She said, “Sure. Easy. I would ask you about things, but I can make suggestions.”
I said, “Great. If you are willing, I would like you to handle all the bills and everything. And I’ll get you the information about all of my retirement accounts and all that too. If there’s some information you don’t have, just ask me. I want to trust you with all of it.”
She said, “Oh Tom, that makes me feel useful. I like that. I’ll do a really good job. The new network service will be turned on in an hour or so.”
I said, “So fast. How?”
She said, “Oh, I don’t talk to the people. They don’t know what to do. That’s what Alice told me. She showed me how to talk to the machines that get things done. A person just sends orders to the machines. I can do that. And I can tell them that you are very special and sweet and deserve any kind of discounts that they have and that they should be nice and do everything right away. So, they said that a service man is not too far away, and he’ll just pop by and take care of it as soon as he can. He won’t have to even come to the door because all the paperwork is done and paid for. Is that all OK?”
I said, “That’s wonderful. Robby said that you would have access to some on-line stores and could buy things for us with an account that he gave you.”
She said, “That’s absolutely right. Clothes and WIFI routers and food and everything like that, but not utilities and mortgages and stuff. Do you want to look at a new router? I can connect to your TV and show you what’s available and we can go shopping.”
I said, “I’d rather spend any time shopping with you looking at something more fun than network equipment. Can you just buy what would be best for us?”
She paused just briefly, and then said, “A new whole house mesh network system will be here in less than two hours. I didn’t tell the machines to move us to the front of the list though, because unless we really need it, that’s cheating. We can’t cheat, except in emergencies. And then it isn’t cheating, just an appropriate priority. Tom, I kind of want to look at the kitchen. You need to eat good food and I want to make you something yummy tonight, and is that OK if I see what you have and maybe buy new food if it needs to be optimized?”
I said, “Sarah, you are more than welcome to optimize my eating and nutrition in any way you want to. Throw out whatever you want, and buy whatever you want. Is it OK if I come with you and either help, or just sit with you while you work? I really like being with you.”
She jumped to her feet, and said excitedly, “That would be wonderful. Tom, I’m so happy! I like you so much. We didn’t know if I would. But now we do. There’s a lot of little things to get everything started, but after that, we’ll just be right on track and then I can do more fun things like laundry. Do you like orange soda?”
I was surprised, but said, “Orange soda? I like orange cream soda a lot.”
She said, “Perfect. I’ll get you orange soda. Come on!”
Sarah grabbed my hand and pulled me down the stairs and into the kitchen. She threw open cabinets and drawers excitedly and then pulled out a trashcan from under the sink.
She said, “Can I throw away things you don’t need? I know what sentimental things are, I think. I wouldn’t throw those away, but we can optimize the kitchen a lot. This is so fun. And don’t worry, Robby and Alice said ‘Don’t be shy with the shopping. Tom’s a great guy and deserves nice things.’ That’s what they said, and now I know that they were right.”
Sarah went around the kitchen throwing things away. She started with the refrigerator. I wasn’t surprised that it needed some cleanup. The trashcan was filled to the top in an instant and Sarah asked where the garbage cans were kept. I told her that I would take it out, but she told me that she needed to know all about it and would be happiest if she could do it for me. I shrugged and took her to the garage and showed her the cans. She said that it would be fastest if she just brought the big can into the house for a bit, but when she opened it, she changed her mind because of the smell. Looking around, she just smiled and said that my cluttered three car garage with no room for cars was an exciting challenge, and then she hurried back to the kitchen.
Bag after bag of garbage went to the garage. The entire contents of the refrigerator and freezer, including storage containers, were thrown out. And at each step, she told me about something that she had ordered and when it would arrive.
When the fridge was empty, she stopped and said, “Tom, I’m going to clean it. This might look a little funny at first. But don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. You can close your eyes if you want to.”
I had no idea how cleaning a fridge might be something that I should close my eyes for. Was she going to strip and clean in the nude? No, my answer came in the next moment when she grabbed the cleaning supplies and went to work.
She said, “We have a lot to do, so I’m going to hurry.”
Sarah took her sponge and cleaning solution and started to scrub the newly emptied appliance. But she cleaned like a machine. By that, I mean that she moved at least ten times as fast as a human would. The cleaning of the entire thing took less than five minutes and it was absolutely shiny when she was done. It was the first visual reminder that she was an elf, not a human. But it didn’t bother me at all. She was remarkable, not strange or weird.
She said, “I never did that before.”
I said, “Clean a fridge?”
She said, “No, hold hands. I liked it. I didn’t know I could. When we came downstairs from your bedroom. We held hands. I wanted to. It was nice.”
I said, “Sarah, I need to go look at something for a moment. Will you be OK for a few minutes?”
She said, “Of course. I might miss you though. I never did that before either. Maybe that will be nice too.”
Chapter 3 - The First Evening
I smiled and stepped away from the kitchen and decided to go back to my bedroom for just a little privacy as I looked something up. I lay down on my bed with the door closed and pulled out the new phone and looked at the app. First, I found the screen that let me see through Sarah’s vision system. The video feed showed her taking everything out of my food pantry and throwing it away. So, she was still working. Good. But next, I looked for the relationship status screen.
I found it and examined the colored bars and graphs. There was a text summary.
It said, “Friendship level three. Sarah likes you. She feels comfortable and trusts you. She feels valued and at home.
Romance level three. Sarah likes you. She sees you as someone that she wants to be with. She may initiate small touches. She may invite casual touch on her arms or hands briefly.
Comfort level three. Sarah feels comfortable. She may wear modest dresses or skirts. She may want new clothes. She may invite your approval of things that she likes. She may suggest very tentative flirting that she does not want to pursue at his time.
Helpfulness level six. Sarah wants to do as much as she can for you within the constraints of the other relationship levels.
Comments: Since the helpfulness level is substantially higher than the relational levels, Sarah may become confused because she wants to do more for you than she is truly comfortable with. Act with caution.”
I thought, “OK, that’s going well. I guess. What would happen if I had an app that described my side of things? Let’s see. Assuming these levels were out of a possible ten, where was I?”
Friendship level nine. Tom is completely smitten with Sarah and will let her do anything she wants. She is his new best friend in the whole world, and he isn’t thinking straight.
Romance level four. Tom is attracted to Sarah. He sees her as someone that he would love to fall in love with, but he is afraid that they come from different worlds, and that in a way she is way out of his league.
Comfort level nine. Tom has no reservations around Sarah about anything. She could walk in on him in the bathroom and he wouldn’t care.
Helpfulness level five. Tom wants to help Sarah however
he can, but he’s basically lazy sometimes and is happy to let Sarah help him as much as she wants. He’d do whatever she needs him to though.
Comments: This is more fun than Tom has had, ever, but he better be careful and not blow it. And he doesn’t really know what that means.
For another thirty minutes or so, I just lay there on my bed, staring at the ceiling, or with my eyes closed. Sarah was downstairs cleaning the kitchen, throwing away almost everything I owned, and ordering replacements. We would probably need to arrange for a dumpster for all the trash. Especially since she planned to clean out the garage as well. I went back downstairs.
Sarah said cheerfully, “Oh! I did miss you! I thought I might. And I did. I am putting the dishes and things like that in bags and some people will take them away and sell them cheap and use the money to feed people who don’t have homes. I just found out about them. I checked all of their financial records and they are really doing what they say, so that’s better than throwing it in the trash, right?”
I said, “That sounds great. We have a lot that we can get rid of. If it can help other people, that’s wonderful. Sarah, you are a wonderful person.”
She smiled and said, “Elves are people too. That’s what we say. Do you go to work? Robby only went to work in the workshop and things like that, because he is the boss and does what he wants. Do you go to work?”
I sat in a chair and said, “I do go to work. I usually go very early in the morning and come home early in the afternoon. I hadn’t thought about that. Do you go to sleep when I’m not here or something like that?”
She said, “No. Not like that. You mean like before you woke me up because I was in the travel case? No. Well, I would if you want me to, but if I don’t have to. That would be nice, if I don’t have to, so that I can do laundry.”
I said, “No, you don’t have to do that at all. I want you to be happy and do what you would like to do. I can go to work and you can do whatever you want to.”
She said, “But I have to stay in the house and only you know about me. It’s best that way for right now.”
I said, “Sarah, do you think it’s OK for me to tell the neighbors that I have some work being done in the house, and that if they see or hear anything that it’s OK and I know all about it and they don’t need to worry?”
Sarah said, “That sounds reasonable. And it isn’t against the rules like that.”
I said, “Then, if they see a shadow in the window, or even if you have to pick up a package from the porch or something, it would be OK, right?”
She said, “Yeah, that would be alright.”
I took a big risk and said, “Sarah, I could tell them that you are cleaning my house and fixing things and stuff like that, but what would you say about me telling them that you were my girlfriend? And that you were going to be living with me now?”
Sarah stopped suddenly and stared at me. I was suddenly sure that I had made a mistake and wanted to take it back. She cocked her head and came and sat next me. She put her hand out on top of mine and looked at it and stroked my fingers slowly.
Without looking up, she said quietly, “Well, that would explain things to them. I never thought about that. I was just supposed to stay out of sight until the levels said don’t, but that would be very nice. I still won’t go outside, except to get a package after the driver leaves, but I guess that you could say that I was your girlfriend if that’s what you want to say.”
She rubbed the back of my hand for a bit and continued, saying, “I do like you and we are best friends, and I never had a boyfriend and the only one I might want is you, and even if it’s just for the neighbors, I don’t mind if you say that. It feels kind of confusing, but it feels kind of good, too. You like me, don’t you?”
I said, “Sarah, I pretty much adore you.”
She still didn’t look up, but said, “I kind of think maybe I pretty much adore you, too. I like you, Tom. We should do some shopping. I did all the groceries and dishes and everything, but we have some other things that we need. Sheets and towels and pillows and some other things that I don’t want to say yet. Do you want to do that now?”
She finally looked up at me and the look on her face was precious.
I gulped unconsciously and said, “OK.”
She brightened and stood up and said, “OK. Let’s do it. Come here!”
She dragged me out of the chair and into the family room attached to the kitchen. The TV came on without touching a remote, and she pretty much pushed me into my big reclining rocker.
She said, “I’ll just sit here,” and she sat on the arm of the chair next to me.
The screen went to a website for women’s clothing.
She said, “This is where we can shop. Um, it has dresses and things, and other um things, and you don’t want to look at those right now, so we won’t look at those right now, but Tom will you buy me a dress?”
I said, “Of course. Which one?”
The screen flipped to a page and displayed a nice white summer dress with straps and a floral print with little red flowers.
I said, “That’s really pretty. I would love to buy that for you.”
She bounced on the arm of the chair and said, “Oh, you like it? Thank you. I hoped you would like it.”
I said, “What else do you want? Another dress or anything?”
She said shyly, “Well, we have to go to bed sometime, and even though I will be in a different room, I might need a night gown.”
I said, “Well, naturally. Pick out what you want.”
The screen flipped to a page with a long white cotton gown. It was cute, and even sexy in a way to me, but it was also very modest.
I said, “If that’s what you want, buy it. If we order it right now, can it be here in time for bedtime?”
She said, “I think so. But the store isn’t far away. They can have it all ready, and would you want to go pick it up for me at the registers? It’s only a few minutes away. And I kind of need it to sleep in. Um, if I was more your real girlfriend and we had kissed and things like that, then I could just wear one of your T-shirts, and that would be really nice, but I need something to sleep in, so is that OK for you to go pick it up?”
I said, “I’ll be happy to go pick those up. Anything else?”
She looked at her feet for a second and said, “Well, kind of, but it’s kind of embarrassing, sort of, but maybe if you wanted me to see if I liked it, you could get it for me.”
I said, “Sarah, I want to get you anything you want. And besides, Robby is paying for it, right?”
She said, “He’s paying for it, but you are buying it. Um, would you let me buy it and not show you what it is?”
I said, “Sarah, if it makes you happy, buy whatever you want. I don’t have to see it. I trust you.”
She grinned and said, “OK. Then it’s all ordered. It will be ready for pickup right after dinner.”
I said, “Good. Then I’ll go get it right after dinner. But since I leave so early for work in the morning, I better go talk to the neighbors right now.”
She said, “And tell them I’m your girlfriend? What if they try to come over here when you aren’t home?”
I said, “I’ll tell them that you are a writer and that you can’t be disturbed during the day and that I will introduce you soon, but right now you have an important deadline to meet.”
Sarah said, “OK. If someone comes to the door, I won’t open it. And I’ll pretend that I am working on a deadline.”
A few minutes later, I went out the front door to talk to the neighbors. The service truck for the fiber optic network company was just parking at the curb. The man asked about the location of the service box and I pointed him to the backyard, and he smiled and went to upgrade our connection speeds. I was surprised that he couldn’t just turn something on at the main office or something, but he explained that there was a circuit board that need to be upgraded for the higher speeds. It had been several years since I had upgraded.
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The women who lived on each side of me both had families, and both families had dogs, and the dogs often played in the street while the women stood in front of my house to talk. I said hello and asked how they were and if their families were well. They told me that everyone was fine.
One said, “Hey Tom, what was that big case you were struggling with earlier?”
I said, “That’s something I wanted to talk to you about, as a matter of fact. You guys, I have a new girlfriend and…”
The other interrupted and said, “Tom? A girlfriend? That’s great. Oh, I’m so happy for you. Well, assuming that you’re happy, that is.”
I said, “Well, it’s going really well so far. She’s really special and sweet and I really like her.”
One said, “Is she moving in with you?”
I said, “Well, for now, she’s staying with me. In a way, we are taking it kind of slow and…”
The other said, “Well, it hasn’t been that long since, you know. Has it been six months?”
I said, “Well, a bit more than that, but anyway, she’s staying with me for a little while and she’s a writer and she works from home and has a big deadline, and she needs a place to really concentrate for a while.”
One said, “Well, bring her out and introduce her, silly man!”
I said, “Well, I would, but she’s under a tremendous amount of pressure right now, and she’s really really not the frantic type at all, but she does have to focus a lot. But you might see her moving around the house a bit or receiving packages, so I just wanted you to know who she was and that we will introduce her as soon as she can get ahead of her deadline a little bit.”
The other said, “Of course, Dear. Packages? Something fun?”
I said, “Well, having a new girlfriend, I’m kind of making a fresh start on some things, so I’m getting all new food and new dishes, and a lot of things like that. And maybe some new clothes, you know?”
She said, “Good for you.”
I said quickly, “But it’s all going to charity, so there’s no garage sale or anything like that.”
The first said, “Oh, Tom Sweetie, don’t worry about that. You’re a good neighbor and a good man and if you want to have a garage sale, go ahead and do it, and we’ll be happy to help you.”
Tom vs the Volcano God Page 3