by Maddie Wade
Standing I walk to the shower. The ice-cold water hits my skin, making me feel energized and chases the hangover away. Stepping out, I towel off quickly and dress in clean dark gray slacks and a midnight blue button-down shirt. I pack my overnight bag and cast a last glance around the room. My eyes land on a folded piece of paper leaning against the bar.
I cross to it, snatching it up hurriedly and with more desperation than I want to admit. On the front in slanted flowery writing, is the name Southern Rockstar. My heart speeds up as I flip the piece of paper open and read the words that are written there.
Southern Rockstar,
I couldn’t leave without saying anything, but I knew if I woke you, I would stay and that is the one thing I can’t do. Last night was something I will never forget, you made me feel things that I have never felt before and doubt I will again.
You came into my life when I needed it more than I ever realized. What you gave me will last me for a lifetime and I will never forget you. When I go to sleep at night I have no doubt I will dream of you and what we shared, but that is all it can be.
Don’t look for me, I don’t want to be found. Remember me if you wish with a smile or a dirty grin and know I will do the same.
Love,
Blue
xoxo
In a fit of temper, I toss the piece of paper away. I’m assailed by memories of last night, fucking her against the wall, in the bed, in the shower, in so many positions it is amazing she can walk, let alone run from me.
My Pretty Girl thinks we are done, but we aren’t. We will not be done until I decide we are done. I have never wanted anyone as much as I want to consume this woman, to own her—body and soul.
Her passion and energy for life held me captive from the minute she walked into the bar. I’d seen the way she watched me as the waitress had flirted with me, her expressive eyes nearly eviscerating the young girl. That was all it had taken for her to hook me, her angry little pout reeling me in.
I refused to believe that the first woman to crack the ice around my dead heart was lost to me. I would find her, and she would be mine. After all, I was Hunter McKenzie. I had single-handedly doubled my father’s multi-billion-dollar fortune with my tenacity and single-minded focus. A tiny scrap of a woman with blue hair and eyes the color of aged Bourbon would not defeat me.
Chapter Nine
Lexi
I stare at the line of numbers for the hundredth time trying to make sense of the accounts for the store, before I give up and close the spreadsheet. It has been a month since Dean and I had our blow up and the tension in the house is unbearable.
He keeps trying to talk to me, but my guilt over what I did is keeping up the barriers I erected between us. The thing is, I do feel guilty, but there is a part of me that thinks he deserves it. When I made my vows to Dean I meant every word, then when he got sick it never crossed my mind to leave him or stray from our marriage. No, that was on him, he’d mentally checked out months ago, so why did I feel as if I had been the one to walk away?
He is—was—my husband and I loved him, I still do. But I also hate him a little for the way he has treated me. I can’t say how I would have reacted if it had happened to me, but I hope that I wouldn’t have turned him away and rejected him so brutally.
Despite my guilt, I can’t stop thinking of him—Mac. Every time the shop door opens I hold my breath for a second, a small hope that it is him flickering through me. I asked Frankie if he still had the card Mac gave him, but he thinks he must have lost it in the bar. Every night I relive what we shared, I don’t regret it and yet I do, because now I crave it.
I’m such a mess and I can’t stop crying which is so not me. The slightest thing is setting me off.
“Bitch, you still moping?”
A smile tips the corner of my mouth at Cherry’s question. She and Frankie have been absolute rocks. They both grilled me for hours about my stranger until they realized that I wouldn’t discuss it and now they respect it, and they’ve stopped mentioning him.
“No, Cherry, I’m not done moping. I think I might mope for eternity,” I say as I hold my head in my hands and lean against the counter.
“Well, buck up, I’m bored with it,” she states and slams her hand on the desk. She’s giving me her version of tough love. She knows it’s what I need.
“Fine, but I need a project to concentrate on. Something to sink my teeth into. How about I do the Winchester remodel?” I ask with a sweet smile.
“No fucking way.” She stares at me goggle-eyed. “Have you seen the son? He is HOT, and I mean hawt.”
“Please,” I beg, giving her my best puppy dog eyes.
“No way,” she says as she sashays around the counter.
We both look up when the bell over the door rings. My heart starts to thud as I see the man standing there.
“Dean!” I state surprise evident in my voice. Dean has not been to the shop since before the accident. I quickly round the counter and walk to him, my eyes evaluating his appearance in fear.
“Is everything okay?” I ask as I touch his arm awkwardly.
“Of course, I just wanted to come by and see if we could grab lunch?” he says a smile on his still handsome face. I look to Cherry, who is as surprised as I am. I feel trapped by the question. If this had been six weeks ago, I would have jumped at the chance but now so much has happened.
“Please?” he implores and just like that the man I loved is back, so why does that irritate me?
“Okay, let me grab my bag,” I say as I quickly grab it and throw it over my shoulder. I follow him out of the shop, his gait is still slow but much steadier and stronger, he is only using one stick now. It reassures me that one day he will be fully independent. It hits me then that there was a time when I would have been checking out his tight ass not how steady he was on his feet.
When did I become his caregiver before his wife? Was that what killed our marriage? I let the thought go as tears again prick my eyes. We walk the few feet to the café next door and we take a seat at a table near the back.
Milly the owner comes and takes our order and she chats with Dean and asks how he is getting on and he is gracious and sweet and my heart breaks. I miss him so much, not the sex, but him—his friendship—the way we knew each other so well, we could finish each other’s sentences.
Milly leaves and we are left in silence.
“So, what’s up?’ I ask, caution and nerves making my voice wary.
“We need to talk. I need to apologize.”
“Okay.” My nerves are ready to break now, I’m not ready to talk about it, it hurt too much and if we talk I’ll have to tell him what I did. I’ve never been one to keep things from Dean, in fact, our entire relationship was an open book. Struggling with the guilt though, I know I need to tell him.
“Before you say anything, I need to tell you something,” I say. My palms start to sweat, so I wipe them on my jeans. “I don’t know how to say this.” My eyes burn with tears and I swipe them away angrily. I look up my eyes swimming with tears, he is looking at me and I see the pain and anguish on his face. I’m going to hurt him, and I know he told me too, but I shouldn’t have done it. I should have stayed true to my vows.
Reaching across the table Dean takes my shaking hand in his much larger, but still weak one, and lays it on his smooth cheek. Curly, unruly hair flops over his forehead appealingly, a wan smile crosses his face. “It’s okay, Lex,” he says regret lacing his tone. “I know and it’s okay, it’s for the best.”
His words hit me like a sledgehammer, I pull my hand back and place it on my lap as our drinks are served. Milly, ever the discreet waitress, efficiently places them and leaves.
“What do you know?” I ask.
“I know you spent the night with someone the night we had the fight and I know its eating you up inside.” He says it calmly as if he has just told me he won ten dollars on a scratch off card.
I feel my face crumble and I drop my head, unable to me
et his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“No, Lex, please don’t,” he says, and I feel his fingers under my chin, tilting my head up. Raw emotion is like an open wound between us, a wound that needs cleansing before it poisons us both. “I’ve been so angry. Angry at God, angry at my family, angry at the world and I have taken it out on you. I love you, Lex. I always will but somewhere along this vile journey I fell out of love with you, I fell out of love with us. We became caregiver and patient, not husband and wife and it tainted what we had. Don’t you feel it?”
“Yes.” The word comes out on a rush of pent-up air. “Yes, I do, but I would never have strayed if you hadn’t said those things. I love you, Dean, it is just different now.”
“It is, but don’t you see, I’m relieved you spent the night with someone else. It’s like a weight has lifted off me. I no longer feel like a failure who can’t give you what you as a young, beautiful, sensual woman needs.”
A wrinkle touches my forehead at his statement. “But what does this mean? What do we do now?”
“I propose we have a marriage of convenience. You live your life as a single woman and I will live mine, although mine won’t change an awful lot. I think that’s half the problem, I feel nothing sexually anymore. We can continue living together as friends because that is one thing I couldn’t bear to lose.”
“Let me get this straight. We live as housemates but technically stay married?”
“Yes, exactly.”
“So, what happens if one of us meets someone else?”
“Well, then we see what happens and make a decision. Why? Is it serious with this guy already?”
“No,” I hastily replied. My head is spinning, but I also feel relief. My marriage is over, but I get to keep my best friend.
“What about kids?” I ask. Dean knows this is a tough subject for me. Losing our baby when he had the stroke almost broke me as much as the stroke broke him.
“Then we can adopt or consider a donor, whatever you want.”
I chew my bottom lip as I consider everything he has said. Is it possible? Can we do this, live this way without someone getting hurt or are we foolish to think it could work? My mind instantly brings up a picture of Mac and a yearning for something I can’t put my finger on brings an ache to my chest. Then I look at the eager, almost excited eyes of the man I have loved for over a decade and I bury that yearning deep.
I smile, and I see him let out the breath he had been holding. I put out my hand and he takes it with a grin that I have not seen in so long and we shake.
“You got yourself a deal, housemate,” I state. Just like that my life takes a turn I hadn’t expected but this one is not painful, at least not like the others. This one has been a long time coming and while it will take some time to adjust, I will, because that is what I do.
*~*~*
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” shrieks Cherry. I’d just told her about the decision Dean and I have come to about our future and she predictably thinks I’m insane to agree to it.
“No, I am not out of my ordinary mind,” I say haughtily, glaring at her from behind the computer where I’m still trying to figure out the accounts.
“Well, you sure are acting like it!” Her hand on her jutting hip, foot tapping she is like a little pink spitfire.
“Look honey, I know you are worried and I’m sorry I worried you, but I know what I’m doing.” I stand and cross to her wrapping my arms around her and hugging her close. I feel her relent and she hugs me back.
“You don’t have to apologize for that shit, you’re my best friend, Lexi. I just don’t want to see you get hurt and I can’t help thinking you will. He’s getting his cake and eating it too. You aren’t. You’re being trapped in a loveless marriage as his caregiver. When do you get to move on and find love?”
I don’t speak because I don’t know what to say. Is she right? Am I dumb or am I doing the right thing?
She pulls back at my silence and looks at me. “Just don’t be a doormat, that’s not who you are. You are kind and special and you deserve to be treated like a princess by a man who thinks you hang the moon.” Her impassioned speech brings tears to my eyes.
“I thought I had that once,” I say with a sad smile.
“You will again, sweetie,” she says her hand’s gripping mine so tight it hurts. “One step at a time. Try this on for size and if it doesn’t fit I will kick your ass until you get the message it isn’t working. Deal?”
“Deal.” I feel relief that I don’t have to make the final choice now. I’m tired, and I can’t cope with anymore right now. I’ll give it a year and see what happens.
That evening Dean and I eat a nice dinner together and for the first time in ages we laugh and have fun in each other’s company and I think that maybe this can work.
That night I dream of a dark, sexy stranger, his every touch making my body writhe in pleasure, his whispered words making me moan in pleasure.
I wake up aroused and frustrated, covered in sweat, and a heavy feeling in my heart.
Chapter Ten
Dean—Six Years Ago
I packed the last of the food into a hamper and close the lid, making sure I didn’t forget the glasses and iced Champagne. Popping the cooler into the trunk of the car, I drove the few miles to Lexi’s parent’s home.
She is working on a custom piece of furniture for a prominent businessman. He’d seen her work at an exhibition the previous summer and commissioned her to restore a vanity table for his wife. It is a huge deal and something like this could open so many doors for the business she and Cherry are trying to build.
I’m excited for her. Lex has so much talent, she deserves to do well, but she’d working so hard and I know she's not eating properly. Fatigue is pulling her down and I love her too much to let her get sick from overwork. Not when I’m here to take care of her.
I knock on the partially open door before walking in. She is deep in thought and doesn’t hear me, so I take the time to watch her. She's so beautiful, her slender neck arched as she sands a table leg, her face scrunched in concentration with her tongue poking out. Her long, dark, silky hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun, tendrils falling down and sticking to the sweat on her neck.
I love this woman. Since the day I’d met her, she’d stolen my heart with one look and a quirky tilt of her lips. She never gave it back, so I made it my mission to steal hers and by some stroke of luck she’d fallen in love with me too.
“Lex,” I call, and her head came up. She spun, flashing me a devastatingly beautiful smile that is so full of love that my heart almost burst from my chest.
“Hey,” she says, dropping her sandpaper and running to me, she jumps. I catch her as she winds her long legs around me, dropping a long, hot kiss on me that makes my groin tighten and my blood heat.
“What was that for?” I smile through my words, our lips still touching.
“Cos, I felt like it.”
“Um you did, did you?” I say with a grin. “Anything else you feel like doing?” I say with a wiggle of my eyebrows.
Her eyes darken with desire and I feel the heat of her against my hard erection. Cupping the cheeks of her ass I squeeze, making her moan. She runs her nose up the side of my neck before biting on my earlobe. A shock of heat goes through me and my cock strains at my zipper.
Her lips hit mine with a carnal kiss that leaves us both panting for breath.
“I need to feed you,” I hiss out as I try to control my response to her, but it is futile. She owns me she always has.
“I’m not hungry for food,” she whispers, and her words undo me. Turning with her in my arms I shut and lock the door in case her parents come home from work in the middle of the day. No point upsetting the in-laws.
Kneeling, I lay her down on the drop cloth she had put down before covering her body with mine. I stare at her reverently, her eyes are slumberous with desire, her breasts heaving with expectation.
“What do you need, Lex?
’ I ask.
“You.”
“Tell me?”
“I need you to make love to me, Dean.”
I lean down and take her mouth. It’s hot, wet, and so sweet. Our bodies are in sync as we tear at each other’s clothes. Finally, she is naked, and I pull back to look at her. She is perfect, each curve and dip, a feast for my eyes. What has me enthralled though is the way she is looking at me. The love and need I see burning there takes my breath away.
“I love you, Lex,” I say emotion strong in my voice.
“I love you too, baby,” she replies.
I make love to her then, every stroke, every touch, laced with love. Afterward, I hold her in my arms naked, with our legs entwined.
“I’m so glad you came over. I missed you. I know it’s worth it, but I hate not seeing you as much.”
“You work too hard,” I state and sit up.
“We both do, but if we work hard now we can enjoy it later,” she says, and I know she is right.
“I know you’re a smarty pants.” I smile as I drag on my jeans and throw my t-shirt over my head. “Now get dressed, I need to feed you before you go back to work so you can make us millions.”
I run out to the car, grab the basket of food and the now lukewarm Champagne. When I go back inside she is dressed and sitting on the floor, legs crossed in a yoga position. I drop down beside her, and she instantly digs into the food, her stomach rumbling, indicating she’s hungry.
“This is so sweet of you.” She smiles as she chomps down on a fried chicken leg.
“Sweet is my middle name baby.” I grin and am rewarded with a kiss.
“So, I have a confession,” I start, and she frowns, her mouth halfway to another bite of fried chicken. Hesitation stops her, and she tilts her head adorably.