Regrets were useless, but sometimes it seemed as if they were all she had.
She said, “I’ll offer to take Merle on a fishing trip, weather permitting, if that will persuade his parents to come.”
Emma chuckled. “He will nag them until they do.”
Sarah placed a tea bag in each mug and carried them to the table along with the sugar bowl. As she sat down, a commotion in the street outside caught her attention.
A horse neighed loudly followed by raised voices. “I never want to see you again, Henry Zook! Do you hear me? Go ahead and marry Esta Barkman. See if I care. She—she can’t even cook!”
A slamming door from the house beside Sarah’s punctuated the end of the outburst.
“Goodness, was that Grace Beachy shouting in the street? Has she no demut?”
Oh, dear, her neighbor and friend Grace would soon find her quarrel public knowledge unless Sarah could stanch it. What on earth had Henry done to upset her so? Sarah cast a rueful smile at her aunt. “Grace has humility, Aenti. She is normally a quiet, reserved young woman.”
“You couldn’t tell it from her behavior just now. I understand the twins, Moses and Atlee, are the ones most often in trouble.” Emma held her head cocked to hear any additional outbursts.
“They have been a trial to live beside,” Sarah admitted as a frequent recipient of the teenage pair’s numerous pranks.
The boys had turned seventeen in October. They were in their rumspringa, the “running around” years enjoyed by Amish youth from age sixteen up to their mid-twenties prior to taking the vows of the faith. Like many, the twins were making the most of their freedom, but they had always been on the wild side.
Sarah had grown up with an identical twin sister who rivaled the boys for getting into mischief. She missed her sister dearly. Bethany had left the faith to follow her English husband to the other side of the world. They died together in a car accident in New Zealand. In a way, Grace had become a substitute for Sarah’s lost sister. She loved the girl.
Emma’s eyes were alight with curiosity. “It sounded as if Grace is sorely put out with Henry. It would be a shame if the courtship ended this way. The bishop’s son would be a fine match for the Beachy girl. I know Henry’s mother is pleased as punch that her wayward son appears to be settling down.”
If Grace married and left home, Sarah shuddered to think what the twins would be up to without her intervention. Levi, the eldest of the family, chose to ignore their less than perfect behaviors.
Emma couldn’t resist the urge to learn more. “I want to see how Henry is handling this. I can’t imagine he’s happy to have his girlfriend shouting at him. His mother will want to hear of this.”
Rising, she went to the kitchen window that overlooked the street and used her sleeve to rub an area free of frost. Winter had a firm grip on the town of Hope Springs, Ohio, although it was only the first week of December. Peering through the frosty glass didn’t give Emma a clear enough view so she moved to open the door.
Sarah quickly stepped between her aunt and the chilly night. Emma’s nosy nature knew few bounds. “Leave the young people to sort out their own problems, Aenti.”
Emma relented but she was clearly miffed at being denied more food for gossip. “How can I tell Esther Zook what happened if I can’t see how her son is taking this rejection?”
“I’m sure if Henry Zook wants to discuss it with his mother, he’ll find a way.”
“She should know how his girlfriend is treating him.”
Sarah pressed a hand to her chest and widened her eyes in disbelief. “You don’t mean you’ll mention this to the bishop’s wife.”
“I might, if the opportunity presents itself.”
“You are a brave soul. I could never bring myself to tell Esther Zook that I heard her son was playing fast and loose with Grace and Esta Barkman.”
Her aunt nibbled at the corner of her lip, then said, “It did sound that way, didn’t it?”
“Grace is a sweet girl and would never raise her voice without serious provocation. I know Esther dotes on Henry and won’t hear a bad word against him. I can only imagine how upset Esther would be with someone who spread word of his poor behavior. You know how much sway she holds over the bishop.”
Her aunt’s frown deepened. “I see your point. We don’t actually know what happened, do we?”
“Nee, we don’t. A lover’s spate is all I heard. Not worth mentioning.”
“You could be right.”
“I know I am.” Sarah waited until her aunt gave up trying to see over her and returned to the window. Sarah grinned as she started to close the door. Across the street, she caught sight of Levi Beachy standing motionless at the door to his shop. He’d obviously heard his sister’s commotion, too.
His breath rose as white puffs in the cold night air. Their eyes met across the snow-covered street. Sarah couldn’t see the color of them from this distance, but she knew they were as blue as a cloudless summer’s day. They contrasted sharply with his dark hair and deeply tanned skin.
She rarely saw his eyes, for Levi kept them trained on his feet unless he was working. He was painfully shy, and she wished there was something she could do to help him overcome it. He had been a wonderful help to her when her husband was sick.
A quick frown formed on Levi’s face before he turned away with a shake of his head.
“Great, now I’m the one who looks like the nosy neighbor,” Sarah muttered. She sometimes had the feeling that Levi disapproved of her, although it wasn’t anything she could put her finger on.
“What was that?” Emma asked.
Sarah pasted a smile on her face as she closed the door and returned to the kitchen table to resume her mending. “I saw Levi across the street. He’s working late again.”
“The poor fellow. He was saddled with raising his younger sister and those unruly brothers at much too early an age. He should have had the good sense to send them to his father’s sister or even let his grandfather raise them. Reuben Beachy would have been glad to take care of the children.”
Since Reuben was well past seventy, Sarah wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle the twins any better than Levi did. “I’m sure Levi loves his family and wants to take care of them himself.”
“I don’t know how anyone could tell. The man hasn’t spoken more than a dozen words to me in all his life. I think he is a bit simple.”
Sarah leveled a hard gaze at her aunt. “Levi is shy, not simple.”
Emma lifted the tea bag from her mug and added two spoonfuls of sugar. Stirring briskly, she said, “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. Proverbs 17:28.”
Coming to her neighbor’s defense, Sarah said, “Levi works very hard. He builds fine buggies, and he always pays the rent for the shop on time. He is a good man. I don’t like to see him maligned.”
“Gracious, child. I’m not maligning the man. I know several women who think he would make a good match, but I’ve had to tell them all that he is a waste of time. Levi Beachy will never find the courage to court a woman, much less propose. I’ve rarely met a fellow destined to remain an old boy, but Levi is one.”
An old boy was the Amish term for a confirmed bachelor. Since only Amish men who married grew beards, a clean-shaven face marked a man as single no matter what his age. Like her, Levi was nearing thirty. She knew because they had attended school together until the eighth grade. She’d known Levi her entire life. He’d been the first boy to kiss her.
That long-forgotten memory brought a blush to her cheeks. Why had it surfaced after all these years? She bent over her mending.
“What about you, dear? It’s been nearly five years since Jonas’s passing. Are you ready to think about marriage again? I can’t tell you
the number of men who have asked me that question. One in particular.” Emma eyed her intently.
Sarah should have known this wasn’t the simple social visit her aunt claimed. She met her aunt’s gaze as sadness welled up inside her. For once, she couldn’t stop it. Tears stung her eyes. “No, Aenti. I’ve made my feelings on the subject clear. I won’t marry again.”
* * *
Sarah was laughing at him. She and her aunt were having a chuckle at the expense of his odd family. Levi knew it the way he knew the fire was hot—because he’d been burned by both.
It was wrong to dwell on the past, childish even, but the embarrassing incident came to mind when he least expected it. He’d long ago forgiven Sarah, but he hadn’t been able to forget her part in his humiliation.
He had been fourteen at the time and the least athletic boy at school. His shyness made it easy for others to make fun of him, but Sarah had seemed kinder than his other classmates. She sat one row up and across the aisle from him.
How many hours had he spent dreaming about what it would be like to simply hold her hand? Too many.
Then one day, he found a note on his desk saying to meet her down by the creek after school if he wanted a kiss. He’d been ecstatic and frightened all at the same time. Of course he wanted to kiss her. What boy didn’t? It took all the courage he could muster to make the short trek to the meeting spot.
She was waiting on the creek bank with her eyes closed just as the note said, but when he caught her by the shoulders and kissed her, she pushed him away. He never knew if it was by design or by accident that the fallen tree limb was right behind him. He tumbled backwards, tripped and landed in the water with a muddy splash.
On the other side of the creek, a dozen of his schoolmates began laughing and hooting, including Sarah’s twin sister, Bethany. Mortified, Levi had trudged home in wet clothes and refused to go back to school. Working beside his father in his carpenter shop was the only thing that felt normal to Levi.
Less than a year later, both his parents were killed in a buggy accident. Levi was forced to sell his father’s business. No one believed a fifteen-year-old boy could run it alone. Jonas Wyse bought the property and started a harness shop and buggy-making business in Hope Springs. He hired Levi, who desperately wanted to earn enough to support his sister and little brothers. The two men quickly became friends. Within five years, they had a thriving business going making fine buggies. They stopped repairing harnesses and focused on what they did best. It was a wonderful time in Levi’s life.
Then Jonas decided to marry Sarah and everything changed.
Levi shook off his thoughts of the past. Sarah was his landlady and the widow of his only true friend. Levi was determined to treat her with the respect she deserved, but he sometimes wished he hadn’t promised Jonas he would look after her when his friend was gone. That promise, made on Jonas’s deathbed, was a binding one Levi could not break. Not if he planned to face Jonas in heaven one day.
Levi’s gaze traveled to the colorful calendar on the shop wall. It was out of date by several years, but he’d never taken it down. His Amish religion didn’t allow artwork or pictures to decorate walls, but a calendar had function and even one with a pretty picture was permitted. The one he never removed featured a panoramic view of the Rocky Mountains.
The dusty eight-by-ten photograph showed snow-capped mountains thrusting upward to reach a clear blue sky. Their flanks lay covered with thick forests of pine, aspen trees and spruce. It had long been Levi’s dream to move to Colorado. Several of his cousins from the next village had moved to a new settlement out west and wrote in glowing terms of the beauty there. The idea of raising a family of his own in such a place was a dream he nurtured deep in his heart.
Colorado was his goal, but Sarah Wyse was the rope keeping him firmly tethered to Hope Springs.
He had loved Jonas Wyse like a brother. When his friend pleaded with him to watch over Sarah until she remarried, Levi had given his promise without hesitation. A year or so wasn’t much to wait. The mountains weren’t going anywhere.
It wasn’t until Sara remained unmarried for two years that Levi began to doubt the wisdom of making his rash promise. Five years later he was still turning out buggies in Hope Springs and handing over rent money to help support her while his dreams of moving west gathered dust like the calendar on the wall.
He knew several good men who had tried to court Sarah, but she had turned each and every one of them aside. Levi had to admit none of them held a candle to his dear friend. But still, a woman Sarah’s age should be married with children.
The thought of her with another man’s babe in her arms brought an uncomfortable ache in his chest. He thrust aside thoughts of Sarah and replaced them with worry about his sister.
He hoped Grace was all right. He should go see, but he didn’t know what to say to her. Women didn’t think like men. Whatever he said would be sure to make her angry or make her cry. Perhaps it would be best to stay in the shop and wait until she called him for supper.
Half an hour later, he heard Sarah’s aunt’s buggy drive away. He went to the window and looked out. Sarah was alone again, as she was every night. She sat at her kitchen table working on some stitching. Why hadn’t she remarried? What was she waiting for?
She was a devout Amish woman. She wasn’t too old. She was certainly pretty enough. She kept a good house and worked hard. When the buggy shop needed repairs or upgrades he couldn’t do himself, she was never stingy about hiring help or buying new equipment.
As he was looking out the window, he saw his sister approaching. He picked up a file to finish smoothing the edge of a metal step he was repairing.
Grace opened the door. “Bruder, your supper is ready.”
“Danki, I’ll be in shortly.” He glanced up. His sister didn’t leave. Instead, she walked along the workbench, looking over the parts he was assembling for a new buggy. She clearly had something on her mind. When she didn’t speak, he asked, “Is everything okay?”
Her chin came up. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Because you were screaming at your boyfriend at the top of your lungs on a public street and giving our neighbors food for gossip. “Just wondering, that’s all.”
“Levi, can I ask you a question?”
He didn’t like the sound of that. “Sure.”
“Why haven’t you married?”
That took him aback. “Me?”
“Ja. Why haven’t you?”
Heat rushed to his face. He cleared his throat. “Reckon I haven’t met the woman God has in mind for me.”
“God wants each of us to find the person who makes us happy, doesn’t He?” Grace fell silent.
Levi glanced up from his work to find her staring out the window at Sarah’s house. Because her question so closely mirrored his thoughts about Sarah, he gathered his courage and asked, “Why do you think Sarah Wyse hasn’t remarried?”
“Because she loved one man with her whole heart and her whole soul and she knows no one can replace him,” Grace declared with a passion that astounded him.
She suddenly rushed toward the door. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Your supper is on the table.”
“Where are you going?”
“I need to talk to Sarah about something.”
When the door banged shut behind her, he sighed. It was just like his sister to leave him in the dark about what was going on. He hoped Sarah could help because the last thing he wanted was a home in turmoil, and unless Grace was happy, that was exactly what was going to happen.
* * *
After her aunt had gone, Sarah stared at the snow piled on the sill of her kitchen window. Dismal. There was no other word for it. Christmas would be here in less than a month, but there wasn’t any joy in the knowledge. The Christmas seasons of the past had brought her only hea
rtache and the long winter nights left her too much time to remember. At least this year her only loss was her job. So far.
She closed her eyes and folded her hands. “Please, Lord, keep everyone I love safe and well this year.”
Second thoughts about inviting her brother for a visit crowded into her mind. He was all she had left of her immediate family. At times, it seemed that everyone she loved suffered and died before their time. What if something should befall Vernon or his wife or children while they were here? How would she forgive herself?
No, such thinking only showed her lack of faith. It is not in my hands, but in Your hands, Lord.
Still, she couldn’t shake a feeling of foreboding.
She opened her eyes and propped her chin on her hand as she stared at the notebook page in front of her. The kerosene lamp overhead cast a warm glow on the mending pile and the sheet of paper where she had compiled a list of things to do.
Clean the house.
Mend everything torn or frayed.
Make two new kapps.
Stitch the border on my new quilt.
She had already finished the first item and was on to the second. They were all things she could do in a week or less and she had a lot more time on her hands than a mere week. Spring seemed a long way off. Inviting Vernon and his family was one way to help fill the days.
She added three more items to her list.
Don’t be bored.
Don’t be sad.
Don’t go insane.
Six days a week for nearly five years she had gone in early to open the fabric store and closed up after seven in the evening. Without her job to keep her busy, what was she going to do? Work had been her salvation after her husband’s passing.
Had it really been five years? Sometimes it seemed as if he’d only gone out of town and he would be back any minute. Of course, he wouldn’t be.
She had tried to convince Janet to let her run the shop until spring, but Janet wouldn’t hear of it. Instead, her boss said, “Enjoy the time off, Sarah. You work too hard. Have a carefree Christmas season for a change.”
Patricia Davids Christmas Brides of Amish Country: An Amish ChristmasThe Christmas QuiltA Hope Springs Christmas Page 38