by Marin Thomas
Isi hurried after him. “You don’t have to do this,” she said. “They’ll understand if I tell them you’re busy.”
He opened the truck door. “Isi?”
“What?”
“I’m not doing this for the boys.”
“You aren’t?”
He shook his head. “I’m doing it for me.”
“You’ve been dying to go to a carnival?”
“No.” He slid on his sunglasses then flashed a devil-may-care smile. “But it beats the heck out of getting bucked off a bull.”
As soon as Conway drove off, Javier’s “I’m hungry” snapped Isi out of her trance.
* * *
“HEY, DIXIE.” CONWAY climbed the farmhouse steps early Saturday morning and quietly walked to the end of the porch where his sister, the baby of the Cash clan, sat on the swing with her three-month-old son, Nathan. He leaned against the rail and whispered, “How’s the little guy doing?”
“He finally fell asleep.”
Nate had been colicky since birth, but Dixie’s husband, Gavin, had the patience of a saint and walked the floors with the baby. Keeping his voice low, he asked, “Has he been up all night?”
“Yes. I took over walking him an hour ago so Gavin could sleep.”
Conway peered at the fuzzy dark head. “I can’t believe he’s got all that hair.”
His sister released a deep sigh.
“What’s wrong?”
“I never thought I’d say this, Conway, but I’m ready to buy a house in Yuma. Commuting to the gift shop every day with the baby is too exhausting.”
“But you love this place.” Their grandmother had willed the farmhouse to Dixie, trusting her granddaughter to keep it in the family.
“After Nate was born I realized it’s the memories of growing up here that I love most. The house is only walls and doorways and light switches. It’s what went on in each of the rooms that will stay with me the rest of my life.”
“Is Gavin pushing you to move to Yuma?” Conway’s brother-in-law worked for the city on water reclamation projects and spent most of his day in his truck driving to various sites.
“Not at all. But it seems like the only time Gavin sees Nate is in the middle of the night when he’s crying. And maybe if Nate didn’t have to spend so much time in the car, he might sleep better.”
“What do you want to do with the house? Rent or sell?”
“Neither.”
Conway gaped at his sister. “You made us all move out because you and Gavin wanted privacy. Now it’s going to sit empty?”
“I thought maybe Johnny and Shannon might want the house.”
“Johnny works at the Triple D. It wouldn’t make sense for them to drive back to the ranch every day when Johnny’s out of bed at the crack of dawn feeding cattle.”
“Okay, then whichever of my brothers marries next can lay claim to the house.”
“The place will sit empty forever.”
“Considering how picky you are when it comes to women, you’ll never get the chance to live in this house.”
“What do you mean picky?”
“Women swoon when you walk by them.” Dixie smiled. “But you find fault with every female you date.”
It wasn’t that he found anything wrong with his dates, it was that the ladies weren’t always truthful with him when they claimed to be on board with his no-kids itinerary. The women who’d said they didn’t want kids tried to change Conway’s mind after they’d gone out on several dates.
“I’m picky,” he said. “So what?”
“Does your father have anything to do with you not wanting kids?”
Dixie was too perceptive for her own good.
“Have you ever been in contact with your dad?” she asked.
“Nah.” He dropped his gaze so she wouldn’t catch him in a lie.
No one in the family knew that when Conway turned eighteen, he’d tracked down Zachary Johnson—the man who’d gotten his mother pregnant but had refused to marry her. Since Conway and his brothers had been fathered by different men, their mother had put her surname on all their birth certificates, but she’d listed Zachary Johnson as Conway’s father. Conway found the man working as a ranch hand on a spread in northern Arizona. To his surprise the man hadn’t been upset that Conway had found him. When asked why he’d walked out on Conway and his mother, his father said he hadn’t known how to stay. Zachary Johnson’s father and grandfather before him had all walked out on the women they’d gotten pregnant.
From that day forward he’d decided he wouldn’t be like his father or grandfather and abandon his children. The only way he could guarantee breaking that cycle was marrying a woman who didn’t want kids.
“Now that I have Nathan, I think it would be nice if he had a grandfather.”
“Nate’s got plenty of uncles.” An image of Miguel and Javier flashed before Conway’s eyes and he felt bad for the boys that their father wasn’t involved in their lives. The twins were still young, but it wouldn’t be long before they asked Isi why their father wanted nothing to do with them. Conway had been seven the first time he’d asked his mom that same question.
Nate began fussing and Conway held out his arms. “Give to him to me.”
The baby was the size of a football. “He’s getting fat—you’re feeding him too much.”
“Since when are you an expert on babies?”
“Hey, I can be objective, because I don’t intend to have kids.”
“You’d make a great father.”
He shook his head. “When I marry, I plan to spend all my free time with my wife.” That’s what he told everyone whenever the subject of marriage and kids came up. Better to have others believe he was selfish rather than admit he was afraid if he had kids he’d leave them high and dry for no good reason other than an inherited genetic instinct to flee.
“You’d feel differently if you had your own child,” Dixie said.
“I’m sure Nate will have plenty of cousins to play with in time.”
“You’d better get going if you want to catch up with Porter. He left for the rodeo a half hour ago.”
“I’m not going to the rodeo.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not telling.” He kissed the top of Nate’s fuzzy head. “He smells good on top, but his bottom stinks.” He handed his nephew back to Dixie.
She sniffed his diaper and made a face.
“I won’t have to worry.” He skipped down the steps.
“Worry about what?” Dixie called after him.
“My house smelling like baby vomit and dirty diapers.”
As he drove away from the farm, he reminded himself to stop at the bank once he got to Yuma. He sure hoped the pecan harvest was abundant this year—making amends for Isi’s broken nose was costing him a fortune.
Chapter Five
Conway stood in the middle of the Walmart parking lot holding the twins’ hands as they gazed up at the Ferris wheel while Isi waited in line to buy tickets for the ride.
“Have you ever been on a Ferris wheel?” he asked the boys.
Javier nodded, then Miguel said, “Our mom loves the Ferris wheel.”
As Conway watched the huge wheel rotate, its occupants waving to friends and family on the ground, he struggled to understand how he’d reached the age of twenty-eight and had yet to visit a Six Flags amusement park, SeaWorld, Disneyland or a circus.
He didn’t often allow his thoughts to drift back to his early childhood, because of memories he’d just as soon forget—a mother who’d been in and out of his life and a father who’d gone AWOL six months after his birth. His grandparents did their best to love seven grandchildren, but caring for their daughter’s brood had worn them out and stretched their
finances to the limit—there had never been extra money to take the family to a carnival.
Javier squeezed Conway’s hand. “Are you afraid?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been on a Ferris wheel.”
“We got a deal on the tickets,” Isi said when she joined them.
“What kind of deal?” he asked.
“Early-bird special—two-for-one.” She smiled. “That means there’s an extra ride in the budget.”
“Conway’s never been on a Ferris wheel, Mom,” Miguel said.
“Really?” Isi leaned in and whispered in Conway’s ear. “Are you afraid of heights?”
“I don’t know. Guess I’ll find out,” he said.
Isi smiled. “I’ll hold your hand.”
“Me, too,” Javier said.
After the riders got off, the carnival worker ushered the four of them into one seat, the boys squeezing between Isi and Conway. When the seat lurched forward, Conway clutched the safety bar across their laps. As they made their way to the top of the wheel, he decided he definitely didn’t like heights. Instead of staring at the ground he focused on Isi. He reached behind the boys’ heads and ran his finger lightly down her dainty nose. “No bump.”
“I was wondering when the swelling went down if I’d be left with a hockey player’s snout,” she said.
Isi was a pretty girl—any guy would be lucky to have her and the twins.
As long as it’s not you.
Startled by the voice in his head, he pulled his arm back and glanced down too quickly. His head spun and he closed his eyes.
The pressure of a tiny hand on his thigh forced his eyes open. Javier’s brow scrunched with worry and Conway grasped his fingers. Javier smiled, the gesture tweaking Conway’s heart. He pulled in a deep breath and stared straight ahead, spotting a hot air balloon in the distance. “Check that out, guys.” He pointed to the west.
“Can we ride in one of those, Mom?” Miguel asked.
“No, honey,” Isi said.
Miguel leaned in front of his brother. “Will you ride in a balloon with me, Conway?”
“Conway’s busy with his farm, Miguel,” Isi said before he could answer the boy.
After one more rotation, the ride ended. “What’s next?” Conway asked.
Javier motioned to a game booth where a girl held a giant stuffed polar bear. “Win us one of those, Conway.”
“Yeah—” Miguel chimed in “—win us a bear.”
Nothing like pressure. “Let’s go see.” Conway had been the second-string pitcher on his high-school baseball team—he ought to be able to knock over a few milk bottles.
“Five balls for five dollars! Everyone wins a prize!” The carnival worker shouted at the passing crowd.
“I might need a few warm-up throws,” Conway said. Ten dollars later, he still hadn’t thrown a strike.
“That’s okay, we don’t need a bear.” Javier was letting Conway off the hook and that made him feel worse.
“You can do it.” Miguel didn’t want Conway to give up.
“Boys, we’ve spent enough money. Let’s find a new game.” Isi attempted to steer the twins away from the booth.
Miguel wouldn’t be deterred. “Wait, Mom. Conway can do it.”
The boys had too much faith in him and he didn’t want to disappoint them. “I’ll give it one more try.” He handed the carnival worker a ten-dollar bill and ignored the soreness in his elbow as he wound up for the throw.
No luck. When the booth attendant handed Conway his last ball, he whispered, “Don’t throw so hard and hit the pin left of the center.”
Conway threw the ball and the milk bottles tumbled like dominos.
“You did it, Conway!” Miguel jumped up and down and Javier clapped his hands.
He high-fived the boys, relieved he hadn’t made a fool of himself in front of Isi.
Since when have you ever cared what Isi thinks of you?
Since he didn’t know when—he just did.
The game attendant handed the boys the huge polar bear, which had ended up costing Conway forty dollars. “I’ll take the bear to the truck.” He handed Isi a twenty. “Buy the boys some cotton candy and I’ll catch up with you.”
“Meet us at the Scrambler,” she said.
Later when Conway arrived at the ride, Isi said, “Perfect timing.” Their turn came, but she blocked Miguel from boarding first. “Let Conway sit on the end, then me, then you two.”
“You don’t want them to sit between us?” Conway asked.
“The person who boards first gets smashed the worst during this ride.”
With Isi pressed tightly against his side, it was impossible not to breathe in the scent of her perfume. Conway broke out in a sweat that had nothing to do with the sun beating down on his head.
The ride began, building momentum, pushing Isi’s body into his. He swore the friction between their limbs was going to set their clothes on fire. Her laughter rang out along with the boys, but Conway didn’t find anything funny about the feel of Isi’s breast rubbing his arm.
When the ride slowed down, her gaze connected with his. He’d lost himself in Isi’s eyes before but had never felt short of breath like he did now.
When the ride came to a complete stop, the attendant released the safety latch on the seat and they piled out. As they walked away, Conway heard someone call his name and he stopped. An attractive blonde waved a balloon in the air. Sara... He couldn’t recall her last name. Sara approached with a child in tow and Conway felt Isi stiffen next to him.
“Long time no see, Conway.”
“Sara, this is Isi and her sons Javier and Miguel. Isi, this is Sara...”
“Reynolds.” Sara stroked the girl’s hair. “My niece, Tiffany.”
“Nice to meet you,” Isi said, noticing Sara’s perplexed expression.
“I never expected to run into you at a kids’ carnival,” Sara said.
The lightbulb finally went off inside Isi’s head. Sara had been the woman Conway had dated this past February. He’d told Isi that he believed she’d been the one but like all the other women he’d pursued, Sara hadn’t been truthful in the beginning with him about wanting children. It wasn’t until they’d been together almost a month that she’d admitted she’d like a baby one day.
There was no mistaking the predatory gleam in Sara’s eye—obviously she believed Conway had changed his mind about children. Isi might as well set the woman straight. “Conway, take the boys to get a hot dog. I’ll catch up in a minute.”
Isi told herself she was looking out for Conway’s best interests and warning Sara away from him had nothing to do with her own growing feelings for the cowboy.
After Conway took Miguel and Javier by the hand and walked off, Sara asked, “Are you two dating?”
“No, we’re just friends.”
Sara sighed dramatically. “Conway and I dated for a brief time.”
“I know. You’re Miss February.” Isi enjoyed Sara’s startled expression. If she recalled correctly, Miss February had a killer body but was also spoiled and demanding. “Conway and I talk a lot.”
“He said he didn’t want kids. That’s why we broke up.”
Isi had advised Conway to be up front about his feelings toward children before he got serious with any woman.
“I don’t understand why he has such an aversion to kids. He seems comfortable with your boys,” Sara said.
“That’s because he’s not responsible for them.”
“Too bad. He’d make a great father.”
Isi agreed. She thought back to all their talks but couldn’t recall Conway ever revealing the reason behind his objection to fatherhood.
Sara dragged her gaze from Conway’s retreating figure. “He’s such a hott
ie.”
That was Conway—making women’s hearts throb all over southern Arizona. “I better go,” Isi said. “Nice meeting you, Sara.”
“You, too.”
As Isi hurried to catch up with Conway and the boys, she wondered if spending time with the twins would show him that having children could actually strengthen a couple’s relationship.
How would you know?
Fine. She didn’t know if her theory was right or wrong, but couldn’t a girl dream of finding a man who’d love her and be a loving father to her sons? The twins were Isi’s whole world and she’d never take a chance on a man who didn’t treat her sons as if they were his own.
Conway would never be that man, but it didn’t hurt to pretend they were a family—for today anyway.
* * *
“YOU THINK THEY’LL sleep through the night?” Conway asked when Isi tiptoed from the boys’ bedroom Saturday night.
“I hope so,” she said. “Are you in a hurry, or do you have time to sit outside and drink a glass of lemonade?”
“I’m not in a rush to leave.” Heck, his plans for the day had been shot a long time ago. He’d woken this morning, intending to take Isi and the boys to the carnival for a couple of hours, then head back to the farm to work. Instead, he’d spent the whole day with the little family. And he didn’t understand why that didn’t bother him more.
“Here you go.” She handed him a plastic cup filled with pink lemonade and they went outside on the porch. They sat in silence, listening to crickets chirp. A breeze blew the faint scent of Isi’s perfume past his nose, reminding him that he found her attractive, and nice and smart. And it depressed him. Why did all the perfect women either have kids or want them?
“Thank you for being kind to Miguel and Javier, Conway.”
“They’re good boys. You’ve done a great job raising them.” He tapped his cup against hers. “To superhero moms.”
“I was terrified when I brought the boys home from the hospital.”
Conway gaped at Isi.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“I just realized...”
“What?”
“I don’t know much about you and your family.”