by Diane Adams
"I told you!" Alex crowed. Jared surveyed his living room. That morning the room had been its tidy self, now things were pushed any which way to accommodate the giant recliner. Standing in front of Jared's big TV, the chair beckoned some unwary passerby to take refuge in the plush luxury and watch something mind-numbing. Jared tried to decide how he would rearrange things so his living room didn't look like it belonged to a pitiful guy with nothing to do but watch TV and lounge around alone. You couldn't even see the TV from any other seat at the moment. He reached out and tousled Alex's curls.
"Well, it fits." He kept his whole opinion to himself. He stretched his arms over his head and arched backward before bending forward to touch the floor. He had a hand truck, but getting the chair from the pickup to the living room had taken a lot of work. If not for the sliding glass doors in the back, the chair would be stuck on the porch instead of hogging the living room.
Alex was a bundle of energy. He couldn't quit moving; he glanced between the recliner and Jared, stuck his hands in his pockets and took them out. He shifted from one foot to the other. Jared didn't blame him. He broke out in a cold sweat just thinking about sharing the chair with Alex. Nerves set in, and Jared bailed, heading for the kitchen. Second thoughts came too late for him recently. A cuddle chair, yeah, that was the best idea ever.
"Lunch?" he called over his shoulder. Looking perplexed, Alex followed. He settled onto his barstool and spun around a few times. Jared put together a couple sandwiches and tossed a handful of chips on the plates.
"I have to go home in time for dinner, you know," Alex informed him, before taking a huge bite out of the peanut butter sandwich. Jared settled beside him, placing tall glasses of milk beside their plates.
"I know. Lunch. A movie and some popcorn before you go?" He kept his voice calm, but Alex turned to face him so fast Jared expected to see his ears perk up. Alex choked on the bite he was swallowing and Jared whacked him on the back. "You okay?"
Red-faced but beaming, Alex nodded vigorously. He took a deep draft of milk. "Fine, I'm fine," he gasped. Alex took another drink, but his interest in his lunch had vanished.
Jared washed down the last of his sandwich and then took mercy on him. "Go pick a movie, I'll make the popcorn." Jared gathered their dishes. The garbage disposal roared, devouring the last of Alex's lunch.
Five minutes later Jared stood in the entry of his darkened living room. The only light came from the glow of the TV as the first scenes from The Prince of Persia played out. Alex snuggled in the chair under a blanket he'd lifted off the back of the couch. Jared gave Alex the bowl of popcorn and returned the blanket to the back of the couch.
"Hey!" Alex's protest ended when Jared dropped a homemade afghan on his head.
"Use that," he said without offering an explanation. "Scoot." Alex scooted. His eyes were huge in the dim light when he settled down beside him. Alex set the popcorn in Jared's lap, tossed away the blanket, and snuggled under the arm he wrapped around his shoulders.
"There's nothing to drink," Alex grumbled. Jared set the bowl on the floor beside the chair and turned towards him.
"Is that what you want, a drink?"
"No." Alex leaned closer, his face lifted to Jared's. He rested a hand on Alex's hip, shifting them so they faced each other. He could feel the soft brush of Alex's breath on his lips. He rested his hand on Alex's neck, felt the pulse thrum against his palm. He brushed his thumb along Alex's jaw as their lips touched. The world slipped away, and the movie prince had his adventure without witnesses.
Digital Age
Janet stirred the pot of chili simmering on the stove. The aroma, combined with that of the cornbread baking in the oven, filled the house. Happy to have her son home, she wanted to cook all his favorites, and homemade chili topped his list. With temps in the low nineties since his return, chili hadn't seemed appealing, but the morning promised evening rain and a thirty degree drop in temperature, perfect for spicy chili and hot cornbread. Satisfied everything looked good, Janet checked the timer on the bread and poured a glass of her favorite strawberry flavored water.
She settled into her favorite chair with her drink to indulge in a break until the cornbread finished baking, and reached for the novel she was reading. Her cell phone rang and she picked it up instead, glancing at the screen as she answered.
"Hi, Holly." Janet leaned back and propped her feet on the hassock upholstered in the same pastel floral pattern as her chair. Calls from Holly were always interesting. Somehow she always managed to get the best gossip first.
"Hi there, Janey!" Holly chirped. Janet cringed. She despised being called Janey.
"We haven't spoken in weeks. How are you doing?" Janet asked.
Holly maintained she wasn't a gossip but that people sought her out for information. Janet wasn't sure it counted as not gossiping just because you waited for people to ask. It didn't matter, she loved listening to the dirt Holly had in unending abundance.
"Oh, not much, I was shopping with the kids at General Amos this morning."
Janet was surprised. General Amos wasn't the type of store her friends admitted frequenting. She never went to the dump. "Really?" She hoped she was successful keeping her opinion out of her tone.
"Oh, yes, the kids like it and there's always something interesting. I saw that Flack woman with her screaming brats terrorizing the place. I swear she's a menace the way she keeps having kids and letting them run out of control. Oh, and there was someone else there!"
The tinkling laugh raised the hair on the back of Janet's neck. She recalled that Alex and Clark liked to go there, and she didn't think she wanted to hear Holly's newest gossip. Something was happening with Alex that she hadn't pieced together yet, and she didn't like surprises.
"I'll send pictures. You can give me a call back if you have any questions!" The call disconnected, but before Janet had time to wonder what Holly was talking about, her phone beeped with the news a picture had been received and, right behind the first, a second one. Janet touched the screen to open the first one.
It was a picture of two men. Her eyes fixed on Alex, his head tilted back laughing up at the man behind him. Shaggy brown hair hid the other man's profile, but his strong hands gripped Alex's shoulders. Janet couldn't tear her eyes away from that single detail. 'Possessive' was the first thought that came to mind when she saw it and she couldn't shake the impression. Alex, his upturned face beaming. Only his profile, but Janet knew that smile, the thousand watt grin that lit him up from the inside.
Her heart raced and cold sweat broke out on the back of her neck. A niggling suspicion clicked into place and the completed picture dried her throat. She didn't want to know, didn't want to see anything else, but unable to stop herself, Janet opened the next picture. Alex again, of course, though this time she wouldn't know him if she hadn't seen the first picture with the same man, except this time, instead of a simple grip on her son's shoulders, he was on top of him. They were in some monstrous chair. The man was large enough he almost hid the boy from view. He was leaning over Alex, their foreheads touching. Alex's hand under his hair, perhaps touching his face. Janet's heart screamed in denial, but even through her growing disappointment and rage she could see Alex was not being coerced. She dialed Holly.
"Tell me."
"Mom, I'm home! It smells great in here!" Alex's voice carried through the house just as Janet ended her call. He rattled around in the kitchen. The timer for the cornbread went off and was silenced. She heard him take it out of the oven. The refrigerator opened and she pictured him grabbing a Coke, pretended for a moment he was the same boy who'd left home that morning, innocence intact. It wasn't true. Her son was a stranger to her.
"What's up?" Alex flopped down on the couch, his soda in hand. He was growing up, long, jean clad legs stretched out in front of him. He rested his arms along the back of the sofa, the Coke held in a relaxed grip. His shoulders were broader and his hair had grown back, as unruly as ever. Janet studied him in silence, won
dering how things had come to this. She didn't know the man looking out at her through her son's eyes. Her boy was gone. She walked over and handed him her phone. Grinning, Alex took it in his free hand and glanced at the screen. What he saw caused his smile to falter and then fade altogether.
"Nothing to say?" Janet stood over him, angry and judgmental, embarrassed by what she had learned. Alex closed the picture of him laughing up at the man and handed the phone back to her. "It looks like you had plenty to say earlier. Do you care to explain?" She turned the screen of her phone back towards him.
Alex looked in silence at a picture of his play with Jared. He lifted his gaze to her face. "I was going to tell you. You weren't supposed to find out like this… I… Jared said… I'm sorry, Mom." Alex struggled for words, fear mingled with regret in his eyes.
"Jared said? Who is Jared to tell you anything?" Janet's eyes flashed. She was his mother. She was supposed to know him better than anyone. Things like this were not supposed to happen.
"That's Jared, in the picture. He's my boyfriend."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth Janet moved forward and slapped Alex hard across the face. He rocked backwards. Pain and shock overrode every other emotion in his expression.
"Don't you dare say that to me! It's perverse." Her face as cold as her voice, Janet backed away from him. For a moment she was horrified that she'd struck him, but she smothered it. Nothing mattered but making what had happened go away. He couldn't do this to her. She could not mother a gay son and he was selfish to expect it.
Alex stared at her with wounded, tear-filled eyes. "But, Mom, we weren't doing anything! We were playing, that's all. Just playing around. Jared wouldn't touch me in public if someone held a gun to his head."
Her son's desperation made no impression on her anger. Janet focused on two words. "In public? You think the fact he doesn't do disgusting things to you in public makes everything fine? What does he do to you in private? Teach you to do obscene things? Fill your head with lies about how he loves you?"
The venom in her voice brought Alex to his feet. "You can say anything you want about me. I deserve it. Jared told me to tell you and I didn't. I put it off and put it off because I was afraid," he yelled.
As his words sank in, Janet faltered. Her son was afraid? Sympathy welled, but determined not to give in, she shook off the moment of weakness. "Afraid of what?" She stood across the room, her arms folded under her breasts, her stance angry.
Alex's eyes searched her face. "Of this. I was afraid of this. I should have been brave enough to face you, but I wasn't. I'm sorry, Mom, so sorry." He took a step towards her, but Janet took one back, keeping her distance.
"You think that's the problem? You think if you told me first things would be different?" Janet knew Alex and understood how important his family was to him. She hit hard and mercilessly, sure he'd choose his family, his mother, over anything else. "You're dirty. Filthy, from playing boy toy for that faggot. I want it to stop."
"What?" Alex clearly struggled to make sense out of her words.
"You heard me, stop it. You can't play around like this. People will talk."
Alex's jaw tightened. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, a movement that didn't go unnoticed.
"You got that God-awful tattoo for him!"
"It wasn't for him. You never even asked what it means." Alex's hand stayed at the back of his neck, cupped over the symbols there.
"It doesn't matter what it means. It's just another symptom of a sickness that has to end now, today."
Alex trembled, but didn’t back down the way she'd expected. "I don't know what you mean. You want me to stop seeing Jared? That won't fix anything. This has nothing to do with him. I'm gay, Mom. Gay."
"No. My son is not gay." Janet blinked rapidly, tears threatening for the first time.
His expression horrified, Alex stepped back. "What are you saying?"
"If you won't put an end to this, get out. If you're going to carry on like that with men, you are not my son."
"Fine." Pain and bewilderment contorted his features, but Alex headed for the door. His hand on the latch, he turned to look at her, his face awash with tears. "You're always saying how much you love me. I was gay every time you said it, because I've always been gay. The only thing different is that now you know. You're the one that changed, not me. Not me." He opened the door. The rain had started. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled. Alex left the door open and walked out into the storm.
Janet didn't call him back.
The Storm
The rain was cold. Not wintery, but still chilling after the ninety degree days they'd been suffering. Alex didn't notice. His mind in turmoil, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked. His phone rang, but he didn't answer. In his struggle to understand what happened, his mind replayed the scene with his mother on a continuous loop. Jared's voice formed a constant background murmur, warning him to tell her. He should have listened. By embarrassing his mom in front of her friends, he never got a chance to try and help her understand. Now she hated him. His mother hated him. He disgusted her.
It was dark, cold, and wet. Alex wanted to see Jared but the idea terrified him. He hadn't done what Jared told him to and look what'd happened. He couldn't face disappointing someone else, not right now. He could go to Clark's but there'd be a million questions. Alex's mother rarely asked questions as long as he didn't bother her. Clark's mother was a fount of them. Alex couldn't tell the perfect mother what his mother had said and done.
He'd never understood his mom. Possessions and prestige were important to her. His father was laid back, happy to have enough without asking for more. In Alex's mind, they didn't fit together. He'd adopted his father's affectionate acceptance for her, never doubting that she loved him back. In stark contrast, Clark's mom was like some poster parent. Alex bet Clark's mom knew everything about him, at least everything important. She talked to Clark, not at him. Alex sighed, head down against the rain. She'd listen to him, if he went there.
She'd care, but he didn't want it. Real or not, he didn't want her caring, her pity. Not tonight.
The stark reality of what had happened tore through him, the pain unbearable. He hunched over, sobbing in the rain. He didn't notice when a vehicle stopped at the curb beside him. The driver jumped out and rushed over to him.
"Alex, thank God!"
He looked up into Jared's worried face. "I'm sorry, Jared, I'm sorry." He couldn't stop crying. He shook with the force of his sobs and shivered from the cold.
"Sorry? What the hell are you talking about? God, Alex, you're soaked to the bone. What are you thinking?" His voice softened. "I've been looking for you for hours. Get in the truck."
Alex ducked away when Jared tried to touch him. He’d told his mother he hadn't changed, that she was the only one who was different. That wasn't true. Her words had changed him, he felt things he'd never felt before. For the first time in his life, Alex was ashamed of being gay. He felt dirty and didn't want Jared to touch him. But he didn't have the strength to resist and when Jared reached for him again, Alex let him help. In the truck and cuddled under a blanket, he couldn't help but sigh with pleasure.
"I'm going to take you home, but I have to call your father first," Jared said.
Alex sat up, panicked, the blanket falling away unnoticed. "No! I can't go back there. She hates me, Jared, she hates me!" Sobs wracked his slim frame. Afraid he sounded like a baby, some broken little boy who needed his mother and wasn't going to get her, he tried to choke back his tears but he couldn't stop crying.
"Shh, shh, Alex. It's okay. No one hates you. God, stop crying. You're going make yourself sick." Jared cuddled him close. Alex calmed a little in his arms. Jared held him close and pulled out his phone. "Frank, I found him." Jared paused and Alex wondered without much interest what his father had to say. "I think so, he's not hurt physically. I don't think he tried to… he's okay. I'm going to take him to my place. He's soaking wet, I'll feed
him and dry him out." Another pause. "Sure, of course. Anything I can do, you know that." After another few seconds Jared ended the call.
Alex watched Jared intently. "You're taking me home with you? You aren't mad at me?"
Jared smoothed his damp curls back from his forehead. "Why would I be mad at you? Just because you scared the crap out of me for the past four hours?"
He felt stunned. "It's been that long?" His teeth chattered on the words.
"Or longer, it's been that long since your dad called to ask if I'd seen you. Why didn't you call?" Jared pulled the truck into the driveway of his house. Alex had been wandering only blocks away. He sniffed and wiped his nose on Jared's blanket.
"I keep forgetting about my phone. I broke the habit at school, I guess. It might be drowned now." He patted his soaked pocket. "I was scared, Jared. You told me to tell her and I didn't. Someone sent pictures of us from this morning. I thought you were going to be mad at me, too." The tears came again and Alex let Jared bundle him out of the truck and into the house.
Jared was heating soup when Alex wandered into the kitchen fresh from the shower, roughing his hair with a towel, and Jared's clothes bagging on him. Alex settled on the bar stool and watched him work without comment.
"I made chicken noodle, but I have chili too," Jared offered.
Alex's eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights. The smell of chili and cornbread would probably always make him sick now. "No, no, the soup is fine." He leaned on the bar and buried his head in his arms, hiding from the light, from Jared, and the world in general. He wasn't ready to discuss anything. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to… He lifted his head and watched Jared cooking. After a minute, he got up and padded on bare feet to stand behind him. Alex hesitated. The newly awakened feelings from his encounter with his mother were still there, the shame, the vague unease that he was doing wrong, but countering that was the simple fact of Jared. He was safe. He wrapped his arms around Jared's waist, pressed his face against his back. Jared moved the pan and turned off the stove. Then he turned in Alex's arms and held him close.