by Faith Starr
Where was he going with all this? With my elbow on my armrest, I rested my chin on my hand. “I know, Uncle Phil. I’ve never doubted that.”
“Good. How’s Niles doing? Patty informed me that he said your name.”
I sat up straight, assuming this meeting had nothing to do with work. “Have you been to see him?”
“No. It pains me too much to see him like that. He’s not the Niles I once knew.”
His words hurt, as did seeing my brother in his current state with the awareness that nobody went to visit him other than me.
“But he’s still my brother and your nephew, and it’s important for him to know how much the family loves and supports him.”
“I’ve been supporting him since your parents passed, Noah.”
He knew what I thought by my smirk. But I chose to say it anyway. “I’m not referring to that. I just think it would be nice if you paid him a visit.”
“I’ll think about it. How did such a tough guy like you turn out to have such a caring heart?”
A question I frequently asked myself. Sure, Uncle Phil and Aunt Jenny had provided me with nothing but love while growing up, but losing my parents at such a young age had been devastating and was a loss I carried inside each and every day.
“Is there anything else you would like to discuss, Uncle Phil? I have a lot of work to do.” My lips tasted a bit salty from the pretzels I had just eaten. I wanted a glass of water.
“No. Go on, son. I’m hearing good things from the boys upstairs. It seems like you’re fitting in splendidly.”
“That’s good to hear, because I love what I’m doing.” Finally. I didn’t mind speaking about business.
“Good, because very soon you’ll be in charge of all of it.”
Suddenly, it became difficult for me to swallow. “Ex…cuse me?”
“You heard me. I recently had a visit with my cardiologist. He said my blood pressure is dangerously high even though I’m on medication, eat well, and exercise. He thinks the culprit is that I work eighty-plus hours a week. I had always planned on working until the day I died, but seeing how you’ve taken the reins so quickly, I’m feeling a change of heart. And that’s because I feel confident you can fill my shoes, Noah.”
Slow down, please. Running financials and running the company were two completely different things. My foot was back in high gear again. “Uncle Phil, I’m not qualified to run this company yet.”
“You sure as hell are, son. You took that piece-of-shit warehouse and turned it into a million-dollar club. You’ve been working for me since the time you were a teen. You know this business inside and out. Your father and I started this company the same way you started Hilltops, with sweat, tears, passion, hard work, and dedication. You have it in you. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard. I had to take a deep breath. What were his plans for my brothers? “What about Derek and Mitch?”
“Mitch is happy at the club. Leave him there. And I’m happy he shows up and gets a paycheck. As far as Derek’s concerned, he’ll help you out, but you’ll be the top gun. Keep in mind that both you and Niles inherited your father’s shares in this company. Therefore, the three of us are equal partners. When my time is up, Derek and Mitch will inherit mine. But until that time comes, you’ll be the ringleader.” I preferred referee or senior management.
“I don’t want animosity between me and the guys. We’re like brothers.”
“They’ll be fine. They’re both financially taken care of.”
Why did he think everything revolved around money? “It’s not about the money. I don’t want them to think differently about me. I would never want them to feel that I’m trying to take over the family business.”
“Your father and I started this company together. It’s just as much yours as it is theirs, and I don’t trust anybody else, but you to continue the exponential growth we’ve been so blessed to achieve.”
“And what about my work at the club?”
“You can’t do both.”
What? Giving up my role at the club was a no-can-do. I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms. “Just like you don’t trust anybody else to oversee the publishing house, I don’t trust anybody else to oversee the club.”
“That’s something we’ll have to work out. I want the club to continue to thrive and grow, but I need you here, and you can’t be two places at once. Plus, you deserve to have a life as well or else you’ll end up to be an old man like me who works himself to the bone with high blood pressure. As much as I admire your work ethic, it can’t be all you do. How is that darling girl, Jordin, doing?”
Huh? It became difficult to keep up with his speeding train of thought. Jordin wasn’t a topic I wanted to discuss with him.
“What does Jordin have to do with this conversation?”
“Nothing really, I just think she’s lovely.”
He leaned back in his chair and slowly rocked in it. He was in total father mode now. Lucky me.
“I’ve never seen you look as content as when you’re with her nor since she came into your life. I want you to be happy, but in order to truly be so I don’t believe work can be your everything.”
I didn’t understand his point. And the fact I couldn’t control my foot really started to piss me off, because every time I stopped it, five seconds later it took off again.
“I hear what you’re saying, but Jordin and I are casually seeing each other. It’s nothing serious.”
The last thing I wanted was my family hounding me for information about her. The less they knew the better.
“Noah, you suffered a major loss at a young age.”
And now came the speech about how he and Aunt Jenny could never replace my parents, but how they loved me just the same. I could almost mouth the words along with him.
“In addition, your brother became disabled. You went through an ordeal. Aunt Jenny and I tried to provide you with as normal a life as possible under the circumstances. We both knew we could never replace your parents, nor did we try to, but what we could do was love you like one of our own, which is why we always referred to Derek and Mitch as your brothers, along with Niles.”
“And I’m eternally grateful to both of you, but what does that have to do with any of this?”
“You’ve always thrown yourself into work or studies, never a woman. Why’s that?”
My body instinctively suited up in protective gear. Unfortunately, the helmet and pads didn’t protect me like they should have. He already had me down on the ground, running ahead of me, free and clear, toward the end zone. He scored.
“Why, because I’ve always been too busy, that’s why.”
“That’s bullshit. It’s because you don’t want to lose another loved one.”
Breathe.
Now breathe again and calm the fuck down.
“Why are you trying to psychoanalyze me right now?” Or blow. That was always another option.
“You don’t have to get defensive.” His hand gesture to quiet me only pissed me off more. “I just think you’ve suffered long enough. It’s time for you to let love into your life. There are no guarantees for any of us. I think it stinks that you had to go through what you did, but you don’t have to punish yourself for the rest of your life because of it.”
Who did he think he was, fucking Dr. Phil? If I wanted a therapist, I had an exceptional one close to home whom I had spent the night with. One who was a lot better-looking too.
“I’m not punishing myself. I’m very happy with my life.” I shifted in my chair, the confines of it suddenly feeling too small to hold all the anger building inside me.
“Are you really?”
“Yes. I am.”
“If you say so. Please think about what I’ve said. That’s all I ask. I’ll call a meeting so we can speak with Mitch and Derek about the changes that are going to take place here. I want to be around to see my future grandchildren, if one of you ever gives
me any. It’s time for me to take it easy. I’ve worked my entire life, and I want to relax and enjoy what’s left of it with my beautiful wife and family.”
He was already onto the next subject. This conversation had become a fucking merry-go-round.
“Fuck. You’re not dead yet. Stop speaking like this is the end.”
“Think about what I’ve said. Enjoy the people in your life who are important to you while you still have the opportunity, because there are no guarantees in life. You deserve so much more. Now, go on, son, you’re making me feel sappy.”
Sappy? I was a fucking ball of emotions.
A wave goodbye and I all but bolted for the exit.
What the fuck was that all about?
71
Jordin
Alicia flipped through a gossip magazine when I entered Casey’s room.
“Is she going home today?” I didn’t want to wake Casey so I whispered.
“Yes. I’m so relieved. She was much more alert today and able to speak with the attending psychiatrist. He’s given his approval for her discharge but wants her to follow up with her therapist at the university.”
“How long has she been sleeping?” I desperately wanted to speak with her. Every time I came by she was asleep.
“She had a rough night. Hospitals are notorious for not giving patients a proper night’s sleep.”
I sat in the empty chair next to her bed. “I get it. Some of our classmates asked about her. I told them she was ill and at home recuperating. I didn’t know what else to say.”
“What you told them was perfect. Thank you. Oh Jordin, I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had lost another child.”
Fortunately, I was in the right mind-set to deal with the upcoming conversation. Tears already fell from her eyes.
“I know. The good news is that Casey will be fine.”
“Thank God. When Sari died, I didn’t think I’d be able to go on another day, but I had no choice. I had to be there for Casey. And when this happened, I relived that horrific experience all over again.”
And poor Casey still lived in her sister’s shadow.
“But Casey’s alive and breathing. It’s not the same thing. She needs you to believe in her and stop comparing her to Sari.”
She peered down at the floor, moving her foot along the circumference of a square tile. “Maybe this all happened because we pushed her too hard and protected her too much. I just couldn’t bear the thought of ever going through that kind of pain again, so I kept Casey on a short leash. Robert lost himself in his work. He would repeatedly tell Casey how proud it would make him if she followed in his footsteps, and she never once told either of us that she wanted something different. I don’t understand why she never told us how she really felt.”
“Maybe she didn’t want to hurt already broken hearts.” I breathed a sigh of relief, finally saying what I’d held back for so many years.
“I would hate to think that’s the reason why. That’s too much pressure for a young girl to have to endure.”
“You can’t blame yourself for this. I blamed myself too until a special friend helped talk me through it. Casey’s her own person, and whatever happened was beyond our control.”
“But I’m a mother. Isn’t every bad thing that happens to a child the mother’s fault?”
Her eyes were so sad. It was heartbreaking.
“You know better than that.”
“I’m going to go to the bathroom and freshen up.”
She went inside the small space and closed the door. I pulled my phone out of my purse and turned on some music, reassured that all was going to be okay. I held Casey’s hand.
“I spoke with Rich. Why didn’t you tell me you guys had a fight? I would’ve been there to talk about it with you. He’s sorry to hear you’re in the hospital. I didn’t give him specifics about why. Anyway, he sends his best and hopes you’ll forgive him. I told him you’ll call him when you’re feeling better. He obviously cares a lot about you. Hey, guess what? Noah agreed that he won’t see anyone else. How do you like that? He still won’t say we’re in a relationship, the scaredy-cat, but it’s a good start. He makes me feel so good about myself. If I didn’t know better, I would say I’m in love with him. He’s simply too good for words. You would just adore him too. I wish you would wake up so I could hear a smartass reply from you.”
I rested my head on her bed. Suddenly, there was slight pressure on my hand. “Casey!”
Her eyes remained closed, but she squeezed my hand again. Alicia came out of the bathroom just as Casey opened them up. My dear friend smiled at me. I literally lost it.
“Oh thank God!” It was my first time seeing her awake since the entire ordeal had transpired. “Welcome back, girlfriend. I missed you so much.” With tears in my eyes, I rested my head against her hand and finally let out the breath I’d been holding.
72
Noah
The lock on my door clicked with a simple turn. I needed some privacy. Uncle Phil had dumped a load on me. Derek and Mitch weren’t going to be happy with me leaving the club, and I honestly didn’t know how I felt about it. A part of me was excited because running the publishing company was the opportunity of a lifetime, but one that would require total dedication. Uncle Phil was right when he said I couldn’t be in two places at once. The other part of me felt I was somehow abandoning my brothers and the club.
As far as Jordin was concerned, I didn’t know what to feel. Uncle Phil was correct in his analysis of me even though I would never admit it to him.
When my parents died, so did my ability to love. Sure, I loved my aunt, my uncle, and my brothers, but the loss of my parents and seeing what happened to Niles had left me cold inside. Protecting my heart had become my only means of survival. Life at the club provided me with the perfect atmosphere to keep myself shielded from any type of romantic feelings.
Submissives I had been involved with meant nothing to me. Abby was the only normal relationship I had ever been in, and that was anything but. She was fun to hang out with and good in bed. That was enough for me. But it wasn’t enough for her. She wanted the white picket fence and kid thing. Sayonara, baby. That life wasn’t in the cards for me.
After she laid that shit on me, I hauled my ass downstairs to the club as fast as I could and engaged in as many scenes as possible until she finally caught sight of me with another woman in the viewing suite. Between that and her feelings of not being a priority in my life, she broke up with me.
The worst part was I didn’t feel a bit of remorse. Instead, I felt relieved. She tried to tame a wild bull. But with Jordin, it was different. When I tried to pull the same bullshit and screw around with Evie, I felt horrible. My conscience stopped me from going through with the act, and that’s what scared me the most. I had feelings for Jordin I had never before felt, and I didn’t want to fuck it up, but I also didn’t know how to move forward. I felt stuck.
Fucking phone! A text snapped me out of my deep thoughts, scaring the hell out of me.
Jordin: I spoke with Casey! I’m so happy! Would you like to celebrate the great news with me?
I smiled. This was her way of reaching out to me.
Noah: I would love to. Any opportunity to see you is a celebration.
Jordin: Wow. That’s so sweet you made me forget what it was we were talking about.
Noah: We were talking about how great it is that you spoke with Casey. How about I pick you up at eight and take you to dinner?
Jordin: I would love that.
Noah: See you later.
Jordin: I can’t wait.
And neither could I.
Feeling good with the knowledge that I would see her later, my merry-go-round of thoughts ceased and I was able to concentrate again. I spun my chair around and took the file I had been working on out of my locked drawer.
Fuck me. Who was it now? I needed to set up specific ring tones for different people.
“Hey man. It’s D.”
“After seeing the guest list for Friday night, Watson asked if she could attend. She feels the particular guests and members coming will provide her with a good opportunity to acquire pertinent information.”
“How do you feel about it?” I spun my chair back around and opened the file.
“Since the purpose of the investigation is for her to gather information about the suspect, I think we should let her go.”
“I guess Friday night’s going to be an interesting night, then.”
“Are you coming?”
“Yeah. I also asked Jordin if she wanted to come and observe.”
What the fuck? It was no use. No amount of scribbling was going to make ink magically appear on the sticky note I tried to write a reminder for myself on. I tossed the pen in the trash and pulled another one from my pen holder.
“I thought she’s already witnessed play in the dungeon. Are you sure it’s not for your benefit?” His voice was filled with sarcasm.
“I would never play with Jordin in front of anyone.”
“Wow. You’re so screwed, man.”
“What’re you talking about?”
Much better. I jotted down the info and began sorting through the file.
“Not a thing. You coming by tonight?”
“Nah, I’m taking Jordin out to dinner.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s with all the utterances?”
“I’m just happy for you. She looks good on you.” She looked even better underneath me, naked in my bed, screaming my name.
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Catch you later.” He chuckled and disconnected the call.
My entire fucking family was preoccupied with Jordin Turner.
And so was I.
73
Jordin
Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah…
I skipped out of the hospital and to my car. And it almost felt like I flew above the traffic during my drive to the university for my session with Dr. Carmichael. Of course, there always had to be one raincloud in the mix. More like a tornado. That was what Dr. Sloan had become in my life.