by Faith Starr
“Hey, if I’m lucky enough to have a body like yours next to me all night, then you can’t blame me if I can’t keep my hands to myself.”
I shook my head in disbelief. He was all boy—full of testosterone. And for the record, it was me who was lucky to have him sleeping next to me all night.
38
Noah
I fell asleep holding Jordin and woke up the exact same way. She remained asleep when I climbed off the bed to go to the bathroom. I did my thing, then checked my phone to discover two missed calls. My cell and I hid out in the kitchen so I wouldn’t disturb her.
“Good morning, Mr. Dorian. Dr. Fields would like a word with you.”
“Is everything okay?” I rubbed my brow with concern, pacing back and forth in the small space. He rarely phoned me.
“I’ll put Dr. Fields on the line. Please hold.”
Tick tock, tick tock, get on the phone already! I continued pacing back and forth steadily.
“Hi, Noah, this is Dr. Fields.”
“What’s going on?” There was no time for pleasantries. I needed answers.
“Your brother had a breakthrough earlier. He uttered a word to Patty.”
My mouth dropped open in complete shock. “What! He did! What did he say?” I must’ve been loud, because Jordin entered the kitchen in a comatose state, yawning and stretching her arms above her head.
“He said your name. We were all beyond surprised. I wanted to know if you could stop by at some point today. Maybe if he sees you, it’ll encourage him to speak again.”
I nodded even though the doctor couldn’t see me. “Of course I’ll come by. I just need to get dressed, and I’ll be on my way.”
“Great. I’m very optimistic about this, Noah.”
Yeah, I was too. My brother hadn’t spoken a word in years. This was incredible news. Fuck. I needed to get there ASAP.
“Is everything okay?” Jordin gathered her long, beautiful hair and twisted it up, somehow making it stay put without falling down.
“Yes, baby. Everything’s great.” I hugged her enthusiastically, my heart racing a mile a minute. “I hate to run so soon, but I have to go. Something’s come up.” I headed for the bedroom to gather my clothes.
“What’s going on?” She followed, watching me get dressed.
My brother was a subject I never spoke with anyone about other than my family, and I wasn’t about to start now.
“I have something important to take care of.” I sat on her bed and slipped on a sock.
“Hmm.” She had disappointment in her voice.
“What’s hmm?” I eyed her, slipping the other one on.
“I have some clarity. That’s all.”
She stood in front of me with her hands on her hips. I had no clue what she was referring to, but I was in too good of a mood for an argument.
“Clarity about what?”
“Last night you told me it all begins with trust. I guess when you said that, it meant it only goes one way.”
Fuck. I rubbed my brow for the second time that morning.
“No. That’s not what it meant.” I sat upright. Seems we were going to discuss this after all.
“Enlighten me, then. You want me to trust you, but you don’t want to risk trusting me in return.”
She sat next to me, her knee hiked up on the bed, her other foot resting on the floor. At least she didn’t speak in anger. Rather, she was trying to have a conversation.
“This has nothing to do with us.”
“Really? It looks like you just got the news of the century, yet you don’t want to share it with me. I would say it definitely has something to do with us. I’m not implying we have to divulge our deep, dark secrets, but I would certainly hope you’d want to include me in life happenings that take place outside the bedroom.”
Shit! This was my fault for being so loud in the kitchen.
“You’re putting me in an uncomfortable position, Jordin.”
“And bringing me to your family’s home last night where I got to witness an ex-girlfriend rattle on about your bedroom antics, find out your family owns one of the largest publishing companies in the world, which you and your brothers will now assist in running, and get rejected when you refused to take a picture with me wasn’t uncomfortable?”
Fuck! Fuck! Triple fuck! I stood and began to pace in front of her bed, my nerves getting the best of me. I wanted to get out of here and go see my brother, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen without me telling Jordin first, who sat patiently, watching me as though she was viewing a tennis match.
“Fuck. Fine, do you want to know where I’m running of too?” I stopped in front of her, swiping my hand through my hair.
“Yes. I would.” She remained seated on the bed in a relaxed manner. I’m glad one of us was.
“Then go shower and get dressed. We’re going to take a ride. And for the record, Sydney was never my girlfriend.” I walked into the bathroom to wash my face and clean my teeth. I used her toothbrush since I didn’t have one of my own. I figured it wouldn’t matter after what we had done last night.
Jordin Turner was killing me. Why I was allowing her to penetrate my wall of steel was beyond me. I enjoyed being an isolationist. It had served me well. I didn’t need this shit of feeling guilt. Guilt was something you felt when you did something wrong. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Besides, we weren’t in a relationship.
Not in a relationship.
Maybe if I said it enough times, I would start to believe it.
39
Jordin
Not wanting to give him a chance to change his mind and ditch me, I hightailed it to the bathroom and took the world’s fastest shower. I threw on a pair of jeans with a T-shirt, gathered my wet hair, clipped it in a bun, and bam, I was ready to rock.
I had no idea where we were headed, but I couldn’t wait to find out. Hopefully, it would place another puzzle piece into the mystery that was Noah Dorian and give me more insight into a wonderful man who was stubborn as hell. I knew he didn’t owe me anything, but the fact he trusted me enough to take me wherever we were going pleased me, a lot.
Noah was hastily burning a hole in my carpet, plodding in the living room, having a private conversation with himself. Man. He was really worked up about something.
“Care to share?”
“Are you ready to go?” He tugged his keys out of his pocket, ignoring my question.
Wow. I had never seen him like this. A speedy transfer of my license out of the fancy purse I had worn last night into my pocket, and I was good to go.
“I’m ready. Are you going to give me a hint as to where we’re going?”
“You’ll see when we get there.”
I felt his tension from across the room. It transferred into the car as well.
We rode to our destination without saying a word. Noah remained deep in thought throughout. He did hold my hand, which assured me he was aware of my presence even though he wasn’t acknowledging it. I gave him his space. His touch was enough for me.
We drove quite a way out of town to a secluded area. We approached a large gate, and he squeezed my hand, biting his lower lip. He glanced at me nervously. “Are you ready?”
“I don’t know what I should be ready for, but whatever it is, I’m game.”
“Good. So am I.”
And with that, he pulled through the gate and spoke with a guard. Once granted access to the premises, I saw a sign that read, Golden Oaks Psychiatric and Rehabilitation Center.
“What are we doing here?” My eyes narrowed in confusion. This was the last place on earth I had expected to end up.
“Do you want to come inside with me and find out or not?” He was cold as ice.
“Noah, what the hell is going on?” I released my hand from his. I deserved an explanation.
“It’s sometimes easier to show someone than tell them.”
He pulled into a parking space and got out of the car. He walked around to my side and assisted me out. I r
efrained from making another comment. Someone close to him had to be behind the locked doors that were mere steps in front of us.
The excitement I’d felt before was replaced with apprehension. I had seen more than my fair share of mental illness during my practicums. After all, mental health was my profession. But being at this place and seeing how Noah had become a completely different person after receiving the phone call back at my apartment had my stomach twisted in knots.
One… Two… Three…
Deep breathing usually helped me in situations like this. Maybe I should’ve done more of it last night? Oh well, it was too late to think about it now. Whatever Noah was about to face, I wanted to be a source of comfort for him, not a burden.
We entered the building and headed over to the check-in area.
“My favorite visitor.” An older-looking woman with a thick Hispanic accent smiled brightly at Noah.
“Good morning, Juanita. You look as lovely as ever.” Noah smiled at the grandmotherly lady in appreciation. He leaned over the desk and sweetly kissed her cheek.
“You too, sweetie, but then again, you always do.” Her attention shifted toward me. “I see you brought a friend with you today.”
“Yes. This is Jordin.” He turned to me and smiled.
“It’s nice to meet you, Jordin. May I please see some identification?”
It was a good thing I had brought my license. I fished it out of my pocket and handed it to her.
“You’re a lucky woman to be standing with Mr. Dorian.” Her eyes were again on Noah.
“Ignore her. She says that to every man who comes here.” Noah grinned.
“Oh no, I only say that to you, Mr. Dorian.”
Noah’s cheeks actually flushed a little. It was so adorable.
“Are we all clear to go?” He clapped his hands, obviously antsy to move on with our visit.
“All clear. It was nice meeting you, Jordin.”
“You too, Juanita.”
Noah took my hand and led me through the first security check point after Juanita buzzed us in. He then pressed a button attached to a small camera located next to the elevator. He stood in front of it so he could be seen and specified his destination to the attendant through the small speaker. Once granted access, we stepped inside the elevator. None of this fazed me. I had been in plenty of mental hospitals, just for reasons other than this one.
The two of us stood side by side, looking at the silver doors in front of us.
As the elevator rose, so did my heartbeat. I was glad he wasn’t holding my hand, because both palms now perspired to no end. I had no clue what I was about to face. I sensed his hesitation as well. His hands practically curled up into fists. Poor thing. My heart hurt for him.
When the ding signaled our arrival, I wiped my hands on my jeans to dry them off, taking a deep breath before stepping out of the elevator. This was the moment of truth.
He led me toward a set of locked doors, small rectangular windows in both, and pushed a ringer. A tech came out and greeted us.
“Noah, it’s good to see you. Your brother’s doin’ well today, man.”
Noah’s brother?
“Thanks, Roger.” Noah didn’t look at me. Instead, he took hold of my hand, his palm a little sweaty, and guided me across the room.
Most of the patients sat in wheelchairs. Some lounged in front of the television, while others played cards at a table. It was clear most of them played by themselves. This was like major-league psychiatric care.
“Noah.” A frail old lady sitting in her wheelchair took notice and smiled. We stopped in front of her.
“Good morning, Gretchen. You look beautiful like always.” Noah spoke lovingly toward her. It was very moving.
“Thank you, dear. I just came from the salon. I colored my hair. Do you like it?” She fluffed it and turned her head side to side to give him a better view. It went without saying she hadn’t come from the salon. Her short gray hair was an absolute mess.
“It looks gorgeous. Just like you.” He spoke earnestly.
“You’re such a doll. Too bad I’m not twenty years younger.”
My heart practically melted onto the floor beneath me. His kindness and sensitivity toward her astonished me. Of everything I’d experienced with him, this was by far the icing on the cake and demonstrated how wonderful a man he truly was.
After saying goodbye to Gretchen, he led me over to a window where a man of similar age, plus or minus a few years, sat in a wheelchair, staring into space.
Holy shit. Noah was a mini-me version of him. He didn’t have to tell me it was his brother. The resemblance was uncanny.
“Hi, Niles.”
We stood in front of him. He didn’t look at us. He didn’t acknowledge us. But we still stood there.
“Remember the woman I told you about? I brought her with me to meet you today. This is Jordin.”
What? He had spoken about me to his brother? The brother in front of me who clearly lived in another hemisphere? Noah had just topped the icing on the cake. My heart raced again, this time with excitement.
“Jordin, this is my brother, Niles Dorian.” He swiped his hand through his hair nervously, the other one still in mine.
“It’s nice to meet you, Niles.” I spoke to him as I would any other person. Niles didn’t respond. Not that I expected him to.
“Let me grab us some chairs.” Noah spoke enthusiastically, seemingly pleased with my behavior toward Niles.
My heart sank deeper into the pit of my stomach, aching for Noah. This was a huge deal, and the fact that he brought me here? No reply would do it justice. It was beyond-words touching.
Noah scurried off in search of chairs. I watched him greet patients during his quest. He grabbed two vacant folding chairs from the other side of the room and carried them over. He placed them side by side in front of Niles’ wheelchair.
“Have a seat.” He gestured for me to sit. I did. He did too. “So bro, last night Aunt Jenny had a retirement party for Uncle Phil. He’s only semi-retiring but you know how much Aunt Jenny loves to throw parties. He’ll still remain on the board so he won’t be far. Jordin over here came with me. Do you remember what I told you she does for a living?” He paused, like he expected to get a response from his brother.
This side of Noah totally blew me away. Tasha was dead-on when she said he was a nice guy. To be honest, that descriptive didn’t do him justice. I had never seen a man act so compassionately toward a mentally ill patient, at least not in my limited experience.
“She’s a psychologist. Isn’t it ironic that we’re sitting here together in this place, and I’m dating a therapist?”
Yay! Guess that meant we were dating. I breathed deeply to bring myself down. The situation at hand didn’t call for my overabundance of jubilation.
“You better watch yourself with her, though. She loves to know what you’re thinking all the time.”
“No, I don’t.” My brows went down, and I wore a playful scowl, demonstrating my rebuttal.
“She does, Niles. She’s just trying to impress you.” He chuckled, his focus still on his brother.
“I don’t need to try.” I sat up, holding my head tall and proud.
“No, you don’t. You’ve already impressed me, which means Niles over here will be just as moved by you.”
Aww. Now he had to go and say something sweet again, pulling me out of my spirited mood.
“Good morning, Noah.” An African-American woman approached, wearing a warm smile. She rubbed his back.
Noah’s eyes lit up at her presence. “Hi, Patty, this is Jordin.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Jordin. Any friend of Noah’s is a friend of mine. I’m so glad both of you are here. Niles said a word earlier today.” Her hands came together in a prayer formation. She looked up as if thanking the universe.
“Yes, I already know. Dr. Fields called to tell me the great news.” Noah smiled wide in acknowledgment, equally enthused.
“
I think this visit with your friend is a wonderful way to show him how supportive you are of him.” She looked at me, sincerity oozing out of her.
“Niles already knows I support him all the way, right, bro?” Noah patted his brother on the shoulder with encouragement.
“N…o…ah.”
Noah jerked back, practically jumping out of his seat, getting down in front of his brother’s knees.
“Bro, I’m right here. I knew you heard me. Week after week the doctors said you couldn’t, but I didn’t believe them. I knew you did.”
Tears seeped out from the corners of Noah’s eyes. He held on to his brother’s knees, his body rocking from all the emotion overtaking it. It was difficult to hold back my own.
“I better go and get Dr. Fields.” Patty hurried toward a door, quickly slipping inside and closing it behind her.
“It’s so good to hear your voice.”
My tears now got the best of me.
“Noah, I’m so glad you’re here. Patty just informed me that Niles tried to say your name again.” A man in a white lab coat stood next to us along with Patty.
Noah remained kneeling down in front of his brother, still holding on to him. It became difficult for me to swallow because of the lump stuck in my throat. I had never been on the other side of a situation like this.
“I was about to ask Noah if he and his guest would like to join us for our daily walk when Niles spoke.” Patty was so excited she could barely talk.
“That’s great news. Let’s just keep doing what we’re doing and pray this is only the beginning of what’s yet to come.” Dr. Fields nodded in gratified approval.
“Did you hear that, Niles? I want you to keep talking to me. Why don’t we go and take that walk now, Patty? I’m sure we could all use a bit of fresh air.”
Noah rose and turned away from us. He wiped his eyes. Patty and I wiped ours as well.
There was no need for him to feel self-conscious in front of me, especially since he already owned my heart. Absolutely nothing he did could change that at this point.
He pushed his brother’s wheelchair while Patty and I walked alongside. I hated wiping my nose on the back of my hand, but since I didn’t have my purse, I had no tissues. I didn’t realize it was going to be such an emotional morning.