“I know,” he muttered. Then we sat there in silence.
**
We moved in silence like that for days. We spoke when necessary but we were too shell-shocked for anything else. I knew closure would come after the funeral but I wasn’t looking forward to it.
The days that led up to saying that final goodbye shifted into a mind-numbing blur that I’d never be able to fully recall. I didn’t know what I ate, how I got dressed or what I wore. I couldn’t recall getting makeup work from school or if I’d spoken on the phone to anyone.
The only things that remained ever-present were the water and the sinking feeling.
Once the day of my father’s funeral finally arrived and I wore my solemn black dress and dropped a single rose into his casket, I thought I would feel better. I thought maybe I’d get some kind of reprieve from the constant drowning sensation once he’d been lowered into the ground but I didn’t. I wanted Cease to work his magic and pull me out of it but it seemed like he was drowning too.
After the funeral was done and the last extended family member was gone, I put the casseroles in the fridge at Cease’s new house. He stood in the kitchen staring at me once I finally stopped moving. I didn’t see him because I was busy nibbling on my sleeve and looking down at my phone, but I felt him.
Whenever he looked at me, my skin got hot. Not hot like being outside in July but hot from the inside out. Hot like having a fever. Only the cure for this fever was more sickness.
“Aside from the obvious, how are you feeling, Brook?” I didn’t speak. I only shrugged my shoulders in response. I didn’t know how to speak to him anymore.
Someone that once saved me from myself, needed saving. He was sad and he was withdrawn. I was back to feeling alone and I didn’t know how to tell him that without crying. I was so tired of crying.
“I know I haven’t been a good source of strength for you lately,” he confessed with a grimace. I glanced at him and listened for him to go on. “I want to fix that. Tell me how, Brook.” His sincerity gripped me somewhere deep that I thought would be permanently dead after they closed my father’s casket.
I looked at Cease and pulled in a long breath. I said the only words that were true no matter what, “I can’t bweathe without you” I tapped my chest and tears filled my eyes making everything blurry.
In the next blink, Caesar’s hands were on my hips. He pulled me against him in a hug that I needed so, so much. “I’m not going anywhere, Brook. I know I’ve been in my own head this past week but I’m not going to leave you out here alone. You’ll stay with me until you graduate then we’ll discuss what you want to do after that.” His fingers drew invisible loops on my lower back and it made the space around me squeeze in tighter.
Goddammit.
I still wanted him so bad I could taste it on every taste bud.
“I want to stay here. I mean…until I can get a job and…” My words were disjointed but Caesar understood. He always understood.
“Brooklyn, you can stay here as long as you want. I’ll have you moved in by the end of the week.” His lips pressed against my forehead and my lungs felt free and clear for the first moment in days.
**
Guilt trickled down into my belly as I laughed and ate dinner with Caesar that night. I shouldn’t have felt happy in any respect. I buried my father hours ago when the sun was high in the sky. Now was not the time to laugh and eat like life was okay.
It wasn’t.
“Worry about the dishes in the morning. We need rest. You want the guest room tonight or…you wanna sleep with me?” His words came out sheepish but they set me on fire.
“You,” I said instantly. I hated sleeping alone. I needed Caesar’s closeness. I needed him.
The silence that filled the room while we slid into bed after taking showers and brushing out teeth was different than the silence we’d endured all week. This silence was thick with something else. Something weighing down the spaces between the lines.
Still, I laid in bed with Caesar, telling myself nothing was wrong. I was his niece and I needed him. I needed his comfort and love.
That was it.
I soaked in the feeling of his cool sheets against my warm skin and tried not to look at his sculpted pecs and defined biceps in the tank top he wore. “Come here,” he demanded in a low voice.
It wasn’t a harsh command but it was rough and it held more than an uncle calling his niece over for a hug. I slid close and his strong arm snaked around me, nearly sucking the breath from my chest.
“I want you to make me a promise, Brook,” he tipped my chin up so that we locked gazes. I would have promised him anything in the world right then.
“Okay, what is it?” I asked.
“Promise me you won’t cut. I’ll sleep beside you and give you whatever you need. Just stop.”
“I want to stop,” I told him. My words got stuck in my head and I couldn’t express myself the way I wanted.
So fucking stupid, Brooklyn.
“I know it’s not black and white but I want that to be the main goal,” His touch was feather soft as he stroked my hair. I slid my legs over his letting the prickly sensation tickle my calves.
“I’m going to twy,” I told him.
“Thank you. I worry about you so much and I want better for you. Maybe it’s selfish but…Brook, I can’t think about anything happening to you. What if you cut too deep or one too many times?” I could feel his heart thumping through his chest and I wanted to listen to that sound on repeat until I fell asleep.
I hated how sad he sounded.
He cared about me.
Me.
Stupid, fucked in the head Brooklyn. Someone actually cared about me.
“I won’t leave you either, Cease,” I whispered. He squeezed me and buried his nose in my hair, taking a slow, deep breath that left goosebumps along my shoulders.
“Thank you,” he said touching my cheek. I struggled against my own desire, pressing my thighs together, praying he couldn’t tell how wet my panties were. I wanted to steal that moment and keep it for myself. I wanted to sneak away in the shower and rub my pussy while I thought about Caesar.
He stroked my hair over and over until a rogue moan floated into the air from my mouth. Cease slid thumb along my bottom lip then replaced his thumb with his tongue. Heat spilled into my belly and stretched up to my chest then my throat, making my neck flush.
I met his kiss with my lips and slipped my tongue into his mouth. He tasted it like it was a piece of candy. He was so strong but his kiss was so gentle. For the first time, I felt like I was floating instead of drowning.
I pushed my fingers through his dark hair and gripped it tight at the back of his head. He pulled away putting centimeters between our shaky breaths. He rubbed his nose against mine before he dropped kisses to my neck that made me squirm. The pressure building between my thighs was so intense I could have blacked out right there in his bed.
His lips stopped moving right at my throat. He stayed there unmoving, pushing out heavy puffs of air. He was barely contained and I was mist. I was vapor. I’d come undone after the first kiss and I didn’t want to pull myself together.
Caesar cleared his throat and moved away but not too far. “We should um…we should get some rest,” he told me.
“W-What?” I stammered.
“Brook, let’s go to sleep. We can’t…we can’t go beyond that. Fuck, even that was too much.”
“But it was perfect,” I reasoned.
“It was…so much more,” he shook his head and fell against his pillow. “We can’t though. We shouldn’t. Let’s get some rest.” His words were disjointed but my mind was too fuzzy to protest.
Maybe sleep was better than trying to untangle everything that happened between us. That’s what I was going to tell myself anyway. So I faded into sleep.
But…
I couldn’t stay asleep. That kiss still burned and tingled on my lips. I still felt his breath on me even though he
was sleeping. I turned over in bed to look at him. His full lips begged for a kiss but I stayed put just staring at him like a creep.
His facial hair was thicker since he hadn’t shaved. I liked it. I ran the pads of my fingers over the prickly hair. My clit throbbed thinking about how his stubble would tickle between my legs.
My teeth found my bottom lip and my hand found its way to my wet panties. Fuck, they were soaked. My eyes were drawn to something in the dark. It took me a moment to realize the bulge I was looking at was Caesar’s erection.
Holy shit.
Don’t touch it, Brooklyn.
Don’t touch it, Brooklyn.
Don’t fucking touch it.
I reached out and slid my hand along his hard-as-steel cock then choked back a groan. I slipped my hand inside of my panties and rubbed my needy clit in circles. I was panting so rapidly that my lips turned dry.
I dared another touch and that time my moan was out loud. I was so slick. So slippery. I’d never felt like that before. I rubbed my arousal between my fingers then fingered my aching clit while imagining Cease thrusting inside of me.
An orgasm crashed into me like a tidal wave. My body jolted then gave way to shivers that wouldn’t stop if my life depended on it. I bit down on my lips to stop the nasty noises from escaping.
Once my heart rate returned to normal, I finally fell asleep and stayed asleep.
**
Caesar…
I didn’t think it would be tough for me to go to Brook’s school but it was harder than I imagined. I should have known it would be a bitch going back to that damn school when Brooklyn decided to stay home instead of tagging along.
I had to make her promise not to cut. I also hid all the knives and tweezers and anything else sharp I could think of. She was still in the early stages of trying to kick a habit, so her mind would immediately revert the moment I was away from her.
I wanted her to be successful with trying to abstain from cutting so as much as I wanted her by my side all the time, it would only work if she learned to be alone with her own mind.
Besides, I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t need to put space between us. The way I kissed her a couple of days ago was too intense. I lost a piece of myself. I hadn’t mentioned it since. I knew it was fucked up but I was too scared to revisit my feelings. They were far too hungry to entertain.
I was waiting for the guilt to kick in.
Wanting Brooklyn the way I did was immoral. The way she made my dick so hard was sinful. I had to redirect my thoughts away from Brooklyn because even sitting in the principal’s office, my cock was thickening rapidly.
“Dr. Powers, I’m so sorry for you and Brooklyn’s loss. The Avery Briggs family is here for you in this difficult time.” I listened to Principal Whitman’s canned sympathy and gave him the smile he was looking for.
Thank you, sir. I came here to talk about getting Brooklyn’s missed work and getting her back in classes.”
“Yes, of course. What address will she be staying at?” His fingers were poised over the keyboard, ready to type. I rattled off the address to my new home and watched the principal’s face fall into a frown.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Powers. That address is outside of our zone. Brooklyn won’t be able to attend Avery Briggs unless she lives within the designated zone. Since we’re an alternative school, our zone is tiny. You’ll have to find an alternative school within your area. I will personally make sure that Brooklyn’s records get transferred over smoothly.”
My nostrils flared a bit as I gave Principal Whitman a tight smile. “I’m sure we can work something out, sir. She’s a senior. Most schools would let her finish out the year,” I reasoned.
“We need donations for our technology department. We’re trying to expand our computer lab. If you’d be willing to make a sizable show of support we’d be most appreciative,” he flashed a grin and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
I pulled out my wallet and slid him my card. “I’m willing to make a donation granted Brooklyn gets to finish out her senior year here where she’s comfortable.”
“Sir, Avery Briggs will miss Brooklyn but I can’t overlook the zoning laws.”
“But it’s cool to take the donation?” I laughed and smoothed a hand over my face. “Fuck you,” I said, locking eyes with him. Once I stood and rolled my shoulders, Whitman rearranged the knickknacks on his desk and cleared his throat.
“Well, I um. I apologize I wish I could be of more help.” His shaky fingers tugged at his cheap tie and he refused to look me in the eyes.
I must have looked like a madman. It was such a simple request. He could have used Brooklyn’s old address. He could have done a lot but instead, he held his hand out while looking the other way.
Dick hole.
I didn’t say another word to him. I left and drove back home to Brook. When I found her, she was on the floor of my room listening to Phil Collins. Her black cassette tape box was open and tapes surrounded her in a semi-circle.
She was so fucking cute when she was in her element. She dragged her hazel gaze up to my face and smiled, hopping to her feet. I opened my arms, ready for the crash.
It was the first time we’d been away from each other since Ant died. I realized once she was in my arms that it was hard for me to be away from her too.
Lavender and honey clung to her skin and I was helpless against it. It was harmless at first, brushing my lips against her warm neck. Then I turned ravenous and tasted her honey-dusted skin with my tongue.
Her moan was so soft and light. She gripped my shirt in her fists begging me to hold her closer. I granted her wish by locking my arm around her slender waist, crushing her against me.
“I missed you.” Her breath trembled when she spoke. I couldn’t tell if it was from the kiss or being close to me after me being gone. Either way, it spoke volumes and made me want to taste her even deeper.
“I missed you too, Brook.” I pulled back to stare at her. Her eyes darted all over my face, making me stir somewhere deep and dark. I saw the kiss coming before she leaned in. I could have avoided it. I knew the truth of why I didn’t though.
Instead, I melted into the moment letting her sweet mouth explore mine before backing her against the wall and dominating the kiss, tugging on her bottom lip with my teeth and slipping my tongue into her warm mouth. I swallowed the soft moan that came from between her parted lips. It was almost as sweet as kissing her.
My dick ached, pressing against the fly of my slacks. I couldn’t delve that deep into my warped mind. I couldn’t fuck Brooklyn like I wanted to. I would only indulge in the kisses.
We both would.
I would draw the line at fucking her though.
Even though right then, there was no denying how stiff my cock was. “We can’t fuck, Brook. We can’t,” I explained to her in a raspy voice.
“Okay,” she pouted then rolled her hips, grinding against my erection. My dick jerked in response to her warm body and dangerous movements.
“Brook, you gotta stop doing that,” I begged, my voice full of confusion. How the hell did she even know how to move like that?
“Can I…kiss you again?” She asked, pushing her fingers through my hair. I didn’t answer her with a yes or a nod. I answered her with another kiss. Her dainty hand traveled up my chest then down to the rigid bulge in my slacks.
I gripped her wrist and pinned it above her head.
“What did I say?” I asked, pressing my forehead against hers. I moved away from her before I broke my own rule and she whimpered. Her full lips were still glistening from our kiss. They were bright pink and so fucking sexy. Her hazel eyes were wild with desire and her pulse jumped rapidly beneath her smooth skin.
I watched her neck like a starving hawk.
“You went up to the school?” She asked, clearing her throat and averting her eyes from my face. She was trying to shift the mood and I needed to do the same, so I followed her lead.
“Yeah, I have some bad
news, Brook.” I sat on a stool at the island and thanked God that my dick was softening.
“Bad news?” Her face crumpled into a cute as fuck frown and I pushed out a breath. I really had to stop paying attention to how gorgeous she was.
“You can’t go back to Avery Briggs. My address isn’t in their zone. I have to find a new school for you to go to for the remainder of your senior year.” I watched her withdraw after that.
Her hazel eyes turned distant and she started nibbling on her sleeve. She didn’t have to say a word. I knew the water was sloshing in her head, filling her mind up. I headed to my room without a word to her and found the black box decorated with music notes and vinyl records. I pulled out a Hall and Oates tape then took Brook’s retro boombox into the kitchen, set it on the island and played it for her. Sara Smile was the first song that played and it couldn’t have been more appropriate.
I’d do anything to see Brook smile right then.
I pulled her down to the floor with me and held her in my arms. “Talk to me, Brook,” I whispered into her hair. A gasp escaped her and she gripped my shirt in her fists.
“I don’t want to go to another school. I’ll get bullied,” she sniffled. “All I want are fwiends, Cease.” My heart twisted deep in my chest.
“I know. Maybe this school won’t be bad. It’s only until you graduate.”
“Daddy would tell me to step out of my comfowt zone,” she said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
“That’s exactly what he’d say,” I mused. It was a bittersweet feeling. The emptiness of not having my big brother echoed all around me. “I need you to be strong for me, Brook. I know you’re scared. I can’t be there to protect you even though I want to. Now is when you have to be fierce like a lion.” I tugged on her soft black hair until her eyes met mine.
“You too,” she said quietly. “You need to be strong too. I know you miss him.” Her words brushed away the thin veil of normalcy I’d been trying to construct. I inhaled slow and shut my eyes.
“I do. He was all I had, Brook.”
She turned to face me, kneeling up and holding my face in her hands. Lavender and honey closed me up in a hug. “You have me too, Cease. I love you.”
Tortured Whispers Page 7