by Evie Bennet
As my fingers trembled over the keyboard, panicked breaths wracking through my lungs, I heard the Sidewinders’ doors open. It was Reed.
He glanced around, dialing and putting his phone up to his ear.
Before I could silence it, my phone started vibrating again. Of course it did. I silenced it on the second buzz. I couldn’t pick up with him so close by, could I?
Frowning, Reed looked around. To my horror, he started making his way to my parking spot.
Oh, no. I was crazy. He knew where I hid. He knew how I needed grounding and that I was crazy.
But he loved me anyway. Maybe he loved me because of it. Was I prey or was I a real girlfriend?
I squeezed my eyes shut against building tears.
He told them. He took what was supposed to be just me and him and he…
“Betty?”
My eyes sprang open, phone still clutched in my hands, but no longer vibrating. I could hear my own voice on the small speaker of his phone.
“You’ve reached Betty’s voicemail. Please leave a message after the beep.”
Reed looked concerned, glancing over his shoulder at Sidewinders before offering a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
Everything felt like it was going to tumble in on itself into a pile of bones.
“What did you tell them about me?”
He blinked, leaning back. “What?”
“What do you tell people about me?”
“What people? The Rattlers?”
“Your dad. Milo. Mustang. What do people know about me? What do they know about us?”
“Betty…” His other hand migrated to my cheek, cupping it as he stepped forward as if to shield me from the wind. My gut bubbled, aching from the humiliation. “I try to keep that stuff separate. I don’t really talk to them about us.”
“They sure seem to know a lot for you not talking about it. Maybe they’re the stalkers in your life and it’s not just me.”
“What the…? What are you—”
“I know, Reed. I know that you figured out I’m your editor and I know that you told them, or at least one of them, and now it’s possible that everybody knows. They’re all watching me to make sure I don’t steal your bandana or go nutso and slash your tires so I can bring you back to the garage. God, it’s humiliating.”
“Hey, I don’t—you know I don’t think of you that way. Who the hell is saying that?”
“Your dad.”
The fingers on my arm dug in hard enough to bruise, but the pressure was nothing compared to the hardness of his eyes. “You met my dad?”
“Yes and it wasn’t because I was stalking you or hanging around your trailer. It was because I went to the Spotlight. Alone. Because for whatever reason, you didn’t want to take me, and—”
A sharp change in his volume made my heart pound faster. “I didn’t want to take you because I didn’t want you to meet him!”
“Why? Because you told him I might haunt your place and you didn’t want him to interfere? He asked me if I’d stabbed anyone, Reed! Something I’ve never asked you or anyone in your club, by the way.”
“Jesus. This is exactly what he does. He takes something or someone in my life and he fucks it up.” Wiping his mouth, Reed tried to wrangle me by the back of my neck so I was forced to look him in the face. “Hey, look at me. Look at me.”
I didn’t want to. I couldn’t without my emotions overwhelming me.
“Baby, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.”
“Stop,” I pleaded, pushing away. “You already did.”
Eyes glossy, my mouth parted. His hands hovered like they wanted to touch me. A heavy defeat loomed over us, hanging on his limbs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I knew it was you, and I’m sorry I told my dad anything. I should know better by now, but I didn’t. I didn’t know how to handle this, how to handle us, and I—” He shoved the heels of his palms against his eyes. The gesture was so familiar that I ached to touch him, to comfort him.
“I was scared. Of this. Of wanting this. You were just so perfect, and you were into me. And like, what was I supposed to do, just not tell my dad that there was a girl who was maybe-kinda-probably in my orbit now? You were everywhere, even when you weren’t, and I wanted you to be. I still want you to be.”
“But you don’t! You don’t want me at Sidewinders. You don’t want me at the Spotlight. If I got to Al’s, you don’t want me to be on my own. You don’t even want to move in with me! It’s like you want me to exist only when you’re there or I can be on the other side of your screen and the rest of the world isn’t. I haven’t made any friends because… because I’m so focused on doing everything I can to make you happy!”
His mouth turned down in a trembling frown, a bulge moving in his throat. “I’m sorry it’s been so hard on you. I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean to ruin your life.”
“You didn’t! I love you, Reed.” I was so worked up that I barely heard his gasp, barely even felt his hands coming onto my shoulders. “And I followed you because I want to know you, but you keep pushing me away from everything, looking around like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, for some invisible attack or something I’m not even sure of. Your dad? Some rival club? I wouldn’t know, because you haven’t told me! So I’ve been isolating myself, just waiting for you to come to me so I don’t have the urge to dig through your trash, to spy on you like the crazy person your dad so clearly thinks I am. But I don’t want to hurt you, Reed. I don’t want to betray you like that. And it’s killing me that you let your friends read my poems, the poems that were meant just for you and me—”
“I didn’t let them, they stole my phone! They didn’t even know those poems were written by you, just that I was…”
“What?”
“Obsessed with them.” He sighed, running a hand over his face. “I was reading them all the time, so they wanted to see what the fuss was about. I got it back before they read more than a few lines. It’s a public site, but I don’t think they’ve seen it since.”
“And your dad?”
“My dad is the worst. I’m sorry I trusted him with any part of us, even if it was just to tell him to ignore my laptop because I wanted it to be kept as something between you and me.”
“Ironic.” I let out a trembling breath, pushing my hair back.
“Please, Betty.” He took my hands in his, bending his knees so we were almost eye-to-eye. A kiss stung the inside of my palm, my wrist. “Please don’t leave me because of my dad. Because of me?”
I couldn’t.
I was lost. Adrift. A prickling sensation brewed under my skin, soothed by the warmth of Reed’s hands, a swell that held in my throat when I looked into his watery, desperate eyes.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I never meant to embarrass you. I wanted, no, I want to know everything about you. I was afraid, and then obsessed, and I was stupid. But I swear to you, the whole reason I tried to keep you away from this was to keep you from getting hurt. I’d do anything to make you feel safe again. Oh my God, please. Let me make you feel safe again, Betty. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me.”
His forehead brushed against mine and I realized that he’d taken off his bandana, thrown it on top of the hood of my car. Trembling, I moved closer, leaving one of his hands against my heart so I could snake my fingers through his hair.
“Please.”
“Reedsy, they’re not—no one’s gonna see me as anything but your freak. I still feel like you’ll be shutting me out.”
“I won’t. Please believe me.” He cut off with a wet breath before he gathered himself, desperate to look into my eyes and reach into my very soul. “Let me talk to my dad. He might not’ve even told the other guys, and I swear I’ll try to set him straight. Please let me talk to him. Then we’ll work this out. Please don’t leave. Or if you do, take me with you.”
He really wanted to be with me.
“Reed...”
Hi
s soft lips pressed against me and we swept into our natural rhythm. Then, nothing seemed gentle. It was the hard pressure of the metal of the car against my back. The edge of Reed’s nails as he massaged my scalp. A wet swipe of tongue. Hot planes of his chest pressed against mine as we rutted against each other in the shameless, hopeful desire to find release, to find sanctuary.
But we couldn’t. Not there. Not right then.
“Reed,” I interrupted, gently pushing on his chest.
“Fuck.” His teeth gave one last savory nibble on my lower lip before he slid his arms around my waist. “You know I’m serious about you, right?”
“Right.”
Maybe I wasn’t convincing, because Reed raised an eyebrow and realigned my jaw so I had to look him right in the face.
“Right,” I repeated, giving in to the temptation of another kiss.
Maybe more than a kiss.
Reed sort of invited me to his talk with his dad, but I still felt like I should be lying low. He told me when and where they’d be talking but that he would do it himself, so I took that to mean he wanted me close but not there. It’d be awkward if I had to face him again. I sighed and rubbed my arms, trying not to flinch at how loud they were.
“You’re thinking with your dick, boy. If that Diana girl had pulled what this Betty chick is, you wouldn’t think it was so cute.”
“Oh please, Diana only liked me because she thought I was as self-loathing as she was. Betty actually cares about me. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and you almost ruined it. I did, too.”
The best? I picked at the skin of my lips, ignoring the sting in favor of the relief.
“I didn’t ruin anything! All I did was say hi and imply that I knew what she was.”
“And what is she, Dad?”
“Come on, don’t make me say it. She seems like a nice girl for that kinda thing.”
“What? What is she? Besides an interesting, smart, sweet, supportive girlfriend?”
“She’s a fangirl, okay? A leather chaser, and maybe even a stalker slut.”
The words made me flinch, much like a slap. Maybe that was what happened in reality, because I heard some kind of rustling in the trailer before JR’s voice carried through again.
“We all get them once in a while, but you fuck them and they go even crazier, slashing tires, burning your lawn down, bullshit. It’s your first girlfriend, kid, and I don’t want you getting into that kind of trouble.”
“Don’t want me getting into trouble? Who the hell was in and out of jail most of my life? Who brought me into his gang? You are such a selfish waste of… You have never once given a thought to what makes me happy. You just had to talk to her. It’s like it’s genetically embedded in you to fuck things up.”
“Yeah, well, welcome to the gene pool, boy. When she cuts your dick off for looking at another girl, talk to me again about how she only cares about your well-being and this was some great romantic decision to trust the same girl who hacked into your laptop and broke into the trailer.”
“What do you mean broke into the trailer?”
“I’m assuming you’re not the asshole who fixed the fire alarm!”
A low, incredulous chuckle slipped through the thin walls of the trailer. “She fixed the fire alarm?”
“You think that’s funny? While you were getting your weird-ass jollies off, I was dealing with a blaring piece of plastic.”
“So your negligence and fire-starting isn’t a problem, but her breaking and entering to fix shit is?”
“Who knows what else she did, Reed? What else she’d do? It’s a bad idea.”
I was bad? Being with me was a bad idea…
My chest ached, hollowing out. I tried so hard to be good. But maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe he needed better.
He deserved the best.
“Maybe. But she’s… I want her. I choose her. And if I ever hear you or your friends imply she’s some kind of psycho or slut, you’re gonna have more than a fire alarm to worry about.”
“Color me compliant, Reed. But if she stabs you…”
“Then I’ll write ‘you were right, Dad’ in my blood, okay? But until then, you accept and perpetuate that she’s the best damn girlfriend in the world.”
The fridge rattled. After a few moments of silence, I heard a firm, “We’re moving in together.”
I gasped and it sounded like JR choked on a sip of something. “You’re what?”
“I don’t know when, exactly, but it’s happening. I’ve been talking to Chewy about getting some more jobs so I can afford whatever the rent is.”
JR let out a humorless laugh. “What, she isn’t paying you to live with her? Don’t you think this is moving a little fast? I wouldn’t even know who would hold the shotgun at your wedding.”
“Keep it up and you won’t be invited at all. I just thought you should know. I don’t even know if she’ll still want me after everything, but maybe if I leave… maybe something will finally change.”
“Reed,” he started, sounding remorseful.
“I won’t hold you to it. But I’m gonna make things right for her and for us. At least one fucked-up relationship in my life should be a good one.”
He believed in us. We could be the best.
Squirming, I fidgeted for my phone and shot off a text. ‘You want to talk?’
‘Thanks, babe. Give me five minutes. Is it okay if I come over for the night?’
‘Yeah. You want a ride?’
I’d be happy if he brought his stuff over and we talked about ‘rent’.
‘Sure. Can we clear some things up? If it’s too late for anything heavy tonight, maybe just cuddle and we can talk tomorrow after your shift?’
‘I’d like that.’
There wasn’t much I could do before I needed to pull into the parking lot and turn my lights on. Maybe it would be a good time to write.
Pulling up the app, I stared at the draft about home, which I hadn’t published in my blind, indecisive roulette.
He was my home now.
For worse or for better.
My fingers hovered over the Post button.
A few minutes later, Reed exited the trailer wearing a backpack stuffed to the gills. With a bite of my lip, I confirmed my post. A little alert went off on his phone and he pulled it out of his pocket to check the notification.
I had never been able to watch him read something so intimate for the first time. Thankfully, my phone was perched above the dashboard, able to record it. Deep in thought, his eyes flitted across the screen. His lip twitched with emotion. It was almost a smile. I forgot about everything, including my phone, when our eyes met across the park.
With everything he needed strapped to his back, Reed met me in front of the car. I intended to help him with his bag, but he took my face in his hands and regarded me with a vulnerable gratefulness that I thought I could understand.
“I love you.”
My heart sang, not even minutely muffled by his lips closing over mine. If anything, it was amplified, thrumming through my veins with the same reverence and ease that my lungs consumed air.
10
Love
I bit my lip, knees curled up to my chest as I watched the recording again.
“I love you.”
Our kiss was phenomenal! The way his body moved into mine, his smile afterward, and my grin. A perfect moment. I’d saved the clip on all sorts of backup devices just in case.
“What are you watching?” Reed rubbed his head, hair flopping forward in a way that made me want to roll my lips together.
“Oh, our moment.” I blushed, still uncomfortable with the idea of sharing that part of my investment in our relationship.
“You recorded it?” I nodded. “Let me see.”
He slid an arm around me, settling in his place beside me on the bed. Torn between watching him or the screen, I plucked at my lip and tried to do both.
No. I should watch him.
A soft
smile tugged up the corner of his mouth, eyelashes delicately resting over his cheeks. “That was really sweet.” I grinned wide. “What?”
“Are you complimenting your own love confession?” I teased, shifting my hip into him.
“Um, yeah. But also the poem that inspired it. Sorry, the woman who inspired it.”
I giggled, feeling light, and happy, and pure. He liked it, too. He enjoyed reliving the good moments and re-experiencing love through a lens.
“In the spirit of being honest, I’ve taken other photos and videos.”
Clearing his throat, Reed looked at my knee. “I kinda figured.”
My teeth grazed my lip. I wasn’t sure what to say, what to share that wasn’t already uncovered. I supposed I hadn’t been horribly subtle, that there had been chances for him to go through my phone. It wasn’t like I could have claimed that was some kind of invasion of privacy after I’d hacked into his laptop and took pictures of him while he was sleeping.
We shared things. We wanted to know each other completely.
“So you’re okay with it? I know you’re not exactly fond of having your picture taken.”
He tilted his head, clearly embarrassed, but smirking, nonetheless. “It’s kinda hard for me to be mad that you want to see my face all the time when I feel pretty much the same way about you.”
“Pretty much?” I teased, knocking him with my knee.
“You know what I mean. I love you. I want to be with you.” He wrapped a hand around my leg, feeding me his love and warmth. “I wouldn’t be okay if you were sharing them or printing them out and making a Reed mood board of some kind. At first, I didn’t know what to think. But once I figured out it was just so you could have something to look at or listen to. when you missed me, I don’t know… it was kinda sweet.” He smoothed out a wrinkle on his boxers. “Um, you didn’t... did you ever touch yourself to my photos?”
“Reed Parker, I am scandalized!”
Nodding, he pursed his lips.
Was he disappointed?
“Although,” I sighed, making sure to look up at him through my lashes as my breasts grazed his chest. “I may have listened to the noises you made while you were jerking off in my bathroom when I needed some inspiration.” Exhaling through his nose, Reed’s mouth quirked up, eyes bright and combing my face for every detail. “You were very inspirational.”