He just couldn’t kiss her again.
Too dangerous.
Chance shoved the bag over and sank down onto the couch that converted into a bed. Why had he ruined a wonderful day by kissing her like that? Why had he poured his heart into it?
I find a few moments of peace earlier in church, and all of a sudden I’m wanting to build a life with Tanya and Crystal. Leaning forward, he buried his hands in his hair and stared at the floor. He hadn’t come to Sweetwater to get involved romantically with anyone, especially Tom’s wife.
He’d had a family once. He couldn’t go through losing another. Lord, I’m asking for Your help. Stop these feelings for Tanya from growing. I don’t want to care about her like that. I want to help her, then I want to leave. Please, God, that is the only way.
* * *
After finishing the last sip of coffee, Tanya cupped her chin in her hand and rested her elbow on her kitchen table. “Jesse, Christmas is ten days away and I can’t think of a thing to get Chance. He’s gonna have dinner with Crystal and me on Christmas Day. He’s gotta have something under the tree. Buying him something like clothes doesn’t convey what I want to convey.”
Jesse relaxed back in the chair opposite her. “And what do you want to convey?”
“I…” Tanya toyed with the rim of her mug, running her finger around and around it. What did she want to convey? Everything she had looked at in the store hadn’t seemed right. She didn’t know why but each time she had gone shopping she had come away empty-handed. “I’m not sure. I guess I want to thank him for helping out with Crystal.”
Jesse quirked a brow. “Is that all?”
She sat up straight. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re only thinking of Crystal?”
“Okay, I want to thank him for being my friend, too.”
“Just a friend?”
Tanya huffed. “Don’t you start matchmaking, Jesse Blackburn. We are friends. Nothing more.” She had to keep reminding herself of that in spite of the kiss they had shared recently, or when he left, she would fall apart. She’d done enough of that in the past four years to last a lifetime.
“For being just friends, you two have been spending a lot of time together lately.”
“Look, we haven’t even seen each other since last Sunday when we decorated the tree. He’s been busy. I’ve been busy. We haven’t had a chance even to jog because of the weather.”
“That’s only five days.”
“Six. Today’s Saturday.” Tanya stood and took her mug over to the sink, needing to move, to do something to keep herself from dwelling on the six long days she hadn’t seen Chance except in passing. Crystal had seen him at the center a lot more than she had.
“Today isn’t over yet.” Jesse brought her mug to the counter and lounged back against it.
“Where did he and Nick go?”
“Can’t say.”
Tanya spun around and faced her with a hand plunked on her waist. “Jesse, you can’t keep a secret from me.”
“Sorry. He needed Nick’s SUV. That’s all I know. They wouldn’t even tell me.”
“He could have borrowed my van.”
“He thought you might need it.” Her friend crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side. “Now, back to your problem. What to get Chance for Christmas. Does he have any hobbies?”
“Besides jogging, which I don’t consider a hobby, I can’t think of anything. He’s either working or helping out at the center or—” Tanya glanced out the window over the sink “—helping Crystal and me.”
“Well, I guess you two are his hobby.” Jesse laughed.
“You aren’t helping.”
“Sorry. Back to your dilemma. Why not do something for him?”
“What? His apartment is sparse and always clean. He—” Two ideas began to form in her mind. Tanya turned away, taking Jesse’s mug and rinsing it out before putting both of them in the dishwasher. “Come to think of it, there is something I could do.”
“What?”
“He needs his own tree. His apartment might as well be a motel room. I have a key and both him and Nick are gonna be gone all afternoon. Want to help me get a small tree and decorate it? I have leftover ornaments that I didn’t have room for on mine.”
Jesse pushed away from the counter. “Sure. I’m game. Do you think he’ll be okay with you using your key?”
“He knows I have it and doesn’t mind. Personally I don’t even think he sees that apartment as his place. I just want to spread a little joy. He’s made the past few months so much easier for Crystal and me.” Although he’d declared last Sunday he didn’t spend much time in his apartment, she wanted him to enjoy the holidays even when he was there.
“Well, then we’ve got some work to do.”
* * *
Later that afternoon, Tanya paced her kitchen, glancing at the clock every few minutes. Restless energy surged through her. She couldn’t sit. She couldn’t do anything until she knew what Chance thought of his Christmas tree.
Reflecting back over the day, she recalled the letter she had seen lying on his kitchen table from the district attorney in Louisville about the trial of the man who had killed his wife and daughter. While setting the box of ornaments down, she had glimpsed the date of the trial before she realized what she was looking at. She’d quickly averted her gaze, but guilt had taken hold of her. Although she had known about the impending trial, seeing the date written in black and white made it very real and looming.
At first she had wanted to leave and hoped that Chance didn’t figure out that she’d been in his apartment. But the damage had been done. She’d seen the letter and couldn’t ignore what Chance would be going through in less than a month. All the old hurts would be exposed again. The least she could do was give him something festive to look at when he awakened each morning—and her apology for intruding.
Nick’s SUV pulled into the driveway as it started to get dark. In the headlights Tanya saw snowflakes falling. The roads had been finally cleared today, and now it looked as if it would start all over again. She wasn’t distressed one bit. She loved the cold, the snow. Its soft white blanket made everything quiet and pristine as though God had laid a cover of pureness upon the earth.
She closed the blinds, turned away from the window and stared at her kitchen. She chewed her thumbnail. Should I go see him now? Or wait to see if he comes over here?
She didn’t know what to do. Fifteen minutes later when Chance hadn’t come to see her, she knew she had to go to him. Throwing on a sweater, she hurried across the yard and quickly climbed the stairs. Snow coated her hair and clothes as it began to fall harder. In another half an hour she would have to go pick up Crystal at the youth center. But for the time being, she needed to see Chance.
The door stood ajar a few inches. She knocked on it, causing it to swing inward a couple of more inches. Although Chance hadn’t responded to her knock, she glimpsed him sitting on the couch, staring at the tree as though in a trance, an expression of disbelief on his face.
“Chance?”
He blinked but didn’t glance toward her.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have come here without you knowing. I know what you said last time—”
He finally twisted completely toward her, a sheen in his eyes. His look, full of awe and something she couldn’t quite identify, snatched her words and breath.
She stepped into his apartment and closed the cold and snow out. “I wanted to surprise you.”
One corner of his mouth tilted upward. “That you did,” he murmured, his voice thick.
“Then you aren’t upset?”
He started to say something but had to clear his throat before he proceeded. “Upset? Until I came to Sweetwater, I hadn’t had man
y nice things done for me in a long time. That all changed the minute I stepped off that bus. You and your friends have welcomed me as though I was one of you.” He rose and waved his hand toward the lit tree. “And now this.”
“Then you like it?” She took another step farther into the room.
“Like it? I love the gesture, Tanya. If you had asked me, I would have told you no. In fact, I did. I didn’t think I needed anything for the holidays. But when I walked in here and saw the tree, I realized I was wrong.” Swallowing visibly, he made his way to her but stopped short of touching her.
She yearned for his arms to be around her, but he had kept his distance the past six days because of the kiss they had shared Sunday night. He didn’t have to come right out and tell her but she knew. He didn’t want to take their relationship beyond friendship, and she had to respect his wishes. She was determined to enjoy what he could offer her and mourn his loss when he left—not one minute before.
She smiled. “Good. It was a spur-of-the-moment plan. Jesse was over here, and I decided that you needed your very own tree after helping Crystal and me with ours. So Jesse helped me with it.”
“A few of those ornaments look familiar.”
“They should. They’re the ones I couldn’t use. I hope you don’t mind my castoffs.”
He peered at the three-foot pine sitting in the middle of his kitchen table with small twinkling lights and a few homemade balls interspersed among gold and red glittery ones hanging from the tree’s small branches. “Not at all.”
“I did buy that star at the top when I got the tree. I knew it would look perfect where it’s sitting.”
The gold sequined star blinked on and off, its soft light sending out a radiance that shone down on the whole small pine. Chance walked the few feet to the table and fingered the star.
“My own Star of Bethlehem, right here in my apartment.”
“It can be left on separately from the strand of lights.”
“Do you think it will help me find my way home?” Chance’s gaze fell to the letter not far from the tree. “Did you see they set the date for the trial?”
Suddenly, all emotion fled his voice, and Tanya shivered. “Yes,” she whispered as she realized she could say nothing else but the truth.
“I knew it would be soon after the first of the year. But until you see it on paper, it’s still an abstract event that will happen sometime in the future.”
The heaviness in her heart threatened to cut off her next breath. She’d thought the same thing. She drew in deeply and said, “Chance, I’ll help you any way I can. That’s the least I can do for all you’ve done for me and Crystal.”
He flinched as though she had hit him. Averting his face, he folded the letter, strode to a drawer and laid it inside.
Something coiled in her stomach. The tightness in her chest expanded. “Don’t shut me out. Please.” She remembered the times Tom had and what it had led to: her husband turning his anger outward and burning down horse barns. If only she could have reached Tom in time, maybe then things would have been different.
Chance pivoted. “What do you want me to say? The trial has been set. I knew it was coming. It really was no big surprise.” Scanning the apartment as though searching for a way to escape, he said, “Where’s Crystal?”
He was so good at letting her see small glimpses inside him, then slamming the door. Tanya wanted to demand he let her help him. But then that never worked. If he wasn’t ready, nothing she did would make a difference. “She’s at the center. I’ve got to pick her up—” she checked her watch “—now. I told Dane I would help with cleanup after the holiday party. It should be over soon.”
“I’ll ride with you.”
She walked toward his door. “You don’t have to.”
He leaned around her and turned the knob. “In case you didn’t notice when you came up here, it’s snowing. I would feel better if you would humor me and let me tag along.”
She shrugged and said, “Sure,” then darted out into the gently falling snow. “I just need to get my heavy coat.”
Fifteen minutes later, Tanya pulled into the handicapped parking space right in front of the youth center. She and Chance hurried up the steps and into the warm building. A few teens and their parents headed out of the gym, bundled up against the cold. Wilbur Thompson, with his grandson next to him, nodded at Tanya while he glared at Chance.
In spite of the icy greeting, Chance said, “Good evening, Wilbur, Tyler.”
Wilbur snorted. “There’s nothing good about it. It’s snowing again. This has got to set some kind of record for us.”
As the older man passed them in the foyer, Chance asked, “Do you need any help?”
For a step, Wilbur looked surprised by the offer, then he covered it by wrapping his scarf around his neck and murmuring, “No, Tyler can help me.”
“Just let me know if you do.” Chance started forward, nearing the large double doors.
“You may win Wilbur over before long,” Tanya whispered as she heard the Christmas music coming from the gym.
“I don’t know if that’s possible, but it won’t be because I didn’t try. There are still a few holdouts, but thanks to you and your friends, most people have accepted my presence here at the center.”
“I’m glad it doesn’t bother you working around teens.”
He paused, his hand on the swinging door. “Because of Haley? I can’t go through life avoiding kids who are the same age as she. If my daughter were alive, she would have loved a place like this.” He pushed the door open and moved into the gym.
Tanya followed him. Three months ago she wasn’t so sure Chance had felt that way. He’d been a little leery of Crystal at the beginning. Now she realized why. Crystal and Haley, if she had lived, were only a year apart in age.
Tanya searched the crowd of teens still at the holiday party and found her daughter with Amanda, Jane and Grant at one of the tables. The sound of Crystal’s laughter sweetened the air as Tanya walked toward her. Chance went in the other direction to see Dane.
“Mom, you’re early.”
“No, I’m a little late.”
Crystal looked down at her watch. “I guess you are. I didn’t realize it was so late.”
“Hello, Mrs. Bolton. We were talking about the presents Crystal gave us.” Grant held up a caricature of himself, showing him playing basketball with his head twice its normal size and his jersey number huge on the front. “Isn’t it neat?”
“Yes.” Tanya looked at her daughter. So that was what she had been working so hard on for the past few weeks.
“And here’s mine.” Jane showed her picture, which showcased Samuel’s daughter’s talent as an artist. “I’m gonna have to do this.”
Tanya saw others as some teenagers came over to thank Crystal. In each caricature her daughter had taken one of the teens’ talents and played it up. Sean’s was working with computers. Nate’s and Craig’s were their band. Amanda’s was talking on the phone.
“I need to check about cleaning up. I just wanted to let you know I was here,” Tanya said.
“We’ll be right here.” Jane took a sip of her hot chocolate. “Dad and Beth are in the kitchen, cleaning up.”
Tanya made her way to the kitchen where Samuel, Beth and Zoey were working. “Need any help in here?”
All three glanced at her and shook their heads while Zoey said, “Got everything under control. You might check with Dane.”
Back in the gym Tanya saw Dane and Chance directing some of the youths in cleaning up the trash left on the tables. More of the teenagers were leaving. Relieved they would be home before the snow caused too much trouble on the roads, Tanya walked toward Chance. She peered at Crystal and Amanda, who had begun to pick up the discarded paper cups, and glimpsed Holly stop by her daughter. Tanya t
ensed and made a detour toward Crystal. She wouldn’t allow that teen to ruin her daughter’s mood and this successful holiday party.
As Tanya neared Holly from behind, she heard the teenager say, “You’re really good at drawing. Thanks for the picture.”
Before Tanya could reach Crystal, Holly left, the caricature in the girl’s hand. All Tanya could make out of Holly’s picture was that the teen was portrayed in her cheerleading outfit with pompoms.
What her daughter had done touched Tanya. Her throat tightened. “You drew a caricature for everyone, even Holly?”
“Well, the ones who come regularly, and those I knew would be here tonight at the party,” Crystal said, peering after Holly as she slipped out of the gym. “She thanked me.”
“I heard.”
“For the past few weeks Holly has avoided me. I almost didn’t draw her, but that’s not what Jesus taught us. If I believe in Him then I can’t ignore His Word.” Her daughter’s mouth lifted in a sassy grin. “Even though I was sorely tempted. After I finished last night, I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I’m glad I did it.”
“Is everything okay here?” Chance asked, approaching them. “I saw Holly talking to you.”
Throwing a glance over her shoulder toward Grant helping Eddy clean up, Crystal smiled. “Yeah, everything is great!” Then she drove toward the large trash can to deposit the paper goods she had collected.
Obviously Grant Foster wasn’t unaware of her daughter any longer. More and more when she came to pick Crystal up at the youth center, she would find her talking with Grant. Perhaps he was discovering Crystal’s inner beauty as others were. “She continues to amaze me. My daughter gave Holly a gift.”
“And how did Holly feel about it?” Chance moved to the nearest table and held the plastic bag open while Tanya dumped the remains of the party into it.
“She was okay about it.”
“I guess Eddy and Jane’s intervention helped. If more people would stand up and say no to someone bullying another, then we wouldn’t have as much of a problem as we do.”
Tidings of Joy Page 16