by Faith Starr
“Research my ass. Tell me there’s no secondary benefit to your research?”
Jeez. Someone had their caffeine this morning. “Fine. I’ll agree it was somewhat provocative, but I was there doing my job, not as an observer there for my own pleasure.”
Her get real expression did nothing to get me off my game. I stood firm with my silence.
“Who says one can’t find pleasure in her job?”
“What’s with your interest in my research?” I so did not want to talk or think about Noah Dorian. I had done enough of it all night in my dreams.
“It’s so much more interesting than mine. I want to live vicariously through you for the next several months.”
“You’re crazy. How was your date?” It was time for a topic change curveball.
This sports bra is killing me. I removed her arm from mine and stuck my hand inside my shirt to try and adjust it. Looking around to make sure no one was watching first should’ve been a priority, because a guy walking past us gave me a nod of approval and almost tripped over his two left feet. Men.
“He was a jerk. He only wanted to get in my pants.”
Like the peeping Tom who watched me feel myself up a second ago.
“And did he?”
“I’ll have you know that just because my sex life’s more exciting than yours, it doesn’t mean I sleep with every guy I go out on a date with.”
Her smile was a clear indication she was teasing me about my sex life again, or lack thereof.
“Rich doesn’t mind you dating other guys?”
“We aren’t committed yet. So until he says otherwise, I’ll continue to date freely.”
What is wrong with this damn bra? This time I checked to make sure nobody watched before diving under my shirt. After all, we were walking across campus to the rec center.
“You and I are so different in that area.”
“Who knows, maybe our roles will reverse, and you’ll be the one telling me all about your kinky escapades while I settle into a committed relationship.” She shrugged her shoulders with wonder.
It was a good try on her part, but that wasn’t happening anytime soon in this lifetime, and my shaking head reiterated that point.
“Don’t knock it until you try it. Sam-I-am said he didn’t like green eggs and ham until he tried them.”
Ugh! “You too?” I rolled my eyes.
“Me too what?”
“Noah said the same thing last night, hinting at my repressed feelings of desire for the lifestyle and blah, blah, blah.” I deepened my voice and gestured with my hand, mimicking him.
“Sounds like a smart guy.”
“Hey, you’re one to talk. You’ve never tried it either.”
“Ah, but that’s where we differ, my dear friend. I’m willing to. You’re just pure vanilla.” She was all too proud of herself, striding a little more confidently, her arm back through mine.
I giggled. “Have you been reading my notes?”
“No, but I do know some of the lingo. By the way, he lets you call him Noah? No Master or Sir?” She raised her eyebrows curiously with a hint of a smile.
“His name is Noah, and that’s exactly what I’ll call him. I’m not his submissive.” I had to keep reaffirming that important piece of information to myself.
“Defensive, aren’t you? Is he good-looking?” She bounced up and down with glee, my expression providing her with the answer to her question.
“You can’t even imagine.”
“Ooh, I knew he would be. Dammit. I wish I could go with you to that place just once. When are you going to see Master Noah again?”
God bless Casey and her over-the-top enthusiasm.
“Will you please cut it out? He’s helping me with my research. That’s all.” For some reason, talking about this caused me to feel tense. I tortured my poor bottom lip again with my teeth as a result. Fortunately we were headed to a yoga class.
“Sure he is. Men love to voluntarily devote their free time to helping women with no ulterior motives.”
“Okay, Harry. I’m not Sally, so quit your lecturing.”
“Just saying.”
I almost had to stop walking for a minute. She had on the same frickin’ smug expression Noah wore the previous night.
“Enough said. Are we still meeting with your father after our class to help him grade papers?” Curveball number two.
“Yes. His grad assistant’s still sick.”
“At least we’ll be in the zone to do so after doing yoga.” I, for one, definitely needed to get to my happy place. Noah Dorian had my stomach twisted in knots.
“Amen to that.”
“How’s your research coming along, Jordin?” Dr. Sloan separated papers into two piles, one for me and one for Casey.
“It’s going well.” I nodded proudly from the comfort of the worn-in fabric sofa in his office.
“Excellent. I’m sure it must be difficult to gather hands-on observations and evidence to support a topic like yours?”
“It’s been less challenging than one would think. I’m happy with my choice.”
“That’s what counts. I look forward to your presentation at the end of the year.” He handed both of us a stack.
I uncapped my pen and began grading the pop quizzes.
Casey held her stack rigidly on her lap. “What about mine?”
Oh no. She was already upset. This was going to be a long morning.
“I can’t very well be on my own daughter’s dissertation committee. But you know I’ll help you out in any way I can.”
“I know. I know.” Her pleasant mood from minutes ago was now with the rest of the trash out in the Dumpster behind the psych building.
“Speaking of which, how’s yours coming along?”
Casey rolled her eyes and sighed heavily at her dad’s question.
Let the games begin. I remained focused on the paper I was grading. Yikes. The student who had written the essay had obviously skipped the lecture on self-actualization. It missed all the key components of Carl Rogers’s theory.
“It’s coming.” Casey’s tone was probably a little more sarcastic than she intended it to be. Her gaze drifted toward mine.
I nodded in silent understanding at her frustration with him.
“I specifically set up a timeline to help guide you. It’s crucial that you follow it.”
Dr. Sloan was such a jerk. I needed to reel in my own annoyance. Focus. Self-concept. Ideal self. Real self. Positive regard. Damn. The student’s handwriting was shit too. I could barely read what he wrote, not that it was correct anyway.
“It’ll get done. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t want to disappoint or embarrass you in front of your colleagues.”
I bit my lip, focusing on the paper in front of me. Being defensive wasn’t going to get her anywhere. She totally should’ve been agreeing with everything he said to shut him up. That’s what I would’ve done.
“You know that’s not what I’m referring to, Casey.”
These discussions were becoming way too frequent, and somehow I kept finding myself present when they occurred. I understood her poor attitude toward him, especially since he was a department head and expected a lot from her. What I didn’t get was why she wouldn’t tell him the truth. Casey wasn’t even sure what she wanted to do after she graduated. I could only imagine how Dr. Sloan was going to take that conversation. But it wasn’t my battle to fight. Sooner or later she would have to tell him, and that point had better come soon because graduation was quickly approaching.
“So, Jordin.” Dr. Sloan directed his attention toward me.
Huh? Goodie. Guess it was my turn again.
“Tell me how you’re going about doing research on a topic that’s somewhat taboo.”
“You’d be surprised by how much information is available on the Internet, anonymous volunteers willing to fill out questionnaires, and the connections I’ve been able to make because of all that.” Speaking about my research made me sm
ile.
“You’re very resourceful. Casey, maybe you should take some tips from Jordin on how to successfully complete a dissertation without procrastinating.”
Did he really just say that to her? I capped my pen. I had to be prepared for a speedy exit, because the kettle was about to whistle.
“It isn’t enough you always compared me to Sari, but now my best friend too? You’re supposed to be a hotshot psychologist, Dad. Do you really think this type of psychology is going to effectively mold me into someone I’m not?”
Yes! That’s my girl!
The proximity of her flames almost set my shirt on fire. I could literally feel her rage.
“What’re you talking about, Casey?”
Dumbass. The man actually looked confused.
Maybe if I rose slowly and made a quiet exit, nobody would notice. I attempted to do so. Casey glared at me, giving me a death stare.
Then again, maybe not. Damn.
“If it’s okay with you, Dr. Sloan, I think I’ll take these papers home and grade them there.” I verbalized my desire to leave, making eye contact with Casey. I didn’t give a shit what Dr. Sloan thought, but my girlfriend was another story altogether.
“Please stay.” Casey’s eyes had desperation in them.
Shit. My hand curled into a fist. I was stuck on the sofa.
“What I’m saying is I’m tired of trying to please you and always falling short. I’ll never be the superstar psychologist you want me to be.”
“On the contrary, Casey, you’re extremely capable. You can achieve whatever you set your mind to.”
“That’s the problem. I’m discovering this isn’t my path. It’s the path you’ve chosen for me.”
My inner Rocky Balboa boastfully held her championship belt up high for all the fans to see.
“Excuse me? Jordin, if you wouldn’t mind, I would like to speak with my daughter in private.”
My insides jumped up and down for joy. She had finally found the inner strength to stand up to him.
As much as I hated to leave her alone with him, I was psyched for her. I didn’t look back before closing the door because I didn’t want either of them to see the mammoth smile taking over my entire face.
The following morning I woke up wearing the same smile. Although I think it had more to do with dreaming about Noah Dorian than it did Casey’s sudden bout of assertiveness toward her father.
I slipped into a pair of linen slacks and topped them with a simple ivory button-down, my usual for the women’s clinic where I interned part-time.
Everything was running smoothly until I went into the bathroom to fix my hair, which suddenly decided to be uncooperative. All it needed to do was gather together neatly in a bun. How difficult was that? But no, it had other ideas, like wisps sticking out all over the place. I didn’t need this right now. I was going to be late for work.
Is that my cell ringing? I looked over at the open door which led into my bedroom, not that it would improve my hearing.
Who would be calling me this early in the morning?
While running across my room to grab the annoying device, my semi-bun came completely undone, and my clip fell on the floor. On a positive note, I got to my phone before the call went to voice mail.
I would’ve recognized her sweet southern voice anywhere. Tasha was calling to inform me that Noah had spoken with some of the club members. They had agreed to allow me to observe an intimate collaring ceremony taking place later that evening. I was also invited to stay for the after-party.
Woo-hoo! Another night with Noah Dorian.
Ouch! I found my clip on my way back to the bathroom. It was now broken into several pieces. I inspected the bottom of my foot to make sure the darn thing hadn’t penetrated my skin.
It was all good. I would wear flats with memory foam inside them today.
So much for wearing a clip. I dug through my small drawer of miscellaneous stuff that had no home in the cabinet for others but didn’t see one. Oh well. I’d have to use a ponytail holder instead. No biggie.
A brief inspection in the mirror had me removing the scrunchie. Final decision─my hair would be worn down today.
Shit. What was I supposed to wear tonight? I should’ve asked Tasha when I had her on the phone. I didn’t think about it because I was so excited about seeing Noah. Google, you have your work cut out for you today.
Before I knew it, my workday was over, and Casey was sitting on my bed doing research on my iPad while I fished clothes out of my closet.
“I don’t know why you’re freaking out about this. You’re going as an observer. Dress in work attire.”
I hoped she could see the evil eye I gave her.
“I don’t want to come off as uptight or stuffy.”
“Since when did you start caring about what others think about your professional appearance, unless Master Noah is getting under your skin?”
Her smile was so not sincere. Bitch.
“Will you please stop referring to him like that? I’m not trying to impress Noah Dorian.”
“Fine, then wear your navy suit.”
Her focus shifted to a gossip magazine while I got busy in my closet, pulling out suits only to hang them right back on the rack. Nothing seemed to be shouting out, “Wear me! Pick me!”
Maybe the blue suit would look good. I held it up in front of me, studying my appearance in the full-length mirror. I immediately shook my head. “Boring.”
“I knew it. You like him. Don’t you?” She pointed at me accusingly.
I feigned innocence. “What’re you talking about? I’ve only met the man once, and that was to watch him engage in a sex scene. Not my usual type of guy.” Maybe if I said it enough times, I’d believe it.
“You did say he didn’t fuck the girl.”
“Yeah, and?”
“And nothing. I’m not saying a thing. Why don’t you wear your black skinny jeans? They show off your ass.” She gestured to my derrière, raising her eyebrows for added emphasis.
“I’m not putting my body on display at a sex club.” I crossed my arms in front of me, standing my ground firmly.
“It’s a collaring ceremony. Google says it’s kind of like a wedding ceremony. Why don’t you wear a dress?”
Yes! Why had it taken so long for the light bulb to turn on? “That’s a great idea.”
She thought so too, smiling proudly, taking the credit for Google.
“Wear the black strappy one. You look hot in it.”
I removed it from the hanger and tried it on. I admired my reflection. The dress hugged my full hips in the most perfect way, but it did show a bit too much cleavage for my taste.
Turning around gave me a backside view. I nodded in satisfaction with my choice.
“I’m glad you and your dad finally had a conversation about how you feel.” I slid the dress off and put it back on the hanger. I didn’t want it to crease.
“Me too. After the hour-long conversation we should’ve had years ago, I feel like he actually listened to what I had to say. Whether he agrees or not is another story altogether. I told him about my interest in transpersonal psychology, which of course he thinks is hocus pocus and not real psychology.”
I saw her pouting in the mirror. I faced her. “Don’t worry about what he thinks. I couldn’t be happier for you.”
“We’ll see what happens. I asked him to find out if I can transfer out of my current internship. It’s so damn boring. I’m in a clinical psychology program, and he has me working in the research department gathering information for a study he’s conducting. So even though it satisfies the requirement of me working under supervision with clients, it’s not the way I want to work with them. I’m so tired of living his life.” She collapsed back on the bed, sighing, stretched out her arms and looked up at the ceiling, the magazine falling on the comforter. “I just want to do what I like for a change.”
“Damn right, girlfriend. I’m so proud of you for finally speaking up to him.
Hopefully, he’ll put your words into action. Now, please help me with my hair and makeup. I need all the help I can get.” I took hold of her hands, pulling her up and off the bed.
She stood in front of me, placing them on my shoulders. “Jordin, you’re beautiful. You don’t need to do all that stuff to impress anyone. Like you said, you’re merely going there to do your job.”
Her sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed.
“Shut up.” I teasingly slapped her arm, and the two of us broke out into a fit of giggles.
6
Noah
Tonight was going to be a wonderful opportunity for Jordin to see the softer side of a Dominant/submissive relationship. It would kind of resemble a wedding ceremony and hopefully inspire her to see beyond her negative judgments so she could have a more objective outlook.
“You can take off early if you want.” Derek pranced into my office and sat on one of the brown leather chairs in front of my desk, tossing a file on top of it.” Mitch is already here.”
“We have the collaring ceremony tonight.” I closed the folder I’d been working on and spun my chair around to file it in the cabinet behind my desk.
“I know, but between me and Mitch, we’re fine.”
“I invited Jordin to come and watch.” Facing forward again, I put some odds and ends in a drawer to help clear the clutter.
“And she can’t watch without you here?” His eyes followed my every move.
“I invited her, so it’s only right I stay and escort her to the event.” I gathered a few lone paperclips, placing them in their small holder. I hated clutter on my desk. Everything had a place.
“Why do I have the feeling you wouldn’t be okay with me or Mitch accompanying her? It’s not like she needs handholding or anything.”
The pompous look on his face and the way he leaned back in his chair and rested his arms on the armrests irritated me.
“I agreed to assist her with her work, and this way I can answer any questions she might have.”
“I see. Because Mitch and I certainly wouldn’t be able to do that for her.”