She nodded. “Three days a week I must go and be poked and prodded to make sure the drugs are helping and not hurting me.”
“Do the treatments make you sick?”
“Nee.” She didn’t seem inclined to elaborate.
He set the horse in motion. He’d been hoping to spend time alone with Rebecca ever since he arrived in Hope Springs. Now that he had her to himself, he didn’t know what to say. He could see the outskirts of the town ahead. He didn’t have much time left. Homer wasn’t speedy by any stretch of the imagination, but it wouldn’t take him long to cover the last half mile.
Feeling the pressure, Gideon decided it was best to take the bull by the horns. “Your grandfather has asked that I go with you and Vera to New York when you travel there for your surgery.”
“Why on earth would Grandfather suggest such a thing?”
“He feels I will have a better understanding of the English city. He thinks my presence will make things easier and safer for the two of you.”
“Aren’t you worried that going out into the English world will provide a great temptation for you?”
“No.” Did she still doubt he would remain Amish? The thought was a sobering one. He wanted her to believe in him.
They rode in silence for the next several minutes. Finally, she asked, “Are you so sure your old life will not call you back?”
“Everything I want…no, everything I need in my life is here. Except for one thing.”
He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. He could see the curiosity simmering in her expression. Finally, she asked, “What one thing are you missing?”
“My mamm and my friends tell me it’s time I looked about for a wife. What do you think?”
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean, what do I think? It is none of my business if you wish to take a wife.”
The subject made her uncomfortable. That was promising. He pressed harder. “You know the women in this community. I haven’t been here for very long. Is it too soon for me to be thinking about finding a mate?”
“How should I know?” She was miffed. It meant she cared.
He said, “Women talk. Have any of the women in our church expressed an interest in me?”
“If you are fishing for a compliment, Gideon Troyer, I must tell you your hook is bare.”
“I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m just trying to gauge my chances. I’m not all that handsome. I don’t have much to offer. I’m a handyman. I’m renting a home. What do people think about me?”
She shrugged then said, “I heard Sally thinks you’re handsome. If I remember right, you were a nice-looking fellow.”
“Danki. Which Sally?”
“Sally Yoder.”
“What? She can’t be older than seventeen.”
“She is nineteen. Old enough to be courting.”
“I am not robbing the cradle. I need someone closer to my own age.”
“Well, there is Sarah.”
He pretended to consider her. “Sarah. Hmm. Has she ever mentioned me?”
“Not within my hearing.”
“I’m afraid a widow would always be comparing me to her dead husband. I don’t think I would like that. Who else would you suggest?”
She folded her arms. “There is the schoolteacher, Leah Belier. She is in her early twenties.”
“No. She’s too smart.”
“Too smart for you?”
“Too smart to fall for a fellow like me.”
“Very true. It would be a foolish woman who set her heart on the likes of you.”
“You liked me once,” he reminded her to gauge her reaction.
Her chin came up a notch. “I outgrew it. What about Susan Lapp?”
“I am not so desperate as to ask out Susan Lapp.”
“‘A plump wife and the big barn never did any man harm.’” She recited the old adage with a smirk.
“She’s also at least fifteen years older than I am and she likes garlic. I don’t think you are taking this seriously.”
Crossing her arms, Rebecca blew out a sharp breath. “Very well. What about Helen Bender?”
“Too old.”
“Mary Beth Zook?”
“The Bishop’s daughter? Would you want Ester Zook as your mother-in-law?”
“You have a point.”
She went through a half dozen more suggestions. He found an objection to each and every one and enjoyed watching the play of emotions across her face. She did care for him.
When they reached the medical clinic, Gideon turned the horse into the parking lot in front of the building. He said, “We’re here.”
He couldn’t wait any longer. He had to know if he stood any sort of chance with her. He took her hand in his.
Flustered, she said, “I’m sorry I could not think of a wife to suit you. I fear I have listed everyone in Hope Springs who is single.”
He leaned closer, keeping hold of her hand. “Not everyone, Rebecca. You left out the one I have wanted to court all along.”
Her fingers twitched nervously in his grasp. “And who might that be?”
He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “You.”
Chapter Thirteen
“What did you say?” Rebecca held her breath. Had she heard Gideon correctly?
“I want to court you, Rebecca Beachy.”
“Is this some kind of joke?” she demanded. She could pretend to play along with his wish list of brides, but hearing her heart’s most secret wish tossed into the game wasn’t funny.
“No. Why would you think that?”
“I’m blind, Gideon. I’m not stupid. I can’t be a wife to you or anyone else.”
“Why? Because you can’t see? Blind people can do almost anything a sighted person can do, just in a different way. You told me that. It takes a heart to love someone, not a pair of eyes.”
She turned her face away from him. “Don’t do this to me. I sent you away, and you have a right to be angry, but don’t punish me for something I did ten years ago.”
He cupped his fingers beneath her chin and lifted her face. If only she could read what was in his eyes.
“Rebecca, I’m not trying to punish you. In my own awkward way, I’m trying to tell you that my feelings for you have grown into something deep and wonderful. I love you, Rebecca.”
“You don’t mean that. You feel sorry for me, that’s all.”
“Darling, I pray you may one day see the love I have for you written on my face. If it is God’s will that you never look upon me, then I will whisper my love to you every day and every night so that you never doubt it.”
Slowly, her disbelief was pushed aside by the sincerity in his voice. Please, Lord, don’t let this be a joke at my expense.
“Gideon, we’ve only known each other these few short weeks. The feelings we had for each other as children no longer count. We aren’t the same people we were back then. Do you expect me to believe this brief time has been long enough for you to grow to love me? I’m not sure it can be.”
He sighed heavily. “You would have to be sensible. My timing isn’t great. I know that. You have a lot on your mind. I understand this must feel rushed to you. Only, say you will think about what I have said. Trust me when I say I have loved you for a long time. I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.”
“But you went away. You left without a word.”
“Yes, I did. I was a fool. No amount of anger or blame is going to bring back those lost years.”
“I shouldn’t have brought that up. I’m not angry with you anymore.”
“If you can forgive me, you must forgive yourself, too.”
She had the chance now to erase the pain she had caused. If she was brave enough to take it. “I will think on all you have said.”
She’d spent a decade believing she didn’t deserve to be loved. To hear Gideon say that he still loved her was almost more than she could bear. She wasn’t ready to share her feelings with him. She wasn’t certain how
she felt. Her emotions were all jumbled.
“What are your plans, Gideon?”
“To stay.”
“Here in Hope Springs?”
“Yes. This is my home now.”
It was the right answer, the one she wanted to hear.
He asked, “Would you like me to wait and take you home after you’re finished with the doctor?”
“Nee, I will enjoy the walk back. It will give me time to think.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind waiting.”
“I am not a child that must be guarded. You have work you must do. Do not let me keep you from it.”
“Spoken like the sensible woman you are. Very well. May I stop by to see you tomorrow evening?”
She smiled. “I would like that.”
Rebecca left his buggy and entered the medical clinic with her mind in a whirl. What should she do? What answer should she give him? Her sensible side said wait and see if Gideon could live true to their faith. Her heart cried out to grasp this chance at happiness before it was too late.
When it was her turn to see the doctor, she sat through the battery of tests with barely a thought for them. Finally, Dr. White entered the room and pulled his chair up beside her. “I’ve just spoken with Dr. Eriksson. We both feel the inflammation in your eyes has improved enough to go ahead with the surgery.”
“I thought it would be several more weeks yet.”
“Happily, you’ve responded to this treatment much better than we expected.”
“How soon does she wish to do the surgery?” Rebecca could barely breathe.
“The day after tomorrow. You’re to check into the hospital at seven in the morning. The surgery will take place at ten. If all goes well, you’ll find out twenty-four hours later if the surgery was a success.”
“I can’t believe it’s going to happen.” She would be home before Christmas. The thought of seeing her family’s faces after so many years brought tears to her eyes.
Please, God, let it be possible.
Dr. White said, “Rebecca, I caution you not to get your hopes up. It’s possible you won’t recover your sight.”
“I understand. I have faith, Dr. White. Faith that this surgery and the outcome is God’s will.”
He laid his hand over hers. “Everyone here will be praying for you.”
A whirlwind of packing and preparations followed that afternoon as Emma and Sarah came to help Rebecca and Vera get ready for their trip. With each article of clothing Rebecca put in her suitcase the situation became more real. She was going to New York. If all went well, she would be able to see again. Her hands started shaking at the thought.
Please, please, please, Lord, let me see.
After a sleepless night, Rebecca came down to the kitchen the following morning. Vera was already up ahead of her. She said, “Do I hear a buggy?”
“I don’t hear anything.”
Vera opened the front door. “Well, bless my soul.”
“What is it?” Rebecca moved to stand beside her aunt.
“There are a dozen buggies in the yard and more coming.”
Overwhelmed, the two women greeted the people who came to wish them Godspeed and offer prayers for their safe return. By the time Samson Carter pulled his van into the yard at eight o’clock, most of Rebecca’s church was waiting to see her off.
On the steps of the house, Bishop Zook pronounced a blessing over Rebecca as her grandfather and her aunt stood beside her gripping her hands. Her heart expanded with love for the gift of her family and friends and she gave thanks for all the people who loved her.
Getting into the van, she found Gideon already seated inside. He asked, “Are you ready for this?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Too late now. I’ve already paid for the van and booked the motel rooms. We’re off to the Big Apple.”
“I thought we were going to New York,” Vera said as she climbed in the front seat beside Samson.
Samson and Gideon chuckled. “So we are,” Samson declared.
The first half hour was exciting, but before long the car trip became exhausting for Rebecca. She soon had a headache and a queasy stomach brought on by the motion of the car. At their first stop, a roadside diner in eastern Ohio, Gideon ordered peppermint tea for her and an ice pack which he placed on the back of her neck. It helped, but she knew she was in for a rough day.
Gideon tried to distract her by painting word pictures of the countryside they traveled through. It was easy to imagine the rolling hills, the frozen lakes and rivers and the towns they passed as they traveled east. The occasional snore she heard from her aunt made her envious.
Sometime in the afternoon, she must have dozed off because she awoke with a start to find her head resting on Gideon’s shoulder. She started to sit up, but he held her still. “You’re fine where you are.”
If only he knew how much she wanted to stay exactly where she was.
He asked, “How’s the headache?”
“Some better.”
“Do you get them often?”
“Once or twice a month. Sometimes they’re just headaches, sometime they get very bad. Dr. White calls them migraine headaches. They started after I went blind.”
“Are you worried about this surgery?”
“I try not to be, but I can’t help it. My faith is not always strong enough.”
“You don’t have to be strong. You have friends who will be strong for you.”
“Friends like you?”
“I’m honored you count me a friend. I will always be that, no matter what decision you make about us.”
She didn’t want to think about their relationship. She only wanted to stay where she was at the moment. Safe in his arms, her head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. She could hear the strong steady sound beneath her ear. It soothed her fears and gave her strength.
She said, “Tell me what you see outside the windows.”
“It’s dark now. We’re passing a small town. I see Christmas lights outlining the rooftops. Some are twinkling like the stars in the sky, some burn a steady red or blue. There are plastic reindeer in the front yard of the house we just passed. The one beside it has two blow-up plastic snowmen in their yard. I see a tall toy soldier down the block.”
“The English chose a funny way to celebrate the birth of our savior. He came among us in a lowly stable. There were no lights or toys to announce his coming.”
“Many English know the true meaning of Christmas. We can only pray those who don’t will find it in their hearts to believe.”
“How did you celebrate the day when you lived out in the world?”
“Sometimes I went to church with the woman who worked for me. Usually, I spent it alone. Christmas was a sad time for me after I left home. I missed my family. I missed going to the schoolhouse to watch the children give their program. Remember the year you and I had a poem to recite together?”
“I do. I messed up my lines and I cried. You were so kind to me later.”
“I had to make up for cutting the ties off your kapp somehow.”
She chuckled at the memory. “What will you do this year?”
“My parents and most of my family are coming to spend it with me. I’m not sure where I’ll put everyone in my house, but I sure will enjoy my mother’s cooking. I told her I’d like a big pan of her peach cobbler and pot roast with biscuits. She makes the best biscuits.”
“You say that, but you haven’t had one of mine.”
“Are you a good cook?”
“I have a certain talent with biscuits.”
“Are they light?”
“So light you have to hold a pot over the oven door to catch them when they float out.”
“But are they flaky?”
“So flaky that they have been mistaken for the pages of a book.”
“I lieb flaky biscuits with butter and honey. How is your shoo-fly pie?”
“Passable.”
“Eli
Imhoff says I should marry a good cook because good looks fade but good cooking doesn’t.”
Rebecca giggled. “I don’t doubt that Nettie keeps him well fed.”
“What will you do for Christmas?”
“Vera and I will be at home for Christmas Day with my grandfather and his wife. We plan to travel to my parents’ home for old Christmas. After that, we will go to see my brother in Indiana.”
“Perhaps all of you could come and spend Christmas Day with my family,” he suggested.
“I would like that. I know my grandfather would, too. We haven’t spoken to your parents in many years.”
“I know my mother will be delighted to visit with you, but be prepared.”
“For what?”
“Many hints and suggestions about me. She wishes to see me married.”
“Is that why you’re on the lookout for a wife?”
“I’m not on the lookout for a wife. I’ve found the woman I want. I’m content to wait and see if she wants me.”
“For how long?”
“As long as it takes her to make up her mind. Enough about that. Try and go back to sleep.” He settled lower, adjusting his body to make her more comfortable.
She nestled against him and pretended to sleep but she never drifted off again. She didn’t want to miss a minute of being held in his arms. Suspended between the past and the future, she cherished the long miles and wished, just for a little while, that their journey never had to end.
After a while, Samson pulled off the highway and said, “This is our motel.”
She sat up reluctantly, missing Gideon’s warmth and the tenderness of his touch. As she stepped out of the car, the smells and sounds of a strange city surrounded her. She was far from everything she’d ever known.
Tomorrow could start a new phase of her life or leave her forever in darkness. Either way, she realized that she wanted one person beside her as she moved into the uncertain future. She wanted Gideon Troyer in her life.
Rebecca’s frayed nerves kept her from enjoying even Gideon’s company as they rode in a taxi toward the clinic the morning of her surgery. Samson preferred not to drive into the crowded streets of the city. He remained at the motel outside of the city to take them home the day after tomorrow.
Patricia Davids Christmas Brides of Amish Country: An Amish ChristmasThe Christmas QuiltA Hope Springs Christmas Page 33