by Lisa Heaton
Isabel had known Colin would come to her that night. After all that had happened, he would have to.
Colin sat without speaking on Isabel’s bed and waited. After some time, he said, “Well?”
“Please, can’t we just forget about it?”
“No, I can’t.” He sighed. “Why haven't you told me all of this was going on? Why did it take Fina to put an end to this?”
“Because what the woman said was true. What they all say is true.”
“Then all the more reason for me to know.”
Isabel looked down as she spoke. “She said my purpose here is to be on my back and that hardly qualifies me to be queen.”
He let out a long sigh and for a few seconds just stared at her. “And you think that is true?”
“Isn’t it?”
He took her face in his hands. “I know our beginning has been unusual, and I know I’m not able to give you what you deserve, but that makes you no less my queen. Yes, I need an heir, but your purpose is not to be on your back.”
She tried to look away, but he held her to him. “Do I make you feel that way?”
When she never answered, Colin said, “In all these years I’ve never had someone as close to me as you. I trust and respect you like no one else. Isabel, you are my closest friend. Your purpose is to be by my side.”
His words made tears sting her eyes. His sincerity was evident. “You don’t make me feel that way. They do.”
Colin sighed and released her. “This is all my fault, the fact that they view you as they do. I’ve undermined their view of our union.” He stood and began to pace. “But that ends tonight.”
He turned to face her. “From now on when we entertain, you will enter with me, stand with me, and leave with me. Usually you spend the evening dancing. Not that I mind you doing so, but from now on, any who desire to dance with you will have to ask you with me by your side. What happened tonight will never happen again as it’s up to me.”
Isabel watched Colin with a smile. “I will do as you say.”
He sat with her again. “Why did it take Fina to put an end to this, Isabel? How could you allow them to treat you this way and never tell me?”
“Because I don’t care what they think of me. I never have. I admit, tonight was the worst by far.”
“I care what they think and say about you. You matter to me. You’re my wife.”
“Thank you for standing up for me.”
“I will always stand up for you, but you have to promise to never keep me in the dark about such things.”
“I promise you.”
“I meant what I said. From here on out, we present a united front. We are united.”
Colin stayed only a while longer. After he left, Isabel sat and thought about all that had transpired before. Fina’s actions made her love her friend all the more. Other than the opportunity to dance with Phillip, Fina hated every aspect of life at court and daily reminded Isabel. How could Isabel blame her with people like Margot around? So the fact that she was always there by her side demonstrated the truest of friendship.
And Colin, while he was there sitting on her bed, they had shared what felt like the most intimate encounter in the weeks since she had been with him. She knew better, she truly did, but something began to stir in her heart, a feeling that was dangerous and unwise. He had called her his wife. Something about that gave her irrational hope.
Isabel turned her thoughts to Elias and his arrival. Even in this moment, Isabel’s heart was fluttering at how near he was. Since the day at the sea, she had had no contact with him. She missed how his presence filled her and longed for even a brief moment with him. Oftentimes she had ridden out to the lake with the hopes that he would show up and surprise her. He never did. Just as he had warned, he rarely looked at her or acknowledged her. More often than not, he stayed in the shadows of the hall, out of the way where she virtually never saw him. This night made it all too clear: he was always there watching over her – still a promise keeper.
Isabel sighed. She loved Elias still, and she chose to believe he loved her, even when his behavior said otherwise. His love was all that kept her safe. Without it, her heart would do exactly what it seemed to be threatening to do – love her husband. Of all the catastrophic things she could imagine, loving a man with a dead heart was the worst. No matter what, she would continue to will herself to love Elias in order to protect her foolish heart.
The sound of the door opening jarred Isabel from her thoughts of Elias. Colin was there with a plate of fruit and pastries in his hand.
“Want to share a bite to eat?”
“I would love to.”
His eyes were smiling, something that threatened to capture her heart, so she cast her eyes away.
Colin sat the plate on her lap and climbed over her, careful not to upset the plate of food. He chose a pastry and leaned against the headboard.
“These are always my favorite,” he said as he took his first bite of apple tart.
“Mine, too.” Isabel took the other tart.
“So I don’t get them both?”
“Absolutely not. This one is mine.” Without hesitating, and just in case he tried to steal her tart, she licked all the way across it.
For a moment he just stared at her and then caught her off guard when he reached for the tart anyway and licked it just as she had.
Unaffected, Isabel grinned and took a big bite. “It’ll take more than that to get this tart.”
Colin reached for it again, but she quickly moved it from his grasp. He tried again and this time knocked the plate from her lap and onto the floor. With Isabel squealing in laughter, he continued his pursuit of her tart unfazed until he had his hand wrapped around hers and guided it to his mouth and took a large bite of the pastry.
Pleased with himself, he chewed the bite very near to her, hoping to rub his victory in her face. Then he stopped and for a moment sat as if spellbound.
Isabel watched his expression, the mood of the moment now altered. Once he swallowed his bite, he leaned in even closer and touched his lips to hers, lingering there.
When he raised his head, she said, “That was our first kiss.”
“Forgive me. It should have been a thousand by now.”
“That was my very first kiss ever.”
“I promise it won’t be your last.” He kissed her again.
In Isabel’s estimation, things were never the same after that night. The closeness she now felt to her husband was difficult to comprehend. She sensed Colin had crossed a line that he hadn’t intended when he kissed her. Even she had allowed her heart to feel more than she knew was wise. What they had once called friendship had become a true marriage, one not based on pretense or merely the wellbeing of the kingdom.
In truth, there was no one that Isabel wanted to be with more than Colin, even Elias. The simple truth was, Colin was stealing her heart. She loved Elias, something she had to guess would never fade entirely, but because she saw him so seldom, that love, at times, felt like a dream she had once dreamed – not real love.
She and her husband now entered and remained together throughout each night they entertained. The shift was noted by everyone, and from there on out Isabel was treated with respect by all she came in contact with.
***
Colin was in an exceptionally pleasant mood. His eyes danced as he watched the bodies move on the dance floor. Isabel was among them, looking so beautiful that he rarely took his eyes off of her. She was now dancing with a diplomat from a rather un-noteworthy nation nearby, a stuffy man who seemed much less so with the extraordinary Isabel in his arms. While Colin watched her, on several occasions he found himself wishing she was in his arms rather than with some stranger to her. The attentive expression on her face as she gazed up at the man was one Colin wanted to see reserved for him alone. He wasn’t jealous; rather, he found he longed for her in a way that was becoming all too common.
Colin waited impatiently for the dance to
end, and when it did, he gave Isabel a grave look.
“I need to discuss something with you. I’m afraid it’s urgent.”
Without questioning, Isabel followed Colin as he led her through the crowd of people and behind a nearby curtain.
Once they were alone, he grasped her by the shoulders and pressed her back against the wall.
She grinned up at him. “What are you doing?”
Colin lowered his head and kissed Isabel for long fiery moment. When he finally lifted his head, breathless from the kiss, he said, “I want to be alone with you.”
All she could do was nod at him in agreement as he leaned in and kissed her again. This time his kiss was tender and he trailed his lips along her cheek and to her ear where he whispered his need for her.
***
Elias watched the pair as they rushed from the room, Isabel stumbling behind the king as he dragged her along. For several seconds he simply stood there in the shadows, unable to move his feet to leave.
He had had no intention of witnessing this intimate encounter. Never would he invade their privacy in such a way. Actually, he was in the room when they had entered, but just as he was about to excuse himself, the king began kissing Isabel. At that point Elias knew he would embarrass the royal couple, especially Isabel, if he made his presence known.
Shaken still, Elias forced himself to move from his position and enter the main hall. He struggled to make it through the crowd. With the room spinning, he accidentally bumped into several guests as he crossed the vast space. He desperately needed air.
Finally, alone out in the garden, he sat on the same bench were Isabel often sat. Most times she seemed sad and lost, precisely what he was experiencing in the aftermath of seeing his beloved being dragged off to bed with the man she was coming to love.
Over the past weeks, he had watched her as she was slowly falling in love with the king. How could he blame her given the king’s actions toward her? Everyone was discussing it, Colin’s surprising affinity toward his new bride. It was so unexpected that it was all anyone could talk about. Elias was hardly surprised. He himself had come to love Isabel in merely days.
Elias hung his head. How could he be disappointed when Isabel deserved to be loved by her husband? It was what she longed for, so how could he not want it for her?
In truth, he was so broken in that moment that his thoughts were all tangled. His hope was that in the light of day he would be more selfless and find himself able to pray for the best for the woman he loved.
Since returning from the sea, every waking moment he thought of nothing but Isabel with Colin. Disturbing images remained in the forefront of his mind. After that day, the couple had returned to Deslan on several occasions as they undertook their revitalization project, but Elias never went again. He instead sent Phillip and others under his command. His greatest fear was that his feelings would be suspected since he had so miserably failed to hide them when they were beside the sea that day.
Nothing in Elias’s history or experience had prepared him for this onslaught of emotions. He ached to the point that he often feared he might actually die of heartbreak. It made no sense considering he had given his heart to his queen. How could such pain exist in the empty cavern that once held his heart?
***
It was one of those nights when Isabel lay with Colin, holding her breath, afraid the magic of the moment would soon fade. Still, long after making love to her, he lay with her, holding her close to him. Every encounter between them heightened her feelings for him, and it appeared his feelings were deepening as well. From the moment he dragged her from the room and through the palace corridors, Isabel’s heart raced with anticipation of how he would love her. How could those times together not mean something to him? How could his desire for her not be an indication that he was feeling more than he was willing to admit?
“Are you sleepy?” Colin said.
“Getting there.”
Isabel’s heart sank since she knew the reason for his question. Rarely, now, did he leave before she was asleep. Many times she would wake late in the night to find him gone, only to cry herself back to sleep. That night, she was less sleepy than usual.
Colin sat up and moved toward the side of the bed. For a moment he just sat there looking at his pants on the ground.
Isabel sat, too, and rested her cheek on Colin’s bare back. “Will you stay.” It was something she had never asked before, and even as the words tumbled out of her mouth she knew them to be a mistake.
“I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?”
He hesitated and then said, “I won’t.”
“I shouldn’t have asked. Just go.”
Isabel slid from the bed and put on her nightgown. Without looking at Colin, she grabbed her pillow and went to sit on the rug in front of the fireplace.
Once dressed, Colin went and sat next to her. “I don’t want to leave with things like this.”
He sat much too near to her, his arm touching hers. Everything he did, in all his ways, he demonstrated such tenderness. Like this moment with his face so near – it was intimate and sweet, a moment that almost brought her to tears. More than anything, she didn’t want to cry in front of him, so she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
“It’s drafty in here. Let’s get you back in bed. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
“I’ll sleep here. You should go now.”
“You can’t sleep on the hard floor, not with the cooler nights we’re having.”
“I often do when I wake up cold.”
He just sat staring into the fire.
Isabel turned to look at him. “I ask you for very little. Would you agree?”
“You ask for almost nothing.”
“I’m asking you this: please go before this becomes hurtful, please, Colin.”
He leaned in close and rested his forehead on hers. “Please don’t be angry with me.”
Isabel closed her eyes. “I’m not angry with you, just regretting that I asked in the first place.”
For a second more he remained close. When Isabel would say no more, he went to get her red blanket, wrapped it around her shoulders, and kissed her on the temple before leaving.
***
Colin stood before his doorway dreading opening the door, but he knew it was all that would save him from himself. Even in this moment he wanted nothing more than to run back to Isabel and hold her throughout the hours of the night rather than to know she depended on the fireside to warm her.
Instead, he lifted the latch of his door and was immediately assaulted by what would hold him to his promise. This sight was his only means of holding onto the past rather than claiming a future with Isabel. This was what it took, being in his chambers alone was all that would drag his heart back to where it belonged, with Melody and their lost child.
Colin dropped onto the couch positioned where his view was of the bed. The couch was where he had slept over the past five years since his wife had died in their bed. Knowing its impact, he stared at the mattress. The bedding had been destroyed years ago, but still, the mattress was stained with blood. What was once a crimson reminder of the fact that he had killed his wife was now a muddy looking mark that covered the majority of the side of the bed.
Colin leaned up and rested his elbows on his knees. The memory of Melody’s last seconds on earth were so fresh and vivid still that he could hear her soft whisper as she spoke her last words. Promise me.
Tears stung his eyes as he choked out the same words that he began and ended his every day with. “I promise to never love another.”
Chapter 13
In order that she not appear to be avoiding Colin, Isabel went down to breakfast the following morning more than an hour before she normally would. After eating very little, she headed out to the stables and prepared Colin’s stallion for a ride. More than anything, she needed to be alone. Fina was still sleeping by the time she left her room, but all over the palace,
staff was milling around. There was nowhere but the lake that she could go with any hope of privacy.
Once she reached her favorite spot, she dismounted and sat near the water’s edge where she broke out in a loud wail that shattered the silence around her.
***
Elias remained hidden behind the tree line and watched Isabel as she cried. He wanted to go to her and be of comfort, but he wouldn’t allow himself. Over the weeks since that day by the sea, he had determined to stay out of the picture and allow Isabel and Colin a chance at a real relationship.
He couldn’t help but recall Fina’s words to him before they arrived in Kidian about how she feared he was confusing Isabel’s heart and that she believed the king would love Isabel in time. From what he had seen the night before, the king was feeling more for his wife than he intended. That was clear. So why then was Isabel sitting near the water weeping? Could it be over her love for him, that she missed him? Since he had kept his distance for her good, maybe she felt unloved, a thought that nearly drove him to her.
Elias watched for a few moments more before she stood and seemed to regain her composure. Now that she was better, he was relieved that he hadn’t gone to her. All it would have taken was a minute more before he did. Nothing had ever hurt him more than to watch her cry without being of comfort to her.
Soon enough, Isabel mounted her horse and rode back in the direction of the palace.
***
Rather than go back to the palace and have to face Colin, Isabel rode instead to the chapel. Since she had arrived in Kidian, she had never once darkened the door. Her guilt over her love for Elias was originally the cause, but now that her heart was so conflicted over her feelings for Colin, she felt drawn there in the hopes that an encounter with God might direct her way.
Once inside, she found a grand room with soaring ceilings and elaborate furnishings, a plush room fit for a king. Stained glass windows encompassed the two side walls, allowing so much sunlight in that she could see the dust dancing in the streams of light. This was where Colin had wed Melody, a thought that prompted Isabel to sigh aloud.