by Sam Hawken
Bernardo looked at Jack and once again Jack saw the bleakness in the man’s eyes, as if he had put away his hopes right from the start and there was nothing left but world-weariness. ‘And if he tells you, what will you do? You are not a policeman, Jack. This isn’t a movie. This is Mexico. People die when they say the wrong things, make the wrong moves. You’re an Anglo. Everyone will notice you, and if you step outside of the lines you will be punished for it.’
‘What do you want me to do, then? Just sit on my ass?’ Jack asked sharply.
Bernardo’s gaze fell. ‘I don’t know.’
The light changed. They moved on. At the intersection up ahead, an army truck crossed, briefly holding up traffic. Men were clustered in the bed of the truck, holding onto the raised metal frame, weapons ready.
‘I try to believe,’ Bernardo said after a long silence.
‘Don’t start thinking that way,’ Jack said.
‘I didn’t tell you what I was thinking,’ Bernardo replied.
‘You said enough. I know where that train goes and I’m not hopping on. And you need to get off, too. You have a family at home that’s counting on you to stay strong. You start doubting, they’ll start doubting, and then where will you be? It’s no help to anybody.’
‘Then you’re sure?’ Bernardo asked.
‘I’m sure,’ Jack said, and he set his teeth against one another. He gripped the steering wheel firmly. ‘I’m sure.’
‘I won’t think about it anymore,’ Bernardo said.
They returned to Bernardo’s home ahead of the night and Jack came in. Bernardo took Reina aside and spoke to her quietly. Jack could not hear, but he saw the ripple of emotions on Reina’s face as Bernardo told the story. He wondered whether he was so easy to read, and whether Alvares had seen such a look of despair on his face when he’d told them Gonzalo was gone and the rest of the police with him.
Reina’s expression was stolid when he came to the kitchen. She set Jack to washing rice and soaking beans ahead of the evening meal. Once Lidia came to Jack to find out what had happened, but Jack turned her away. There would be time to discuss such things later.
Bernardo used the computer in Patricia’s room and when he came out again he had a printout in his hand. ‘Here,’ he said to Jack. ‘This is where Inspector Soler lives.’
There were directions to a part of town Jack didn’t know and a little map to go with them. It wouldn’t take too long to get there. ‘I should go now.’
‘Won’t you stay for dinner?’ Reina asked. ‘There’s enough for everyone.’
‘You’ll have to save me a plate,’ Jack said. ‘I need to see this man right away.’
‘But if he is no longer a policeman, what good can he do for you?’ Reina asked.
‘I won’t know until I talk to him. You’ll watch Lidia for me?’
‘Of course. Will you be back tonight?’
‘I shouldn’t be gone long at all,’ Jack said.
Bernardo touched Jack’s arm. ‘Be careful, Jack. It will be dark soon.’
‘I’m not afraid of the dark.’
FOUR
THE STREETLIGHTS WERE COMING ON here and there by the time Jack reached the address. It had been a while since he’d seen a patrol and as the neighborhood broke down around him Jack felt more and more exposed. He was reminded of what Bernardo had said, and suddenly a big white truck with a big white man behind the wheel seemed very much out of place.
Gonzalo’s building was a crumbling dump, indifferently painted. The concrete and metal stairs creaked under his feet. The whole place seemed vaguely unstable, as if long neglect had eaten away at the basic structure of the building and only good intentions were keeping it together. Compared to this, Bernardo’s home was a paradise.
Television light flickered against the blinds of the apartment window, but Jack heard no sound. He knocked firmly.
He was aware of unseen movement and then he heard several locks open. The door opened slightly, a chain spanning the gap. Gonzalo peered out at him. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I came to talk,’ Jack said.
The door closed and there was the click of the chain being unfastened. Gonzalo opened the door wide. Jack saw he was in shorts and a T-shirt. He held a small revolver. ‘Come inside,’ Gonzalo said.
Jack’s impression of the apartment was that it was small and slightly untidy, but it did not reflect the squalor of the grounds or the decay of the building itself. A long crack snaked along one wall from the lower corner to the ceiling, but for the most part it looked no better or worse than any place Jack had kept in the years he was alone.
The television was on, the volume low. Gonzalo shut it off. ‘I wasn’t expecting guests,’ he said. ‘I don’t have anything to offer you.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘Please sit down. Move something if you have to.’
Jack cleared some magazines from a chair and settled into it. The arms of the chair were worn and had been patched with cloth that didn’t match the upholstery, but the cushions supported him and the chair did not collapse. The couch was likewise worn and both pieces of furniture had the look of something scavenged or bought second- or third-hand. It occurred to Jack that he did not know how much police officers made in Mexico. It could not be much.
Gonzalo sat on the couch. The revolver was somewhere out of sight. ‘How did you find me?’ he asked.
‘The internet,’ Jack replied.
‘The internet,’ Gonzalo repeated. ‘You can find anything there.’
‘I came because I went and talked to the army like you told me to. I saw Alvares.’
‘And what did the captain have to say?’
‘He told me he would get right on it once things settled down.’
‘Did you believe him?’
‘Would you?’ Jack asked.
‘No. I would not.’
‘Now you know why I’m here.’
Gonzalo pulled from his bottle and then held it low, between his knees. He carried a new weight that Jack hadn’t seen on him before. Jack saw it mostly in the dark of his eyes, or maybe it was the dimming light that the room’s lone lamp weakly pushed away. ‘I told you before: I’m of no use to you anymore. I’m not a policeman.’
‘I can’t do this on my own,’ Jack said.
‘Is that what you think I’m telling you to do? You can’t look for your stepdaughter by yourself, Jack.’
‘That’s what I’m saying. I can’t. I need you.’
‘You don’t need me. You need Alvares’ men.’
‘Alvares’ men don’t give a shit about this case and you know it. You said it yourself.’
Gonzalo shifted on the couch uncomfortably. ‘Anything I do now could jeopardize my return to the police force. We are all under suspicion now. If they saw me conspiring with an American behind their backs, it could be all over for me. I need that job.’
‘I’ll pay you,’ Jack said.
‘Jack—’
‘No, hear me out. I’ll pay you out of my own pocket to look into this. You’ll be a private investigator. However much you want. A hundred dollars a day. Two hundred dollars a day. I’m not rich, but I can bankroll you for a while. And if you don’t find out anything you can still keep the money.’
‘Do you think I need money so badly?’
‘Don’t you? How much do they pay you?’
‘As of now they pay me nothing. I am at the mercy of my savings.’
‘Then let me help you. I hire guys all the time. Payment for services rendered.’
‘You’ve given this a lot of thought.’
‘Some. Enough to know it’s the right thing to do.’
‘How can you be sure I won’t simply take your money and do nothing?’
Jack leaned forward. ‘I don’t, but you wouldn’t do that, would you?’
Gonzalo considered. ‘You don’t know me, Jack. You may think you do, but you don’t.’
‘I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t take
the mordida when I offered it. You’ve got character. That’s what I need.’
‘You understand that if I agree to do this, I can stop at any time. The army might intervene or I might think it’s too dangerous to go on. You have to be prepared for that. Are you?’
‘Yes. You know something about Marina and Patricia, don’t you?’
‘I’ve seen some things that I don’t understand yet.’
‘Like what?’
‘Now is not the time. We’ll meet in a couple of days and I’ll tell you what I know.’
‘Why not meet tomorrow?’
‘Because I need time to decide if I really want to do this. You don’t know what you’re asking, Jack.’
‘I think I do.’
‘That’s where you and I disagree.’
FIVE
IT WAS WELL AFTER NINE BY THE TIME Jack and Lidia returned home. Jack paused in the front room and turned on the lights. ‘I want to talk to you for a little bit,’ he told her. ‘Why don’t you sit down?’
They sat on the couch. Lidia bundled into her end with her arms closed around her chest. ‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘I know you want to know more about what’s going on and I’m ready to tell you.’
‘You haven’t told me anything, Jack. I’m not a little kid like Bernardino and Leandra. I can handle it!’
‘I know, I know. I just thought as long as I kept a lid on things that meant they were under control. But they’re not. Not really.’
Lidia did not blink. ‘What’s happening?’
‘First thing’s first: in a couple of days we’re headed over the border for a while. You’ll stay with your cousins and I’m going to take a room at a hotel somewhere. I don’t know how long we’re going to be there.’
‘But school’s starting soon.’
‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. The thing is, the police aren’t gonna be looking for Marina anymore, so it’s up to us to pick up where they left off.’
‘What do you mean the police aren’t going to keep looking? You said they would keep looking!’
‘I was wrong!’ Jack exclaimed. ‘The whole goddamned police force got thrown off the job and now they have a bunch of soldiers running around! They say they’re gonna look into it, but I know they’re not and I can’t take it anymore! So I hired a guy.’
‘What guy?’
‘He’s a cop. Or he used to be. He knows the case already and he’s willing to help.’
‘But why do you have to be there?’
‘Because I’m going to go out with him. We’ll be working together. Partners. He knows the city better than I do and I’ve got the drive. Together we have to come up with something.’
Lidia was quiet a while. ‘Could you get hurt?’ she asked finally.
‘I don’t want you to worry about that. Okay? We’re gonna be safe and we’re gonna do this right. The way it should have been done from the beginning. I never should have let them do this without me.’
‘You’re not a detective, Jack.’
‘I know, but… I owe it to Marina to do everything I can and I wasn’t doing that before. Now I am. Me and this man, we’re going to make it right.’
‘I should do something, too,’ Lidia said.
‘No. I’ve got enough to worry about without you getting yourself in trouble.’
‘So you can go out and play cop and I have to sit at home with the kids?’
‘Yes, because you are a kid.’
‘I’m thirteen!’
‘You’re a kid!’
‘What am I supposed to do if something happens to you, Jack?’
‘I already told you, nothing’s going to happen to me.’
‘But what if something does? People get shot in Nuevo Laredo all the time. Who’s going to take care of me then, Jack?’
Jack moved closer to Lidia and held out his arms. For a moment she resisted, but then she allowed herself to be hugged, her arms wrapped inside Jack’s. He could feel her heart beating quickly, birdlike. ‘I’m going to take care of you,’ he said. ‘No matter what happens, I’ll be here to take care of you. I promised your mother and I haven’t broken that promise yet, have I?’
‘No.’
‘I made a mistake letting Marina go. But I’m going to find her and I’m going to bring her back home and we’re going to be a family again.’
‘And Patricia?’
‘And Patricia. It’s gonna work out for everybody. You’ll see.’
Lidia pulled away from him, but it was gentle and she allowed Jack to take her hand and squeeze it. ‘There’s nothing good about this,’ she said.
‘I know.’
‘When Marina gets back, we’re never going over the bridge again.’
‘If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.’
‘It’s what I want. I hate that place.’
‘Don’t hate the city,’ Jack said. ‘There are good people there. Your aunt and uncle. Your cousins. Lots of people like them. It’s just that there are a lot of scumbags running around that have to be dealt with, that’s all.’
‘I don’t care. I’ll go back this time, but I’m not doing it again.’
‘Okay,’ Jack said.
Lidia got up from the couch and her hand slipped from his. ‘I’m going to go pack a bag,’ she said. ‘Then I’m going to sleep.’
‘All right. I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘Goodnight, Jack.’
‘Goodnight. I love you.’
She vanished from the room and Jack sat a while on the couch alone. When he got up, he turned off the lamp and walked the dark house to his bedroom. For the first time in a long time, he closed the door.
Jack put on the bedside lamp and opened the top drawer of his chest of drawers. He found the gun wrapped up in an old, torn T-shirt, along with an extra magazine. It was matte black except for the burnished wooden grips, a 9mm Browning Hi-Power that was thirty years old. Jack kept it loaded.
He spread the old T-shirt on the bed and sat down with the gun. He ejected the clip and cleared the chamber before working the action once or twice. It still worked smoothly. Jack could not remember the last time he’d fired it.
From the closet he brought out a green duffel bag with his last name and first initial printed on it. He stuffed it with clothes: jeans and shirts and underwear. The Hi-Power and its spare clip nestled in the center of everything where it would not immediately be found. He wondered whether drug-sniffing dogs looked for guns, too.
The duffel bag went by the bedroom door. Jack stripped and put on pajama bottoms and got into bed. He shut off the light and in the darkness he thought of Nuevo Laredo and the streets that beckoned with shadows of their own. He thought of the onrushing night that came upon him when Marina disappeared, and how the dawn seemed as though it might never come.
SIX
‘LOOK AT THESE,’ BERNARDO SAID. ‘I HAD them printed yesterday.’
The flyers were full color and featured the digital pictures of Marina and Patricia under red block letters that read DESAPARECIDAS. Text described the girls and followed this with a short account of where they were last seen. At the very bottom was Bernardo’s phone number and email address.
‘How many do you have?’ Jack asked.
‘Two hundred. I’m going to put them all over that neighborhood. You won’t be able to avoid them.’
‘They’re good,’ Jack said. ‘Real good. Somebody will call.’
Bernardo nodded energetically and took the flyer back. He looked at it with real fire in his eyes and his expression was uplifted, no longer dismal. Reina looked on from the entrance of the kitchen, a dishcloth twisted between her hands. Jack saw hope.
‘I should have done this from the beginning,’ Bernardo said. ‘I was too upset to think, but now I know what I have to do.’
‘Don’t be too hard on yourself,’ Jack said.
‘Someone might have come forward if I had just put these up sooner,’ Bernardo cont
inued.
‘Or maybe not. Anyway, it’s done now.’
Little Bernardo strode into the room with a stack of the flyers in his hand. ‘I’m going to help!’ he declared.
‘You are?’ Jack asked, and he caught a glimpse of Lidia watching darkly. ‘Don’t you think you should wait at home?’
‘No. I’m going to help.’
‘I guess I can’t argue with that,’ Jack said. Lidia left the room. Jack knew he would hear from her later.
It was still early. Jack and Lidia had come across the bridge before the morning rush and they came to a house awash in breakfast smells. Reina fed everyone without sitting down to take any food for herself and now she lingered at the fringe of their conversation. Jack did not know how she kept her peace. Maybe she saved it all for Bernardo when they were alone. But now she was a rock.
‘Where is the policeman?’ Bernardo asked Jack.
‘He’ll be here soon. I gave him directions.’
‘Let’s sit outside and wait. Bernardino, don’t make a mess out of those flyers. We will go out soon.’
‘Yes, Papá.’
There was still something of the cool night lingering in the enclosed courtyard, but the rising sun was already warming the air. Bernardo sat by the barbecue grill and picked up the length of twisted iron he used to stir the coals. He poked at the ashes. ‘Is he really coming?’ he asked.
‘He said he was. I don’t expect he’ll break his word.’
‘He wants his money.’
‘I don’t think that’s the only reason,’ Jack said.
After that they let the silence grow between them until they heard the sound of a car on the other side of the streetward wall. It idled for a moment and then cut off. A door opened and closed.
Gonzalo appeared at the gate and rapped the metal with his key. ‘¿Hola?’ he called.
Bernardo hastened to unlock the gate and Gonzalo came in. He was dressed as he had been the first day Jack met him: in slacks and a jacket, but with no tie for his shirt. If he was carrying a gun it wasn’t immediately obvious. Jack was very aware of the Browning Hi-Power tucked in the back of his pants beneath the tail of his blue work shirt.