by Mike Truk
The Vam Mantra, I thought with desperation. All creation… all…
But my mind was swamped with images of Morgana’s lips locked around my shaft, the sight of her lustrous hair curled in my fist as I pulled her head back harshly, the imprint of my hand stark and red against the pale flesh of her ass -
Faster I fell, and I knew Neveah wouldn’t be able to save me. I could hear the cataclysmic intensity of their fight in the clouds above.
Words sounded in my mind, of their own accord: White is the color of death.
In my mind, I could hear Morgana sobbing with ecstasy, see her crimson lipstick smeared across her cheek from how hard I’d fucked her mouth -
White is the color of death, I heard again, and into it bleeds all feeling. All hope. All terror.
I saw in my mind’s eye Morgana’s eyes rolling in their sockets as I throttled her against the wall, pounding into her again and again -
Until all that remains is the self, quiescent, alone, and without wonder and pain.
The fever broke, and with a cry I seized hold of Manipura, halting my fall with savage brutality, my body jerking as if I’d hit an invisible floor. Reversing my trajectory, I started upward, hurling myself back into the fight.
A bolt of lightning as thick as an oak tree tore past, sending me into a barrel roll as I avoided it. A flash, then it was gone, and I was lost in the clouds once more. But I didn’t hesitate. Flying ever higher, ever faster, I sensed my magic reserves running dry.
I’d have one shot at this.
Levenbolts speared outward from the fight above - not hurled at me, but rather missing Neveah. I swooped aside, guided by instinct more than vision, hair plastered back against my skull, tears streaming from my eyes as the wind tore at my face. I could sense Neveah above, fighting with impossible grace as she turned and turned to deflect attack after attack.
I angled my approach to fly past them, rising to a vantage point above. I couldn’t see Morgana, but I could sense where she fought Neveah. Pushing myself harder, I used up more and more of my dwindling reserves, until I was a good fifteen or twenty yards above them both.
Turning, I hovered for but a second and stared down blindly into the mass of clouds.
How to attack? How to locate Morgana when she could teleport through this morass of white nothingness?
A deep breath.
I pointed Shard toward the fight. There was no time for thought, to rationalize my way through this. I held that breath, closed my eyes, and descended into my reservoir. I ignored my sanskaras, roaring Manipura and smoking Anahata. Instead, I flew to the golden filament, and clasped it with both hands.
I felt it light me up with power, felt a rush of impossible might.
Opening my eyes, I channeled everything through Shard.
Its length went nova, and from its point flared a field of golden light. Not a spear, not even an arc, but a vast column of light, dozens of yards across. This column flashed down, boiling away the clouds, clearing the air, and washing down over Morgana and Neveah, both of whom paused their duel to gaze up at me.
For a single, aching second, Morgana’s cloud obfuscation magic was broken, a shaft of clear air piercing it through where Shard’s golden light had poured. What I’d gained in width I’d lost in strength, however; Morgana’s ward had deflected the whole of my attack.
I’d failed to even scratch her ward.
But I’d gained a precious second of clarity. I could see her. At that moment, when she stared up at me in surprise - shocked, perhaps, that I’d broken free of her corruption - I dumped the very last of my power into Svadhisthana.
The great sunflower screamed to life, golden petals flaring out wide, the whole of it rotating faster and faster. I directed its powers down at Morgana, beaming all of my sanskara’s sexual power and arousal at her.
Her ward was helpless against my assault. I saw her features go slack for a moment, her eyes widening, lips parting in what might have been a silent moan.
And Neveah passed Morghothilim through her neck, cutting through her mane of ebon hair as she did so.
Morgana’s ward winked out of existence. The bands of lightning that encased the Contessa disappeared; the clouds surrounding us, already pouring into the shaft that Shard had cleared, also fading away.
The Morathi regent’s body fell along with her head, spewing blood into the air as it flopped and turned and tumbled down to the city far below.
Neveah swiped her blade sharply to the side, sending blood droplets flying, then flew toward me. Her eyes were narrowed but a slight smile quirked the corner of her lips.
“Thank you for the help, but I had her.”
“Sure you did,” I said, feeling shaky. Seeing Morgana killed while connected to her through Svadhisthana had sent a terrible shockwave through my core; I felt at once numb and violated. But I forced that sensation down and grinned at Neveah. “You were just taking your sweet, sweet time.”
“She was slippery, I’ll give her that. But with Ajna, I could tell where her next attack would come, and with Sahaswara I was creating a trigram that would have allowed me to slay her.” Neveah studied me. “Were you hurt? You don’t look well.”
“I… I don’t know. I’m fine. Let’s get back in the ship.”
“Very well.”
Together we flew up to the same opening I’d cut in the Contessa’s hull, and there entered the conference room. My other companions gathered around us as our feet touched the floor.
“Are you hurt?” Emma’s concern was immediate.
“You look like shit,” said Brielle.
“That was amazing,” said Little Meow, clasping her hands together.
“I’m feeling a little rough,” I said, allowing Imogen to guide me to a chair. “I, ah, might have used Svadhisthana to distract Morgana while Neveah cut her head off.”
“Is that bad?” asked Emma, crouching by my side and turning to Imogen. “That sounds bad. How bad is it?”
“Not good, that’s for sure,” said Imogen. “Though I don’t know the intricacies of Svadhisthana. In principle, it’s a sanskara based on creativity and sexual energy, whose use is precarious and dangerous if abused.”
“I think I abused it,” I said, leaning my head back against the wall. I was breaking out into a cold sweat.
Little Meow placed a hand on my brow. “I know a little about that sanskara. It reflects the Source’s own love for creation and is meant to be a channel for bonding and celebration. When weaponized, it corrupts the user, or harms them.”
“Can you fix him?” asked Brielle.
“He’s not a machine,” said Little Meow. “And we have to first figure out what’s happened to him.”
“Using Svadhisthana is like affirming the Source,” said Imogen, voice sharp with concern. “You bless the union between yourself and another. It’s like giving an oath in the Source’s name. You are using the Source to elevate a bond, a moment, an emotion.”
“Great,” I said. “Hold up. Let me look at my reservoir.”
I closed my eyes to dive deep into my core. There was precious little magic left to me - mostly vapors - but what little remained was tainted a noxious, slimy yellow. I floated down to Anahata, which had been overcome by Morgana’s blast. It was closed, the petals charred. Frowning, I descended to Svadhisthana, expecting to see it equally fouled, but its petals had gone from pure, blazing yellow to an iridescent sheen, as if they’d been brushed with a slick of oil.
Imogen’s aperture opened, allowing her to drift forth in her spirit form. She floated up to where I hung and considered Svadhisthana with me.
Not good, she said.
Thanks. I hadn’t figured that out. I sensed hesitation from her. What?
Is this the first time you’ve used Svadhisthana like this?
In combat? Yes.
No, I mean… in a less than pure form.
I went to immediately deny it, then stopped. Had I? I tapped Aisha with a little of it just earlier. To make her
a little more compliant.
Imogen frowned. Don’t you recall my warning? To not use Svadhisthana like that?
But then what use is it to me? I fought down my frustration, my suddenly mounting anger. Muladhara allows me to throw lightning bolts, Anahata to protect myself, Manipura to fly and grow strong - what the fuck is Svadhisthana for?
Not every blessing of the Source needs to be a weapon, she said quietly. Don’t you recall how Svadhisthana helped Emma break through to her magic?
Well - yeah.
And how it’s helped you bond with all of us, drawing us closer, and in doing so, made us more powerful?
Yeah, fine. That’s true. I pinched the bridge of my nose. But against Morgana - I didn’t have anything else.
You had Neveah.
I didn’t want to let her fight alone.
Why not?
My frown deepened. Why not? What kind of question is that?
A simple one. Maybe you were primarily concerned for her safety. Maybe you wanted the glory of the kill. Maybe you didn’t want to feel helpless.
Again, I went to immediately protest, but again I held my tongue. What had I been feeling in those last moments? Determination, anger, a willingness to do whatever it took to win the fight.
But had I really feared for Neveah’s life?
I placed my hands on my hips and stared down to where Muladhara lay resplendent at the base of my reservoir.
No, perhaps not - not after learning how powerful she was.
I still didn’t want to risk her being hurt, I said.
I know. But using Svadhisthana like a tool, to accomplish practical goals, to control people, to defeat them, is to pervert the sanskara’s very purpose. And it perverts your bond to the Source. It is the quickest path I can think of that leads you into Lilith’s service.
That stung. That stung like a bitch. You think I’d serve Lilith?
Of course not. Not as you are now. But if you keep using Svadhisthana? You’ll find ever more utility in it. All you need do is apply a touch of its power in every interaction and you’ll bend people to your will more subtly and powerfully than any command given by Psyche-Imperium. Which is, by the way, the sanskara meant for such things. You use the Source’s love to control and dominate, and you’ll find yourself growing ever more corrupted. And you know that the more corrupted you become, the harder it becomes to ward off corruption. It’s a slippery slope for a reason, Noah.
I - you’re right. I passed my hand over my face. You’re right. I’m not going to argue.
And?
And I’m not going to use Svadhisthana like this again.
Good. I think we can still cleanse all this. But it’ll take time. More dangerous, however, is curbing the instincts you’ve developed to use the sanskara when pressured. Because I can guarantee when your back is against the wall, you’ll think of using it again. And each time the damage will be greater.
I’ll do my best. Again, I felt a flicker of anger. Why was she badgering me like this? It’s not like I’d used the sanskara to get Morgana into bed. I’d used it to defeat the Regent of the Morathi before she destroyed the Contessa.
But I bit back my annoyance and spread my hands acquiescingly. I won’t use it again.
Very well. For now, you should spend time here cleansing through Muladhara. There’s a lot of corruption in your reservoir. We need as much of it gone as possible before we travel to Tantaghrast.
You’ll oversee Aisha and the jump?
I will. She moved in and placed her arms over my shoulders, linking her hands behind my head. And don’t get me wrong, Noah. I love you. Everything I say is for your good, all right?
I took a deep, reflexive breath, though I didn’t know if I really had to breathe down here. I know. Thank you, Imogen.
She leaned in and kissed me firmly, then floated back to her aperture. If you’re needed, I’ll let you know.
With that, she disappeared.
I turned to consider Svadhisthana; talk about a double-edged sword. No other sanskara offered the same powers and dangers as this one, but Imogen was right. How tempting it was going to be to brush enemies and recalcitrant allies with its power, to make them more pliable, more willing to help us.
Never again. I stopped short of making an oath on the Source, for fear that if I broke it down the line my weakness would be doubly punished. But I resolved to never use it again unless everything was absolutely on the line.
With a sigh, I floated to Valeria’s aperture once more. I pressed my hand to its closed surface and closed my eyes, thinking of my companion. From her vivid green eyes to her tumbling head of burnished golden hair, from her lopsided smile to the geometric tattoos that wrapped around her thighs and back. I thought of her love, her pain, her strength, her rough humor, and willed the aperture to open.
I felt it shiver under my hand, then go still.
Floating back, I tried not to think the worst, of what could be happening on the other side. What Lilith could be doing to Valeria this very second. What torments, what lies, what horrors.
Wait for us, I urged. Wait for us, Valeria. We’re coming.
Then, with nothing left to do, I drifted down to Muladhara and adopted a floating cross-legged position. Gazing upon the great flower, I began the process of bonding with its ruby heart, so I could channel the tainted energy around me into its core, and thus begin the healing.
* * *
I was pulled from my meditation by a hand on my shoulder. Opening my eyes, I saw Imogen standing over me.
“It’s time.”
I rose smoothly to my feet, feeling primed, ready, potent, and completely in control. A simmering core of determination was burning within me, a fierce focus that was tempered by even-handed control. No need for mantras, no need for the prisms. This was my natural state now.
I’d been holding Shard across my lap, and now slid the blade home in its scabbard. “Can you sense it?”
Imogen cocked her head to one side. “Sense what?”
“We’re entering the end game. Tantaghrast. The Fulcrum. One way or the other, we’re going to be done with Gharab.”
“Yes.” Imogen frowned, considered my words, then gave a sharp nod. “You’re right. There’s a sense of finality in the air. Morgana’s dead. We’re cutting to the final trial. One way or the other, we’re moving on to the next phase.”
“And something else.” I brushed my hair back from my brow. “Something subtle feels different. We’ve crossed a threshold.”
“Neveah?”
“That’s part of it.” I frowned, trying to put my emotions into words. “For the first time, I don’t feel… scared.”
Imogen raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been pretty badass since Tagimron. You didn’t seem scared back then.”
“No, you don’t understand. Ever since that pod crashed in my world, ever since I picked up Shard, I’ve been afraid. Not of specific threats, but… of not being in control. Not having a say in our path. Our journey. That forces beyond my comprehension were orchestrating our destiny. That we were dancing to Lilith’s strings. But now?”
“Now we’ve taken control,” said Imogen. “Now we’re refusing to play according to her rules.”
“And I feel empowered.” Even as I said it a thrill passed through me, a rush of exhilaration. “I’m afraid for Valeria. I’m worried about the rest of you getting hurt as we fight our way through. But I’m no longer scared of Lilith. She’s not this… demigoddess that’s looming over us, pulling our strings. For the first time, I feel like we’re facing each other across a battlefield. As equals.”
Imogen narrowed her eyes. “You’re feeling equal to Lilith?”
I laughed. Half in mockery of my own words, half in disbelief as to my temerity. But I laughed nonetheless. “Yeah. Things are starting to fall in place. My understanding of this battle. What’s been at stake all along. Of course, she’s served by millions, has conquered almost all of the universe, has powers beyond anything I can control.
But I’m starting to realize that’s not where the real fight is taking place. Things I’ve known before, even said before, are starting to finally feel real.”
“So where is this fight taking place?”
I touched my chest. “Here. It’s a private duel between us and her. A battle for our integrity, our hearts, our faith. Her greatest weapons are doubt, fear, envy, lust. They’re intimate weapons, and we wield them ourselves. But having taken this airship? Having healed Neveah? Having come this far, suffered as we have, and survived to keep on fighting? I’m no longer that scared kid from Ohio. I’m the tenth Savior and last hope of the universe. And I finally believe it. In my heart. I believe that I have what it takes to see this through. All the way.”
Imogen’s eyes glimmered with emotion, and she stepped in, cupping my cheek with her palm. “I love you,” she whispered.
I placed my hand over her own. “And I love you more than I’ll ever be able to say or show. You’ll never know, even if we live to be a hundred years old together, how much your faith, your wisdom, your strength, has played a part in my evolution. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it wasn’t for your love. Thank you, Imogen.”
The glimmering in her eyes became tears, but she smiled despite them, raising her face to my own. “You need never thank me, Noah. Ever. Everything I have given you has been freely given.”
“Get used to it,” I said, cracking a grin. “I appreciate you more every passing day, and I aim to make sure you never forget it.”
“I never will,” she said, and kissed me, turning her face slightly to one side to brush her lips against my own. I pulled her in close, holding her tightly.
Time ceased to have meaning. There was only the immediacy of her body against mine, her soft lips, her taste. I held her as if she might be torn from me at any moment, and she clung back with equal fervor.
Our eternity ended too soon. She pulled away, smiling sheepishly, adjusting her cracked glasses as she stepped back. “I - we’d best - I mean, if we keep kissing like that, I might forget the fact that everyone is waiting for us, and - ah -”