What lesson was God trying to teach him?
Just before dawn, a large white pickup pulling a blue-and-white horse trailer rolled to a stop in front of the Imhoff barn. The driver, a young Mennonite from Sugarcreek, helped John and Eli load and secure the horses. When they were ready to leave, Eli and Jacob climbed in the front seat of the extended cab with the driver, leaving John, Karen, Anna and Noah to squeeze into the backseat.
Anna and Noah kept up a running excited chatter. John was glad because it covered the awkward silence that stretched between him and Karen. He had hoped for one more day of happiness, but there was a pall over the day that couldn’t be ignored. He tried to be cheerful for the sake of the children, but each time he met Karen’s eyes he knew she was suffering as he was.
The trip took almost two hours. As they pulled into the fairgrounds where the sale was to be held, John saw dozens of Amish buggies along with numerous horse vans, cars and pickup trucks sharing the parking lot. Large numbers of people were already milling about or clustered in front of the tents selling coffee and hot chocolate.
Inside the main building the bleachers were filling quickly as the auctioneer in a booth behind the show ring tested his audio equipment. Long rows of stalls on one side of the enormous building held nearly a hundred horses.
A second long aisle had been set aside for vendors where corn dogs and ice-cream stands shared space with harness makers and nutritional horse-feed specialists. An old-time county fair atmosphere prevailed everywhere John looked. He and Eli settled the horses in their assigned stalls. Cowboys, Amish men and businessmen all filed past looking over the animals going on sale.
Once the auction got under way, John stayed with Eli while Karen took the children for their promised treats. One-Way had made a full recovery. He was the eleventh horse to enter the ring. When the big colt trotted into the ring and the auctioneer read off his information, including the facts that he was already trained to harness and was a full brother to a stakes winner, John saw a number of English pull out their cell phones. The bidding started low but quickly rose until Eli was grinning from ear to ear.
When the gavel went down on the final price, Eli slapped John on the back. “It is all in God’s hands. He rewards His faithful servants. I can’t wait to tell Karen. She’ll not have to worry about money this year. Where is she?” Eli and John both stood to examine the onlookers crowding around the show ring.
John shook his head. “I don’t see her.”
“We’ll have better luck finding them if we split up. You look by the food tents, I’ll check outside and we can meet back here in fifteen minutes.”
John left the bleachers eager to find Karen and share the good news of One-Way’s sale. Knowing his work with the colt had benefited Karen in some small way lessened the pain he had been feeling.
He left the building to check some of the tents set up outside. The day was cold but not unpleasant and groups of visitors were checking out trailers and horse-care equipment for sale along the south side of the building.
The noise from a loudspeaker drew John’s attention to the fairground grandstands across the roadway. A bugle blared forth the stirring notes of the Call to Post.
A parade of harness horses pulling two-wheeled carts began circling the oval track. The noise from the crowd in the stands grew louder. A race was about to get under way.
The colorful silks of the jockeys flashed in the sunlight as they positioned their horses behind a slow-moving truck with wide gates mounted on the back to keep the horses even. John’s pulse began pounding in his ears. His breath came in ragged gasps.
He knew this. He’d seen races like this his whole life. Bit by bit, memories of childhood events tumbled out of the fog that had hidden them. In his mind, he saw himself carrying a bucket of feed toward the stalls. He heard his father’s voice calling his name, saw his father dressed in yellow-and-white silks with a racing helmet under his arm walking toward him.
Exhilaration flooded John’s body. All his answers were there at the racetrack. He started forward, but stopped when he felt a hand touch his arm.
Karen caught up with John. “Papa found me and gave me the good news. It is a happy day for us thanks to you.”
The moment John turned to her, Karen read the truth in his eyes. Her heart stumbled painfully.
He said, “I remember. Karen, I know who I am!”
She tried to speak, but no words passed the lump in her throat.
Excitement poured from him. “My name is Jonathan. Jonathon Dresher. I remember going to a racetrack like that one with my father. He worked there. He was a driver. Karen, I remember him. His name was Carl Dresher. He had the most amazing laugh. He was always laughing at things I did.”
The joy suddenly left John’s eyes. Karen knew he was looking inward and not at her. He said, “My dad is dead. He died when I was fifteen. My mother—I can’t remember her at all. She died when I was little. It was just Dad and I.”
“What about your wife?” Karen asked. She didn’t dare breathe waiting for his answer.
“Who?”
“The woman you saw dancing.”
Confusion flashed in his eyes followed quickly by sorrow. “The woman I kept seeing was Bethany, Aaron’s wife. Aaron was my best friend. I loved him like a brother and his wife like a sister. Bethany was Sarah Wyse’s sister. That’s why I came to Hope Springs, to see Sarah…”
He pressed his fingers to his forehead. “They’re both gone. They died in a car accident the day after I gave Aaron the watch.”
“I’m so sorry.” Karen laid a hand on his arm in a gesture of comfort.
As if speaking to himself, softly he said, “Everyone I love is dead. No wonder I didn’t want to remember. The waltz was Bethany’s favorite song. I had the watch made to remind Aaron what a lucky man he was to have found his soul mate.”
John turned away to stare at the racetrack. Bowing his head, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
He was grieving for his family and his friends. He’d found them and lost them again all in the space of a few moments. Karen grieved with him and for him—and for herself.
He knew who he was. He knew where he belonged, among the English who raced horses, not among the Amish and their buggies. Would he leave her now? How could she bear it? How would she find the strength to go on without him?
She summoned the most difficult smile of her life. “I’m glad your memory has returned, Jonathan Dresher.”
He continued to stare across the road. “So much is still jumbled in my head. I work with a racehorse rescue foundation, but I can’t seem to remember who they are or how to reach them.”
He gripped her hand and started to pull her along. “I need to go over there and see if I can remember more. I need a phone to call Sheriff Bradley.”
Karen held back. He realized what she was doing and stopped. Giving her a puzzled look, he said, “Come with me.”
“Nee, I cannot. That is a worldly place. An Amish woman can have no business in a place of gambling.”
He stepped close to her. “I don’t know what else I’ll discover about myself, Karen, but I know I want you at my side. Always.”
He didn’t mean just for today. Karen suddenly faced the hardest decision of her life. Now that he had discovered his past, he was sure to want to go back to his old life. Could she go with the man she loved into the English world?
Her father was about to remarry. Nettie would make a fine stepmother to the children. Karen wouldn’t have to take care of them any longer, but leaving with Jonathan would eventually cut her off from them forever.
Her family would be shamed by her behavior. They would have to shun her. First it would only be her father and the adults of her church, but as Jacob and Noah and finally Anna reached adulthood and took their vows she wouldn’t be able to visit with them, or see them marry and raise families of their own.
Could she give up all that for John? She closed her eyes unable to face either future
.
He cupped her face between his hands. “I don’t want to be where you are not. You’ve given me everything. You gave me faith and family and love when I had nothing.”
“John…Jonathan, I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?”
He smiled softly, the warmth of his love shown in his eyes. “I had a sneaking suspicion.”
“If you love me you will go now. You will find what you need to know, but I cannot go with you into the world.”
A new pain filled his eyes, one she could not bear to look upon. Turning her face away, she said, “I have made a vow to remain true to my faith. I could give up my home and even my family for you, but I cannot turn my back on God.”
Jonathan’s grip on her fingers tightened. “God will go with us if we keep Him in our hearts. You taught me this.”
She laid her hand on his chest. She could feel the thud of his heart beneath her fingers. “Then perhaps that was the reason God brought you into my life.”
“I can’t do it without you, Karen. I need your strength. You make me whole.”
She withdrew her hand and took a step back. “God makes you whole. Go back into the world, Jonathan Dresher. Remember me kindly for I will never forget you.”
“I’ll come back to you. I promise.”
“If God wills it.” Turning away, she walked quickly to where her father stood as tears blurred her vision.
She could not look back at Jonathan. If she did she would run to his arms and leave all that she was behind.
Chapter Sixteen
He had his life back.
Jonathan Dresher stood on the steps of the police station in downtown Millersburg breathing in the cold January air. He’d regained almost all of his memory over the past two days but it didn’t feel real.
Jonathan knew where he had been going before the incident in Hope Springs. He knew what kind of work he did. He knew what kind of friends he had. What he didn’t know was what he was going to do now.
Two months ago he would’ve given anything to know the things he had remembered during the past forty-eight hours. Back then he had no idea that finding his past would cost him the most important thing in his life. The only woman he’d ever loved.
He stared down at the plain Amish boots he still wore. Karen was safe in her Amish community. She had chosen not to come with him into his English world. He understood that. He respected her decision, but that didn’t stop the deep ache in his heart.
He had his life back, so why was he standing on these snow-covered steps wishing he were in the snug house on Eli Imhoff’s farm?
Because that’s where Karen was.
He could see her making supper, talking about a new horse with Jacob, helping Anna with her arithmetic, discussing the Bible with Eli and Bishop Zook, fending off the endless questions of Noah.
Jonathan closed his eyes and held tight to his memory of Christmas Eve and the sweetness of Karen’s kiss. Then he locked the memory away for later. Someday, he would take it out and relive that beautiful evening. For now, the pain of his loss was too sharp, too fresh.
Pulling the watch from his pocket he opened the lid and listened to the music. Aaron and Bethany had died together in the car crash. They would never know the pain of being separated. He was thankful for that.
He could see Bethany plainly now. He could hear her laughter, see the love in her eyes when she looked at Aaron. He could hear her beautiful voice raised in song. The memories no longer brought Jonathan pain, only a gentle sadness.
Perhaps one day he would be able to think about Karen without pain, too. He had promised to come back to her, but he hadn’t known the kind of commitments he faced in his professional life. He closed the watch, shutting off the sweet sounds of the chimes.
Jonathan had taken over the reins of Aaron’s racehorse rescue foundation branch in New Zealand after his friend’s death. Once a top prize-winning harness race driver, Aaron had used his substantial earnings to start an organization that cared for injured, abused and abandoned Standardbreds, first in the United States and then later in New Zealand.
A racehorse that wasn’t winning often became a liability for those shoddy owners who cared more for money than their animals. It was now Jonathan’s duty to see that his friend’s work of protecting those horses was carried on.
Would Karen understand? Would she approve of what he did? He didn’t see a way he could join the Amish faith and still do his job, which required hours of fundraising, computer use and business travel. Even though he longed for the simple life and faith the Amish shared, he was destined to remain in the English world.
Sheriff Nick Bradley came out of the building and stopped beside Jonathan. The sheriff settled his trooper hat on his blond hair. “I spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure out your story, but I never came close to this. An American, living in New Zealand, comes to Hope Springs to find the Amish family of a dead friend and gets mugged for his trouble.”
Jonathan gave him a wry smile. “Sounds like a spiel for a bad movie, doesn’t it? There were clues in the things I remembered but I couldn’t put them together. I once told Karen there was something missing in the night sky. It was the Southern Cross, a constellation that Bethany said proved God was watching over her life down under.”
Nick said, “It sure explains why no one locally could identify you.”
“My company wasn’t expecting me back until after the first of the year, but I’m sure they’re wondering why I haven’t been in contact.”
“What are your plans now?”
Jonathan shook his head. “There are so many things I need to do. I need to get a new driver’s license and a new passport. I need to get access to my bank accounts and rent another car, but first I need to see Sarah Wyse and tell her what happened to her sister. I’m dreading that.”
After Aaron and Bethany’s deaths, Jonathan had returned to the United States to try and find Bethany’s family. He had little to go on, only her maiden name and the name of the town where she grew up. It had been a daunting task, but one he felt he had to complete for her. She often spoke fondly about her sister, Sarah.
Although Bethany deeply regretted leaving her Amish family she knew they would never accept her marriage to Aaron. In her mind, leaving without telling them why spared them the shame of knowing she had left her faith. It was a view Jonathan didn’t share and intended to rectify.
He glanced at Nick. “Could you give me a lift to Sarah Wyse’s shop?”
“Sure. You know for a guy who didn’t have a clue about himself for months you don’t seem very excited about getting your memory back.”
“There are things I wish I hadn’t remembered.”
Nick laid a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. “Everyone’s life contains moments they would rather forget. I know mine does. It’s how we find the faith and strength to face those things that define who we are. Come on, I’ll drive you into Hope Springs.”
Leaving the outskirts of Millersburg behind, Nick glanced from the road to Jonathan as the SUV rolled past snow-covered fields and farms. He said, “We’re still looking for the men who attacked you, but you need to realize we don’t have much to go on.”
“I’m sorry that I can’t remember their faces.”
“Knowing what kind of car they stole may help us trace it and we’ll check for any activity on your stolen credit cards.”
“I imagine the car has been chopped up and sold for parts by now.”
“That’s quite likely the case. I want you to show me the exact place you were attacked in Hope Springs if you can. It’s a long shot, but there might still be physical evidence at the scene. However, unless your witness comes forward with more information for us, finding them is a long shot.”
“I understand.”
Nick hesitated, then said, “I hope you don’t hold it against Sally Yoder that she didn’t report the assault. It isn’t the Amish way. They forgive such crimes rather than report them. It makes the Amish seem like eas
y prey to unscrupulous men.”
“I don’t blame her. I’m just glad that I gave her a chance to get away from the men attacking her. I didn’t plan on having my head cracked with a tire iron. Besides, even if she had come forward, she didn’t know who I was. She couldn’t help identify me.”
“Are you sure it was Sally?”
Jonathan closed his eyes, trying to relive those moments. The woman had passed close beneath a street-light across from him. Her open buggy had allowed him a good look at her pretty, freckled face framed by a dark bonnet. “I think Sally was the woman I saw that night, but truthfully, it was her behavior when we met that makes me all but certain it was her.”
“Is there anything else you remember about that night?”
“I pulled into the filling station at the edge of town but it was closed for the night. I was putting some air in my rear tire when an Amish girl driving an open buggy passed me. I remember thinking it was late for a young woman to be out, but Bethany had told me about some of her escapades during her rumspringa so I didn’t think anything else about it.”
He recalled clearly the day Bethany had discovered Aaron and himself loafing beneath the apple tree. She had often called Aaron her geils-mann with a smile that made it an endearment. That day Jonathan felt a sharp stab of jealousy. They were so in love. Bethany had given up everything to be with Aaron. Jonathan wondered if he would ever know that kind of love.
As she joined the men beneath the tree that lazy summer day, Bethany enchanted them with stories of her Amish life.
Perhaps that was why he felt at home so quickly with Karen and her family, and why it felt so right loving Karen. In his heart he knew there was no one else for him.
Nick asked, “Then what happened after you saw Sally go past?”
“We’ve already gone over this.”
“Humor me. The smallest remembered detail can crack a case. Just tell me again. When did you first see the truck they were driving?”
Patricia Davids Christmas Brides of Amish Country: An Amish ChristmasThe Christmas QuiltA Hope Springs Christmas Page 17