by Marin Thomas
“But the farm is far away,” Javier said.
“Bandit will have plenty of room to run at the farm. When you and your mom visit him, you can spend all day there, if you want.”
“What if our mom won’t take us to see Bandit?” Miguel asked.
“Then I’ll bring him over to your house.” Right now he’d do just about anything to erase the sad expressions on the boys’ faces. “I promise I’ll take good care of Bandit for you.”
The trailer door opened and Isi stepped outside, her eyes darting between her sons. Javier hugged Bandit then set the puppy down and went inside. Miguel did the same, but as he passed his mother he glared and said, “You’re mean.”
“Isi, I’m sorry. I never meant for this to—”
She motioned to the storage shed. “Don’t forget the bags of dog food and other supplies you bought.”
So much for trying to make the boys’ Christmas special—he’d ruined it instead.
* * *
“IS NATE HAVING trouble sleeping again?” Conway asked Dixie as he climbed the porch steps.
“Yes.” His sister patted the empty spot next to her on the swing.
“Kind of chilly out here to be rocking him, isn’t it?”
“Nate’s plenty warm in his blanket, besides, the cooler air soothes him.”
They rocked in silence, until she said, “What’s troubling you?”
He didn’t know where to begin. When it came to spilling his guts...she was his baby sister and he didn’t share his problems with her.
“You’re in love with Isi,” she said.
“How did you—”
“I guessed you were in love with her at Thanksgiving. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her during dinner then you did everything possible to avoid her afterward. And when Will made a move on her playing football your skin actually turned green with jealousy.”
“It did not,” he said.
Dixie snorted. “You and Will had a tug-of-war match over Isi.”
“You noticed, huh?”
“Noticed? You guys almost yanked the poor woman’s arm off her body.” Dixie smiled. “I was beginning to think she and Will had feelings for each other then she went off with you on a walk.” She shifted Nate in her arms. “Is there some sort of love triangle going on between the three of you?”
“Isi told me she wanted to start dating and a coworker set her up with a guy who turned out to be a jerk so I said I’d find her a date.”
“So you asked Will to take her out.” Dixie chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
“You thought Will would be a safe date, didn’t you?”
“Heck, yeah.” Conway crossed his arms over his chest, not sure he liked opening up to his sister. “Will’s older. Mature. He’s not like younger guys who want jump into bed with—”
“Are you sure we’re talking about the same brother?”
“What do you mean?”
“Will is all those things you said, but don’t you remember he had a reputation in high school of being a bad boy?”
Conway thought back to those days and recalled his brother working three part-time jobs to save up enough money to buy a used Harley. The bike had been a babe magnet. “I forgot about the motorcycle.”
“I can tell you from my observations on Thanksgiving that Isi only has eyes for you.”
“She couldn’t escape fast enough after dinner when she went into the house to help you with the dishes,” Conway said.
“Men don’t get it. If a woman loves a man that she knows she’ll never have, she’s not going to torment herself and allow the guy to keep coming around.”
Was that why Isi told him to take the dog—because she’d been worried that he’d drop by the trailer to check on it?
“Isi’s a nice girl, Conway, and her boys are cute.” Dixie sighed. “But you’re not going to propose to her, are you?”
He shook his head.
“What are you afraid of?”
He’d never shared this story with any of his siblings—that he was willing to now, caught him off guard. “I think you were about fourteen when I found my father working as a ranch hand in northern Arizona.”
“What’s his name?”
“Zachary Johnson.”
“I’m guessing your visit didn’t go well, since you never mentioned it before now.”
Conway shook his head. “He said he’d tried to do right by me and Mom but after six months he cut out on us, because he’d felt trapped by the responsibility of raising all of us.”
“Did you ask him why he never visited you through the years?”
“He said he didn’t know anything about being a father. His old man had cut out on him and his mother, too. And his grandfather had done the same to his wife and child.”
“And you’re afraid if you make a commitment to Isi, you’ll end up running, too?”
That’s exactly what he thought, but hearing Dixie say it out loud twisted his stomach into knots.
“What if you’re nothing at all like your father?” she asked.
“Isi’s sons have already been ditched by one father. It would be cruel if I married Isi then discovered I wasn’t cut out to be a father and left her and the boys high and dry.”
“Do you love Isi?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Then don’t try—make it work.”
“You’re not listening to what I said.”
“I heard you. Did your father say he loved Mom?”
Conway thought back on their conversation. “I don’t think so.” He doubted his father had loved anyone.
“When you love a person with all your heart, everything’s on the table and everything’s possible.”
“What if I can’t stick it out?”
“What if you can? What if you stay, and you turn out to be the best husband and father any wife and children could ask for? Are you willing to sacrifice your love for Isi, because you’re afraid?”
Conway got up from the swing and walked to the end of the porch. “You make it sound simple.”
“Give yourself credit, Conway. You’re still here with the family.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you were a cut-and-run guy, you would have left us long ago. But you stayed.”
He’d never thought of it like that, but maybe his sister had a point.
“And you know why you didn’t leave?”
“I’m sure you’re dying to tell me,” he said, flashing a smile.
“Because you love us and we love you.”
Love. Was it possible that the four-letter word held more power over him than fear? “Miguel and Javier deserve a man who knows how to be a father. I’ve got no experience raising kids.” Shoot, he’d already made the mistake of buying the boys a dog and then taking it away from them. And look at the trouble he’d caused when he’d given Javier advice about fighting—the kid had gotten suspended from school.
“You may share your father’s genetics, but you also share genes with your brothers and Grandpa Ely. All of them have taught you dedication, caring and responsibility.”
What Dixie said made sense. Maybe the two genes would cancel each other out and Conway could start fresh and determine his own destiny.
“None of us had the best parents in the world, but I intend to love my son with everything inside me and hopefully my love will make up for my parenting mistakes.”
“I want to believe love is enough.” But he had an unproven track record.
“If your father would have apologized for abandoning you and asked for your forgiveness and an opportunity to be a part of your life, would you have given him a second chance?” Dixie asked.
Conway didn’t have to t
hink about his answer. “Yes.” Having a father, no matter when he came along in his life, was something he’d always wished for.
“There’s your answer, Conway. All a child really wants is to know they’re loved and that their parents care what happens to them.” Dixie smiled. “And you know what else?”
“What?”
“You already said you love Isi. Her sons are a part of her, so I know you love the boys, too.”
He swallowed hard. Yes, he cared about Javier and Miguel. Cared about their feelings. Worried over them being bullied at school and wanted to keep them safe from harm. All that caring added up to love.
“The boys don’t need a perfect father, Conway. They need a father to love them, faults and all, and not expect them to be perfect.” She stroked the top of Nate’s fuzzy head.
“I guess I have a lot to think about,” he said.
“Where’s Bandit?”
“Sleeping in the bunkhouse.”
Dixie smiled as she shook her head.
“What now?”
“You determined your own destiny when you bought the dog.”
“I’m not following.”
“Whether you realized it or not, you bought that dog to tie Isi and the boys to you.”
“You’re crazy.” His protest lacked conviction. He had been searching for a way to keep Isi in his life after he stopped babysitting the boys.
“Thanks for letting me bend your ear, Dix.” His sister had given him much to ponder.
“I don’t know if this will help you decide what to do about Isi, but now that Gavin and I are moving into Yuma, the farmhouse will be empty. Grandma Ada would want it to be filled with children again.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I’m giving you first dibs on the house, but don’t take long to decide. After watching one of those HGTV design shows, Porter’s talking about making one of the bedrooms upstairs into a man cave.”
“Porter needs to get a life.”
Dixie laughed. “Conway.”
“What?”
“Don’t forget we’re spending Christmas at the Triple D. We’re supposed to be there by noon.”
“I won’t forget.”
* * *
“THE LIGHTS ON that store are pretty,” Isi said as she drove down a residential street Christmas Eve. The boys remained silent.
She felt like the Grinch. Her idea to drive through town and view holiday lights was a bust, and neither of her sons cared that Santa was coming tonight after they went to bed. The spirit had been sucked out of the holiday the moment she’d forced Conway to take Bandit home with him. Her life had been going along fine until that darn Bridget had broken her nose, then Isi’s carefully controlled world had turned into...fun.
Conway had brought joy and laughter and good times into her and the boys’ lives. Since the twins had been born, she’d worked hard to shelter them from the pain of their father’s abandonment. Then Conway had crashed into their lives, showing her that she wasn’t enough for her sons—they needed a father. A male role model. But before she’d had a chance to find that man her sons had formed an attachment to Conway and then he’d left them all with broken hearts.
Isi had allowed herself to get lost in the fantasy of being Conway’s “the one” and she’d fallen in love with him, even knowing that he didn’t want children. Her heart ached for the pouting boys in the backseat. She’d gladly sacrifice her own happiness to put smiles on their faces. Maybe she and Conway could share custody of Bandit. He could keep the dog during the week, and on weekends the puppy could live at the trailer.
Conway had made it clear he didn’t want kids, but sharing a dog would keep him involved in the boys’ lives. He wouldn’t have any responsibility for them, but the twins could turn to him for advice about girls or guy troubles as they grew older.
What about you? How will you ever move on and find a man to love if Conway is always around reminding you that no other man will ever live up to him? She’d have to cross that bridge when she came to it.
“I was thinking,” she said. “What if I talked to Conway about the possibility of sharing Bandit.”
“How are we gonna share Bandit?” Miguel asked.
“After I begin my new job in January, I won’t be working most weekends. Bandit could live with us on Saturday and Sunday and then stay at the farm during the week.”
“I want Bandit to live with us all the time,” Javier said.
“I know you do, honey, but both Conway and I told you that it wouldn’t be fair to leave a dog like Bandit inside a trailer all day.”
“What if Bandit wants to stay in our trailer?” Miguel asked.
If dogs could talk... “If you had a choice of running loose at the farm or being cooped up inside the trailer what would you choose?”
“The farm,” Miguel said glumly.
“Should we ask Conway if Bandit could stay with us on the weekends?” She held her breath.
“Okay,” Miguel said.
“What do you think, Javier?”
“Me, too. I want Bandit to stay with us.”
“I’ll call Conway after the holidays and discuss the idea with him.” Isi turned into the trailer park.
“Mom, Conway’s here!” Miguel unlocked his seat belt as she pulled beneath the carport. “Can we ask him now?”
Isi’s heart pounded in her chest. What was Conway doing here on Christmas Eve?
“He brought Bandit, Mom!” Javier opened his door and the boys raced over to the porch where Conway sat with the dog. The puppy recognized the boys and barked a greeting.
“Hello, Conway.” She stared at him, afraid if she blinked he’d vanish.
“I didn’t know if you had plans Christmas Eve,” he said.
“We were out looking at the holiday lights.” Lord, he looked good tonight. She could smell his aftershave from five feet away and he’d pressed his jeans and Western shirt. She wondered what the special occasion was.
“I thought maybe you and the boys would like to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at the farm with me and Bandit,” he said.
Isi’s first thought was the camera sitting on the kitchen counter. One more memory for the boys’ scrapbooks—Christmas with Conway.
“Can we go, Mom?” Miguel begged.
“What about Santa?” She nibbled her lower lip. Even if the boys were on the fence about whether Santa Claus was real or not, she wanted to pretend at least for one more year.
“Santa stops at our farm,” Conway said.
“Is there a place for the boys and me to sleep?” She’d like nothing more than to sleep in Conway’s bed but that wasn’t going to happen with all the Cash brothers sleeping in the bunkhouse.
“Dixie changed the sheets on the queen-size bed in the guest room and the boys and I can camp out in the yard.” He grinned at the twins. “You guys ever sleep in a tent?”
Javier’s eyes grew round. “What’s a tent?”
“I guess that answers my question.” Conway turned his brown eyes on Isi. “What do you say, Isi? Will you let us camp out tonight?”
Miguel and Javier tugged her hands and Bandit jumped on her leg as if he was begging her to allow the boys to spend the night at the farm.
She had no idea what Conway’s invitation meant, but she seized the opportunity to salvage the holiday for her sons. “Okay, we’ll camp out at the farm.”
The boys shouted and jumped for joy.
“I’ll need to bring warm clothes and blankets,” she said.
“We’ve got sleeping bags in the tent and extra pillows,” Conway said. “The boys and I will stay out here and play with Bandit while you get their things together.”
Taking her cue, Isi went inside and packed the boys’
Christmas presents in a duffel bag then covered them with clothes. She threw in their teddy bears in case they got scared in the tent then added her makeup bag, toiletries and tooth brushes.
“All set?” Conway asked when she stepped outside.
“I think so. Boys, go use the bathroom before we head to the farm.” Once the twins went inside, Isi said, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For being such a grump about the dog.” She smiled at Bandit who chewed on the tip of Conway’s boot. “I told the boys that maybe you and I can work out a visitation schedule for Bandit so he can stay at the trailer on weekends.”
Conway didn’t make eye contact with her, and Isi sensed something troubled him. If they’d been at the bar, she would have asked him what was the matter, but after they’d slept together it wasn’t the same between them. “If sharing Bandit is a hassle, I understand.”
“We’ll work it out.” He stood when Miguel and Javier returned.
Isi smiled as she watched the boys play with the dog. Conway had been right to get them a companion—an animal that would love them unconditionally. If only she could find a man who loved her no matter what, too.
Five minutes later, Conway installed the booster seats in his truck and they piled in. The twins chatted the whole way to the farm with Bandit sleeping between them on the backseat.
* * *
CONWAY CLENCHED THE wheel tighter as he turned onto the road leading to the farmhouse. He was excited for the twins to see the Christmas tree he’d bought and strung lights on. Every kid deserved to find his presents from Santa beneath a real Christmas tree.
When he pulled into the yard, Javier shouted, “A Christmas tree!”
Standing in the middle of the yard was a twelve-foot spruce with twenty strings of colored lights wrapped around it. Conway had purchased extra extension cords and had plugged them into the outlets on the side of the bunkhouse. Right behind the tree was the tent he’d pitched earlier in the day.
As soon as he parked, the boys hopped out and raced to the tree, Bandit barking as he ran after them. Isi joined her sons and admired the spruce. “This is the most beautiful tree I’ve ever seen,” she said.