She laughed again, and reached out to take my hand in hers. ‘Rebecca, they barely notice I’m here now. How much more convenient it will be for them when I’m no longer around for them to worry about in any way, shape or form.’ She squeezed my hand, but continued to hold it for a while. ‘That’s the way it is. I’ve known for many years now that no one loves me more than God the Father, Jesus the Son and the beloved Holy Ghost. Many angels have ministered to me since my sight disappeared. Even though I get lonely at times for physical company, I’m never really alone.’ She released my hand, with one final comforting squeeze. ‘Please don’t misunderstand me – I’m very grateful to be able to call you my friend. I don’t shun earthly companionship; it’s simply that so little of it has been available to me for so long, I find I believe more in what lies on the other side of the veil than in this world.’ She sighed contentedly, and rocked in her chair again.
‘Eliza, I have tremendous respect for you,’ I said honestly. ‘You’re an inspiration, and anyone who doesn’t take the time to know and understand you is a fool, plain and simple.’ I was shocked a bit by the vehemence of my statement, but it came from deep within me, and I meant every word.
She blushed, just a little. ‘Why, Rebecca, that’s one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you so very much.’ She smiled as though she’d just been given an amazing gift.
‘Well, it’s true,’ I added, as a way to wrap up that conversation. The odd feeling in the pit of my stomach was back suddenly, more persistent than ever. I must be very close to the point where I needed to time-travel again. I’d never felt so … so unnatural before, as if I didn’t belong here, or any place in the world.
I had to excuse myself from Eliza’s presence and find some way for me to reground. Henley and I still hadn’t made any plans, so I determined right then and there that I must find a way to do Miss Hatfield’s bidding on my own. ‘I have some writing I must do,’ I fibbed, in an attempt to leave graciously. ‘I’ll see you tonight at dinner, all right?’
‘Thank you, dear Rebecca,’ she called after me. ‘Enjoy your writing, and I look forward to seeing you at dinner.’ She waved and I waved back, knowing that even though she couldn’t see it, she somehow felt it. I gently pulled her door closed and went upstairs to ponder and plan.
Back in my room I began my pacing routine, which really did appear to help me focus and calm down more than just about anything else I’d tried. It relaxed me nearly as much as that day spent by the mill stream, skipping rocks with Henley. That was the most openly relaxed I’d been since my arrival at the estate. Pacing wasn’t quite the same, but it appeared to help my heart beat normally, and to clear my head.
‘Very well, if Henley can’t help me, I understand,’ I told myself. ‘He’s got his hands full with this obligation of marriage to Christine, poor boy.’ I felt a pang of something like jealousy about that, but … jealousy didn’t quite describe the feeling. I knew Henley and I could never be together in a romantic way; if I’d been foolish enough to give in to his advances prior to the Porter girls’ arrival, well, that would have been a sticky situation indeed. And I couldn’t bear to think about breaking his heart when I told him the truth, or just disappeared from his life altogether when the pressing need in my stomach became too much to bear. So my feelings towards their engagement weren’t so much jealousy as anger and a certain sadness at being deprived of any sense of normalcy in the crazy immortal life I’d been swept up in.
I felt sorry for him, truth be told, having to marry that chatterbox Christine. Yes, she was beautiful, but her head was full of air, vanity and nonsensical small talk. She and her sister were so opposite in character and temperament. I believed in many ways it was Christine who couldn’t see the real side of life. Anyone who could ignore their own sister, not to mention the brilliant mind Eliza so clearly possessed … Christine was the one who was truly blind. That was the most appropriate word for it. Strangely, I found myself pitying Christine a bit as well, even though I knew she’d find it next to impossible to understand why anyone could possibly pity her.
But despite all my rationalizations, were I truly honest with myself, it wouldn’t be the persistent discomfort in my stomach that would drive me away. At least that wasn’t painful, just a dull, nagging ache. It was nothing compared to what I felt when I saw Henley laughing together with Christine on his arm. Henley looked so happy … and it hurt.
I’d endured that agony because I knew Henley’s rightful place was at Christine’s side. But in that instant, a part of me broke. I just couldn’t take it any more. I decided I would have to act that night.
As soon as I was sure everyone had gone to bed, I planned to sneak into the study, destroy everything in Mr Beauford’s archive pertaining to immortality and make away with the painting. I hadn’t been riding Thunder so much just because I loved him. I cared for the horse, to be sure, and was grateful he’d allowed me to become comfortable riding him at a good gallop, but all along we’d actually been rehearsing my getaway. Unbeknown to Wellesley, Henley or anyone else, I’d ridden Thunder at least three times at night during the past week, to get him used to being out with me. It was easier than I’d anticipated to creep out of the house through the back entrance when everyone, including the servants, was asleep. All I had to do was slip out without making a noise loud enough to wake anyone. I’d even taken a painting from my own room with me a couple of times, to make sure I could control the reins with one hand and hold the painting with the other while we made haste into the city. I could and I did – more comfortably than I’d dared think possible, as a matter of fact. We’d be travelling tonight with only the moon and stars to light our path, but the sky was clear, and I believed it would be absolutely safe.
I felt confident I’d be successful tonight. Once I reached the city, I was going to leave Thunder somewhere safe with a note I’d already composed in his saddlebag, stating that he belonged to the Beaufords and needed to be returned to their country house immediately; that a family friend had borrowed him due to an emergency in order to catch the first train out of the city. I was proud of myself for having created this scheme without Henley’s help. I wished I could tell him the details, but I knew it would distract him from what he really needed to do, which was to get on with his own life.
Suddenly I heard running in the downstairs hallway, clearly several people moving all at once. I heard Henley’s voice call, ‘I’m coming, Father – hold on!’ and then the running stopped. Concerned, I made my way downstairs and towards Mr Beauford’s room as quickly as my feet could fly.
Chapter 22
When I arrived at the old gentleman’s door, it was closed but not completely shut. This meant I couldn’t see everyone who was in there with Mr Beauford and Henley, but I could hear much of what was said without intruding too much on their privacy.
‘What were you thinking, overdoing it like that? You know you can’t do everything you once were able to do.’
‘Son, I’m dying.’ I winced at Mr Beauford’s raspy voice and the bluntness of his words. ‘I’m dying. I know it.’ He paused, trying to catch his breath. ‘Henley, send for the chaplain again.’
‘Hold on, Father, the physician should be here within the hour.’
‘No.’ Mr Beauford’s voice was suddenly surprisingly strong. ‘My chaplain,’ he demanded. ‘A physician can’t help me now.’ He wheezed out a breath and said more softly, ‘All I can do now is prepare to meet my creator.’
‘Wilchester’s already driven the automobile into town to bring the physician back here,’ Henley said, talking over his father as if he couldn’t hear what he said. His voice was low and calm to reassure him, but I could hear just the trace of a quaver in it.
I felt torn; part of me wanted to rush in to be at their side, but I knew that wasn’t my place. It was mainly Henley I wanted to comfort, but, in a strange way, I did care about Mr Beauford, too. I certainly didn’t want him to die, not while Henley still appeared to need his support so much.
I heard Eloise’s voice say soothingly, ‘Now, now, Mr B, you need some chicken broth to keep your strength up. I’ll go and fetch a nice cup of that for you, and you must drink a lot of water, too.’ She clucked her tongue on her way towards the door, as though she knew her advice was likely to be ignored. I quickly stepped aside to stand more within the hallway so as not to appear to be eavesdropping.
‘Miss.’ Eloise nodded as she passed me and headed towards the kitchen. I nodded back at her, then followed her to see if I could locate Nellie or young Hannah. Neither of them was to be found, so I asked Eloise if she knew their whereabouts.
‘No, mum, I don’t, to be sure,’ she replied. ‘But I have a feeling that perhaps Miss Christine has enlisted their services in some way. If I had to guess, that is,’ she added as she began preparing Mr Beauford’s chicken broth.
‘Thank you, Eloise,’ I said as I hurried out of the kitchen, unsure where to go next. Eliza! I thought, and headed towards her room. I knew she’d have heard the commotion and would probably be worried. I knocked lightly and said her name, and she called out for me to enter.
I went in and sat down by her side and quickly brought her up to speed regarding Mr Beauford’s health. Once I’d told her what little I’d been able to deduce, I added, ‘I’m afraid he’s taken a turn for the worse, Eliza. He’s asked for his chaplain and the doctor’s on his way. I knew you’d be wondering what the hubbub was all about.’
‘Thank you for coming to tell me, Rebecca, but I guessed what was going on. I’ve been up here saying prayers for Mr Beauford ever since I heard the first steps running down the hallway.’ Her face was radiant, as though her prayers had pulled some Divine Illumination down from the heavens and filled her up. I stood to leave, but she called out to me. ‘You should know that Christine can’t bear to be around people who are ill. When I had scarlet fever, our parents shipped her away to stay with relatives because she gets so upset whenever anyone’s sick. I think she may have taken one or two of the servants with her and headed out in the carriage. I’m sure I heard it leave, and I don’t know who else might have taken it. I don’t know where she might have gone, but I’d suspect to a rooming house in the local town somewhere. She’s quite a coward.’ She almost smirked.
I realized that not only did Eliza pity her sister in some ways, she was also repulsed by her in others. ‘Thank you for telling me that, Eliza – I’ll let the others know where she’s likely to have gone, just so they don’t worry about her.’
‘Oh, people would be wasting their time worrying about her,’ she muttered. ‘She always lands on her feet.’ Then she looked right at me and raised the volume of her voice to make sure I heard every word that followed. ‘I’ve only told you this so you can comfort Henley in her absence. I know she’s kept the two of you apart. I can’t see how he looks at you, but I can feel it and hear it in his voice when he talks to you. He needs support now more than ever, and she runs away. Truly a coward,’ she added with disgust.
‘Thanks, Eliza,’ I called over my shoulder as I headed out, running nearly headlong into Henley, who was obviously looking for me.
‘There you are,’ he said, and without thinking, we embraced.
‘I’m so sorry, Henley,’ I said. ‘I know your father’s ill—’
‘Yes, I assumed you did. Would you like to take a walk with me? I could use some fresh air.’ He stepped back, but I could tell he was a bit calmer after having connected with me.
‘Of course – just let me grab my cloak, as it’s nearly sundown.’ I darted into my room, snatched up my cloak and closed the door behind me as I exited. ‘Let’s go.’
As we walked, Henley’s demeanour grew noticeably more peaceful. I thought he would want to speak about his father’s condition, but he was more focused on convincing me how much he’d missed me the past few days. I didn’t want to hear this; I was still determined to make my getaway that evening, and becoming all worked up emotionally was not going to make that any easier. The sensation in my stomach pulsed and throbbed, making me feel unnatural and strange. I knew I couldn’t delay much longer.
‘Henley, please, can we simply talk about your father? This isn’t easy for me, and I know it’s hard for you on so many levels. I must leave tonight, my friend.’ I looked up into his eyes. ‘I have it all planned out. You’d be proud of me, putting it all together on my own—’
I was startled to see his knees buckle beneath him as he fell to the ground, holding his head in his hands and openly sobbing. I immediately sat down beside him, putting my arms around him and rocking him like a small child. ‘There, there,’ I said, ‘shh, shh, now, it’s going to be all right.’
He was sobbing less, but still finding it hard to catch his breath as we rocked slowly back and forth. ‘I … I simply couldn’t bear it if you left tonight, Rebecca. That would be the cruellest blow of all. Not tonight, I beg you.’ His soft sobs began again, and I couldn’t stand to think of hurting him any more, not with his father’s death so imminent. He must have been taken more severely ill than I’d guessed.
‘Of course I won’t leave you now,’ I consoled him. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. Very, very selfish of me. I cooked up the scheme earlier, before your father fell ill. I was just determined to carry it out tonight, no matter what. I’m so sorry. I give you my word that I’ll not leave until you feel stronger.’ I wasn’t sure how long I could last before I absolutely had to go, but surely I could withstand the pain for one more night, at least.
Henley’s sobs had stopped and he sat up. I pulled out my handkerchief from my sleeve and dabbed at his tear-stained face. He grabbed my hand, and before I knew it, we were kissing passionately, seated right there on the ground. I wanted to stop, but I wanted to continue more. I’d never been kissed like this before, so I didn’t have anything to compare it to. It was as if the kiss itself was made of fire and it burned right through to my very core. For that moment in time, there was no one and nothing but me and my beloved Henley. Inexperienced as I was in matters of the heart, something told me this kiss was extraordinary, and that was why I had to pull away.
I was totally lost in the moment, lost in my love for him, but still aware I mustn’t make any promises I knew I couldn’t keep, and this kiss was one of them. Something within me snapped and I realized I had to stop him – stop us – from making a grievous error. I pulled away, disengaging myself from his arms. It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, reaching to pull me back to him. ‘Oh, my sweetheart, my dearest – I’m mad about you. I love you, Rebecca, and I know you love me. I’ve never been kissed that way before. And I never want to be kissed by anyone other than you ever again.’
I knew I loved him, too – in fact my body fairly ached for him; but things had already progressed much further into the danger zone than I’d ever wished or intended to allow. I got up and held out both hands towards him, keeping him at arm’s length.
‘We must stop, Henley. This is getting out of control,’ I warned.
Standing and moving closer to me once again, he smiled his devilish grin. ‘That’s how I want it – don’t you, Rebecca? We’ve had to be in control so much of our lives. Let’s say hang it all and just do what we want, and everyone else be damned.’ His eyes were flashing with excitement, and I knew I could give in to his wishes all too easily unless I put some distance between us, and quickly. He began to come closer and I felt my knees go weak, but my elbows somehow got the springs back in them and pushed him away, hard. I decided if he believed I was angry, he’d respect my wishes.
‘Stop it now!’ I commanded and pushed him again, this time so hard that he lost his balance and sat down on the ground. He was obviously shocked.
‘Rebecca, love, how have I offended you?’ he asked, hanging his head in shame. ‘I’ve hurt you, and I’m–I’m so sorry.’
‘You’re going to marry Christine! Isn’t that your intention? She’s gorgeous, wealthy, your father appr
oves … That’s who you’re betrothed to, and that’s who you shall marry. You’ll always belong to her.’ I hoped my angry act had fooled him. He did look bewildered at first, but then he burst into laughter.
‘You think Christine’s perfect? Her head is full of nothing but air; she drives me insane with the continual drivel that spouts from that so-called perfect rouged mouth of hers. She babbles incessantly and I detest that. I no more intend to marry her than I would marry Wilchester!’ he declared. ‘I’ve just been placating Father, to make him happy. But I assure you, there’s no way I shall ever walk down the aisle with that creature who you appear to think is the epitome of perfection.’
While he was talking, I started walking back towards the house, knowing he wouldn’t dare show physical affection to me once we were within sight of the servants. ‘Well, that’s all well and good for you to say now,’ I threw back over my shoulder, ‘but you and I don’t belong together, no matter what. It simply can never be.’
At that, he ran around and blocked my progress, making eye contact with me but this time respectfully keeping his hands to himself. ‘You can’t fool me, Rebecca,’ he said softly. ‘I meant it when I told you I’ve never been kissed like that before. I felt it surging from the tips of my toes, all the way up my body until my hair felt like it was standing on end. And I know you felt it, too. It’s impossible you couldn’t have. I don’t love Christine. Even if I’d never met you, that would still be God’s honest truth. But from the first moment I laid eyes upon you, my darling, darling Rebecca, my heart has belonged to no other. How could you not know that?’
I took a deep breath. I was afraid I might start crying and lose my resolve, so I quickly pushed my way around him and began running towards the house.
‘Tell me you love me, too, Rebecca. I know you do. Please, please say it …’ Standing helplessly on the path some thirty yards from the house, he called after me desperately. I ran up the stairs to the porch, shaking my head and sobbing angry tears, determined not to stop until I’d reached the relative safety of my bedroom and locked the door; feeling ashamed that I’d broken my promise to myself never to let our relationship get to this point, and terrified at what I’d have to do next.
The Seventh Miss Hatfield Page 20