He was quiet a moment, staring into his empty salad bowl, refusing eye contact. When he finally looked up, she realized he wasn't just mad, he was furious.
"I asked to be your support, be there for you if...” He gazed out the window for a few heartbeats before turning back to her, his ice blue eyes cutting into her soul. “I stipulated you should not go off alone to handle emotional things by yourself again."
Her insides shook, but she held it together and spoke slowly, willing him to hear her, believe her. “If that's what you asked, then we have a case of broken communication. If I'd made that promise I'd have told you what I was doing before I left.” He looked down again and she kept her voice low but firm as she said, “Dammit, look at me and please believe me. My understanding of what you requested was that I wouldn't be exploring the depths of my masochism, or the possibility I'm a switch, or anything to do with BDSM or sex with anyone unless you're there, too."
She could see him thinking it through; trying to remember exactly what'd been said. He finally let out a long breath, saying, “I believe you. I don't recall the exact wording, but I can see how you could've misunderstood my meaning."
"Are we good, then?"
"Yes. I'd wondered how you'd feel about my drawing up the things I'd like from you in contract form, to go over this weekend and negotiate. With this misunderstanding, hopefully you'll understand why I think a written agreement is better than a verbal one."
Her stomach flip-flopped. “You want me to sign a contract?"
"Not a slave contract, just a written record of whatever agreement we reach—a vehicle to help us figure out what we're both willing to commit to. It killed me to let you go off without me last weekend. I don't want to keep you from branching out and exploring, but I want—I need—to be part of it. I tried to create wording to show I'm not trying to curtail your exploration, to assure you I'm prepared to deal with you needing to spread your wings and experiment, as long as I can be there."
"Okay. We'll look it over when we get back to your place. I'm prepared to commit to a good deal, and I'm interested in reading what you've drawn up.” Her eyes flicked up to movement over Zach's shoulder. “I think I see our food coming."
The wait staff made a big production of delivering their meals, and both began eating once they were alone. She took advantage of the silence to analyze how best to handle Zach's hurt feelings. He'd forgiven her, accepted it was a misunderstanding, but she could see it'd cut deep and she needed to help him understand.
She collected her thoughts and said, “You've been serious with a few people since Bethany passed, right?” He inclined his head and she continued. “Did you ever go to the cemetery and talk to her about it? Tell her you were moving on, and part of you felt guilty for it, but you needed to live?"
"I did, yes."
Damn, he could freeze water with his voice. She ignored his tone and plowed ahead. “Could you've asked permission to move on if you took your new girlfriend? Or was it something you had to do alone?"
"I needed to... ah. I see."
"Do you?"
He nodded and reached across the table for her hand. “All I heard was out of town, spent the night, there were tears, and once again it was another man who soothed you. I'm afraid I didn't think the rest of it through."
Finally, his voice was warm again. She took a breath. “Well, now I'll know how to tell when I've pissed you off, anyway."
He smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. “I'm sorry; I guess I'm a little touchy right now. I dealt with everything in Nashville, but only because I sensed if I didn't let you go off on a final solo quest, a relationship between us was doomed before it started. I have no say over what you do, I'm not your Master or your Sir or even your boyfriend, yet... but if we're to have a chance I need to hear from you that you'll let me be there for you. I thought I'd had your promise, and..."
"I'll let you be there for me.” She paused. “Wait, I need to qualify that. I'll have three days a year, at least for a few more years, I'm probably going to have some sadness. You may have to let me have time to myself. I expect you'll have at least two days as well."
"Yes, her birthday and our anniversary. What are your three?"
"Technically four, I guess, but two of them are together so I think of them as three. We first met on New Year's Eve, and his birthday is New Year's Day. The others are our wedding anniversary, and I haven't dealt well on the anniversary of the week he died, either. I won't go running off out of town without you, but I may need time to myself."
"Okay, noted.” He took a sip of water, considering. “As much as I want to hold you through any grief, I get that we each handle things in our own way. But I'd like to suggest something for both of us to think about and decide on later."
He looked out the window as he said, “My first date with Bethany was on the Fourth of July, and we regarded the Pops in the Park fireworks as one of our anniversaries.” His gaze returned to her, emotion threatening to spill from his eyes. “Since you and I both have a holiday with painful memories, I'd like to suggest we do something special on those days to give us different memories. The other days will fade eventually, so they won't always be a sad day. But the holidays? I don't know, but I'd like for us to have a conversation about it after we've had a chance to mull it over."
She took another couple of bites, finally noticing how good the food was. She wasn't prepared to answer him, couldn't even consider doing something else on New Year's right now, and needed to change the subject. “So, what are the high points of this contract you want me to sign?"
His forehead tensed briefly before relaxing, and he answered without commenting on the subject change. “I'd like us to commit to a primarily monogamous relationship, having sex with others only after we discuss how we feel about it as a couple. I'm fine with you Topping Jacob, and while I won't insist on always being present, I'll need to know when you're together—no clandestine scenes between the two of you. I'm not planning, at this time, to have sex with anyone else, but if I ever want to, you and I will talk about it beforehand and it won't happen unless you give the okay. Should our relationship shift to Master and slave, that'll change, of course."
"What're you saving for last?"
One side of his mouth tilted up, amused. “You know me too well already. I'll own you, completely, for one twenty-four hour period per week. The default time will be noon Saturday until noon Sunday, but we can renegotiate the schedule as needed. Work obligations come first—but hours must be made up at a later date."
He took another drink. “As long as you keep the hours owed to me under sixty, you can parcel them out as you wish. If you go over you'll need to take vacation days to get back to zero if you can't fulfill it on the following weekend."
"Meaning you'll own me for two and a half days straight."
"Yes."
"You've put a lot of thought into this."
"Yes."
"If we spend the occasional weekend with Jacob and Brent, I'll want time to Top Jacob when I'm not submitting to you."
"Agreed."
"What about the other six days a week?"
"If you commit to a scene, we'll discuss when it'll end. You won't be obligated to have sex with me just because I want it."
She took a few more bites, thinking. She hadn't expected a contract, but she'd been prepared to agree to something along these terms. “I'll need to look it over, probably want to negotiate some of the finer points, but I think I'm okay with giving you verbal confirmation now and signing at the end of the weekend for... I don't know, how long do we need before we renegotiate?"
"I hadn't considered assigning an end date, but I suppose doing so forces us to look at what's working and what isn't. Why wait until the weekend's over? I'd rather take care of it before we play."
She shook her head. “Sorry, Sunday evening, so I can sleep on it. Besides, I'm not healed enough for too much play."
He gave her a wicked smile. “Oh, I have plenty of things pla
nned that don't involve impact play on your back or ass."
[Back to Table of Contents]
* * * *
YOU'VE REACHED
"THE END!"
BUY THIS AND MORE TITLES AT
www.eXcessica.com
eXcessica's YAHOO GROUP
groups.yahoo.com/group/eXcessica/
Check us out for updates about eXcessica books!
WRITE A REVIEW!
Readers, in the age of ebooks, remember that you are in control of separating the good from the bad, the wheat from the chaff.
Please take a moment to go back to the site where you purchased this book and leave your opinion, however lengthy or brief, about it
You can also go to larger sites (Amazon, Barnes and Noble, GoodReads) and leave your reviews there as well, whether you made your purchase on their site or not
Make your vote count! Your opinion will help other readers make their future purchasing decisions in regards to ebooks.
* * * *
* * *
Visit www.excessica.com for information on additional titles by this and other authors.
Safeword: Davenport Page 23