by Annie Boone
Please don’t let Hope be right. Faith silently prayed, as she let herself into the little cottage. She saw her trunks in the center of the room. At least she wouldn’t have to tramp around on the property in the dark for the right place. For that small mercy, she was thankful.
“When you left last night after we ate, well I guess you really left during supper. If I’m honest, I didn’t know what to think.” Aaron began.
Faith looked up at him without a smile as she ate a simple breakfast of eggs and bread. After a dreamless sleep, she was rested, but in no mood for more of his negative talk. She had been exhausted emotionally and physically when she’d dropped into bed in the guest cottage. She assumed her tumultuous thoughts and fears would keep her from sleep, but she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. She didn’t even say her usual bedtime prayer.
“Why are you surprised, Aaron?”
He shrugged, scuffing his shoe on the floor. He seems to communicate quite a bit with his shoulders, she thought. Without waiting for him to respond since he likely wouldn’t, anyway, she continued.
“Did you expect me to pretend that our first meal together was sweet and proper? It wasn’t. I offered to help you in many ways and you refused every attempt I made to build a bridge between us. I’m open to discussing where we go from here, but I’m not going to behave as if we’ve gotten off to a fabulous start. We haven’t.”
He still had a perplexed look on his face, but he soon hung his head. Faith wasn’t sure if it was in true remorse or just shame that he had been called out for his unwarranted uneven temperament.
“Look, Aaron. I don’t want to be difficult. I do understand what an ordeal you’ve been through. You’re still going through it, I suppose.”
He nodded, but remained silent. His head was still bowed and he didn’t look at her.
“It’s not a problem for me that you miss her. Mary was your wife. I don’t expect you to forget her and I would never try to take her place. Those aren’t my issues with your behavior last night. I won’t be spoken to in such a reproachful manner. While I’m extremely sympathetic to what you’ve been through, it’s not my fault. I won’t let you take your frustration and anger out on me.”
He nodded again, but this time he raised his head and looked her in the eyes. “I’m sorry for being rude. I realize that you’re not to blame for what has happened. I also see that you’re trying to help. The fact that you’re here is a testament to that. Thank you.”
Faith nodded. “So possibly we have an agreement for how we progress. That is, if you want me to stay.”
“Yes, I do want you to stay,” he replied quickly. “I want to see if we can make this work.”
She wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by that. His definition of “making it work” and hers were possibly not the same. She decided in a split second that she owed it to herself to see what happened next. She started to ask what he was thinking about their future, but decided to trust that God’s will would be done for them. She was angry at him and hurt by his callousness, but she could see that he wasn’t totally hard and cold.
As she looked at his handsome face, her heart softened. She was still hopeful that they would share a loving life of romance and fond memories. She wanted to love and be loved. Acknowledging again that she was already half in love with him from his letters – and his photograph – she reminded herself to protect her heart for now.
He stared at her for a moment, then he spoke again, “And, um, Faith. I feel like I should warn you.”
Faith narrowed her eyes slightly before she replied, “Warn me?” Although she didn’t mean to, she had a slight sense of panic in her voice. Part of her unease came from the words he spoke, but also from his demeanor. He was clearly worried about something.
He nodded and nervously rubbed the back of his neck to relieve the tension he was obviously feeling.
“Oh, don’t be alarmed. I know things are a little tense between us and I didn’t mean to sound so serious. It’s not a big deal, I reckon,” he answered, squinting at her as he thought about what he was about to say, but soon he added, “Remember how I told you about the children’s grandparents?”
“Your um, Mary’s parents?” Faith asked, now suddenly feeling uneasy, “Yes, I remember.” In his letters, he had explained that his in-laws had moved into a guest house on the property and they were helping him raise the children. He had credited them for being such a help to him and seemed forever indebted to them.
However, as Aaron paused, Faith’s head began to swim. She was imagining the worst scenarios, but at the same time couldn’t imagine what these people had to do with her.
“Well,” Aaron began, “While Joseph and Sally are looking forward to meeting you, their grandparents aren’t so thrilled.”
Faith nodded slowly as the potential issues with that reality sunk in. “Oh, my. I see.” She quickly considered some of the complications she faced and then decided it was best to not make a scene about it. “Well, you know what is best for your children. You are responsible for making decisions that affect your family and it was your choice to bring me here.”
He nodded, “Yes, it was. There were other options available, but I thought this was the best for all of us.”
This conversation brought Faith to think of a very different concern. Even though, deep down, she knew that this was a possibility when she found out there were young children involved, she hadn’t allowed herself to seriously contemplate it until this moment. Was it possible that instead of a wife, Aaron was looking for a caretaker for his family? A teacher and nanny for his children? Was it possible that he had absolutely no interest in having a relationship with her?
Yes, she could see it now. There was a longing and a hurt in his eyes that stretched throughout his entire being. He wasn’t looking for a new relationship for himself. He still wanted what was lost to him.
She knew that she would never be able, nor want to replace his late wife. The place she held was hers alone. Faith had hoped that they would eventually become a genuine family and that they would want her to fit in. As a loving spouse and parent, not as a caretaker. If she had more of a clue that this was going to be the way it all worked out, she would have declined his offer.
Hope will not be right! She exclaimed in her head. She decided that she wasn’t going to mention her suspicions. After all, they had just met and she expected these first days to be at least a little bit challenging. This was a little more drama than she had expected – or wanted, though.
She convinced herself that she was going to get her bearings before she came to a final decision about what her life was now destined to be like. She didn’t want to go back to Georgia, but she would if there was no hope for a happy relationship for her and Aaron.
Decision made, she smiled softly at him and answered, “That’s all right. I understand their concerns. Growing up, I’m not sure if I would have been able to accept a man coming to assume the role of my father. Though we desperately needed it, I wouldn’t have tolerated that well at all.”
Aaron raised his eyebrows slightly as if he didn’t understand the connection. “I knew that your father died in the war, but how does his death relate to my family?”
“Well, I suppose I’m just comparing in a way that makes sense from my own background. I’m trying to put myself in their shoes, that’s all.”
“I see. It’s not easy to move forward. For any of us.”
“Yes, I’m aware it’s been a terrible trial for all of you,” Faith responded, trying to hide her exasperation. She felt like he was dwelling on the past rather than looking to the possibilities of the future. She was going to try to change that.
He nodded, “Well, I hope you’re able to keep your sense of understanding. The Bentons can be difficult to handle.”
Faith almost shivered with dread. She knew it was best to have an idea of what to expect, but she wished she didn’t have to deal with people who didn’t want her there. It was bad en
ough dealing with someone who was caught up in the past!
“What are their names?”
“Martha and Sam,” replied Aaron. “You’ll meet them tomorrow. I’m bringing Joseph and Sally home later today, so you’ll meet them first.”
“I’m looking forward to meeting Joseph and Sally. I have been since you told me about them. I hope they like me,” Faith said.
“They will,” he said. Then he simply nodded and strode out of the kitchen.
Faith couldn’t shake the anxiety that had taken root in the pit of her stomach. She vowed to enjoy the afternoon and evening with Aaron’s children. They were innocent in all of this. She also wondered if she could win them over, could that help her win their father over as well?
She was anything but a schemer, but at this moment she was grasping at any slim hope that this bold move would work out in her favor. She rationalized that she had a pure heart and that she wanted to find true love. Then she stopped herself. She would be herself. She wouldn’t try to be anything that wasn’t genuine. She would get to know Joseph and Sally and hope they liked her.
From there, things would fall into place as they should. She was trusting God to give her grace and patience. She was also trusting Him to allow Aaron to let go of the past and open his heart to a future with her. The Bentons would like her when they saw that she was sincere.
Just as Aaron had said, his children were excited to meet her. Faith was sitting on the front porch when he pulled up in a wagon. When it came to a stop, an energetic little boy jumped off and ran up the steps. His dark hair tossed about in the breeze as he ran. He stopped right in front of her.
“Hi!” The boy exclaimed, “I’m Joseph.” He pointed back towards his sister who was just being taken from the wagon by her father. “And that’s Sally.”
Feeling her heart warm immediately, Faith beamed, “Well, hello there, Joseph! I’m delighted to meet you finally. I’ve heard so much about you.”
The boy nodded vigorously. “I bet you really have heard a bunch about me! I’m a trouble maker. At least that’s what Grammy says.”
Faith laughed and answered, “Oh, really? I look forward to finding out just what sort of trouble maker you are.” She tousled his hair and he giggled.
Aaron walked up the stairs just then holding his daughter. Her golden blond hair was a tangle of curls and her sweet smile was like sunshine. Faith guessed she must look very much like her mother.
When Faith looked up at little Sally in her father’s arms, the toddler laughed and waved a slightly pudgy hand. The baby fat she still had made her all that much more adorable.
As she was about to say something to Sally, she felt a pull on her skirt. She looked down to see Joseph looking up at her. “Daddy told me I was supposed to shake your hand. I think he said I should tell you I’m happy to meet you.” He stuck out his hand. Faith leaned down and shook his hand formally. “It is nice to meet you, Miss Faith. Sorry I forgot that part,” he said.
“You’re quite a gentleman, Joseph. It’s my pleasure to meet you, too. Now that the formalities are over, can we get back to having fun?”
He bounced his head up and down and laughed loudly.
Faith had brought a book for each of the children. For Joseph, she chose a story about Joseph and his coat of many colors. She thought he might like to learn about a boy from long ago who shared his name and became a man of loyalty and forgiveness. She hoped Sally would enjoy the picture book of farm animals.
She presented the book to Joseph and he immediately started looking through it when he had it in his hands. He sat on the porch and started on page one looking at the pictures. “I can’t read, but I like the pictures. Somebody will read it to me, right?”
Both Aaron and Faith nodded and Joseph went back to his book satisfied.
“And this one’s for you, little one,” Faith said looking lovingly at Sally. The little girl gushed and reached out for the gift. Aaron sat her down beside her brother and she started looking through the book with gurgles and giggles.
“It’s thoughtful that you thought of them. Thank you,” said Aaron. His sincerity was clear and Faith was pleased at his change in attitude. She didn’t know how long it would last, but she was going to enjoy it as long as possible.
The four of them sat on the porch for a while. The adults watched the children enjoy their books and made small talk about the weather, the children, and life in general. Eventually, Faith pulled Sally into her arms and opened her farm animal book to the first page. “This is a cow, Sally. What does the cow say?”
Sally looked at her with a blank expression. Then she put her dimpled finger on the picture and said, “Cow? Cow. Cow!”
Faith laughed and nodded. “Yes, sweetheart. That’s a cow. Tell me what he says.”
Aaron responded with a very loud, “Moo!” They all four laughed at that. Joseph rolled on the floor clearly having a good time.
Faith smiled. She was unexpectedly anticipating the joy she was sure these two children would bring her.
She looked over at Aaron and noticed a very distinct scowl. Her heart fell. She had gotten a new perspective by seeing him with his children. With them, he wasn’t the closed off man who was unwilling to move past his grief. With them, he was light hearted and filled with amusement and glee.
He was looking out across the field. When she followed his gaze, she saw what was causing the scowl. She began to scowl along with him.
“Well, looks like we’ve got visitors. I thought they’d do as I asked, but I guess they’ve got different ideas. Sorry, Miss Barnesdale. I’m afraid you’re about to meet Grammy and Pappy Benton a day earlier than planned,” he said ruefully.
Faith sighed lightly and realized there was no getting around this. She might as well get it over with. “All right. Now is as good a time as any, I guess. I was hoping to be a little more prepared, but I’ll do the best I can.” She took Sally from her lap and sat her gently beside her brother.
“I hope I can come out unscathed, too,” he chuckled. She didn’t quite see the humor, but she kept those thoughts to herself.
The older couple finally made it to the bottom of the porch stairs. They apparently had walked from their guest house on the edge of the property. Joseph didn’t even notice them. He was engrossed in his new book. Sally smiled at them and waved sweetly.
“Looks mighty cozy here,” said Sam Benton. Not a typical greeting, but it didn’t surprise Faith.
Aaron stood. “We’re enjoying the nice weather. Thought we’d made plans for lunch tomorrow, not today. What brings you by?”
“Oh, we were just out for a midday stroll and before we knew it we were almost here,” replied Martha Benton. “So Sam suggested we just stop by for a quick visit. To see our grandchildren, you know.” She smiled a hollow smile.
“You just saw them a little while ago. I know they’re real charmers, but hmmm…” said Aaron. “Since you’re here, though, I’d like to introduce you to Faith Barnesdale. Miss Barnesdale is the young woman I told you about, Martha. Sam.” He nodded to each one as he said their name.
Faith was already standing and stepped forward as Aaron started the introductions. The couple climbed the few steps and was soon standing in front of her. “It’s very nice to meet you both,” she said as she reached a hand out to Sam first. He reluctantly took her hand and then she reached out to Martha. She also took Faith’s hand though at first it seemed like she might decline.
“Yes, it’s nice to meet you, as well,” replied Martha coolly.
Faith could tell by the look on their faces that they were not happy with the idea of sharing their grandchildren with her. Her instincts told her that they were going to make this a difficult situation. She wasn’t sure what their motivation was and why they were unwilling to accept her. If she could find out why they felt like she was a threat, she could possibly find a way to make them more comfortable.
She knew that her intentions were pure and that she wouldn’t try to cut them o
ut of the picture. She hoped that she could find a way to remove this obstacle from her path. Still, the oppressive strain hung in the air. She was trying to think of a way to lighten the mood but she was coming up empty.
“What I want to know is why any self-respecting woman would come across the country to marry a man she doesn’t know. Why the very idea!” spat Martha.
Faith’s eyes went wide as she was taken by surprise at the acerbic and nasty words.
Aaron was about to speak when Sam’s gravelly voice cut in. “We certainly don’t need some common strumpet coming into our home, masquerading as a mother to these precious children. Aaron doesn’t need any bad influences.”
“Daddy, what’s a strumpet?” Joseph chimed in. This brought a warning look from Martha to Sam which he ignored.
Aaron leaned down to Joseph and in a very even and unperturbed tone said, “I think Mrs. James brought some candies from the mercantile yesterday. Why don’t you go to the kitchen and see if she will give you and Sally one?”
Joseph’s eyes brightened as he promptly forgot his question. Faith nodded to the boy when he looked back at her. Then he obediently took his sister’s hand and the two went into the house. Sally followed him happily without question.
Before the children were even out of earshot Aaron was speaking. “Sam, I don’t appreciate your nasty reference. Faith is far from a strumpet, as you called her. I will not tolerate this treatment of her ever again. Furthermore, to imply that I would bring an undesirable person into my household is nonsense. And lastly, do not ever speak like this in front of my children or I will not allow them to be around you. You are much more of a bad influence than Faith could ever be.”
Sam stood there sputtering for a moment and Faith decided she needed to at least make an effort to let them see who she was. “I am sorry you feel this way about me, Mr. and Mrs. Benton. I can assure you that I have no intention of masquerading as anyone. I hope to be a positive influence on Joseph and Sally.”