He had sought her forgiveness to make a fresh start in his life. How could he deny her the same blessing?
Many of the skaters were leaving the ice and coming their way. Rebecca tugged her hand from his. He let go reluctantly. Part of the reason he’d given up his career and everything he’d worked for was simply for the right to reenter her life. How could he refuse her request?
He asked, “What if you can’t find her before your surgery date? It’s only ten days away.”
“I will go to New York because so many people have worked to make it possible. I am not ungrateful, but I know the chances of recovering my vision are slim.”
“Slim because the surgery is difficult, or because you feel you don’t deserve to see?”
“You are as astute as an English fellow I met recently. Or perhaps my face is easier to read than I think.”
“Rebecca, forgiveness begins in our own hearts.”
“I know that.”
“So you profess, but you have not forgiven yourself for the mistakes of your past. Your guilt is a useless burden.”
She turned her face away from him. “I expected you to understand. You sought the forgiveness of your family, my forgiveness. How is what I seek any different?”
He pressed his lips into a tight line. She was right about that. He carried his own share of guilt. “I do understand. I will see what I can find out.”
Her head came up. “You will?”
“Where was she the last you knew?”
“Millersburg.”
“I’ll make a few calls. If she was arrested, the sheriff should have a last known address for her. I can use the computer at the public library to search for her online.”
“Thank you, Gideon. You know the English ways and how they live. If anyone can find her, I’m sure it is you. Each day I find new reasons to be grateful God has returned you to us.”
Daniel Hershberger walked up to them. “Rebecca, would you take a turn around the pond with me?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
Gideon watched her skate away with Daniel. Under his breath Gideon said, “It’s not your gratitude that I want, Rebecca. It’s your love.”
Three days after the skating party, Vera dropped Rebecca in front of the doctor’s office for her treatment. As Rebecca unfolded her cane, she said, “Don’t wait on me today. I have some errands I’d like to run and then I’m meeting a friend for supper so I will be late coming home.”
“A date for supper? Can I hope this friend is Daniel Hershberger?”
Rebecca forced herself to smile, but she couldn’t lie. “I would rather not say.”
Gideon had stopped by their farm that morning. Luckily, Vera had been outside feeding the chickens and gathering eggs. Gideon had an address and he was willing to go with her today.
“Oh, a secret, is it?” Vera chuckled. “That is the way courtships should be. I will not wait up.” With a slap of the reins, she set her buggy in motion.
Inside the clinic building, Rebecca waited her turn to see the doctor. When his nurse, Amber, called Rebecca’s name, Rebecca followed her to the exam room. When the door was closed behind them, Rebecca said, “I have heard there is a new woman in town that offers rides to the Amish. I think her name is Miriam Kauffman?”
“Yes, I met her at church last Sunday. She was raised Amish but didn’t join the Amish faith and moved away. She came back to help her mother when her father became ill. He passed away not long ago.”
“Would you call her and see if she is free today? I have a trip I’d like to make.”
“Of course. I’ll have our receptionist give her a call. Mrs. Nolan keeps a list of everyone who can help with transportation. Do you want me to check if Samson Carter is free, too?”
“Nee.” Samson was a gossip. Rebecca didn’t want news of her visit getting back to her family.
After her lab tests and the infusion of her chemo, Rebecca returned to the waiting room. Wilma Nolan, the doctor’s elderly receptionist, said, “I called Miss Kauffman. She is free today and can provide you with taxi services. Shall I call her back and tell her you’re ready to go?”
“That will be fine. Danki.”
“Just have a seat, and I’ll let you know when she arrives.”
Rebecca sat and waited with growing dread. Was this the right thing to do? Would Miriam be discreet, or would she spread gossip about who and where she drove folks?
Rebecca didn’t have long to fret. A few minutes later, she heard the door to the clinic open. A woman’s voice asked quietly, “Are you Rebecca Beachy?”
Rebecca rose to her feet. “I am.”
“Where can I take you?”
Unaware of who might be listening, Rebecca decided against giving out the address. Instead, she said, “I have directions in my purse. I’ll find them for you when we are in the car.”
“Okay, fine. How do we do this?”
Rebecca held out her hand. “If I take your arm, it’s easy for me to follow you.”
Outside, Miriam asked, “Do you want to sit in the front seat or the back?”
“The back. Someone will be joining me.” Once she was seated, Rebecca waited until Miriam got in on the driver’s side. When she heard the door close, she held out a slip of paper. “We need to pick up another passenger at the Wadler Inn, then I’d like you to take us to this address.”
“375 North Broadway in New Philadelphia, is that right?”
“Ja.” If Grace lived there, Rebecca wasn’t sure what she would say to her sister. No, she knew what she would say. What she was afraid of was her sister’s answer. What if Grace couldn’t forgive? What then?
The drive to the Wadler Inn took only a few minutes. When the car stopped, the door beside Rebecca opened and she heard Gideon get in.
Miriam asked, “Are we waiting on anyone else?”
“No,” Gideon answered.
“Okay, then, we’re off.”
The first few miles of the trip were spent in silence. Rebecca was too nervous to engage in chitchat. Finally, it was Gideon who spoke. “I understand you are ex-Amish, Miss Kauffman?”
“I chose not to be baptized. It wasn’t the life for me. I grew up near Millersburg. My family was Swartzentruber Amish.”
The Swartzentruber Amish were a strict Old Order sect. They lived austere lives even by Amish standards. They had no indoor plumbing. They didn’t allow cushions on their furniture. Nor did they allow lights or the reflective orange triangles on their buggies that warned they were slow-moving vehicles in spite of the dangers. Their teenagers did not enjoy a rumspringa, but were expected to join the faith without question.
Gideon said, “I’ve heard Swartzentruber young people who don’t choose baptism are shunned by their families.”
“They are. My family had a falling-out with the bishop in their church district after I left. They moved to Hope Springs a few years ago and joined a more liberal church. When my father became ill, my mother asked me to return.”
“Not all bishops are created equal. I can vouch for that.” Gideon’s voice held a hint of bitterness.
Rebecca thought of all he had gone through to make the transition back the Amish life and still the bishop of his former congregation did not welcome him.
Gideon leaned close to Rebecca. “You look nervous.”
“I shouldn’t be. I’m only going to visit my sister. Are you sure we will find her in New Philadelphia?”
“This is the only address the sheriff had for her. It’s more than a year old. She might not be there, but at least she hasn’t been in trouble with the law in the last thirteen months.”
“Gideon, I appreciate your help with this. I would not have known where to start.”
“I guess my time in the outside world wasn’t a complete waste. I was able to use the computer at the public library. I’m glad I could help, Rebecca. I’m glad you asked me.”
His last words, spoken so softly against her ear, sent shivers down her spine and filled her w
ith excitement. If she turned her face a little their lips would meet. He wanted to kiss her. She knew it. What surprised her was how much she wanted to be kissed by him.
She faced straight ahead. After a moment, he moved away but she wasn’t able to relax. The ride seemed to take forever. Gideon tried to put her at ease by relating things he saw along the roadside. Any other time, she would have appreciated his kindness. Today, she was too keyed up.
At long last, Miriam said, “This is New Philadelphia.”
Rebecca sat up straight. “Is it a big city? How will we find her address?”
“GPS,” Miriam and Gideon said at the same time. Then they both laughed.
Rebecca had no idea what they were talking about or why it was funny. Gideon had much more in common with their English driver than she did.
He said, “This is a nice midsize. How’s the gas mileage?”
“Thirty-two highway. Not bad.”
“That’s better than my Audi SS got.”
“You drove an SS? I’ve always wanted one. Do they handle as well as people say?”
“Better. It’s a sweet machine. Zero to sixty in nothing flat. I was sorry to sell it.”
“I can imagine. Still, it would have looked funny being pulled by a horse, even in Amish country.”
“I might have gotten by with it. It was black.” He was joking, but Rebecca sensed how much he missed the vehicle he once owned. How could he be content with a horse and buggy after driving fast cars and flying planes?
Miriam made several turns and finally came to a stop. She said, “I believe this is it.”
Rebecca reached for Gideon’s hand and squeezed his fingers tightly. “What do you see? What kind of house is it?”
“It’s a nice neighborhood. The house is an older home with a porch that wraps around it on two sides. It’s two stories tall and painted blue with white trim. There are white shutters on the windows. And…”
“And what?” she insisted.
“It doesn’t look like the kind of place a drug addict would hang out.”
“That is goot, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. Or maybe we have the wrong address. I guess there is only one way to find out.” He pushed open the car door.
Rebecca wanted to follow him but her body wouldn’t move.
Please Lord, give me the courage I need.
Gideon said, “You didn’t come this far to sit in a car.”
“Nee. I did not.” Forcing her trembling muscles to move, Rebecca scooted out of the car and stood.
“I will be right beside you,” he said quietly. Taking her hand, he tucked it in the crook of his elbow and started forward. Rebecca had no choice but to follow him.
He said, “We’re at the front steps. There are five of them. There is a handrail on your left side.”
Grasping the rail, she walked up the steps. The boards of the porch creaked as Gideon led her across them. “We are at the front door. Do you want me to ring the bell?”
Her body was shaking, but she managed to nod. “I did not come all this way just to stand on the porch.”
“That’s my girl.”
She wasn’t his girl, but she liked the sound of that.
Gideon rang the bell. Inside the house, the chime played a brief tune.
When the door opened, Rebecca braced herself. Only it wasn’t her sister’s voice she heard. A man asked, “Can I help you?”
Rebecca spoke up. “We are looking for Grace Beachy. Does she live here?”
“Beachy was my wife’s maiden name. May I ask who you are?”
“I am her sister.”
“Really? My wife never mentioned she had a sister. Are you sure you have the right house?” His voice grew suspicious.
Grace was married. Perhaps she had found happiness far from her past. Rebecca prayed it was so.
“Who is it, dear?” It was Grace’s voice. Rebecca heard footsteps approaching and then a sudden, harsh intake of breath.
She said, “Hello, Grace.”
“Rebecca? Is it really you?”
“Ja. I’m so glad I found you.”
“Why did you come here? Why?” There was such pain in her sister’s voice. She wanted to reach out and gather Grace into her arms.
Grace’s husband said, “Honey, what’s going on?”
“Clearly, a blast from my past. It’s all right, Randy. I’ll explain everything later.”
He lowered his voice, but confusion colored his tone. “You told me your family was dead.”
“I’m dead to them. They are dead to me.”
Gideon spoke up. “We’ll only take a few minutes of your time. May we come in?”
Rebecca said, “This is my friend Gideon Troyer.”
“It’s been a long time, Grace. You may not remember me.”
“You’re Levi Troyer’s older brother.”
“That’s right.”
“I never thought you’d return to the Plain folk.”
Grace sounded so bitter. Rebecca saw her chances of making amends with her sister slipping away.
“Life has a way of changing what we see as important. May we come in?” Gideon asked again.
“I guess.” The door creaked slightly as Grace opened it wider.
Rebecca was grateful for Gideon’s solid presence beside her as she entered the house. They took a seat on a sofa. The room simmered with tension. Rebecca prayed for wisdom. She wanted her sister’s forgiveness. She needed it.
Grace’s husband asked, “Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
Rebecca shook her head. “No, danki…thank you.”
Grace said, “Randy, why don’t you take Mr. Troyer outside and show him your greenhouse? I’d like to speak to Rebecca alone.”
“Are you sure, hon?”
“Yes.”
After the two men left the room, Grace said, “Randy has ten green thumbs. He would have made a good farmer. Fortunately for me, he’s a banker.”
Rebecca took a deep breath. “The reason I have come is to beg your forgiveness, sister, for the way I failed you when we were young.”
“You’re asking for my forgiveness? Wow. That’s not the way I thought this conversation would go if it ever happened.”
Rebecca sensed that she was entering an emotional quagmire. One false step and all would be lost. “I, too, have thought about this day. Many times. I have missed you.”
“You miss a naive sixteen-year-old Amish girl. I haven’t been that person in a long time.”
“I miss my sister.”
“But not enough to look for me in last eight years.”
“You know the reason I could not seek you out.”
“Sure. So what has changed? Are Mom and Dad okay?”
Rebecca realized the tension in her sister’s voice wasn’t anger. It was fear. She thought Rebecca had come to deliver bad news. “Mamm and Daed are the same as always. She complains that he spends too much time gossiping with neighbors. He complains that she enjoys bossing him around.”
With a nervous laugh, Grace said, “She does enjoy bossing him around.”
“Very much so. Grace, how did you think this conversation would go?”
“I never really thought it would happen. I was always afraid I’d run into someone from the family on the street or in the new superstore that opened two years ago. In my mind, I could see the stunned looks and then the inevitable question. Have I repented my evil ways? It never occurred to me that you would seek me out. Not once did I think you would be here begging my forgiveness.”
“I am begging it now. As you told me so long ago, I failed to protect you when you needed your big sister the most.”
“I said that?”
“You did, and you were right. The night we went to the hoedown together I saw your boyfriend buying drugs. I tried to find you to tell you his intentions, but I didn’t find you until it was too late.”
“Too late for what?”
“He’d already put the drugs in your drink. My
failure led to your downfall. Months later you told me what happened. If I had warned you…you never would have become addicted to that terrible stuff. I could have saved you.”
“What else did I say?”
“That God had punished me by taking away my sight. I knew you were right.”
“That’s cold. Was I high when I said it?”
Puzzled, Rebecca frowned. “We were at home. Don’t you remember the day I found the drugs you’d hidden in your room?”
“I can’t have hidden them very well if a half-blind woman found them. No, Rebecca, I don’t remember saying those things, but I’m sure I did.”
It had been the most painful day of Rebecca’s life. It was the day she learned she would soon be completely blind and there was nothing that could be done for her.
Depressed and suffering in a world growing darker by the day, she cried out asking God why? Grace gave her the answer and she accepted it. That evening she refused Gideon’s offer of marriage and shut away all her hopes for the future.
She shook her head as she tried to comprehend what Grace was telling her. “How could you forget saying such a thing to me?”
“I was an addict. I would say or do anything to gain more dope or protect my stash. The night of the hoedown wasn’t my first experience with drugs. I sent…wow…I can’t even remember his name. I sent him to buy the drugs. I’d been using for months before that.”
“What?” Rebecca couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I started using marijuana when I was fifteen. By the time that hoedown rolled around I had graduated to meth.”
“You lied? You lied to me? Why? Why make me believe I was to blame?”
“Because I was an addict. Don’t you get it? Addicts don’t take responsibility for their actions. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they manipulate and they blame everyone but themselves. It’s easier than facing the truth.”
Rebecca leaned back into the sofa. It had all been a lie, but Grace’s words had changed everything. Because of her, Rebecca told Gideon she couldn’t marry him, believing she didn’t deserve happiness with him when Grace had suffered so much because of her. She believed God had taken her sight as a way to punish her.
Patricia Davids Christmas Brides of Amish Country: An Amish ChristmasThe Christmas QuiltA Hope Springs Christmas Page 31