by Nicole Hart
“No, sweetie, you don’t understand. The shit you’ve been through wasn’t your fault. Everything I’ve done is my own doing,” he said as he stared at me, his eyes full of anger and regret. I could see it. The cop’s words rang through my ears, and Kash knew I heard what he said to him, but I wouldn’t dare tell him what that bastard said to me. I didn’t respond, I just listened.
“I’m fucking impulsive, and I don’t think shit through. I’ve caused trouble and messed a lot of shit up. I’m not proud of it. But for most of my life, I didn’t care what people thought. I did what I wanted to do. So, please, don’t compare the hand you were dealt to the life I chose,” he said as he bit the inside of his cheek, and ran the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. I wanted to reach into his lap and kiss him more than I wanted my next breath, right now. So that’s exactly what I did. I leapt across the console and placed myself on his lap, pressed between him and the steering wheel.
“Nobody’s perfect, Kash,” I said as I ran my hands through his hair, and then pressed my lips to his.
“Mackenzie, please. You don’t understand. You’re too good for someone like me. You’re damn near perfect, and I would just fuck it up. It’s what I do.” he said.
“I think you are better than you give yourself credit for,” I said, as I rubbed the back of his neck.
“Trust me, I’m not,” he said with a laugh, but then his smile faded quickly.
“Well, then, maybe we quit focusing on your past.” I didn’t like the way he looked at himself. He was good. I knew he was, I had seen it.
“Your past always catches up with you,” he said. “I think that was just proven.”
“The guy was a dick; fuck him,” I said with a grin.
“That dirty mouth your starting to get is gonna get you in trouble, sweetie,” he said, as he grabbed my ass.
“Here’s hoping,” I said, and leaned in and gave him another kiss. As I pressed his lips to mine, I heard his stomach growl, and we both started to laugh.
“I told you I was fucking starving,” he said. So I climbed back into the passenger’s seat.
“Let’s go get you food, then,” I said, as I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze before I started to pull away. But, he stopped me, and intertwined our fingers and kept them on the console between us. I wanted to grin like a little girl, but I tried my best to keep it to myself.
Chapter 15
Kash was getting ready to head back to work; his hitch, he called it. I wasn’t really liking this whole leaving half the time thing. I knew it was a life that Sam and Lainey had adjusted to, but I didn’t like it one bit.
I really didn’t want Kash to leave, especially since he had actually spent the entire night in my bed last night. Waking up next to him made me giddy, and I couldn’t pretend it didn’t. Plus, the morning sex was absolutely amazing, so that was a perk. But I knew I had to put my big girl panties on and deal with it.
“You gonna be ok while I’m gone?” Kash asked, as he sipped his coffee.
“I’ll be fine,” I said with a smile.
“Just make sure the alarm is set all the time, and keep your eyes open, ok?” he said, with a look of concern.
Jake had been pretty quiet lately; maybe he was finally getting the hint. I’m not sure why Kash seemed so worried.
“I gotta head out, though.”
“I need to get ready for work, anyway,” I said with a smile, as we both stood.
Kash gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and then headed out the door. I felt a little shafted. What the hell was that? He spent last night in my bed, and we had sex an hour ago. I get a kiss on the forehead before he leaves for a week? Well, that sucked. Whatever. I wasn’t going to dwell on that little detail all day, I needed to get ready.
As soon as I walked into the clinic, the phone rang. I was the closest, so I went ahead and answered it.
“All alone again,” Jake said in a whisper. The evil tone in his voice gave me a chill up my spine. He really was crazy.
“Go to hell!” I said, and hung up the phone. I waited for it to ring again, but it didn’t.
Sam walked up to me and whispered close to my ear, “Is he still fucking with you?”
“I thought he was finally getting over it, but apparently not,” I said, rubbing the knot that suddenly formed in my neck.
“I hate him so much,” I said, as I looked at her.
“I know,” Sam said, as she gave me a pitiful smile as she walked back down the hallway to the door that led to the outside kennels.
I decided my only solution to getting through this day was to bury myself in my work. This software wasn’t complicated, so it wasn’t a hard task, but it was pretty tedious. The day went by quickly, and the office was closing before I even realized it was so late. Everyone was leaving, but I still had an extra hour.
“I have to head out early today, Mackenzie. I’ll just leave you a key to lock up if that’s ok?” he said. I immediately got nervous thinking about walking out by myself, especially after Jake’s call this morning. But I wasn’t going to let that show.
“Sure, no problem,” I said, as Dr. Weston handed me the key and the alarm code on a sticky note.
“Is everyone else gone?” I asked. Being in the back office all day kept me pretty isolated from everything else that went on.
“They’re headed out now. I’ll lock the door behind me,” he said.
“Ok, thanks,” I said.
When I heard the front door shut, I went to grab my cell phone for some music. Maybe that would give me comfort and keep my mind off what might be lurking outside.
When I turned my phone on, I realized I had a text from Kash.
Kash: I got you a taser, I threw it in your purse. Hope that’s ok.
He got me a taser. That surprised me, but I was also a little happy that he was so worried about me.
Me: You didn’t have to do that, I’m ok
He sent a text back immediately, which also surprised me.
Kash: Just keep it in your hand when ur leaving places.
Kash: Please.
Me: Ok, I will
Kash: Promise?
Me: Promise
Kash: I gotta get ready for the safety meeting, I’m on nights. I’ll check with you in the morning.
Me: Ok. Be careful
Kash: You too
I was a little shocked. He hadn’t called me one time during his last hitch, until he was on his way home. I couldn’t help but smile. Then I went back to the break room and grabbed my purse. It was huge, so I’m not surprised I didn’t notice the package in there. Sure enough, there was a new pink taser in a plastic wrapper. I got a pair of scissors and opened it. After I read the instructions, I hit the button and scared the shit out of myself. It was powerful. It also gave me a little peace. Kash really was a good guy, no matter what he thought of himself.
As I left work that evening, I had the taser gripped tightly in my hand. I walked as quickly as I could to my car, but a rustle in the bushes caught my attention. It’s probably just a stray cat or something, I tried to convince myself; that happened sometimes. But when the wind picked up just a bit, I knew it was more than that. My nose caught a whiff of that particular smell that turned my stomach. It was a mixture of liquor and the cologne that I hated so much. He was here. I knew it; the standing hair on the back of my neck reassured me he was close. I kept walking, cussing to myself, because I was the last one to arrive at the clinic every day, so my car was parked at the far end of the lot. Damn it. My heart rate started to spike as my breathing quickened. My hands started to shake and my finger hit the trigger on the taser. The loud electric buzz scared the hell out of me, and I almost dropped it. The spark lit the path in front of me as I continued to speed walk to my car, and I noticed the rustling stopped. Luckily, I already had my keys in my other hand, so I unlocked my door and quickly got inside the car, locking the doors behind me. I sat the taser in the cup holder next to me, and started my car quickly. As I pulled
out of the lot, I noticed Jake’s car parked at the home builder’s office in the field across from the clinic. I knew I hadn’t imagined it. At least I had some sort of protection now. I would use it on him in a heartbeat. Douchebag.
Now, my main objective would be to stay calm, try to gain some normalcy, and not jump at every little sound. I hated that Kash was gone. I hated that I depended on him, and that I felt safer when he was around. I hated Jake, period.
Chapter 16
The rest of the week went by without any craziness. Aside from the occasional hang up call at work, Jake had been quiet. He hadn’t left any surprises at my door and Dr. Weston stayed late the rest of the week, so I was starting to feel calm again. Kash had texted me a couple of times to check on me. That was nice, but I missed his voice. But no way in hell was I going to call him. I would never be the needy one again, not out loud anyway.
“Hey, bitch,” Sam whispered, as she walked into the back office where I was buried in files.
“Hey,” I said, as I looked up and smiled at her.
“So, Moon and Jase are gone, Lainey has her first overnight sitter since Emma was born, and we’re gonna go out and get some drinks. Nothing crazy, probably just the bar and grill outside of town. Wanna come?” she asked, and batted her eyelashes at me. I didn’t need convincing. I needed a night out with the girls.
“Hell, yeah,” I said, and clapped my hands with enthusiasm.
“Yay!” she said with a grin. “Come over to my house when you get out of here.”
After work, I sped home and got ready in record time. I was more excited than I thought I would be. I needed to unwind and just relax. I missed Kash like crazy, and needed to get my mind off of him. Plus, anything that would keep me from worrying about a possible next move from Jake was a good thing.
Sam met me at her front door with a glass of wine in her hand. I gladly accepted it as I walked through the door.
“Come on, we’re in the bathroom. I’m trying to remind Lainey how a curling iron works,” she said with a giggle, as we walked towards the bathroom.
“Hey, fuck you, bitch,” she laughed, as she was sipping on a glass of wine and leaning against the counter. “It’s been a while.”
“Obviously,” Sam said as she grabbed the curling iron, and started working on the back of Lainey’s hair.
“Well, I think you look gorgeous no matter what,” I said. Lainey had a natural beauty that didn’t go unnoticed. It was easy to see why Jase fell so hard and fast for her.
“Thanks,” she said, as she stuck her tongue out at Sam in the mirror.
“I’m just fucking with you, Lainey boo boo, you know you’re a smoking hot momma,” she said, as she kissed her cheek.
It was obvious the bond these two had was so strong; I almost felt like a third wheel going out with them. But I wasn’t going to throw a pity party, so I threw the glass of wine back and gulped it down instead.
“Well, that’s our cue for a refill,” Sam said, as she grabbed the glass out of my hand. “Here, sweets, help this pitiful woman out,” she said, as she handed me the curling iron. I started to curl the end of Lainey’s hair and looked at her in the mirror. Her eyes were already a little glassy and she was grinning ear-to-ear.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m just a little buzzed. I haven’t drank in a long time. And I’m leaving my baby love all night long,” she said, and her smile faded.
“Bitch, Emma is fine,” Sam said, as she walked back into the bathroom.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“She’s with my in-laws,” Lainey whined.
“Who have been begging to watch her overnight since she was born! God, woman, if you don’t suck it up, I’m cutting you off,” she said, as she held up her wine glass.
“Ok, Ok,” Lainey said, and stood up a little straighter.
“We need to hurry, the cab is on its way,” Sam said.
“A cab?” I asked. We lived out in the sticks, there wasn’t a taxi service around here. That would cost a fortune to have them come all the way out here.
“We need a DD, and it sure ain’t gonna be any of us,” Sam laughed.
“Smart idea,” I said, as I sipped my wine.
Three hours later, we were walking into a tattoo parlor and my head was spinning just a little. I wasn’t drunk, but I sure wasn’t sober. I hadn’t laughed so hard in all my life. Sam and Lainey were hilarious together, and my sides were sore.
“I can’t believe y’all are getting tattoos!” I said, as we stood at the entrance.
“What do you mean ‘y’all?’” Sam laughed. “Bitch, this is a ‘we’ situation, not a ‘y’all.’”
“I can’t get a tattoo,” I said. I couldn’t help but think about my parents for a minute. They would go crazy if they ever knew I was even at a tattoo shop. That’s when I made up my mind. Yes, I can get a tattoo. And I would. I already knew what I wanted.
Lainey went first, she was a trooper. She got ‘Jase’ tattooed on her side above her rib cage. It was beautiful. Sam hopped on the table next and unzipped her pants without hesitation. She had picked out an infinity symbol with angel wings on both sides. I knew it was for their baby that she and Moon lost, but I wasn’t going to ask or mention it. Sam seemed happy, and I didn’t want to bring her down.
As Sam and Lainey examined their new ink in the shop mirror, I heard the guy call my name. Suddenly, my buzz completely vanished and I got scared.
“She needs a shot,” Lainey said to the tattoo artist.
“I can’t tattoo someone who is intoxicated,” he said, as he shook his head.
“She just needs to take the edge off so she doesn’t puss out,” Sam said with a giggle.
“Ben, I know you have a bottle of whiskey behind there, just give her a shot,” Lainey said, and the man with the gauges in his ears and tattoos from his neck to his fingertips bent down and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels.
“Only because Jase is a good customer,” he said with a laugh, and pulled out a shot glass and filled it to the top. I took the shot quickly, and almost choked on the burn in my throat.
“One more,” I whispered through the pain.
“Go ahead and give her two,” Sam said with a wink.
The next morning, I woke up on Sam’s couch with a pounding head and a sore shoulder. I rubbed my head, trying to ease the throbbing when I felt the plastic still wrapped around my shoulder. My tattoo.
I opened my eyes slowly and noticed a bag of Cheetos, vitamin water and Tylenol sitting on the table beside me. Sam was the best. I chased the tiny pills with the water and then stood up slowly. I walked into the bathroom and stripped my shirt off. I was anxious to see it. If I took a look at it last night, I don’t even remember. I removed the plastic wrap and tears welled up in my eyes.
Three swallows flying. Freedom.
Chapter 17
Today was the day. Kash was coming home. I was beyond excited. I drove home from work in a hurry, and jumped in the shower to shave and get ready for him. But he hadn’t called to let me know he was close yet. I decided to redo my makeup and straighten my hair, even though it was seven in the evening and it was just going to get messed up anyway. I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Kash messing up my makeup and tangling my hair.
But around nine, there was still no word from him. I started to worry, but figured if something happened, Sam was his family and she would call me. So I waited. And I waited some more. I sat on the couch listening for his car until almost midnight, but he never came home. I had a big day at work tomorrow - investors were coming in to meet with Dr. Weston, and he asked me to meet with them also about the new software. I even had to wear a skirt, which I wasn’t happy about. Skirts reminded me of living at home with my parents and being forced to wear them. But I wouldn’t wear one down to my ankles; it would be above the knee just because I could. Even though my parents would never even know the difference - I’m sure they didn’t even care where I was, they sure didn’t giv
e a damn what I was wearing. It felt necessary to show this sign of freedom. I didn’t consider it rebellion anymore, I was free of that lifestyle also.
“Ugh, forget it,” I mumbled to myself as I looked at my phone (it was midnight), and then headed off to bed.
The next morning, I woke up completely exhausted. I spent the night tossing, turning, listening. But no sign of Kash. So I did what I had to do. I got up for work and headed out the door. Looking at my car sitting in the driveway alone kind of pissed me off. I wasn’t even sure what to think about us now. I thought we had a connection, I know we did. We still do. I started thinking he cared. The things he did gave me that impression. It’s not like I was pulling the ideas out of my ass.
Ugh.
I pulled into the office a few minutes early and headed inside. Jenny, one of the front desk girls, motioned for me to come to the file room. I followed behind her, curiously.
“What’s up?” I asked, as we walked into the small cluttered room. But as soon as my eyes saw them, I knew the answer.
There were a dozen long stem, black roses in a black vase, sitting on top of one of the file cabinets. Shit.
“Um. They were sitting on the doorstep when I got here this morning. It seemed kind of creepy. Your name is on the card, but I brought them back here first thing. No one else noticed; I was the first one here besides Dr. Weston, and I guess they weren’t here when he arrived,” she said, looking worried.
“Thanks,” I said quietly, and walked over to the roses. I looked back at Jenny as she was slowly leaving the room. I’m sure she was overly curious, but didn’t want to ask. Well, I wasn’t going to be sharing, so she might as well keep walking.
I noticed my name on the front of the card was typed this type. Strange. I opened it.
You will not get away with this. Whores always pay for their sins.
I read the typed message over and over. I ripped the card in half as tears welled up in my eyes. I hate him so much. He knew the struggle I had with my parents, which is why he threw that part in there. I hated him. I hated him. I hated him.