by Mike Truk
“Go,” said Emma. “Valeria needs you. We can’t play this safe. We need her back. You need to get her.”
“They’re right,” said Brielle. “Don’t worry. Emma’s got this.”
Which caused Emma, despite everything, to give an incredulous smile at the woman in her arms.
“All right,” I said. “Goddamnit, fine. But none of you are allowed to get hurt. You hear me? I want all of you to survive this fight without - without -”
Emma leaned forward, wrapping a hand around the nape of my neck, and pressed her brow to mine. “Trust us, Noah. Go.”
Then she kissed me with an assurance that was wholly new and insanely fantastic.
I pulled back reluctantly. Turned to face the arena. “All right. How are we doing this?”
“Like this,” said Neveah, spreading her black leather wings out wide, Morghothilim appearing in her hand. “Fly to the door!”
Without warning she dove down, spearing toward the Nithing-Lord, her segmented tail lashing behind her and Morghothilim pointing the way.
Emma and Imogen wasted no time, diving after her, Little Meow leaping into Imogen’s arms at the last moment.
I wanted to watch, to follow them, to assure myself that they’d be OK, but knew in my heart that I couldn’t wait.
I couldn’t give Alusz another second with Valeria alone, couldn’t risk her taking Valeria beyond our reach.
Biting down on my frustration, I flew toward the dark portal embedded in the arena wall. Willing Shard to light up, I entered the frigid hallway and skimmed down its length.
The sounds of battle followed me, concussive waves of power causing dust to sift down from the cracks overhead.
Holding onto my resolve, I left the women I loved to do battle with one of Lilith’s greatest servants and pressed on. Valeria filled my mind now; the ache to find her, to ensure her safety became a physical need.
The hallway branched before a flight of broad steps, and down these I flew, seeking the depths Alusz had spoken off.
The thick stone walls muffled the sounds of battle, and soon I flew in silence, down and out into a broad hallway that spilled out into a large chamber. It was domed, circular; ranks of stone benches were carved into the very rock descending into a miniature arena. The place was dour and dark, illuminated by a handful of purple burning torches set in rusted iron sconces along the outer wall.
A portal of swirling purple-blue light burned to one side of the sunken floor, tall enough for a person to step through, its heart a nebulous and impenetrable black. Before it stood a rough stone plinth, crudely carved, upon whose top sat two objects of obvious power.
The first was a pyramid a foot tall, its surfaces perfect and smooth, the whole of it somehow more real than anything about it. It was denser, with a weight that made it feel as if it were warping the very fabric of the room, simply by being there.
The second was a massive black gem, carved like a diamond from back home, its perfect geometrical faces sucking in the light around it as if it were a crack in the very nature of reality.
Alusz stood to one side with Valeria. They’d clearly just broken off from a heated conversation. Alusz looked stern, her brow lowered in a frown. Valeria -
My god.
Valeria.
The sight of her sent a pang of love and longing, a physical ache of relief and resolve through my chest. Her golden curls fell in a wave down her back, draped about her shoulders, wild like the waves of an aureate ocean. She was clad in a severe black uniform, no symbols or other markings along its form-hugging fabric, and her hands -
Her hands were back.
But no. At a closer glance, emerging from the cuffs were twin hands of lead, fabulously crafted to look real, detailed with microscopic precision, down to her very nails, the cuticles -
- then her fingers curled into fists.
Valeria paled at the sight of me, then flushed, then somehow paled again, a riot of emotions crossing her face.
A shudder passed through the ceiling, and more dust sifted down.
Alusz glanced upwards, her frown deepening, and then back at me.
“I must admit,” she said, tone terse, “you are surprisingly stubborn, Noah Kilmartin.”
I ignored her, my eyes locked on Valeria. She was right there, so alive, yet somehow reserved, cut off from me, her expression tense, hard, her gaze sober and assessing.
“Valeria,” I whispered, unable to speak louder through the constriction in my throat.
“Noah.” Her voice was equally strangled.
Silence followed, a silence that was punctuated by dull booms from overhead, but at that moment, that pause, she failed to move toward me.
Remained by Alusz’s side.
“Whatever she’s told you,” I said, “it was lies.”
“Alas,” said Alusz, crossing her arms, “in this case, the truth was sufficiently damning.”
“Let me talk to him,” said Valeria, taking a step forward at last. “Noah. I’ve… Alusz has told me much. And I know that Lilith lies. I know she warps and twists. I don’t want to believe her. I want to believe you.”
I struggled with my emotions. “Good.”
“You didn’t leave me when I need you most to go help Neveah instead, did you?”
Fuck.
I bit my lower lip, mind racing. “We were all taking care of you. You were being healed. There was nothing more I could do. And Alusz told me of a way to help Neveah, to get rid of her demon.”
The pain in Valeria’s green eyes was heartbreaking. “You… you left me?”
“I was coming back,” I protested. “There was nothing more I could do for you - we were running out of time. I had to do everything I could to…” The wind went out of me. “I had to keep fighting, Valeria. I couldn’t stop.”
“You left me.” The words were spoken softly to herself. Her gaze searched the floor, darting from side to side as she processed this, and then she bit her lower lip and nodded slowly. “All right. You had to fight on. Even though I needed you. Even though it meant leaving me vulnerable to Lilith.”
“We were to watch over you in shifts,” I said. “You were never to be alone.”
Fire flashed in her eyes. “You weren’t there.” Words as hard as iron. “You left me for Neveah.”
“Valeria -”
She cut off my words with a chop of her leaden hand. “Did you use Svadhisthana on me?”
“What?”
“Svadhisthana. Alusz said she could feel it in my soul. That I’d been manipulated by you. Did you?”
I blinked. Changed gears. Had I? “No,” I began, and then stopped.
“You did,” whispered Valeria. “When?”
“I…” Anger arose within me. “We can talk about this as soon as the fight’s over, Valeria. But everyone is fighting for the lives upstairs. Help me get rid of Alusz and then we can go help them.”
“No,” she said coldly. “Answer my question.”
I took a deep breath, forced myself to ignore the dust sifting down from overhead. “I used Svadhisthana to help you project your ward that one time.”
Her face crinkled in confusion. “In the pool room? When we made love?”
I nodded, feeling wretched, confused, angry still. “You weren’t accepting your own worth. I needed you to be… to know that you were loved.”
“So you forced me? With Svadhisthana?”
I tried to recall the moment, the urgency, why it had felt so right. So expedient.
“I didn’t force you,” I said. “I pushed you. I love you. I love you, Valeria. You were tripping yourself up, getting in your way, having trouble accepting my love. I helped you accept it, and you summoned your ward right after.”
“Doesn’t sound like love to me,” murmured Alusz. “Forcing someone with Svadhisthana sounds like abuse. Like rank manipulation.”
“Shut it,” I snapped, but didn’t tear my gaze from Valeria.
“You forced me.”
I grima
ced. “You know I love you. I’d die for you, Valeria. I’ve done everything to get back to you as quickly as I could.”
Her expression smoothed, became blank, and on some primal level I felt her pulling away from me.
“You weren’t powerful enough for him,” said Alusz quietly. Apologetically. “Oh, he might have loved you, but not enough. Not as much as the others. When push came to shove, it was all right to leave you for more valuable members of the group. To force you to do as he needed. Would he have come for you if you weren’t right here by the Fulcrum, I wonder?”
Anger pooled in my gut, caused my muscles to tense. “She’s whispering poison. She’s twisting things, Valeria.”
“No.” Valeria drew herself upright. “I thought she was, at first. But you’ve confirmed the worst of it. After all we’ve been through. I gave you my heart, Noah.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “I would have died for you. And you discarded me the moment I was broken. The moment I stopped being of use.”
“Valeria!” I took two steps forward but froze when she flinched. The second you were hurt back on Aegeria I used Morgana’s talisman to get you back to healing. Saving your life was the most important thing to me. And once you were healing, once you were no longer in danger, I chose to keep fighting. We had so little time. The universe was at stake. I had to keep moving. And now we’re so close. Malkuth lies within hand’s reach. We’ve come so far. We’ve been through so much. Don’t fall for Lilith, not now.”
“She’s not falling for Lilith,” said Alusz, stepping up beside the blond warrior and sliding a slender arm over her broad shoulders. The contrast between the two couldn’t have been starker. “You pushed her away, Noah. You didn’t have it within you to love her as she deserved. To honor her. To treasure her. To see her as more than a burden that was holding you back -”
I snarled and lashed out with Shard, sending an arc of golden light flying toward Alusz’s head.
A partial ward flared into existence and stopped the attack cold.
But not a purple ward.
A segment of pure, buttery gold.
I stood there, shocked, unable to comprehend.
Alusz smirked, just out of Valeria’s line of sight, and the expression was so odious, so amused, so victorious, that the last scales fell from my eyes and I saw her for what she truly was.
The Queen of the Morathi.
“Valeria,” I tried again. “What are you doing?”
“She wasn’t powerful enough for you,” said Alusz, voice soft, insistent. “But we’ve healed her. Given her the strength she needed. In Lilith’s eyes, she’s the most important woman alive. She’ll be cherished. Appreciated. Seen. And for all you insult Lilith, Valeria will never find herself ignored, disprized, or left behind again. From now on, she will be truly loved. From now on, she will matter most.”
“No,” I whispered. Lowered Shard. “Valeria. You can’t do this. You can’t turn against the Source. Bastion. Everyone. You can’t do this.”
Tears filled Valeria’s eyes again, trembled there, then brimmed and ran down her pale cheeks. “By the Source, Noah.” Her voice was raw, broken. “By the Source, I swear that I loved you. Loved you with every ounce of my soul. Nothing could have turned me against you but you.”
I felt like I was drowning. “We can fix this. We can work it out. I apologize, Valeria. If I hurt you, if I made you feel less -”
Valeria screamed, drowning out my words, her eyes flaring wide. Her arms opened up by her sides, leaden fingers splaying. “No! She told me you’d say whatever it took to silence me. To bring me to heel. But she was right. Actions. Your actions, Noah! You… you used me. Forced me. Abandoned me. It’s too late to swear your love. It’s… it’s too late.”
“It’s never too late,” I said, my heart breaking, endlessly tearing itself apart. “Valeria. I swear to you, you’re being used, twisted. Lilith is tricking you into seeing things this way. It’s never too late. Don’t do this.”
“You gave me no choice.” She inhaled deeply, her dark suit tightening across her chest, and then the fire went out from her eyes. “You gave me no choice,” she whispered, her voice suddenly emotionless.
It was as if someone had just blown into her soul and snuffed out the fire that burned there.
Her hands began to change. The fingers elongated, their tips turning into claws, rapidly stretching so that each was a foot in length, segmented and skinny like spider legs.
I took a step back. “I won’t fight you.”
“Then don’t,” said Valeria, voice dull, emotionless. “Either way, this has to end.”
“For Lilith? You’ll help her win?”
“For me,” whispered Valeria, inspecting her leaden hands as she turned them about slowly. “For what’s left of me.”
I had no more words. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew what to do. I sheathed Shard.
“Valeria?” asked Alusz, voice alarmed. “Remember what we agreed. We cannot kill him. We must bring him back to Lilith.”
Valeria took a step forward and shuddered, her throat bobbing as she dry-heaved. But she resumed walking toward me, spider-claws rippling.
“And the worst of it is,” she whispered, “the worst of it is that you were right. I wasn’t good enough. I never was. But I thought with you perhaps I could do better. Be better. But you saw through me. You saw the truth. And… I don’t blame you, Noah. For casting me aside. I should never have been your companion to begin with.”
“Oh, Valeria,” I said. My insides felt like a slurry of broken glass and filthy, ice-cold water, a slurry being stirred by her words and tearing me apart. “I love you so much. I always will.”
Tears were running freely down Valeria’s cheeks. “Shalarra foresaw this. She knew I’d turn to Lilith. Would that you’d struck me down there and then, Noah. You should have. You might have won through. You might have saved everyone.”
“We still can,” I said. “Together. It’s not too late.”
“It was too late the moment you chose me,” said Valeria, and took a deep breath. Seemed to gather her resolve and resumed walking toward me. “We were doomed the moment you chose me as your first companion.”
I dropped to my knees. Withdrawing my power from Manipura, I felt weak, hollow without that impossible strength and speed. I cut off my connection to Muladhara, so that the potential for self-defense withered away; caused Anahata to still, so that my invisible ward faded away to nothingness.
“That’s what you’ve been telling yourself,” I said. “But I never believed it. You’re trapped by your own fears, your own doubts. But I won’t fight you, Valeria,” I said. “No matter what Lilith wants. I’ll never raise a hand against you.”
“A pity he never saw fit to raise a hand to protect you,” began Alusz, but Valeria whipped her head around to glare at the Morathi was such terrible ferocity that Alusz’s jaw snapped shut.
I remained kneeling, and now it was my turn to spread my arms. To await her as she marched toward me, her spider-claws flexing. Tears ran down her cheeks, down the length of her jaw, to drop and darken her severe suit.
Then she was there, standing above me, a vision of athletic prowess and feminine beauty, the first woman to have faith in me. My Valeria, my bronzed goddess, the stone on which I’d stood for so long but somehow lost track of. The pain in my chest made it hard to breathe.
Did I deserve this? Had I wronged her this badly? At that moment I didn’t know. I could make arguments – I knew that Alusz had twisted the facts to make them a thousand times worse.
But at the core of it, had I overlooked Valeria? Had I allowed her to slip away from me?
At that moment I didn’t know.
I stared up at her green eyes, those haunted, miserable, bitter eyes, and felt my own prickle with tears. Tears of remorse, of pity, of pain. Of horror that it had come to this.
“The Source forgive me,” whispered Valeria, and raised her right hand high. The spider-claws flared out wide, ready to swipe do
wn and tear out my throat.
The words came unbidden to my lips, summoned out of time, out of memory, spoken before I even knew what I said.
“Between what we shouldn't and that which we aught,” I said, voice hoarse, and saw again the Aegerian sun, the beautiful islands, the cerulean sea.
Valeria froze, eyes widening, lips tightening to a seam.
My breath hitched in my chest. “Lies a perilous life where all is for naught.”
Alusz took a step forward. “Strike, Valeria. Strike, for the way you were scorned, but do not kill him!”
The tears glimmered in Valeria’s eyes, and her hand shook, the claws wavering.
I forced myself to continue, to speak on, though I felt like bands of iron were constricting me alive. “We live and we suffer and we strive all in vain. But for one of your smiles, Valeria. For just one of your smiles, I'd do it all again.”
I found myself smiling at her, a broken smile, a smile robbed of all joy but made deeper by pain. I knew at that moment that perhaps I’d earned this fate, that perhaps I’d fail the Source for this mistake. For not having seen Valeria truly, for having failed to appreciate her, support her, nurture her, be there for her.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, so quietly only she could have heard me. “By the Source, I’m sorry. I love you, Valeria. With all my heart. But if you must do this, then I won’t stop you. I understand. Strike, my love. Strike, and be at peace.”
I closed my eyes.
Took a deep breath and lowered my chin to my chest.
And waited.
Waited for death.
For justice.
For whatever Valeria deemed necessary.
I put my life in her hands, and waited.
“Strike,” I heard Alusz hiss, her voice vibrating with impatience. “Wound him and sever your bond, Valeria -”
Movement. The sound of Valeria dropping to her knees before me.
I opened my eyes, and saw that she’d collapsed, her head bowed. All I could see was her bronzed hair, her shoulders shaking with soundless sobs, and her spider-claws curled up in her lap.