“No,” I sigh. “But who is she, Lincoln? Why is she here, and why was she looking at you like that?”
“Like what?”
Is he blind? “Like she’s in love with you.”
His head drops forward. “She’s not in love with me. Not any more.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“We have a past.”
I want to ask what kind of past, but I already know the answer, and I really don’t want to hear him say it.
Running his hand through his hair, Lincoln looks up and leans back in the chair. “We dated in high school and for a little while after.”
“For how long?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.”
“Three years. We broke up because I couldn’t give her what she wanted.”
“What did she want?”
“What you and I have,” he says thoughtfully, tilting his head to the side.
My heart calms down. “Why is she here?”
“She’s Roy’s youngest daughter.”
I think back to the night Lincoln came home drunk. He stayed here and hung out with his buddies, and she gave him a ride home. Which means she was here hanging out too. “She gave you a ride home the night I showed up at your house.”
He nods. “But she wasn’t here the whole time. She showed up late, and since she was the only sober one, she gave several of us a ride.”
“So you see her a lot?”
“She’s here a lot, yes. She’s also one of Chloe’s best friends and new roommate.”
“Of course she is.” I sigh. “That’s where you were yesterday with Chloe.”
Lincoln lifts a brow. “Are you jealous?”
“Yes, I’m jealous,” I growl. “You told me I’m not allowed to come here, that it’s not safe, and then I find you in here alone with her, talking and laughing. And now I find out you two have history. So, yes, I’m jealous.”
He opens his legs and holds out his hand. “Come here.”
Sitting my purse on a chair, I walk toward him and stand between his legs. As soon as he touches me, I breathe a sigh of relief. This is what I needed. Comfort. Acceptance. To know I can come here and touch him the way he touched me in front of my friends last night. I sag against him. Lincoln tugs me onto his lap and swings my legs so they’re draped across his.
“You have nothing to be jealous of,” he says, rubbing a hand down my back. “Rose is part of my past; I can’t change that. And I can’t change that she’s one of Chloe’s best friends. But I promise you that nothing will ever happen with her. You’re all I see, Adley.”
His face is so close to mine. The scruff on his jaw has grown out, and he smells of sweat and spice. He’s sexy in his jogging pants and black T-shirt, and I wish I could erase the way I feel about Rose. It’ll be hard knowing she gets to spend time with him here, but I’m going to find a way to get over it, the same way he has to deal with the guys in my study group.
“I don’t like that she gets to come here and see you, and I don’t.”
“And I don’t like that you came here when I specifically told you not to.”
“Why?”
“You know why. We’ve talked about this. It isn’t safe. This is a horrible part of town, and a lot of the guys linger after their workouts to drink and hang out. After dark, mostly everyone in here is drunk or stoned.”
“Yeah, I know,” I mumble.
That gets his attention.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shake my head. “Nothing, I just had a little run in with someone out front when I got here.”
Lincoln’s eyes are fierce, his jaw ticking as he works it back and forth. “Did someone touch you?”
“No.”
“Threaten you?”
Damn it, I shouldn’t have said anything. Now he’s never going to let me come back. “No. Nothing like that. It’s fine, really. He just made a comment about whether or not Rose knows I’m your girlfriend.”
Lincoln nods tightly, accepting my answer, and wraps his arms around me. “She knows.”
“Really? Are you sure about that? Because she was looking awfully cozy a few minutes ago.”
“Trust me, she knows.”
“Good.”
“I can’t control whether or not she comes here. Her dad owns the place.”
“I know. It just bothers me that she gets to be here—gets to know this side of you—and I don’t.”
“Why would you want to be here?” he asks.
19
Lincoln
“Because you’re here,” Adley answers softly. “I want to be part of this. You don’t talk to me about work. You don’t talk about your childhood or your parents or anything outside of what’s happening when we’re together. I’ve finally got you, but I don’t really have you. You keep parts of your life hidden from me, and I hate that.”
Resting my forehead on Adley’s shoulder, I take a deep breath. There are horrible things about my life. Things only Chloe knows. I’ve thought about telling Adley more about my background several times over the last few months, but I don’t want her to look at me differently or feel sorry for me. Yes, it’s a weight on my shoulders that I can’t seem to shake. The memories of my childhood are always there, dictating certain parts of my life. It’s something I have to talk to her about sooner or later.
Maybe sooner is now.
I’ve been waiting for the right moment, and what’s that saying? There’s no better time than now.
“My life outside of you isn’t pretty,” I say before I lose the courage.
“I don’t care what it looks like. If it’s a part of you, it’s part of me. Let me in, Lincoln.”
Shifting her off my lap, I move across the room. “My parents used to beat the shit out of me and Chloe.”
Adley gasps, and I don’t turn around to see the look on her face. Because if I see pity, it’ll fuckin’ kill me.
“It wasn’t always bad. I have a few good memories. But I’ll never forget the first night my mother backhanded me.”
“I can’t fathom a mother doing that to her child.”
“She wasn’t my mother—not the mother I’d known at least. I guess being a parent got the best of her. She started drinking heavily. When she came home drunk, she was an entirely different person. The smallest things would set her off. The first time she backhanded me, I didn’t know what to think. It shocked the hell out of me. She cried and begged me to forgive her. She promised it wouldn’t happen again.”
“What did your dad say?”
“Nothing. I think that hurt worse than her slap.”
I finally turn around to look at Adley. Her eyes are filled with tears.
“Her drunken rages became more frequent. There were nights she didn’t come home at all.”
“Where would she go?”
“Who knows. Word around town is she was whoring herself out. Who the fuck knows. That’s when dad’s drinking escalated, too. Then one night she stumbled in at three o’clock in the morning. Chloe was crying. She had been running a fever, and I was trying to get her back to sleep. Mom was pissed because we were making too much noise, and that was the first time she hit Chloe. It was also the first time I fought back.”
The sound of Chloe’s cries that night are forever engrained in my head. If I close my eyes, I can still smell the stale beer and cigarettes on Mom’s breath.
“What happened?”
“I threw myself on her back. She was wasted, so it didn’t take much for me to knock her over. Dad was pissed. He had been up drinking, frustrated that Mom hadn’t come home earlier, so he was just as drunk as she was, if not worse. He came after me with the belt. Ripped my back to shreds.”
“The pictures,” Adley breathes.
Her words are soft, but they ring loud in my head. My body freezes, and she brushes a tear from her face.
“What pictures?” I ask, cautiously.
“The
ones in your closet. Please don’t be mad at me. I wasn’t trying to snoop.” She rushes to explain. “I was hanging up clothes, and I accidentally knocked it over. A few things fell out and well… Once I saw the first picture, I couldn’t help but look.”
Closing my eyes, I squeeze the bridge of my nose.
“Are you mad at me?”
I shake my head and look up. “No, I’m not mad.”
Her shoulders relax, but her eyes are still glossy and bright. “What happened? Did you end up in the hospital or—”
“The school called DCFS. I was covered in bruises. The state showed up and yanked me out of school within an hour. Chloe and I both ended up at the hospital. They put us into foster care for a few months while Mom and Dad were investigated. I don’t know much of what happened, just that we ended up back in that hellhole.”
“Things didn’t get better after that?”
“Fuck, no,” I scoff. “Things only got worse.”
“Why do you keep the photos?” she asks.
“As a reminder of who my parents were. Dad has been sober for a little over six weeks. The other day I went over there and he was an entirely different person—like the dad I remember from all those years ago. He was looking at old photos and reminiscing, and I felt myself starting to open up, wanting to recapture the essence of who he was and who he can be. But I know it’s temporary. He’ll most likely fall off the wagon, because that’s what he does. The pictures remind me not to get too invested; they remind me that I can forgive, but I sure as hell can’t forget. They’re also there to remind me I don’t ever want to be like him.”
Adley shakes her head adamantly. “You will never be like your parents.”
“I don’t know about that. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with everything going on in my life, and I find myself reaching for the bottle, desperate to drown everything out. That’s how it started for them.”
“But you’re stronger than they were. And you’re so careful. You’ll never turn out like that because I know you.” Adley stands and moves toward me, her eyes fierce. “You’re a wonderful man, Lincoln.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Adley closes the distance between us. “You still take care of your father after everything he put you through. That alone makes you a goddamn saint.”
“Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to walk away?” I snap. “There are moments I’ve wanted to say fuck it and let him worry about his own damn groceries and how he’s going to pay the bills.”
“Why don’t you? No one would blame you.”
“Because I’m better than him,” I growl.
Adley smiles. “Damn right you are. You’re so much better than him. I know it, and you know it. You’re strong and determined.”
I don’t feel strong or determined. Utterly exhausted, I walk back to the chair and sit down. Burying my face in my hands, I sigh. But it feels good to talk about this shit, to get it off my chest with someone other than Chloe.
I stiffen when Adley places a hand on my back, but quickly relax under her touch.
“What happened to your mom?” she asks, replacing her hand with her lips. And when she wraps her arms around me, I nearly lose it. She’s offering me comfort—something no woman, other than Chloe, has ever done.
“One day she walked out. We never saw her again.”
I don’t tell her the details of that day, or the horrible insults she threw at me and Chloe. Her parting words—though they’re always with me—don’t matter.
“Dad got worse after she left. Something inside of him snapped. The beatings became more frequent, the drinking got worse, and then one day when I was about sixteen, I fought back. He was angry after that, but he never raised a hand to us again. I think he knew I’d fucking kill him.”
Lifting my head from my hands, I turn and look at Adley. Tears are rolling down her cheeks, and I brush them away.
“Please don’t cry.”
“I just hate that you went through that.” Her voice cracks on the last word, and I pull her into my lap. “I wish I could take some of the pain away for you.”
“You make the pain better,” I say, cradling her face in my hands.
Adley presses her cheek to my palm and closes her eyes.
If I hadn’t already been falling for her, I would be now.
I was keeping parts of my life from Adley in an attempt to protect her. I see now that was a mistake. I want to be involved in every part of her life, and if she feels even a fraction for me of what I feel for her, then I’m sure she wants the same.
“You can come here any time,” I tell her. “Just promise me two things.”
Adley lifts her head, her face blotchy from crying. “Anything.”
“Never come alone after dark.”
“Done.”
I laugh at how easily she complies. “And make sure I know you’re coming.”
“So I don’t catch you alone with Rose?”
She shouldn’t even be thinking about Rose. Rose doesn’t hold a candle to Adley. Never has, never will. But it does feel damn good to have the woman I care for get all jealous.
I pinch her side, and Adley laughs.
“No, so I can be waiting for you. If any of these fuckers even look at you the wrong way, I’ll kill them.”
“That’s how I feel about Rose.”
“She’s not a bad person.”
“I’m sure she’s not, but I don’t want her touching you. Next time she falls, call Roy.”
“Deal,” I say, fighting a smile. “I like this jealous side of you.”
“I’m serious, Lincoln. I don’t want you alone with her.”
“Okay.” Leaning forward, I kiss her. “So now’s the time I should probably tell you she’s throwing a graduation party for Chloe next Saturday.”
“Damn.” She frowns.
“What?”
“She sounds like a good friend to Chloe.”
“She is. And she’s not a threat to you, I promise. Come with me.”
“To the graduation party?” Adley sits up a little straighter as though she’s surprised.
“You’re my girl. I think it’s about time I show you off.”
“I like the sound of that.”
Adley runs her fingers through my hair and kisses me long, slow, and deep.
When we separate, my eyes find the bag on the desk. “I think our food is cold.”
“That’s okay. At least everyone else got to eat warm food.”
“Everyone else?”
She smiles. “I brought everyone dinner.”
“You did?”
She shrugs. “I was just trying to be nice. And maybe I wanted everyone to like me.”
“They’re men. They’re going to love you. Forget what I said; you can’t come here ever again.”
“Oh no,” she laughs, poking me in the chest. “You already said I could come. You can’t take that back.”
“Fine,” I say, cupping the back of her neck. “But from now on, the only person you buy food for is me. You don’t need to impress those fuckers. You’ve already impressed the hell out of me. I don’t like to share.” I end my little rant with a kiss.
“Noted,” she mumbles against my lips.
My stomach picks that moment to growl, and Adley gets up and grabs the food. “I got your favorite.”
Pulling napkins from the bag, she lays them out on the desk. I unwrap my roast beef sandwich and take a bite.
Adley curls her nose up and stares at her sandwich for a few seconds.
“Everything okay? Did they get your order wrong?”
“No,” she says, shaking her head, her face going a little pale. “I’m okay. The smell of onion is really pungent, and it got to me for a second.”
“Take ’em off.”
She lifts the bun from her cheeseburger, pulls off the onions, and drops them in the bag. Within a few seconds her color comes back, and she sniffs her sandwich before taking a bite.
“W
hy are you staring at me,” she asks.
I shake my head. “I just like watching you, that’s all.”
“You might change your mind when you see how fast I devour this burger.” She growls and takes a hefty bite.
This is one of the things I enjoy about Adley. She’ll always choose the greasy burger over a salad.
“Doubtful,” I say, laughing when she moans around the food in her mouth, clearly no longer fazed by the onions. “Adley?”
She swallows before answering. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for coming here tonight.”
Picking up a napkin, she dabs the corners of her mouth and leans in until her lips brush lightly over mine.
“Some moments need more than words, and I feel like this is one of those times. I’m just going to kiss you, okay?”
I nod and bring her mouth back to mine.
20
Adley
“Which complication of cardiac catheterization should the nurse monitor for the initial twenty-four hours after the procedure? A) angina at rest. B) thrombus formation. C) dizziness. D) falling blood pressure.”
Abby opens her mouth to respond and then smiles when her eyes land on something over my shoulder. I spin around to see Lincoln walking toward us.
He smiles and leans down to kiss my cheek. “I hope you don’t mind me interrupting.”
“Never,” Abby sighs, resting her chin on her hand. “Feel free to join our study group any time. But next time, maybe you could wear those leather chaps?”
Lincoln grins.
“Did you get done with work early?” I ask.
Lincoln has never sought me out during a study session. Not that I mind.
“I did.” He glances at the book in front of me. “Are you about done?”
“We’re done.” Abby reaches across the table and shuts my book for me. “Thrombus formation.”
“Huh?” I say, scrunching my nose.
“That’s the answer to the question you just asked. The nurse would monitor for thrombus formation.”
“Right.” I shake my head and look at Lincoln. “Looks like I’m done. What’d you have in mind?”
“You’ll see,” he says, tucking my book in my bag, along with the other papers scattered across the table.
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