“No,” he quickly tried to explain before I headed towards the door. “No that’s not what this is about,” he said nervously. “Not that I wouldn’t mind that…” I rolled my eyes at him. Little beads of sweat popped up on his forehead. He hadn’t acted this nervous the last time we’d nearly gone all the way.
“What are you going on about?”
“You’re not making this easy,” he replied with a nervous smile.
“Since when have I made anything easy?”
He laughed, feeling slightly more confident. I watched as he fumbled with something in his pocket and when he pulled out a small blue velvet box, he got down on one knee. Unlike when Alex had done the same thing, this time I knew exactly what was going on. I was too stunned to say anything. He took my silence as his cue.
He opened the box revealing a simple white gold engagement ring with a modest sized solitaire diamond in the centre. “Paige, I’m in love with you. I started falling for you the first time we met and I haven’t stopped. Every day we’re together, my heart becomes more intertwined with yours. I don’t know how you feel about marriage, but the way I was raised, it was the way you told the person you loved, that you chose them forever. It was how you said you would always put them first, be there for them, protect them. I want to marry you. I wouldn’t be asking you this if I didn’t know without a shadow of a doubt, that we had a future and a great one at that. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
The further on in his speech he got the closer the words got to one another. By the end I had to really strain to understand everything he was saying. He took a deep breath after his final word and then just stared at me nervously.
Silence filled the air as I searched for a response. I loved him more than I thought I was capable of loving anyone. There was no one else and I was confident there would never be anyone else. But still I struggled to say yes. Looking into his eyes I could see both fear and agony mounting with every moment that passed by without an answer.
“I want to say yes. I’m in love with you and I want to spend my life with you. But…”
“But what?”
“I don’t have the same confidence you do that we have a future. You know Doc’s plan. I don’t. I don’t want to say yes to a future that might not happen.”
“Well then I guess it’s time I showed you Doc’s plan. If I do this, if I convince you that we have a future, then will you let me put this ring on your finger already?” He smiled at me.
“Yes,” I said hesitantly. I wanted to put the ring on. All I wanted was to believe we could have that future he was so confident of. I only hoped that by the end of his explaining the plan, I’d be just as convinced as he was.
He sat me down on the bench by the kitchen table. I waited for him as he rummaged through the glove compartment. He came back a moment later with a map. I watched with anticipation as he spread it over the table. I stared at the map for a moment and then finally shook my head. Maps had never made much sense to me. They looked like a bunch of squiggly lines, with way too much information to possibly process. I couldn’t even find where we were on the map. At least he didn’t make me wait in suspense as he pointed out our location.
“This here is the suburb we’re in. And this is where we’re going,” he said tracing a line towards a large body of water.
“We’re going to live by a lake. And how is that safer?”
He shook his head. “No we’re going to live on an Island on the lake. The infected don’t like water. It hurts their sensitive skin. It’s perfect.” We’d learned that much just from our observations. And apparently in the time Alex was completely coherent, he’d confirmed the fact to Doc. While they clearly could drink water, their outside skin was hypersensitive to moisture. Rain was irritating, but a large body of water was something they’d avoid at all costs. It felt like their skin was being stretched beyond its normal elasticity.
Seth pointed at a tiny spot of land in the middle of the lake, that was barely even noticeable. He answered the confused look on my face before I asked the question. “It’s bigger than it looks and it’s not just an Island, but a private Island. It’s sixteen acres and it belonged to an old colleague of Doc’s. The person who owned it started building a four thousand square foot mansion on the property; but was forced to stop when the war started. The basic structure of the building was completed. The roof, the walls, plumbing, even electrical and a solar system were installed, as well as a wind turbine. The interior is what needs to be finished and all the supplies for finishing it, are on the Island. And I know that we’re not exactly the best construction crew, but I’m positive we can figure it out. And in the meantime the place will protect us from the elements. And to top it all off, there’s an old cottage on the property as well as a fully functional greenhouse. So what do you think?”
His smile lit up his whole face with excitement. I stared at the map and went through everything he’d told me. The desire to believe, was strong in me. But I’d walked this path before and I couldn’t give into false hope. I needed to know everything. My mind searched for any possible weakness to this plan. “What about food? And what about when the lake freezes couldn’t the infected just walk across?”
“Doc thought about that as well. We have plenty of canned food with us, to get us through the winter months. Plus, we have fishing gear and there’s plenty of fish in the lake. The ocean wouldn’t be safe to eat the marine life because of the contamination, but the lakes were a high enough priority for the government, that had taken control of the area. They knew they needed to protect our limited resources, so they put research into saving our lakes and they were able to eliminate all contamination. The water is safe to drink and the fish safe to eat. And as for the lake freezing, it doesn’t, at least not fully. Global warming has seen to that. If they were to attempt crossing the lake, they’d fall in.”
As I shivered by the map, I really wondered how warm the globe could have really gotten. But if Doc believed that this Island was safe, that we would be safe. Then despite all my fears and reservations I believed too. Doc had been studying the infected long before he ever met me. I only wished that when they first brought up the subject, I’d been more interested. Knowing your enemy was the key to safety. I didn’t know them, not really. All I knew was how to hide and run from them. But Doc and Seth did know them because they’d taken the time to actually try to understand.
Seth sat nervously waiting for me to say something to him. In response I moved myself in closer to him and placed my hand in front of his. “I think I’d like it if you put the ring on my finger now.”
His face lit up even brighter, all nerves disappeared as he slid the ring onto my finger with confidence. I pressed my lips against his, allowing myself to feel safe with him. The fear, anxiety I’d felt all day, vanished the moment his lips kissed mine. He pulled me in closer to him. His body pressed so close to mine, was almost enough to take the cold right out of me…almost.
I shivered in spite of myself. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “You must be freezing. Hold on I think there’s a heater in the bedroom.” He leapt up out of his seat before I had a chance to protest. I just wanted his lips back on mine.
I sat rubbing my hands together trying to push warmth into them as Seth fumbled with the door back at the bedroom of the R.V. I heard the door open crashing into something, perhaps a wall, or dresser. “Seriously, Clara,” he mumbled. In his voice I could hear both humour and irritation. My curiosity was peeked.
I hopped up out of the bench seating and headed towards the bedroom to see what was going on. Seth heard me coming and quickly moved himself out of the room closing the door behind him. In his rush he’d left the heater in the room, which I was positive was on. The room behind the door felt toasty warm.
“What did she do now?” I asked curiously, trying to sneak past Seth to open the door.
“No you don’t need to go in there. I didn’t ask her to do that. Or even insinuate that I needed
anything of the sort. Let’s just head back to the others. We really should get some more rest.”
“Okay, if you insist,” I lied to Seth turning around so he wouldn’t see the fib on my face. It worked. He believed me. He was just moving beside me and making his move to hold my hand, when I ducked around him and rushed the door opening it up.
“No!” he whisper-shouted as I walked into the candle lit room. This room had even more candles than the rest of the R.V. And that wasn’t the only romantic thing Clara had set up. Somehow, she’d gotten a hold of silk flowers, how or when, I had no idea. She’d torn the pedals off and strewn them all over the floor and bed. The package of condoms on the bed, was an even less subtle hint towards what she thought would happen after Seth’s successful proposal.
I turned around to face Seth, who was redder than I’d ever seen him. He put his hands over his eyes hiding from my response, which judging by his reaction I was sure he thought it would be bad. I burst out laughing. “You should see your face.”
“You’re not mad?” He asked nervously.
I slowly moved towards him, wrapped my arms around his neck, pulled him in and gave him one small sweet kiss on the lips. I shook my head. “Not in the least. Now had you brought me in here first, then yes, I would have been pissed. But after everything you’ve said tonight…no, it’s just the opposite. I’m actually thinking I might have to thank Clara later.”
“Thank her? For what?”
“For setting us up. After all I think it would be a shame to let all of this go to waste. Don’t you?” I pressed my lips back against his as I pulled him in even closer, leaving barely any space between us.
“Wait,” he said pulling away from my kiss. I dropped my arms down to my sides in frustration. Here we went again. He was right. The back and forth thing was really annoying. “You’re misunderstanding me. Trust me, I very much want to, but do you? Are you just doing this because I proposed or are you just trying to forget?”
After all we’d been through in the past twenty-four hours, I really couldn’t blame him for thinking I’d want to do that. But it was the furthest thing from my mind.
I moved back towards him as seductively as I could, though I wasn’t really sure how one really pulled off being sexy. I placed my hand on his cheek. “I’m doing this because I want to. I’ve wanted to be with you like this, for a while now. Things just kept getting in the way. But that’s done now and I’m not going to let it happen ever again.” I moved in to kiss him again, but again he pulled away.
“Are you positive? I don’t think I could handle another let down. So I need to know you’re positive.”
I smiled at him as I bit my lip. In one swift motion I pulled my shirt up over my head and tossed it at him. “Is that sure enough for you?” He only held the shocked look on his face for a moment, before his lips curved up into a huge grin. He tossed my shirt on the floor and pulled me in by the waist as his lips pressed against mine with a fierce passion, that caused vibrations of ecstasy to travel through every cell of my body. It was a passion I’d only ever experienced with Seth. He was the only one who’d ever kissed me with a kiss that transcended physical desire. It was love in its purest form. Yes, he wanted to be with me, but it wasn’t just about sex. It was about being as connected as two people could be. I knew he loved me, simply by the way he kissed me.
We only pulled our lips a part for brief moments of oxygen refueling and for the removing of clothes of course. I pulled his shirt up over his head, it fell to the floor as his arms wrapped back around me. He started tugging at the drawstring of my pajama pants. “Wait,” I said trying to catch my breath.
“Do you need to slow down? We can slow down if you want to.”
“That’s not it,” I replied as I pulled his pants down to the floor. “I just want to get this stupid cast off first. It’s going to get in the way.”
“Oh,” he replied as he lifted me up gently placing me on the bed. He helped unclasp the cast and then placed it gently on top of the dresser. “Better?” he asked.
“Much better.”
“Good,” he said as he pulled both my pants and underwear down in one quick motion. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips as he let his boxer briefs fall to the floor. I scooted up towards the pillows as he crawled after me.
As my back fell against the bed a sharp pain between my shoulder blades caused me to sit right back up, with a small cry of pain. I reached behind myself and pulled out the box of condoms. “Only twelve. I guess we better make them count,” I said biting my lip. I placed them on the night table beside the bed as Seth laid his body on top of mine.
“It should last a day or two at least,” he replied smiling as his lips embraced mine once again. His hands gently traced every inch of my body sending warm sparks radiating throughout me. As we kissed and explored each other, we made our way under the covers.
“Are you cold?” he asked noticing the shiver I’d been desperately trying to hide.
I shook my head. It was weird. He was the virgin here, but he was acting so confident, and I on the other hand was so nervous. I’d built the moment up in my head so much and I was worried it wouldn’t be what he expected. I may have had experience but that didn’t mean I was experienced. I might as well have been a virgin too. I just wanted it to be perfect.
“I’m a little nervous too,” he replied even though I never actually answered him. I both loved and hated how he could read me so well. “I figure if we don’t get it quite right this time we’ll just have to try again, and again, and again,” he said as he kissed his way down my neck trailing a path to my breast. The shaking died down as a wave of excitement took back over. He was right. We would just have to keep at it, until we got good at it. I loved the sound of that.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
After, as I lie in his arms, basking in the glow with our hands intertwined. I couldn’t help but feel pure joy. All the nerves, the anticipation, it had all been worth it. And as for my fear, that it wouldn’t live up to my expectations I’d set. I was completely off base. It was so much better. I was pretty sure I knew the reason why too. It was better than what I’d experienced with Alex, for two reasons. One I wasn’t hurting, but even more importantly than that, it was because I loved Seth and he loved me. When I had sex with Alex, that was all it was, sex. But with Seth, we actually made love and that surpassed anything I could have expected.
We should have both been exhausted. We’d had a long few days and they weren’t over. Tonight, we’d both have a lookout shift to take. What we needed more than anything was sleep, but neither one of us wanted to do that and miss out on one moment of this.
Silence filled the room, but it wasn’t awkward. Neither one of us felt the need to say anything. I’d experienced moments of peace in my life, but nothing that came anywhere near this. If only it could be like this always. I knew that it couldn’t. We’d have to face reality soon enough, but I wanted to push that away for as long as I could.
“What are you thinking about?” Seth asked breaking the silence.
“Things,” I replied coyly.
He gently traced the outline of my new ring. “Good things I hope.” I smiled back in response. “Jane helped me pick it out,” he said touching the diamond. “I hope it’s okay. I figured if I brought Clara, she’d be looking for a ring for her, not for you. If you don’t like it, we could go look around later. They had tons in the shop. The shop keeper was smart. He had it all locked up pretty good. Not good enough for me though.”
“I love it,” I said leaning against my elbow, so I could look him in the eyes. “It’s perfect. Jane was the right one to pick. If you had of chosen Clara, it would have been some hideous giant of a solitaire or a ring smothered in diamonds. I’m not sure which would have been worse. No, this one is perfect.” I leaned down to kiss his lips. When I pulled away, he was smiling back up at me.
“I’m relieved. Pick the wrong one and it could have been all off.”
I sho
ok my head. “I didn’t need a ring to marry you. Those are old customs. All I need is you.”
He rolled over towards , gently pushing my head back on the pillow. “Well then I can always return it to the store safe,” he teased.
I shook my head and pretended to protect my precious new acquisition behind my back. “No take-backs.”
He reached for my hand and the other one at the same time, pulling them above my head, holding them gently against the pillow. The way he looked at me, sent that same spark I’d experienced earlier, travelling through my whole body. He leaned in and kissed my lips softly, sweetly. The way his kiss slowly intensified, I knew where it was going. He was ready for round two and so was I.
I pulled my hand out from his grip and reached for the box of condoms. But he stopped me, before my hand could pull one out. I stared at him with a look of confusion. “We don’t need to use those. It’s not like either of us has anything we need to protect the other from.”
“That’s not only what they’re used for.”
“Would us having a baby be the worst thing?”
I looked at him trying to figure out if he was joking or not, but all I saw was stone cold seriousness in his eyes. I pulled away from him as I yanked the blankets up. He looked a little hurt as he pulled himself up to sit beside me. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’ve never been more serious. I’d never considered it before, given the nature of this world. But now that real safety is within our reach, I don’t see why not.”
“Seth even if I was sure that I wanted kids, which I’m not, I still don’t think it’s safe. And it’s not because of the infected. I believe this island will be our sanctuary, but that still doesn’t mean it would be safe for me to have a child or any other woman in our group. We no longer have a doctor to monitor a pregnancy or deliver a baby. My mother nearly bled out giving birth to me. She was lucky that the midwife was able to get an ambulance to our home so quickly.”
Seeking Daylight Page 37