by Mike Truk
In that calm silence I hovered, and only then, cleansed of my doubts and fears, my panic and horror, did I turn to Sariyah’s request.
To lay down Shard and give up my quest against Lilith.
To embody the Source through inaction, and not embody Lilith in deed.
And a great and primal refusal arose within me.
No.
I would not lay down my weapon.
I would not, through inaction, bless Lilith’s ravaging of the universe.
I would not reject the gifts that the Source had given unto me, and seek to become a primal innocent, living off the land like an ancient farmer.
I was the Savior, the tenth and last, and in me flowed the universe’s defiance to Lilith’s evil.
I opened my eyes, lowering my feet to the ground.
“So be it,” said Sariyah quietly. “You have made your decision. I will respect it, for I have no choice.”
“Thank you for your wisdom and counsel,” I said, and my voice sounded strange in my ears – deeper, more mature. “I appreciate your words but will tread my path as my faith commands.”
“One day,” said Damaris, “you will no doubt remember this moment. And perhaps you will regret your decision. But I pray that you do not, and that the Source moves through you in a way that defies our understanding.”
Sariyah shot her daughter an angry look, but did not comment.
“You broke vows when you conceived Neveah, did you not?” I asked.
“I did,” said Damaris, tone somber.
“And what suffering that brought upon the universe,” snapped Sariyah.
“But how that suffering pales in comparison to the light and goodness she exudes,” I said, reaching out to take Neveah’s hand. “I love her. With all my heart and soul, and would see her healed and whole so she may join me in my quest against Lilith. When you broke your vows, Damaris, your dishonor brought into the world a woman of such strength, such light, such purity of will and nobility of character that I know in my heart I will never meet her equal. When we defeat Lilith, the universe will come to this humble cottage and bow before you, and give thanks for your instinct that overcame your supposed wisdom so that life could flourish, and in flourishing, beat back the dark.”
Sariyah’s wizened face was pulled back into a permanent scowl now, but Damaris nodded jerkily, eyes wide, face gone pale.
“Now is the time to heal Neveah,” I went on. My whole body was thrumming as if a current were running through me, and in my reservoir, I could feel the golden filament resonating on. “Assist us if you will. But if not, I will do this myself.”
“I will help you,” said Damaris, stepping forward.
“I will not,” said Sariyah, turning away. “This arrogance exceeds my tolerance. You speak as if you understood matters that are beyond the ken of children like yourself. I will have no part in this madness.”
“Then leave us,” I said, feeling neither surprise nor disappointment. I felt elevated, outside myself, doubled as if something had entered me - a second spirit that bolstered my every strength and negated my weaknesses. “Damaris. Do you now the Siva Mantra?”
“I do,” said Neveah’s mother, voice quaking with emotion.
“Then let us all invoke it. What must be done must take place within my reservoir, and it is there that we will need you.”
“Pah,” said Sariyah. “This goes beyond madness. Damaris, I command you to leave off and return with me to the cottage.”
I saw Neveah’s mother hesitate, saw decades of obedience compel her to obey once more.
“Know peace,” I said, reaching out to take her hand with my free one. “Listen to your heart.”
“You dare gainsay me in my own home?” whispered Sariyah.
“Yes,” was all I replied.
“Boy, you are as nothing to me. Even now, with your sanskaras aligned and power flowing through you, I could snuff you out with a snap of my fingers.”
“Mother,” protested Damaris.
“I offer you my wisdom, I tell you what must be done, but you not only insist on ignoring me, you now risk my own daughter?” Sariyah’s voice was like that of a storm wind. “I will not allow this to be.”
“You never had any intention of helping me,” said Neveah, voice wondering. “Did you? You only hoped to convince us to give up.”
“Silence, whore.” Sariyah’s voice was a lash. “You are of no consequence, but this boy has the ability to save the world. I thought perhaps he might see reason, but I was wrong.”
“What will you do?” I asked. “Strike me down? I know you can. But if you do, I pray that you will at last stare your hypocrisy full in the eye as you act at last according to your true principles.”
“Don’t you lecture me,” she snarled.
“Because you are a coward, Sariyah. You fear yourself. You fear the mistakes you might make again. You don’t live in seclusion out of philosophy, do you? You’re hiding. That’s all.”
Sariyah trembled with rage, and before my eyes, she transformed. She rose into the air, and suddenly waves of power were rolling off her, such power as I had never seen before. It caused the grass to bend and ripple as if before hurricane winds; the trees cracked and bowed away, the very air distorted and churned. Above us, the clouds began to swirl as if Neveah’s grandmother had become the focal point of a vortex, and I could barely stand to look at her. I had to squint as if she had become the sun.
“Mother!” cried Damaris.
Neveah drew her demon blade.
“Stop,” I said, and clasped her wrist. “Don’t. She must reach her own decision. If she attacks us, then she will have to admit her whole life has been both a lie and a waste. Her only hope is to step away, and practice what she has been preaching.”
The air was throbbing, and Sariyah’s glittering eyes had been replaced by burning pools of white light. “I could mold your mind as I see fit,” she said, voice hollow with power. “I could break you in more ways than you can count. You dare - you dare -”
But I didn’t back away. I simply stood before her, holding Neveah’s hand in one and Damaris’s in the other, and stared up at Sariyah, unflinching, unbowed, unbroken.
“Act,” I said, my voice rising above the storm winds. “Act and impose yourself upon the world or honor your philosophy and leave us be.”
For a terrible second, I didn’t know what she would decide. She hovered above us, clouds funneling down to her, spinning as if descending into a spout; the trees and land about us were lashed by winds, the very air taking on the tang of ozone - and then, suddenly, she was gone.
The cloud funnel began to dissipate, and the trees grew calm.
I inhaled deeply, realizing I’d been preparing myself to die.
“She’s gone,” said Damaris, voice tinged with wonder. “I can’t sense her within a hundred or more miles.”
“How did…” Neveah was regarding me with wonder. “Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know,” I said, then cracked a smile. “Guess there’s something to this whole Savior thing after all.”
“Let us do this,” said Damaris, voice hoarse with emotion. “Let us do this before I find myself unequal to the task.”
“Then come. Sit with me.” I lowered myself to sit cross-legged; Neveah and her mother did the same so we formed a triangle. “The Siva Mantra. Chant it with me.”
I inhaled deeply, held my breath, then began with the exhale. “The self within me sees the self within you; the self within me accepts the self within you.”
I lost track of how many times we repeated it, my eyes closing and opening as if by their own accord. But slowly, the resonance of power built up around the three of us, growing ever more intense with each repetition until it felt like the very air thrummed with our binding.
Finally, I closed my eyes and sank deep into my reservoir, and there, pulling upon the power of the Siva, I drew Neveah forth from her sanctum, and Damaris’s spirit from the world beyond.
>
One moment I hovered alone, and the next I was joined by their glowing spirit bodies, simplified and augmented, Neveah’s corruption remaining behind and not entering my reservoir with her.
We must do this in your sanctum, I said. Where corruption is at its strongest.
What are we to do? asked Damaris. How can I help?
The hope is that Neveah can defeat her curse by accepting it instead of fighting it. The danger lies in her falling under its sway completely. Your presence should help guide her, should help her stay strong.
Very well, said Damaris, and I heard the sorrow in her voice. Would that I had played another role through her life. If I had, perhaps I’d be a greater beacon of strength today.
Neveah reached out and took her hand. You are here now, Mother.
I am. Damaris inhaled deeply. Let us begin.
Neveah floated toward her aperture and there passed into her sanctum. I allowed Damaris to follow next, hearing her gasp of horror as I passed within.
The corruption was seething, bubbling as boiling on a hot stove, shuddering and sending waves back and forth across its repulsive surface.
Perhaps, on some level, it knew what was coming.
Faces strained to break free of the fetid horror, only to relapse and sink back into the mass. Putrid colors swirled, darkened, and blossomed like ripe bruises.
Neveah floated into the very center, to there turn and face us as Morghothilim manifested in the air, its length plunged through her chest, impaling her just as she had once impaled me.
Oh, Neveah, said her mother, and I heard sorrow, regret, and pain. But the shock was gone.
Don’t pity me, said Neveah, her voice growing hard.
I don’t. But this sight brings me pain. Then, a wry smile. Though what I feel is of little importance at this moment. How do we begin?
I hesitated. Now that the moment was upon us, I wasn’t sure what to do next. Perhaps… Neveah. Can you sense the demon within you?
No, she said. I keep it firmly locked away. Barred and controlled by my will. To the degree that I can’t sense it any longer, couldn’t sense it, even, till Victor showed it to me.
Then perhaps the first step is for you to relax that will. For you to cease holding it prisoner.
It was Neveah’s turn to hesitate. I understand what we’re trying to do here. But if I do that, it could come forth like it did in the manifold.
That’s what we want. You need to embrace it. You need to… I don’t know. Own it.
But how? There was real fear in Neveah’s voice now, something I’d never heard before. How do I own something so terrible?
Damaris floated forward a few feet. I can speak to such a process. I had to do the same when I broke my vows and conceived you. Doing so shattered me. I lost much of my power, my very sense of self. I was consumed by guilt, by self-loathing, by resentment. It took me years to heal. And Noah is right. The only way to heal such a wound is to make peace with it. To change your very sense of self. Because, in a way, that change has already happened. You changed the moment you failed, or were weak, or corrupted. Since then, you have been fighting to remain as you remember yourself, the Neveah from before. That Neveah is a lie. You must accept the Neveah that is, the woman who failed, and only then can you resume growing, living, and being.
Neveah’s eyes were wide, but she nodded at long last, rising rose into a cross-legged hover. Very well. I will… try. But if I lose control of it…
You need to lose control of it, said her mother. Because control places distance between your true self and the lie you seek to hold onto. You need to embrace it. Become it. Think of the demon as the manifestation of your mistakes, your errors, your pain. It is you. It is the embodiment of your failures. Take it into yourself, accept your past, and in doing so, allow yourself a new future.
You sure you haven’t done this before? I asked.
Damaris cast me a sidelong glance, and I saw weariness, old pain, and some measure of bitter humor. My life has not been as I thought it would be or wished. I have known pain and failure and strived to make my peace with it. Only now do I think perhaps the dark road I have walked may have served a higher purpose all along.
Very well, said Neveah. I’ll… I’ll do my best.
She closed her eyes.
The corruption all around us continued to roil and swirl, but as the seconds rolled by, the frantic energy within the morass began to still, as if whatever energy animated the corruption was pausing, slowing down, and listening.
I resisted the urge to summon Shard into my hand. Floating before Neveah, I watched her face carefully, studying it for some hint as to how her quest was progressing.
The silence stretched out. The seconds became minutes.
Then Neveah grimaced, a vertical line appearing between her brows. Her jaw tensed as she clenched it. A ridge of dark, chitinous scales swept down the length of her jaw then disappeared, fading back into her skin. Her body shook, stilled, then shook again.
You can do this, said Damaris.
Her grimace deepened as if she were in pain, and again black chitin swept around her face, lasting longer this time before fading away. Her hair, which had been hovering as if she were submerged, began to thicken into fleshy ropes.
I… this is… Neveah’s words were thick, strangled.
She wasn’t speaking to us.
We’re here, said Damaris, floating closer. You’re not alone!
Neveah’s spirit grew more definite, and I saw her ribs suddenly protrude like those of a starving woman on the verge of death, her abdomen growing ripped until a smooth eight-pack showed.
A flicker, and it was all gone - Neveah floated before us as before.
I didn’t know what to say. I floated forward as well, feeling helpless, fighting back my own fear of what was being summoned.
On some primal level, my body was reacting to the memories of this demon. The pain it had caused me. The death it had nearly inflicted upon me. Instincts were clamoring for me to run, to escape while I still could.
It became a battle to simply remain by Neveah’s side.
Black veins crept across her cheeks and brow, and shadows pooled around her eyes. Her lips lightened to coral-pink, and I saw a hint of fangs beneath them.
Neveah, I said. Don’t fight it. Accept it. Accept yourself.
Again, her ribs grew prominent, her body taking on a combination of the feminine and alien, like some HR Giger creation. Mottled crimson and orange leather crept across her frame, encasing her, pushing up her breasts. Her hips grew wider, and with an audible crack, her legs bent like those of a wolf, black claws protruding from her toes.
Neveah? Damaris turned to me. What can I do?
Keep talking to her, I said.
I’m here. I’m here with you, daughter. It’s me, Damaris. Your - your mother. I’m here. Can you hear my voice?
My body was made of spirit, but still, I felt the tension, the terror that I might have in my physical self. Watching Neveah take on her demonic aspect, I was riven by a horrible doubt - had this been a trap? Had Alusz played us for fools? Had we fallen for her gambit, ruining our chances forever of finding victory and peace?
Neveah, you must accept what’s happening. The pain, the - the guilt, the shame. It’s not right, but it’s who you are. And you’re more than that. You’re more than your mistakes. Or you can be, if you accept yourself, forgive yourself.
Wings stretched out from behind her back, skeletal, with black leather flaps, pushing out wide so they touched the far extremes of her sanctum’s sides.
The corruption. With a start, I looked about myself. The seething, putrid corruption was gone. We all hovered within an immaculate sanctum now, the walls gleaming like pearl.
It had all flowed into Neveah.
Desperate, I focused on my inner strength, recalling how I’d projected my love for Neveah before. I’d summoned her with the strength of my ardor and conviction, my respect and tenderness. I closed my eyes, bringing
up the Vam Mantra to still my racing mind, and focused on that love, that deep and powerful reverence I felt for her.
Neveah, I said, pushing my love toward her. I pictured her as she was in my mind’s eye, tall and black-haired, her beautiful face quirked by a private smile, half-turned away as she looked back at me over her shoulder. Neveah, I love you.
A scream rang out, and my eyes snapped open to see Neveah staring at me.
Not Neveah.
The demon.
Her eyes had turned jet-black, burning with hatred as she stared at me from her sunken pits. A serrated tail lashed at the air as she hunched over, wings fanned out to obscure the sanctum.
What happened? yelled Damaris, falling back. What changed?
Had my love infuriated the demon? Empowered it, somehow?
Neveah! My shout crashed like thunder within the sanctum. Neveah!
Her tail flashed forth and wrapped around Damaris’s waist - or seemed to, only to be pushed back as a pale lavender ward expanded from around her mother, quickly enveloping us both.
That’s when I remembered.
Even in her broken state, Damaris was one of the most powerful beings in the universe.
Neveah screamed, hunching over and throwing her clawed hands out wide, then drew Morghothilim from her breast, the blade emerging slicked with black ichor.
Not good, said Damaris. Whatever you’re going to do, do it now.
The Vam Mantra was shivering within me, vibrating under the pressure of the moment; my calm and concentration felt artificial, mere moments from shattering.
What had gone wrong? Neveah had released her demon, sought to accept it. Damaris had guided her through the process, I’d sent her my love - where had we made a mistake?
Neveah’s tail speared forth once more, the foot-long bladed tip slamming into Damaris’s ward with such power that cracks spiderwebbed across its surface. A mere moment later, she brought Morghothilim down upon the upper curvature of the sphere.
I yelled, throwing up my arm in an instinctual attempt to block the impossible, only to see the blade cut into the ward, then slow and stop. Sparks of lavender flame rained down upon us as Morghothilim slowly hewed through the ward, cutting inch by inch as Neveah leaned into the attack.