by Marie Medina
“I could’ve brought you a towel. Sorry.”
Samuel spread the shirt over the fence to let it dry in the heat of the suns, and then he shrugged. “It’s fine.” He reached over and flicked a bug off Jesse’s shirt. “Don’t worry. If Jareth wants me back, he’ll send a messenger. I’m not in trouble.”
“What did you tell the queen?”
“That I needed to go home. See my friend. My child.”
“Even away from here, you say he’s yours?”
“Yes. Inconsistency is how you get caught in a lie.”
Quentin tilted his head. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have lied. I still don’t get it.”
Samuel shrugged again. “Didn’t want people gossiping about her. Your sister was sweet.”
Quentin didn’t look convinced, but he seemed to let it drop. “So that’s all that’s distracting you? Worrying Jareth will make you go back?”
Samuel sighed. “There’s always a lot on my mind. Perhaps we can talk later.”
“Do you want to quit?”
“What?”
“What you do for the king. Do you want to quit?”
“Possibly. Depending on how some other things go.”
Quentin hugged Jesse closer. “I’d like it if you did something else.” His gaze went to the ground, and he lowered his voice. “I have nightmares. Sometimes.” He lifted his eyes, a noticeable sadness visible there. “About learning you died in some horrible way.”
Despite the heat of the twin suns, Samuel felt cold. “You’ve never told me that.”
“Of course not. It’s embarrassing.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. I worry about you, too. Out here alone. Both of you.”
Quentin started to say something else, but a horse and cart pulled up in front of the house. Quentin handed Jesse over as he waved at the man climbing down from the cart. “Watch him for a bit. Those are the milk bottles from the inn. I need to count them and sign for them.”
“Sure.” Samuel took Jesse, who immediately began to wiggle. He walked to calm him a bit. Jesse seemed to like Samuel, but he was only really content if Quentin held him.
I need to tell him tonight. Make him understand why I risked defying the king.
Samuel turned back to watch Quentin, wondering what would happen next. To Jesse, he said, “What do you think? Should I go for it?”
Jesse nuzzled his neck and then held his hand up to the sky, waving it around before looking at Samuel and laughing.
“I’m going to assume that’s a yes.” Looking back at Quentin again, he said, “Maybe soon, we really will be a family.”
Jesse began wiggling again, and Samuel let him down, grasping his hand and letting himself be pulled across a field toward the sandbox Quentin had set up for Jesse to play in. Samuel let himself get lost in building castles and fortresses with sand and rocks, for a time.
****
Quentin enjoyed the drowsiness washing over him as he slowly rocked Jesse and enjoyed the night breeze. Samuel sat in the other rocking chair on the porch. But the other man didn’t rock, didn’t move at all. He just sat there, watching Quentin and Jesse.
“If you’re too quiet, the slightest sound will wake him up,” Quentin said, looking over at Samuel.
Samuel sat back in his chair. “You keep telling me that, but I always worry.”
“You get used to doing things a certain way when you’re around children all the time.”
“Does he play with other children? In the village?”
“Yes. I plan things with mothers who have little ones his age. Sometimes I watch their children. They watch Jesse when I need help.” He rubbed Jesse’s back. “Everyone tries to help. They feel sorry for me.”
“I’m here now. You can depend on me.”
“For as long as you’re here.”
“I’d like to stay a long time. A very long time.”
Quentin held Samuel’s gaze. “Let me go put him down.” He stood before Samuel could say anything. Once he had Jesse settled in his crib, he stood there watching his nephew. Having Samuel around all the time would be a big help, but Quentin knew what Samuel was working up to.
Quentin took several deep breaths before walking back outside. Samuel stood at the edge of the porch, his fingers resting lightly on the railing.
“The way you bolted just now,” Samuel said, “I think you know what I’m about to say.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?” Samuel reached over and took his hand.
Quentin felt a little tremor move over him, and he knew Samuel could feel how sweaty his palm was.
“What’s wrong? You seem … I don’t know … frightened,” Samuel said, releasing Quentin’s hand.
In the dim light from the single lantern hanging by the door, Quentin couldn’t see Samuel clearly, yet he could see enough to notice the hurt in Samuel’s eyes.
“I’m not scared, but … I’ve never been with a man.” He’d said the rushed words softly, feeling heat come to his face.
“Why should that worry you? I don’t plan on forcing myself on you.” Samuel turned to face him better. “I feel more than friendship for you. And I want to know how you feel about that.”
“I guess I’ve never said it even once, but you know I love you.”
“As a friend. Perhaps as a brother?”
Quentin shook his head right away. “I wouldn’t call it brotherly. But since Lizzie’s death, you have been my best friend.”
“I wish I could have been here more the past two years.”
“How long have you felt this way? I didn’t notice a change until the last few visits.”
Samuel sighed. “Honestly? I don’t know. As we got older, I started to find you attractive, but I told myself not to risk losing you as a friend. Things never ended well with the other guys I fooled around with here. I never really thought about us together until I saw you holding Jesse. The idea that you’d had a child with someone you loved did something to me.”
“You thought he was mine? You know I’d have written to you if I was that involved with someone.”
“Yes, I do, but I guess that was the jolt I needed. Made me see that I have deeper feelings for you.”
“And you want to act on them?”
Samuel nodded. “I’m not saying I’m in love with you. But I want to be with you. And all I think about is taking care of you and protecting you. Isn’t that how it starts?”
“Yeah. Guess it does.” Quentin frowned as he looked up into Samuel’s eyes. “You claimed Jesse as yours because of me, didn’t you?”
Samuel licked his lips. “Surprised I kept it a secret so long. Yes. I panicked and opened my big mouth the moment the thought occurred to me.”
Quentin gazed over the hills and the rising moons. “You didn’t have to do that. You see that now, don’t you?”
“I saw it within a couple of days, but I couldn’t take it back.”
Taking a deep breath, Quentin closed his eyes. “So this is why you had the queen’s blessing to come back?”
“Yes. She likes me a lot, so she was quite moved when I told her about you.”
Quentin opened his eyes and turned back to his friend. “She likes you? Does the king like you, too?”
Samuel held both hands up. “It’s not like that. It’s never been like that.”
“I wouldn’t blame you. Jareth’s handsome, the most powerful man in the land. And the queen’s breathtaking.”
“I’ve never had sex with a vampire. Never wanted to.”
“Do they really have lots of lovers?”
“They frequently invite others to their bed. I don’t exactly understand it. They seem very much in love, but they aren’t fated mates.”
“But they chose each other. Shouldn’t that make them more loyal to each other?” Quentin shook his head. “I’m losing focus.”
“That’s all right. At least you don’t seem so nervous anymore.”
“I’m kind of relieved. It’s out in the open no
w.”
“And?”
“And we see what happens.”
Samuel cleared his throat. “Just so there’s no misunderstanding, you’re interested?”
“Curious might be a better word. I feel more at home with you than with anyone.” Taking one step closer, he put his hand on Samuel’s arm. “Will you give up being an assassin if we—”
Samuel cut him off by pressing two fingers to his lips. “I won’t answer that. I don’t want you to be with me to protect me. Or stop me from doing something you don’t like.”
Quentin stared up at him as he slowly took his fingers away. “All right. Fair enough.”
“If we’re together, I want it to be because of this.” Samuel slid one arm around Quentin’s waist, holding him close. He tilted his head and brought their lips together.
Quentin braced himself for a heated and demanding kiss, but instead Samuel only brushed their lips together. Then he lightly caressed Quentin’s cheek and whispered, “Good night.”
Quentin grabbed hold of the railing as Samuel let him go. “Night.” He turned after a moment, expecting to see Samuel still standing there, but the man was gone. He lowered himself into one of the rocking chairs and sat back. Confused thoughts raced through his head. Quentin had expected a passionate declaration and the possibility of a very aggressive seduction attempt. Instead, Samuel had said he wanted to explore what might be between them and given him a sweet, almost shy kiss.
The thing that gave Quentin pause was the odd sense of disappointment he felt.
Chapter Two
Samuel felt the sunslight hitting his face through the window he’d left open, and he stretched and started to roll over. He stopped when he felt an odd weight on top of him, and his eyes fluttered open. Jesse lay on top of him, sound asleep and sucking on a little fistful of blanket. Samuel blinked several times, not sure what to do. Babies needed sleep, so he didn’t want to wake Jesse, but he seemed to recall the little boy usually woke up pretty early.
Moving slowly, Samuel sat up and cradled the toddler against him. Jesse let go of the blanket and rubbed his face against Samuel’s chest. Samuel pulled the blanket off both of them and hoisted the little boy in his arms as he stood. Now, Jesse began to rub his eye but didn’t seem otherwise bothered, soon settling against Samuel and going still again. Samuel opened the door and looked up and down the hallway. The one-story farmhouse had a simple design, and he stopped and listened a moment. He didn’t hear anything, but he smelled something. As he entered the kitchen, he saw discarded oranges sitting by a pitcher of freshly squeezed juice and next spied something percolating on the little wood stove. While he loved the simple, cozy house, Samuel longed to give Quentin so much more.
The question was, would Quentin let him?
A sound caught Samuel’s attention, and he looked toward the window and saw Quentin looking in at them from the back porch. He came in through the back door moments later, smiling. Quentin had a bucket of milk in one hand, and he gently closed the door with his other. He set the milk down and then came over to them, rubbing Jesse’s back and kissing his cheek. He watched Jesse a moment before looking up at Samuel.
“Sorry to leave you with him, but he was sleeping so soundly,” Quentin said. “I almost panicked before it occurred to me to check your room, too.”
“I’ve never been so surprised in my life,” Samuel said softly. “Why did he come to my room?”
“I don’t know. He might be more curious about you,” Quentin said. He backed away and leaned against the kitchen table. “You sleep all right?”
“Fine. Felt good to be honest.”
Quentin held his gaze. “I can see that.”
Samuel waited another moment to see if Quentin would say anything else. Then, too curious to stay quiet, he asked, “How did you sleep?” He’d been worried when Quentin had seemed so scared initially, but in the end his friend had reacted far better than Samuel had imagined he would. In fact, he genuinely believed Quentin had even been a little disappointed Samuel hadn’t kissed him more deeply.
“I was a bit restless. Thinking. You know.”
Samuel nodded. “I do. Any particularly interesting thoughts?”
“Wondering what comes next. It’s not like we need to get to know each other.”
“True, but it does require us to look at each other differently. You witnessed the chaos that ensued when I realized I had feelings for you.”
“Were you scared to tell me? Two years is a long time.”
“You were grieving. And there was Jesse. Too much was already going on in your life. I was adjusting to my realization as well, honestly. Maybe if I could’ve stayed, I would’ve said something sooner. But back then,” he paused and shook his head, “I had a very important mission. Couldn’t be put off.”
Quentin looked down at that, and then he turned and put a skillet on the stove next to the coffee. “I’ll do some bacon real quick. I usually do oatmeal and fruit for Jesse.”
“I think you’ll feel better about what I do if we talk about it. Maybe tonight.”
Quentin glanced back at him. “Maybe.”
Samuel felt a small hand on his cheek, and he looked down to see Jesse watching him with sleepy eyes. “Hey, little guy. You’re awake.”
Jesse seemed to be studying him very hard, and Quentin turned around again once the bacon was cooking. “You can put him down. He knows better than to touch the stove.” He gave a slight smile. “After burning himself twice.”
“I don’t mind holding him if he’ll let me.” He met Quentin’s gaze. “I’d never hurt you. Or bring danger near either of you.”
Quentin actually flinched. “I know you’d never hurt us. I’ve never thought less of you for what you do. Did you really think…” He shook his head and reached out to take Samuel’s hand, if only briefly. “Later. Let’s see how today goes.”
Samuel leaned over and kissed Quentin’s cheek. “All right. Later.” He watched Quentin lick his lips, but then Samuel backed up, smiling before turning his attention to Jesse. “Wanna see if I can make breakfast for you? You have permission to throw it at me if it’s awful.”
“He’s not a picky eater. Don’t worry,” Quentin said before returning to the stove.
Samuel set Jesse down as he found all the things he needed in the kitchen. Jareth’s reaction to Samuel leaving without permission could vary, but how would the king react to Samuel giving Quentin too many details about his work? Jareth had spent decades cultivating a certain image, and he was very guarded and particular about every aspect of it. But Samuel didn’t want secrets, and above all else, he never wanted Quentin to regret being with him because of his past.
Or at least, what he hoped would now be his past.
****
Quentin paused in the square, smiling as yet another matron gushed about how good it was to have Samuel back and how adorable Jesse was. Sylvana, a woman pushing eighty who had been very good friends with Samuel’s grandmother, beamed at him when she finally got her turn.
“You’re more muscular every time you come back. What are you doing to build all this muscle?” Sylvana asked, as she reached out and squeezed one bicep. Samuel had Jesse up on his shoulders, holding him by the legs, which only made his muscles bulge even more.
Samuel smiled. “I’ve always tried to exercise several hours every day. I did grow up on a farm. I wasn’t skinny to begin with.”
Quentin found himself eyeing Samuel’s muscles. They were quite impressive—his entire body was. They’d seen each other naked before, but it had been probably ten years. Quentin tried to compose his features as his imagination ran a bit wild, memories from the day before mixing with images of what the rest of Samuel might look like. He could still see Samuel wiping the sweat from his chest with his shirt, and he gazed down to keep from staring.
“The king must have you running around all over. Tell me, have you ever gotten around to visiting the lycan settlement? I hear it’s quite interesting,” Sylvana s
aid.
“I have. It’s quite beautiful. The entire dominion is heavily wooded, and I got to meet the lycan clan leader, Sigmund. Their shamans are very wise and gentle, and their worldview is interesting. I learned a lot from them.” He smiled down at her. “You should go there on a spiritual pilgrimage. Many people do. All people are welcome, and Lord Kyo is very hospitable to pilgrims.”
She laughed. “Oh, I’m too old for that. Should’ve traveled when I was younger.”
“It’s never too late,” Quentin said. “If you really want something.” He felt Samuel looking at him, but he didn’t look over, fearing how he’d react to what he might see in Samuel’s face.
She raised one eyebrow saucily. “Exactly right. Never too late.” She eyed them both. “When are you two going to settle down and get married?”
She obviously didn’t mean to each other, but Quentin still felt the color drain from his face.
“There’s no rush,” Samuel said. “Time enough for that.” He winked at Quentin before adding, “But I do have my eye on someone.”
Sylvana took a step closer. “Who? I’m not just being a busybody, I swear! You were always such a sweet boy. Any girl would want you. I couldn’t imagine any parents disapproving. So handsome and successful. And little Jesse does need a mother.”
Quentin looked away, his heart sinking. But then he felt Samuel inch closer. He drew Jesse down from his shoulders and handed him off to Samuel, putting an arm around him.
“Quentin has done an amazing job. Devoted his whole life to Jesse. I was so fortunate, after the tragedy of what happened. My duties to the king were too demanding. Jesse was too little to come with me, and I’d have hated handing him off to nannies. Leaving him with strangers. Quentin’s his blood. They belong together.”
Sylvana looked flustered, at least. “Oh, Quen dear, you know I didn’t mean you haven’t done a good job. By the gods, you’ve done better than any other man in the village would have. But it is nice to have a woman’s touch.” She paused, perhaps trying to measure if she’d been forgiven, and then she asked, “Have you been seeing Rose any lately? I thought I saw her with Reg’s lad the other day.”