‘Oh!’ It was more a surprised squeak than a word, and Flynn would have laughed at the shock on her face if it wouldn’t have ruined the mood.
He released her hand and leant back as the waiter appeared with their starters. He had a feeling the conversation wasn’t done yet, but he’d said what he needed to. She knew where he stood now. All he needed was for her to join him.
Easy.
He took a bite of his crostini di fegato while she toyed with her risotto, her fork twirling through the rice grains without ever making it near her mouth. She’d talk when she was ready, he decided, and set about enjoying his starter instead.
He was halfway through when she said, ‘The other night...’ then stopped and winced.
Of course. Their wedding night. Of course she’d want to talk about that in a crowded restaurant where he couldn’t do anything to persuade her that his reluctance to take her to bed had nothing to do with lack of interest.
‘It had been a long day for both of us,’ he said as neutrally as he could.
She waved a hand at him across the table, dismissing his words as unnecessary or irrelevant, he wasn’t completely sure which. ‘That night, I thought for a moment that you might have been in love with my sister.’
Flynn blinked at her in confusion. ‘Why on earth would you think that?’
The burst of laughter Helena didn’t quite manage to contain by slapping her hand to her mouth drew the attention of every other diner in the room. Flynn steadfastly refused to look at or acknowledge them, keeping his gaze on Helena as she simmered down to a giggle.
‘You realise how ridiculous that is, right? You were supposed to marry her four days ago, and you can’t imagine how I might have got the impression that you were in love with her?’
Put like that, he supposed she had a point. ‘Except you knew that the marriage was a business arrangement.’
‘For her, yes. But I’d never spoken to you about how you felt. Still haven’t, actually.’ She paused in a way that suggested he was supposed to remedy that. Immediately. Except at that point the waiter returned to clear their starters, followed by another server carrying their main courses.
Flynn sighed and picked up his wine glass, taking the opportunity to consider his answer. Once they were alone again, he said, ‘Marrying Thea was the plan because it gave us both what we wanted—or at least what I thought she wanted. Business and personal security, a future together and the possibility of children. Plus a good boost for the company PR. She got to escape her ridiculous failures with men, and I got to earn a real place at the family table. It worked.’
‘So, nothing about love at all?’ Helena pressed her fork into her porcetta, cut a sliver and popped it into her mouth. ‘Mmm, this is delicious.’
‘I’ll admit I hoped that one day we might come to love one another. But no, I wasn’t in love with her.’ And it was painfully obvious to all and sundry that she hadn’t been in love with him either. That was the only part that still smarted, just a little. Flynn turned his attention to his main course, mostly to pretend that it didn’t.
‘But you’d spoken about...children. And you admitted that you would have slept with her already, if she’d gone through with the marriage.’ Her neutral tone gave nothing away, no hint of the right answer for him to give. Even if she hadn’t really asked a question.
‘For me, and for Thea, I think, we wanted to make this a real lasting marriage. Even if it didn’t start out from a place of true love or anything. She’s an attractive woman,’ he added, watching Helena’s face closely as he spoke for any sign of a negative reaction. Sometimes when women said they wanted honesty, in his experience, they wanted anything but. ‘And we had an iron-clad fidelity clause. If either of us ever wanted to have sex again, it had to be with each other.’
Helena sat back and studied him, sipping from her own wine glass. ‘I like our story better,’ she said after a moment.
‘Our story?’
‘Yes. It’s more...dramatic. Romantic. Spontaneous.’
‘Of course.’ Flynn’s shoulder muscles relaxed a little now she hadn’t thrown wine in his face for talking about sleeping with her sister. ‘And you like romance and spontaneity.’
‘Who doesn’t?’ She gave a small shrug. ‘But you two would have gone into that marriage with a heavy weight of expectations—written and signed in blood.’
‘I like to think of it as more of a plan,’ Flynn said mildly.
‘You mean a schedule.’ Helena shook her head. ‘But life doesn’t work like that. What if you slept together and it was dreadful?’
Flynn really didn’t want to talk about this, but apparently he didn’t have much of a choice. ‘Then we’d have...I don’t know. Practised, or something.’ Could this be more awkward?
‘What if she couldn’t have children?’ There was something behind Helena’s eyes as she spoke, something he’d have missed if he hadn’t been watching so closely. Was she trying to tell him something? He really hoped not.
‘Then we’d figure something out. IVF or surrogacy. Adoption, maybe.’ As a last resort. If he ever had to adopt, though, he’d do it differently. It would be about giving another lost child the sort of chances he’d had—but without the baggage. Not about what that child could give him.
‘What if she fell in love with someone else?’
‘Then she’d probably run away with him on our wedding morning.’ A joke, but only just.
Helena rolled her eyes. ‘I mean after the wedding.’
‘Then we’d have...’ The thought had never really occurred to him. The marriage was such an escape for both of them, to put them in a position where they didn’t have to take the risk of love, that he couldn’t imagine either of them looking for it outside of their union. ‘We’d have talked about it. Sorted something out.’
‘Like we’re talking now,’ Helena said. ‘And since you’re married to me, not her, I suppose we need to make some decisions about these things.’
And there it was. Everything he wanted, needed and he hadn’t even had to ask for it. By the time Henry arrived with the new marriage contract, she’d be ready to sign, Flynn was sure of it.
‘Just when I was celebrating our story for being different,’ she said with a sigh.
He could afford to give her a little ground now, Flynn decided. He wanted her to be happy, after all. ‘What did you like best about our story?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. The...immediacy of it, I guess. That we got married on a moment’s notice, without all that paperwork and advance planning. If we were actually in love, it would be the most romantic thing ever. As it is...I guess it wasn’t incredibly sensible.’
‘Maybe not,’ Flynn allowed. ‘But I like to think it can work.’
‘Yeah?’ She’d finished eating, Flynn realised, and pushed her plate aside. The bottle of wine was almost empty too.
Maybe it was the wine that gave him the confidence to say, ‘I want with you everything I ever wanted with Thea. Maybe even more. I want us to have a real marriage, and I hope that we will fall in love. But I need to know that you’ll stick with it. That you’ll give us a chance.’
Helena’s bluebell eyes were wide and he could see the indecision in them, even if he couldn’t fathom her reasons for holding back. She worried her lower lip with her teeth for a moment, and Flynn realised he was actually holding his breath. Waiting for his own wife to tell him she wanted to be married to him.
How had it come to this?
‘I will,’ Helena said eventually, so soft he almost didn’t hear. Then she added, stronger this time, ‘Yes, Flynn Ashton, I will stay married to you.’
This time, Flynn was pretty sure it was relief, rather than the wine, that caused his words. ‘In that case, let’s get out of here. I’ve got the perfect way to celebrate.’
A spur-of
-the-moment idea, spontaneous and romantic—she was going to love it.
And suddenly that mattered an awful lot to him.
* * *
Flynn didn’t let go of her hand all the way out to the car. Helena couldn’t decide if the feel of his fingers wrapped around hers was comforting or terrifying.
What had she just done?
The whole idea was to stay married long enough to negate any scandal then get out, quick—preferably before Flynn discovered anything about her history that might ruin their friendship forever. Exes could be friends as long as they didn’t screw up the marriage—or each other—too badly.
But now...now she was promising to stay with him? To try and fall in love—as if that were even a thing people could do—and have a real life—a family!—with him. Everything she’d been avoiding for years.
As Flynn shut the car door after her, letting go of her hand long enough to whisper something to the driver before getting in the other side, Helena closed her eyes and let her head fall back.
Why? What had possessed her to do it?
Well, that one was probably easy enough. Guilt more than anything. Hearing Flynn talk so honestly about what he wanted from this marriage and why... How could she not want to give him that? To give him a place in their family. To give him the one thing he’d always needed most and never had—a place to belong.
Maybe it was partly a decade-old crush, partly that he’d always been a friend to her. But a large chunk of it, she knew, had to do with a tiny baby girl she’d never even been allowed to hold.
Flynn could never find out about the daughter she’d given away. He’d never understand. And if he wanted a family...well, he’d said himself that he’d consider surrogacy, or even adoption. He hadn’t sounded thrilled at the idea, but still. Maybe she’d never even have to explain how the idea of another child growing inside her made her feel physically sick and her body start to shake.
Maybe he’d never need to know what she’d done.
Or maybe, just maybe, he’d understand. Not immediately, of course—she was under no illusion about that. But he wanted this marriage, wanted real love to grow between them.
Maybe all she needed to do was to build a relationship strong enough to withstand the truth, when it finally came out. Not an easy task, admittedly. But maybe not completely impossible.
‘You okay over there?’ Flynn asked, and when she opened her eyes he was leaning across the middle seat in the back of the car, looking at her.
She forced a smile. ‘I’m fine. Where are we going?’
‘It’s a surprise.’ Flynn sat back, looking smug. ‘A spontaneous, unplanned, romantic surprise.’
‘That your PA planned?’ she guessed.
But Flynn shook his head. ‘Nope. This one is all me. And I think you’re going to love it.’
She probably would, Helena thought. It seemed that Flynn Ashton could convince her of whatever he set his mind to. And she couldn’t deny the spark of pleasure that Flynn doing something off schedule, just for her, gave her.
She didn’t realise where they were going until the car started over the bridge into the town nearest their villa. She’d been there before with Thea, had planned to come back and do some shopping herself. But she still couldn’t imagine what Flynn planned for them to do there.
Maybe they were checking into a hotel. Maybe he’d decided to celebrate their new arrangement by consummating their marriage and didn’t want to do it in the bed he was supposed to have shared with her sister.
Helena glanced over at Flynn. He didn’t look like a man anticipating having sex within the hour. And, if she was honest, he didn’t seem like the type to drag her off to a hotel without discussing it first.
One thing she’d learned in less than a week of marriage—her husband liked to talk things through. Who knew?
The car pulled into a row of parking spaces right by the central piazza and the driver opened her door. Helena stepped out, just as Flynn arrived to take her hand again.
‘Now can you tell me?’ she asked, but he shook his head.
‘Soon,’ he promised. Tugging on her hand, he led her across the piazza, towards a little side street, dodging cars speeding round corners and pedestrians too busy talking on their phones to look where they were going. The air smelled of strong coffee and sunshine, and it was almost enough for Helena to put all her worries aside.
The shade of the side street soothed her warm skin and Helena’s eyes widened in delight at the array of tiny shops, each selling everything from watches to leather goods to dresses and scarves. But Flynn obviously had a very clear idea of where he was going and allowed no time for window-shopping.
Even off-plan, Flynn Ashton didn’t dawdle. Helena sighed. Maybe she could teach him.
‘Here,’ Flynn said and stopped so suddenly that Helena barely avoided crashing into him. As it was, she found herself staring into a shop window with her side pressed up against his, their joined hands tangled between them. She blamed his closeness for the long moments it took her to realise what she was looking at.
‘A jewellery shop?’ she asked, tearing her gaze away from the sparkly treasures in the window to look up at her husband.
‘Yes. I thought...well, the romantic and spontaneous nature of our wedding meant that you never got an engagement ring. I thought we could choose one together, to celebrate.’ He shuffled ever so slightly, from one foot to the other. Was he...no, really, was he nervous? Maybe that was why he avoided spontaneity—in case it went wrong.
An engagement ring. A little after the fact, but still. It would be something just for her—something that wasn’t Thea’s first.
She really liked that.
‘I think that’s a lovely idea,’ Helena said, squeezing Flynn’s fingers between her own. Then, impulsively, she stretched up on her toes to kiss him—not on the cheek like the sort of brother or friend he’d always been, but right on the lips. It was short but sweet, and enough to let him know that she was embracing her new role, she hoped. ‘Let’s go in.’
Inside, the cramped little shop felt too warm despite the dim lighting and shady spot. Laid out in glass counters sat tray after tray of diamond solitaire rings, varying slightly in design and shape and style, but all very clearly appropriate engagement rings.
‘I spotted this shop walking through town the other day,’ Flynn murmured as Helena took in the racks of sparkles. ‘I just remembered it at lunch. Looks like it’s just the place for what we’re looking for.’
‘It does,’ Helena agreed, even as disappointment tugged at her belly. How was she supposed to pick one ring to symbolise their whole future life together when they were all basically the same? Which tiny variation might make the difference to her happy ever after?
A neatly dressed woman stepped out from a back office behind the counter and smiled as she offered to let Helena try some on. Flynn smiled his encouragement as the shop assistant unlocked the cases and took out the first tray.
Helena blinked as more diamonds than she’d ever imagined caught the light and sparkled up at her.
Well, maybe she’d just have to try some on. Surely she’d know the right one when she found it?
Somewhere around tray three, or ring thirty-six, Helena began to doubt her theory. Flynn had wandered off to the other side of the shop, leaving Helena and the increasingly bored assistant to wade through all the diamonds alone.
‘They’re all beautiful,’ Helena said apologetically, for what must have been the sixth time. ‘I just...I’m looking for one that feels right. You know?’
‘Of course,’ the assistant said in her thick Italian accent. ‘You will wear this ring forever. It must be perfect.’
‘Exactly,’ Helena said, her fingers clenching at the word ‘forever’. She sighed. ‘Why don’t we try this one again?’ It was beauti
ful. Simple, elegant... Helena couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it.
Flynn appeared over her shoulder, frowning. ‘Not that one,’ he said. ‘Looks too much like—’
‘Thea’s,’ Helena finished, the problem suddenly clear. Slipping the ring off again, she placed it back in the tray and moved over to the next one.
‘Hang on,’ Flynn said. Helena glanced up—he was across the other side of the tiny shop again and this time he had the assistant with him, unlocking another cabinet. ‘I want to try something.’
Helena frowned, but waited as instructed. Grinning, Flynn crossed the room with his fist clenched tightly around something. ‘Close your eyes.’
‘Really?’
‘Yep.’
He looked so pleased with himself that she couldn’t help but do as he asked. She felt him take her left hand and slip a ring on to the fourth finger.
‘And it even fits perfectly,’ Flynn said. ‘Okay, open your eyes.’
Helena stared at the jewel on her finger. ‘That’s not a diamond.’
‘Well, no. I mean, obviously, if that’s what you want, there’s plenty to choose from here. I just thought...’
‘No, no. I mean—it’s not a diamond! I couldn’t figure out why the other rings weren’t right, but now I get it. I wasn’t looking for a diamond.’ Helena grinned. It all seemed so obvious now that Flynn had solved it for her.
The shop assistant muttered something in Italian that Helena couldn’t understand but guessed probably meant: Why couldn’t she have figured that out half an hour ago?
Relief flooded Flynn’s features. ‘Oh, good. I just...that one made me think of you. I don’t know—maybe it’s because it’s blue.’
‘Sapphire,’ Helena said.
‘Whatever. It reminded me of your eyes. And I know it’s not traditional, but neither is buying the engagement ring after the wedding.’
‘It’s perfect.’ Helena tilted her finger to make it sparkle in the dim overhead lights. ‘I love it.’
‘Great. Then hand it over.’ He held out his hand, palm up.
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