then trailed off again. He mumbled under his breath for a second, something that sounded like fuck a bag of dicks which wasn't nearly as nonsensical as usual. “I've been calling them the whole time I've been gone. I've even come and visited them … I just didn't visit you,” he said, clearly meaning the other four elementals standing around him.
Uh-oh.
“But before you go all batshit on me,” he said, taking a step away from Shane and moving closer to the end of the bed. “I think … No, I know I'm going to stay.”
My heart in that moment … it was like a tomato … in a microwave. Have you ever seen that sort of explosion before, all that red spatter? Look it up then. Because that was me right then, and I was pretty close to positive that I was about to drop dead.
And then I remembered that Dustin was now making a run for it and … the magical connection … and fine, the sexual one I was feeling toward that man made me scared that he might disappear the way I disappeared from Warden.
No.
That son of a bitch …
“You made me tomato,” I gulped and Warden cocked a brow.
“I know I'm the king of strange slang, Smokey Tits”—okay, that was a new one for sure—“but I don't follow?”
“You made me tomato,” I gasped, putting a hand to my chest. “And microwave. That's how much I fucking missed you Warden. I'm like … a spattered vegetable.” I pointed to my chest. “In here,” I whispered. Mm. Love-struck idiot here, love-struck idiot and ex-barista, so still definitely not William Shakespeare. “But I have to grab Dustin before he escapes.”
I turned toward the door and heard Warden chuckle behind me.
“That stupid shit isn't going anywhere,” he said, but I ran out the door and down the steps anyway, surprised to find Dustin just standing in the foyer looking confused.
He glanced back at me and then a cocked a brow.
“What do ye want, m’fhíorghrá?” he asked me, crossing his arms over his chest.
“MEER-ggrah?” I choked out because, uh, first off, it sounded sexy as fuck when he said it but sort of derp-y when I did. And second, because he'd said it with just a hint of sarcasm. I hoped it meant something sexier than Sugar Tits.
“Why are you still here?” I asked as Joan walked into the room behind him with a tray in her hands. There was a silver teapot and some tiny china cups sitting on top.
“He wants to speak with me,” Joan said snootily as Dustin glanced her way and then reached out and took the tray.
“You know where you'd like me to set this, Ms. Copthorne?”
“Right this way,” she said, turning her nose up at me and sauntering into the nearby living room. Well, I say living room but really it was like the lobby in a fancy hotel or something. The ceilings were about a million feet tall, and the couches were gargantuan. I'd never seen one with six cushions before.
And then it clicked … one woman, her five husbands. TV time had never been more complicated. I wondered who got to use the remote? Me, right? I mean, I was the spirit elemental here. But then I thought of Bio Dad Daniel trying to claim the remote and my first thought was sexist dick.
Ah, yup and I was a complete and total hypocrite and just fine with that.
“Take a seat, Dustin, and we'll chat.” Joan patted the cushion next to her, but Dusty just sat the tray down and turned to give me a look.
“Can I have a minute in here?” he asked, but not like he was really asking, more like he was telling me to get lost.
I didn't like to be told things, obviously.
“I need to talk to you,” I said as Dustin scrubbed a hand over his head and gave me a look.
“And I need a COCS Head, so I can give my statement on what happened in the Seelie Court.” He took a step closer to me, leaning down to whisper in my ear. “And if you hadn't forgotten what happened last night—there're about ten spirit elementals missing. Ten of the fifty total female spirit elementals in the Northeast are gone. That's a devastating blow to our population—especially when you consider they were all planning on having babies.”
“Excuse me?!” I asked, trying to remember if I'd come down here to stop Dustin from leaving … or kick him in the nuts.
Both? I dunno.
Dustin curled his fingers around my upper arms and yanked me against him. I saw Joan glaring daggers at me from over his shoulder, like this was all my fault. Clearly, it was Dustin's. What a sexist bitch.
“Even if I liked you as woman or a spirit elemental or the binding magical relationship I've feared my whole bloody life, I'd have probably steered clear because I want to give my woman babies and save our species from extinction.”
“Are you … serious?!” I asked, and then I realized that I probably was going to kick/punch this man in the nuts at some point in the next two to five minutes. “Then I guess we will never work out because I am the only person who controls my reproductive cycle, buddy.”
“Aye, well,” Dustin said with a long sigh, putting a bit of distanc
e between my neck and his mouth which, really, was a good thing because I was having some serious trouble thinking here. “That's why I say probably steer clear. Because I realize there's a fight to be had, and well, you're a tad useless so if I leave, you'll probably turn your other lovers to gold with the Midas touch.” He grinned at me, reached out and touched one of the small ribbons near the top of the dress. In an instant, the neckline felt just a bit heavier and there was a shiny gold bow in place of the pink one that'd been there a moment ago.
Wow.
He could literally spin straw into gold, this guy.
Fantastic. No wonder the Metallics Clan were rich. And also … if I started dating him, would I be rich then, too? Because it'd be nice to have someone who could support me and all of these really attractive scrubs. Come to think of it, I wondered if Warden had a job? Because I had my doubts that slinging chai tea lattes at Starbucks was going to pay the bills for an entire sept of elementals.
Er, I mean … if I even wanted a sept because, you know, Dustin was a piece of shit and I hated him … Or maybe I was just being a pessimist and forced myself to relax and trust that the boys would, eventually, be able to get back to their jobs as plumbers. We'd just been chased from here to there over the last however the fuck many days it'd been, and I was wondering, with these … kidnapped elementals, with COCS and CUM, and angry faeries and … Siobhan. When were any of us going to get the time to work?
“What do you mean by that?” I asked as Dustin took another step back from me.
“I'm asking Joan for your hand in marriage,” he said and I gaped at him, and then I laughed because that was just stupid on so many fucking levels.
“You're asking her?” I said with a caustic sneer. “Her? First off, she hates me. Second, I'm an autonomous person who can make my own decisions. Third, even if I were old-fashioned and this was, like, 1862 or something, Joan Copthorne would be the last person in the world to ask. You don't fucking ask the mother-in-law of the girl you want to marry to marry her.”
“In our culture, ya do. You're not the sharpest tack in the box, are ye?” He reached out and flicked me in the forehead, but all I did was purse my lips. Good for me. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of a childish response to his playful bullying .. not even if it sort of turned me, too. “A polite elemental man always checks with the spirit elemental den mother of the first man she was marked by. In this case, Warden and Joan.”
Den mother? Ah. That's right—all the boys were sent here to live with Reg's family to complete their quint. I figured what's what he was talking about. Or if he wasn't, he was already staring at me like I should know, so I wasn't going to say a damn word.
“That's barbaric,” I said, but really, I was just glad he thought he was choosing to stay, so I didn't have to ask. My pride was intact … although I was still irritated. “If you want to marry me, ask me.”
I turned away and headed out of the room and up the stairs to rejoin the boys.
I only peeked at him one time on my way out and his face … said I had nothing to worry about. He was going to stay.
Why … I wasn't exactly sure. Can't possibly have been my wit and charm, right?
I thought maybe it had something to do with … Warden?
Whatever.
It was time to get some sleep … and then I'd work on finding out.
A hard dick stabbed me in the cheek and I woke up, ready to slay one of these elemental men for getting so goddamn forward. But then I realized that Warden was just asleep and had somehow gotten himself turned upside down in the middle of the night.
It was definitely an interesting tangle of limbs and penises and balls … so many balls. When you stopped to think about it, there were ten testicles on this bed with me. That's just gross.
But I was just surprised and happy Warden had decided to sleep in here with us. To be fair, we were all so exhausted by the time I got back up here that we'd basically changed into pajamas (or, you know, in Warden's case a pair of bright red boxer briefs that, when pressed up to my face as they were, sort of did it for me) and collapsed.
We'd slept so long, we'd slept through a whole day and into the evening again.
Glancing over at the curtains, I could tell it was already dark outside.
Wow.
It was sort of … nice to just relax for a fucking second.
“Mm,” Warden murmured in his sleep, grinding his hard ass dick into my face. “Yeah, oh yeah, that's it, just like that.”
Frozen with shock, I just lay there and took it until I heard a snicker of laughter from my other side.
“Oh, wow,” Billy chuckled quietly, slipping his arms around my waist and tucking his own hard ass dick against my, er, ass. “I thought he grew out of the sleep talking.”
“Ugh,” Warden moaned, still deep asleep and mashing his now slightly damp boxers into my cheek. “You're so fucking hot, Smokey.”
At my nickname, I sucked in a breath of surprise but Warden wasn't done.
“Yes, oh yeah right there, Billy,” he panted, and I turned my face to give Billy a wide-eyed look of shock. He in return looked just as surprised, but it only lasted a moment before he leaned over me and flicked Warden right in his hot and hard tip.
Warden woke with a sucking gasp, his hands flying down to his injured dick and smacking me in the face in the process.
“Smokey?” he asked in a sleep fuddled voice. “Why is your face in my crotch? And did you just flick me?”
“No, asshole, that was me,” Billy replied, pressing his lips to the exposed skin of my neck and sucking lightly. I should be pissed, that he was marking me, but after wearing their elemental runes all over my freaking body, hickeys sort of paled in comparison. Besides, my sleepy nerves were waking up with a tingle and I was all for that.
“Billy?” Warden murmured? “Why are you both in my crotch?”
“We're not,” I giggled, then paused. Giggled? When the fuck did I start giggling?!
“You were sleep humping against Ari's face,” Billy snapped, but the relaxed body pressed against me betrayed how not pissed off he actually was.
Well … relaxed except for one part. That part was very, very, rigid.
“Fucking unicorn shit,” Warden swore, sitting up and seeing that he was the upside down one in this scenario. “Ah, sorry Smokey. Did I … say anything?”
“Uh,” I floundered, not totally sure how to respond to that. If I told him he'd been dreaming about me and Billy, would that cause him to chuck another hissy fit and storm out? I was so sick of him running away from me. Was it so much to ask for a nice, sleepy cuddle in bed with five hard dicks rubbing all over me?
“Guys,” Reg moaned from somewhere behind Warden, who had now turned around and had his erection pressed against my thigh. Not that I could complain, this bed was huge, yes, but there were six adults in it. Space was tight. Heh, that's what she said.
“Seriously, shut up. Some of us still need more beauty rest,” Reg mumbled, sounding like he was burying his face in a pillow. All it achieved was making me picture my face buried in a pillow … and not for sleep.
“Sorry Reg,” I whispered back, then giggled again when Billy's fingers trailed over a ticklish part of my lower belly.
“Shh, Firebug,” Billy breathed in my ear, and Warden raised an eyebrow. His face was just inches from mine on the same pillow and Billy's was tucked into the crook of my neck as his lips worked their way down my skin.
“You know,” Warden whispered, his eyes twinkling with mischief, “it's warmer than a sweaty armpit in here. You must be roasting in those pj's, Smokey …”
“Mm,” Billy agreed. “She certainly feels scorching.”
“What are you suggesting, Warden?” I grinned—quietly—and my eyes snagged on his full lips as his tongue darted out to wet them. “Are you saying I should take them off?”
“Just seems sensible, doesn't it?” His beautiful hazel eyes caught mine, and for a moment the world stilled. Time stoppe
d. My heart raced. His breath caught. It was a moment straight out of a romance novel, and I never wanted it to end. All that was missing was my heaving bosom and his turgid, engorged member. Oh wait, I glanced down and between us, we had those two nailed.
“Let me give you a hand, hot stuff,” Billy offered, gently teasing my tank top up and lifting me slightly to pull it over my head. Suddenly, my heaving bosom was exposed, and as I settled back against the bed, Warden shifted closer so I really was sandwiched between them.
My breasts squished against his hard chest like sacks of sand. Okay, don't judge, I really didn't put much thought into sexy metaphors for my own bits. Maybe I should work on that more … but for now … well for now I was just going to stick with bags of sand. Sexy bags of sand. Mm.
“Here, these look awfully warm, too,” George commented, popping out of freaking nowhere at the foot of the bed and curling his long fingers under the waistband of my pajama pants. Slowly, with excruciating patience, he peeled my pants down my legs the way one might peel a banana. A sexy banana.
Speaking of sexy bananas …
“Hey, if I'm losing my clothes then you should too,” I pointed out, because I was a firm believer in gender equality and what was good for the goose, had to be good for the gander, too.
“Seems like a reasonable request,” Billy agreed, sitting up briefly to yank his T-shirt off. When I turned my head to catch a perv at his inked bod, I noticed Shane on his other side. Still fast asleep, there was a little line of drool pooling on his pillow.
“Aw, you guys,” I whispered. “Shane's still asleep.”
“So's Reg,” George snickered. “You snooze you lose, am I right?” Crawling up my body, he waggled his eyebrows in a very Reg-like way and I giggled … again. What the fuck was happening to me?!
“We just have to be really quiet,” Warden smirked. “So we don't wake the princesses.”
My nose wrinkled as I considered this. A quiet foursome? I wasn't totally sure that was possible. But, hell. I was keen as mustard to try!
“I don't know,” I teased. “Someone might need to be gagged in order to stay quiet.”
Elements of Ruin (Hijinks Harem Book 2) Page 24