by Faith Starr
“Why haven’t you returned any of my calls? I’ve left you like three messages.”
“Because I have nothing to say to you, Syd.” I stepped outside my apartment and locked up.
“Really? One night of foolish behavior on my part and you’re ready to throw in the towel on a lifetime of friendship?”
At the elevator, I pressed the Down button. “It sounded to me like you wanted a bit more out of our friendship in your little speech, plus, you embarrassed my date and Derek as well.”
“I was drunk and stupid. We’ve all had those moments. Come on, Noah. I’m trying. Cut me some slack.”
“What about Derek? Should he cut you some slack too?”
“I’ll deal with Derek.”
“I think you’ve dealt with him enough. Stop fucking around with him. It’s not right.”
The door opened. I knew I’d lose reception once the door closed so I held the button so I could finish our call.
“Big brother to the rescue.”
Damn right.
“You know what? You don’t deserve a guy like Derek. He’s too good for you.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say. Obviously neither one of you felt that way when we all fucked that night.”
She was so full of herself. Derek was worthy of so much more.
“Hey, it was a good time had by all.”
“You’re such a dick.”
“You’re the one who requested a threesome, so don’t call me a dick just because I agreed to participate in it.”
“Come on, Noah. You know I love you guys. I’ll come clean with Derek. I just don’t want any hard feelings between the two of us. Are we good?”
No. Not really.
“Don’t ever let a situation like that present itself again. Got it?”
“I got it. And Noah?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
What a piece of work. Hopefully Derek would realize that and have nothing more to do with her.
When I got downstairs, I checked around. Frank was engaged in a scene with two women while Giselle watched in the viewing room along with some other members. At least they had moved on from their disappointment with me. They both looked happy as did the women he played with.
“How did private tutoring with the hot detective go?” I found Derek observing in the dungeon.
“She was a bit skittish and jumpy. You know how they are at the beginning. She needs time and practice. She’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”
“I’m sure it’s a terrible burden for you to have to give her private lessons.” My faux disappointment earned me a smile.
“Yeah, I agree. It’s horrible.” He shook his head, his eyes focusing down in displeasure.
Smiling, I patted him on the back. “By the way, Sydney called.”
His joyful mood quickly vanished. “What the fuck did she want?”
“To apologize.”
His eyes opened wide, puzzlement filling him. “And?”
“I told her you’re too good for her. Don’t be surprised if she calls you.”
“I don’t think she’ll want to hear what I have to say.” At least this time his anger wasn’t directed at me.
“Just giving you a forewarning, D. On a positive note, I’m taking Jordin out to dinner tomorrow night.”
“You finally caved in and called her?” His smartass comment deserved a smirk. “I’m glad. Now maybe you’ll stop acting like such a prick. When she was around, you were a lot calmer.”
“Fuck you.”
“See? This is exactly what I’m talking about.” He chuckled. “Good for you, bro.” He patted me on the back.
49
Jordin
I took one final glimpse in the mirror. Noah would be arriving shortly. I did a full body scan: sweaty palms—check; butterflies in stomach—check; rapid heartbeat—check; throbbing in pelvic area—check; trembling extremities—check.
Everything was right on target. My body reacted the same way it always did to Noah Dorian. The fact the sensations got stronger meant he was nearby.
Not one minute later there was a knock at my door. I took a few deep breaths on my way to answer it. It’s good he couldn’t see how my insides responded to his presence.
“Hello, Jordin.”
Oh my. Damn him for looking so good. His jeans hugged his body in just the right way, and he had on a long-sleeved pastel-colored polo with the sleeves partially rolled up, and to top it off, penny loafers. Ah. I was in preppyville heaven. And his Polo Black intoxicated me even more than it usually did. His wavy brown hair was disheveled and messy. And his big blue eyes? Let’s just say the man could be pasted on the side of an Abercrombie bag.
“Noah. Would you like to come in?”
“If I come in, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”
Enough said. Ironically, my thoughts matched his.
“In that case, let me grab my purse and we’ll head out.” We had some talking to do so it was in the best interests of both of us if we vacated the premises.
“All set.” With clutch in hand, I stepped out in the hallway and locked my door.
“I missed seeing your beautiful smile.” His close proximity already had me breathing heavily.
“Unfortunately, I haven’t smiled much this week.” I offered him my pathetic excuse of one. My mouth was a little out of practice.
“That makes two of us. Shall we?” He extended his elbow so I could slip my hand through the opening. I thought I would feel uncomfortable or nervous, but surprisingly, I didn’t. Even though things needed to be said and discussed, there was still that level of ease and comfort between us.
“Where are we off to?”
We stood side by side in the elevator, neither one of us looking at the other. I think both of us knew the bomb was about to drop.
“I made a reservation at a quiet steakhouse. I wanted to make sure we have privacy.”
“Sounds great.”
The elevator doors certainly received plenty of attention, both of us concentrating hard on them.
Once outside, he assisted me into his BMW. Again, there was silence. It was as if both of us were afraid to speak.
After the car came to life and we pulled out of the complex, he reached over and took my hand in his. Any residual feelings of apprehension I’d about tonight faded away as he caressed my hand with his thumb. I’d missed his touch so much. I’d missed him so much.
My feelings bubbled to the surface. I had to take a deep breath to suppress them because I didn’t want to cry. I had done enough of that over the past week to last my heart a lifetime.
Like he had said, the restaurant was quiet. We had a table reserved out back overlooking the bay. Noah assisted me into my chair. The waiter unfolded my napkin and set it on my lap. He opened the menu and placed it in my hands.
Holy shit! A house salad cost fifteen dollars. Note to self, skip the appetizer. And the cheapest entrée on the menu was forty dollars. Damn. Maybe a glass of iced tea and a roll would hold me over until I got home. But then I noticed that an iced tea cost five bucks.
“Is something wrong? You look displeased.” He sat forward, again taking my hand in his.
“Yes. Something is wrong. When you asked me to join you for dinner, I didn’t think we were eating at the Ritz.” I tried to keep my voice low so nobody would hear our conversation.
“It’s just a restaurant. I don’t see the problem.”
You wouldn’t.
“The problem is that a Diet Coke is like five dollars. That’s insane.” I didn’t care if it came in a solid gold glass. I wasn’t about to allow him to spend that much money on a soda.
“Then have water.”
Laugh all you want. I didn’t find it one bit funny. “I’m being serious.”
“We can always share.” He took his glass of ice water and placed it between us.
“No. There’s a ten-dollar sharing charge.” I picked it up and set it back down in f
ront of him.
“Jordin, I brought you here because the food is great, and the ambiance is low-key. Don’t look at the prices. Just look at the selections and choose something you find interesting.”
I rested my arm on the table, my eyes going to his. “Like you, Mr. Dorian?”
“You can have me, if you’d like.”
Love to was more like it.
“That’s so not what I meant.” I picked up my glass and took a sip of water, my insides warm all of a sudden.
“Too bad.” He watched me set the glass down.
The waiter returned in the nick of time because pretty soon I would need a fire extinguisher. He placed a serving tray of warm bread and garlic butter in between us. I splurged and went for the iced tea. Noah chose a Perrier with lemon.
“Have you found anything yet?”
He studied his menu. I had missed seeing his beautiful face. He peered at me from over the top of it, catching me staring in return. Shit. I buried my face in mine.
“Well, being that we’re in a steakhouse…I just don’t know which one to get.”
“How about we have the porterhouse for two?” He folded his menu and placed it to the side.
“What kind of steak is that?” I did the same. I didn’t really care what he ordered. I wasn’t really here for the food.
“A porterhouse is like both a filet mignon and a strip sirloin.”
“Mmm, that sounds good.”
“Would you like an appetizer to start?”
Why did I feel like every question had a sexual innuendo? Could it be because Noah Dorian had me burning up in flames?
“How about a Caesar salad?”
“Sounds good. Which sides would you like with the entrée?”
Jeez. So many questions. I picked up a roll and sliced it in half. It was warm and fresh, a bit hard on the outside, soft and doughy on the inside. Yum, I couldn’t wait to have a bite.
Wow, it was as tasty as it looked. Did a basket of rolls count as a dinner selection?
I shrugged in answer to his question because I wasn’t sure. “What would you like?” It was time to toss some questions his way.
He eyed me seductively. There was so much sexual tension between us you could practically cut it with a steak knife. How seemingly appropriate. There were many to be found in this place.
“How about the broccoli au gratin?”
“Sure. Are you going to suggest a wine, Mr. Connoisseur?”
“Why, yes, madam. Let me have a look at the wine menu.” He took the small menu and opened it, studying it carefully.
Again, I watched in admiration. He truly was a sight to see, and he sat here with me. That brought a smile to my face.
His eyes shifted away from his menu to find me taking pleasure in his every move, his boyish grin melting my heart. “Let’s go with the cabernet sauvignon.”
“Sure, whatever that is.” I had no clue about wine.
He set the menu aside with the dinner menu and took my hand in his. He brought it to his lips and kissed it. “You’re very cute, Jordin Turner.”
It was as though he could see right through me. I picked up my roll to break the intensity of his stare.
“Are you ready to order?”
The waiter startled me from my daze, causing me to drop my roll midair. Shit. I looked at Noah and then at the waiter, smiling at both of them as I picked it up and set it back on the little dish. The bite would have to wait.
Noah ordered both of our meals, and then once again, silence resumed.
“Shall we discuss the elephant in the room now or would you rather wait?”
Guess he couldn’t take postponing the inevitable any longer either.
“Now’s good.” I took a deep breath. You can do this. I directed my attention at him.
“Okay. Why were you at the club without giving me any forewarning?”
Why not go in for the kill?
“I hadn’t heard from you and wanted to see you. When Tasha greeted me, she asked if you were expecting me. I told her I stopped by to say hi. She was busy with a guest, so she granted me access to the floors. I started with the fantasy suite area since that was where we hung out that one evening. There was a guard monitoring the hallway. I asked where you were, and he informed me you were engaged in a scene. I’m assuming Tasha had given him permission to let me in, because he said I could go inside the viewing area to watch with no questions asked. I instantly felt angry and jealous, so I did what any normal woman would do, I sat down and watched.”
His face was void of expression. It made me crazy, because I had no clue what he was thinking or feeling.
“And?”
“You already know the ending. I left.” My feelings were written on my sleeve.
“I didn’t want you to see me like that.” He held my hand for assurance. “If I had known you were sitting in there, I would’ve stopped the scene. I didn’t see you until it was too late. I felt terrible. Feel terrible.” He squeezed it gently.
It was difficult to swallow, my mouth extremely dry. I picked up my glass and took a sip of water. “Then why didn’t you come after me?”
“Is that what you wanted me to do? Chase after you?”
Casey was right in her assessment. Damn, how foolish and juvenile I’d been. I took another sip of water, this time to wash down my remorse and guilt.
“I rarely do scenes anymore. The one you witnessed was officially my last. My brothers and I have all agreed to hire others to work the floors and rooms since we need to focus on the publishing company. The reason I didn’t want you to see me like that was for this exact reason. And for the record, I did chase after you, but you had already left.”
I sighed. “I know I had no reason to feel jealous or angry. That’s on me. You were only doing your job. But it was hurtful to see you give pleasure to another woman. Ugh. Listen to me right now.” I glanced down at my lap, shaking my head slightly. “I know we aren’t in a relationship or anything like that, Noah, and I have no right to make you feel bad about the work you do. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” I couldn’t bear to look at him. I felt too ashamed.
“Look at me.” He shook my hand a little, the one still firmly in his grasp.
Slowly, I lifted my head. His eyes were full of warmth and that familiar pain in my heart returned.
“I’m sorry you saw what you did. I know it must sound cliché to hear me say it didn’t mean anything, but it didn’t. Giselle belongs to Master Frank. They get off on watching each other with different partners.”
“But why did it have to be you?” That’s the part I didn’t understand.
“She requested me, and Frank used his public influence and membership to threaten me if I didn’t agree. I told him it was a one-time deal, and it was. It won’t happen again. I don’t want it to.”
Blink. Please eyes, just blink. “I’m sorry I ran off. I should’ve acted like an adult and spoken to you about my feelings. I just felt…hurt.” Now breathe.
“I would never want to hurt you.”
It was difficult to give him eye contact, but I did. “Is that what you like in the bedroom? You acted so differently with her than you have with me.”
“I’m not going to lie and say I don’t like to dominate in the bedroom every now and then, but I also like what we do as well. If that means I have to put that part of myself to rest for a while, then so be it.”
“Noah, I don’t want you to change who you are because of me. I just don’t know if I can give you what you need.”
“Do you hear me complaining in that department?”
The napkin on my lap was pretty in all its blackness. Not.
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Dr. Turner, please take the stand. I sat upright. “The problem is that if we hold back a part of ourselves to please someone else, then we sacrifice our own needs. I wouldn’t want that kind of burden. It’s a selfish one to bear.”
“Let me de
cide what my needs are. Trust me, if I need more, I’ll tell you.”
“But I don’t know if I can be that.”
“I’ve never asked you to. I’ve only asked that you be open-minded to exploring new things. Do you think I would ever do anything to you that you didn’t consent to?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Then we’re good.” He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
And that was it. Problem resolved.
The rest of dinner was spent discussing my work at the clinic and how he and Derek were going to begin their transition over to Dorian Publishing. He informed me how he’d been working with his uncle for years so it wasn’t a big change for him. He was just excited to be able to focus on what he enjoyed most, which was business.
After our meal, I once again did a full body scan: hand being caressed by his—check; belly satisfied and full of delicious food—check; strong and steady heartbeat—check; continuous throbbing in pelvic area—check; still trembling extremities—check.
50
Noah
“Has there been any further progress with your brother?”
Our eyes met. I took a sip of my drink. Her question had come out of nowhere.
“Sadly, no. I’ll see him this weekend.”
“Do you visit him often?” Casual conversations about Niles were something I didn’t do.
“Every Sunday.”
“Do you mind if I ask how long he’s lived there?”
Uh, yes. I actually did mind. Some shift and sway action was about to take place.
“For most of my life.” I picked up my roll and took a bite. “Derek’s teaching the fine art of submission to one of our new members. Maybe you would like to watch a session or two?” Nonchalant and smooth, the perfect technique.
“For me personally or for my work?”
Distraction tactic 101, mission accomplished. “I was going to say for your work, but if you want to take a few notes, I certainly wouldn’t mind.”