Trapped. Noel allowed a half grin on his face as he looked at Zach. “Guess it’s me and you, brother.”
Zach slid his arm around his snickering wife. “Guess so.”
**
It was all Claire could do to stay out of the kitchen that afternoon. It was her domain, after all. The two masculine voices rolled back and forth, accented by the thunking of knives against cutting boards and the scintillating aroma that rose from the sizzling Dutch oven on the cook top.
Too bad she couldn’t relax on her one day off. Four weeks of ten-hour workdays six days a week were taking their toll.
“Your move.” Amber waved her hand in front of Claire’s face.
Claire focused on the Settlers of Catan game spread out in front of her. It proved she couldn’t concentrate. Why had Sierra’s parents thought the girls needed a game that demonstrated the allure of colonizing far-off places? She more needed a game that emphasized nesting, not expanding her territory. She set a small wooden house down. Placing a settlement on a space with low probability for ore but high probability for wood and — or might not — be a good direction. What did it matter?
“Sierra says you’ve signed off on the full menu for the reception?” she asked Amber. Maybe she could divert the conversation some.
“Oh, yes!” Amber beamed. “It all sounds so delicious. Those chicken roll-ups will be a perfect finger food.”
To say nothing of making use of the dark meat from all the birds whose breasts would adorn another platter. Beyond Amber, Sierra winked for Claire’s eyes alone. “Good thing, as we’ve had to order the chickens already.”
Claire’s cell phone vibrated in her pocket. “Excuse me.” She surged to her feet as she tugged the phone out. With any luck this call would free her from the ongoing game. But the name on the display stilled her heartbeat for an instant. The Sizzling Skillet. Her heart sank as she thumbed the call on. “Hello.” And it didn’t matter who was calling. She had nothing left to offer them.
“Claire? Nevin here. How would you like to pick up a shift or two?”
He made it sound like it would be so much fun there was no way she could resist. Yeah, right. “Hi, Nevin. No, I’m sorry, I don’t have time.”
“I’ve heard you’re cooking for that reforestation group. That won’t last much longer, will it? If you can pop in for this evening’s shift, I’ll consider offering you your old job back when you’re free of that commitment.” He said the last as though it were a dirty word.
Claire’s back stiffened and her hand tightened around the small phone. With Isobel and Greg’s wedding called off, she could almost wonder whether she’d been too hasty quitting at The Skillet. But for her to go back and work for Nevin? She wasn’t that desperate. Not yet. “That’s really big of you, Nevin.” A little smoothing might go a long way. “There’s simply no way I can come in today, though.”
“I can’t hold the position open forever, you know.”
She gulped back the retort that wanted to surface. “I understand. You just go ahead and hire someone permanently for those shifts.”
Silence for a few seconds. Which seemed to prove he hadn’t found it so simple to replace her. Now why wasn’t that a surprise?
“I think you’ve made a big mistake, Claire. If it’s money you want, I can offer you a raise. Say, fifty cents an hour?”
At this moment, he could double her former wage and it would barely entice her. “Sorry, no. Money isn’t the issue.”
He pounced on that. “Then what is? This can’t be all about that kid, whatever his name was.”
“His name is Tony. And no, it’s not about him.” Though it might’ve been, if Noel hadn’t brought things to a head first. “Nevin? I don’t wish to talk about this any longer. I have company I’m ignoring to take your call. I need to get back to them.” If only they weren’t playing that stupid game. “Why don’t you give Don a chance? He always figured he was chef material.”
Nevin uttered a rude word then mumbled a few things about burned food and annoyed customers.
“Thanks for calling, Nevin. I need to go now.” She thumbed the cell off in the midst of his renewed pleas.
Sierra glanced up from the game as Claire approached the table. “What was all that about?”
“Nevin is willing to forgive me for quitting. He wants me back.”
A shadow filled the kitchen doorway in Claire’s peripheral vision.
“And?” Sierra prodded.
Claire sat at the table, smoothing her pant legs. “Is it my turn?”
**
“Interesting sermon this morning.” Zach clumsily turned tortilla strips in the sizzling peanut oil.
Noel’s hands itched to take the tongs and do the task himself. “Uh hmm.” He stirred the stewing beef. Nearly browned enough.
“Everything in life is such a fine balance. I used to make those kinds of plans Pastor Ron talked about. You know, I figured I’d do so many years of veterinary practice in Coeur d’Alene, then buy a house, then start my own business.” He laughed, but not as though he found it funny. “I had a ten-year plan all mapped out. All I needed was to get my foot in the door somewhere and they’d see what a genius I was. They’d wonder how they ever managed without me.”
Noel’s plans had been a lot looser than Zach’s. Of course, he’d already achieved Zach’s final one of owning his own business. Even that was barely an end in itself, though. He still needed to find several contracts every year and fill out the staff. Seasonal work didn’t lend itself well to loyal workers beyond a few years. Other than Jess. She’d want something more, too, sooner or later.
He glanced at Zach. “I take it Landing Veterinary wasn’t high on your list?”
“Not so much. I’d decided I preferred being a city boy. Having all the conveniences around me and the money to enjoy them.”
“I’m not that fond of cities, in general.” Noel suppressed a shudder. “Give me a mountainside and a couple of bears any day over concrete and people. At least you can guess what a bear might do in any given situation.”
Zach chuckled and lifted the last strips onto a kitchen towel. “I see your point. I wanted to run my own life, I suppose. I’d drifted from God.”
Here it came.
“What’s your church background, Noel?”
So Zach was the designated person to get to the bottom of things, was he? A few weeks ago, it might have offended Noel. Now, not so much. “Mom made me go to church when I was a kid in Missoula. Went my own way in high school. It didn’t seem all that relevant, you know?”
Zach leaned back against the counter, arms crossed. Waiting for more. Good thing he’d already turned off the oil.
Whatever. The guy wanted the scoop, he’d get it. Both barrels. “Got into some dope, some booze. My old man ditched the family when I was a little kid, and he started contacting me from wherever he was at the time. Texas, Kentucky, Maryland, wherever. He just drifted.” Noel dumped chopped onions into the pot and added the spices.
“You ever see him?”
“Five, six years ago. But he keeps in touch.” Noel scraped the pot’s contents around, not willing to see pity on Zach’s face.
Silence for a moment. “I can’t imagine,” Zach said at last. “My dad was always here for me. He got sick last year. Guillain-Barré. Ever hear of it?”
Noel shook his head.
“It’s neurological. If untreated, your body starts paralyzing from the extremities in. Sooner or later it gets to your core muscles, like your heart, and kills you.”
“He didn’t die, did he?” Surely Noel would remember hearing if Zach had been recently bereaved.
“No. They figured out what it was and got him on meds to stop the progress before it got that far, but it certainly whopped him a good one. We’re not sure if he’ll ever regain full health again. He and my mom are in Romania right now, helping out at an orphanage my best friend’s parents operate there.”
“Right. I remember hearing something about
that.”
“They should be back sometime in the fall. I’ve never gone more than a few weeks without seeing my parents until this year. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like not to have a dad around.”
Noel checked his recipe notes and added the peppers and tomato paste. “It’s just how it was. I managed.”
Zach leaned closer. “Jo and I are expecting a baby in late winter. Had you heard?”
Something stirred in Noel. “Congratulations.”
“I guess . . . it makes me think all the more what a responsibility it is to be a father. You know? I want to be around for my child. Take him fishing, kick a soccer ball around, teach him to drive the tractor.”
The words themselves made sense, but the concept was foreign. Noel couldn’t pass on what he’d never known. Well, other than fishing. He knew how to do that, but it wasn’t his dad’s fault. Whatever skill sets he’d acquired over the years, they didn’t include anything close to parenting. Even Mom worked mainly on the guilt principle, which, as far as Noel was concerned, didn’t serve as grounds for a great relationship.
A kid deserved more, didn’t he? More than a bum of a dad who phoned for money in the middle of the night? He couldn’t be a different kind of a father. He didn’t know how. He’d already taken after his dad in wanderlust, though he paid his own way, unlike Dad.
Claire would want kids some day. Her kids deserved a real dad. Somebody who could give them security.
For her good, and that of the kids she’d surely want to have, he needed to get out of her life.
Chapter 23
The supper dishes cleared away, the group settled into the lounge furniture out on the deck to enjoy the pleasant June evening. Claire chose an Adirondack chair. No chance of Noel tucking in beside her, though his face across the table over two meals already today had been nearly unbearable. He’d been rather quiet over supper, even when everyone raved over his taco stew. She needed that recipe. Rich flavors. Just the right amount of spice.
She glanced his way, but he stared off up the mountain. Longing for distant places, no doubt.
Why couldn’t this have been a peaceful Sunday afternoon for meditation instead of company, so she could reflect on Pastor Ron’s message without Noel’s face haunting her? Like his presence made a difference. But what did it all mean? Could it be that she was too attached to this farm, only temporary in the grand scheme of things? But then so was love. The Bible gave no indication that human relationships would continue in heaven, so maybe love wasn’t worth anything either.
A surreptitious glance at Jo nestled in the crook of Zach’s arm on the swing, Domino sprawled at their feet, negated that thought. God created love, created marriage. Encouraged humankind to find mates, to have a family, as her friends were doing.
Sierra, Eileen, and Amber discussed wedding decoration details with great animation. Even without Shawn here, the glow of his love and commitment to Amber shone around the group.
It seemed to Claire that her and Noel’s silence must be a flashing light over their heads. “I need to turn on the sprinklers.”
Heads jerked to look at her as she rose.
“It’s been so dry this spring,” she said to their unspoken questions. “It’s not like we’d normally consider wasting water on the lawn, but with all the weddings and parties we’re hosting here over the next few months, it kind of has to look nice.”
“Not to worry.” Zach kept the swing moving in a lazy circle with the toe of one sandal. “There’s plenty in the spring, and the sprinkler water soaks back into the ground.”
He always said that. Claire wasn’t sure if he was right or if she just wanted his explanation to be accurate. Either way, it didn’t pay to let the flowers die from lack of moisture.
She should’ve known Noel would follow her to the tap beside the pole barn where the seeping hose twined through the flowerbed.
“Claire?” His voice sounded more hesitant than she’d ever heard it. Where was his robust self-confidence?
She crouched down and cranked the handle open then watched the black rubber bubble from oozing water droplets.
“Claire? I’ve been thinking.”
Maybe he’d finally realized how presumptuous his earlier invitation had come across, and now would ask her to marry him. She didn’t have an answer, but maybe she was closer after Pastor Ron’s sermon. She clambered back to her feet and hugged her arms around herself as she peered up at him. Would he step in for a kiss? Would she let him?
But he held back, his expression unreadable. “Come for a walk?”
She nodded. What was on his mind?
Domino heard the words and bounded down the steps, wandering between them as they strolled out the driveway, like they needed a chaperone or something.
They’d turned onto the forest road before he spoke again. “I haven’t really told you anything about my father.”
Claire jerked to look at him. So not what she’d expected this conversation to be about. “Amber said he’d walked out before she was born, and that your mom raised you two alone.”
A nerve in his jaw twitched. “That’s true. But Amber doesn’t know how much contact I’ve had with him.”
He said it with such heaviness that Claire halted in the middle of the road and put her hand on his arm. She yanked it away as soon as she realized it was there. He hadn’t made the first move. It wouldn’t do for her to come on strong. “But that’s good. Right?”
Noel’s fingers twined around hers with the strength of a spelunker gripping a lifeline and pulled her into step beside him. “He’s a drunk, Claire. He gambles the little he can spare from booze, and wanders around the country looking for someone gullible enough to give him more.”
She caught her breath. No wonder Noel hadn’t talked about his father. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.” By now he was striding so quickly Claire could barely keep up without breaking into a jog. “It’s no use.”
She tried to get her hand free, but he didn’t let go. “Noel, slow down. What else do you need to tell me about your dad? It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. You were just a little kid.”
He seemed to become aware of his speed and tapered it to a point where she could keep up without panting. “But he’s my father.”
Which meant what, exactly?
“Don’t you see? I’m just like him. I can’t get enough of seeing the world. It’s like an itch inside me.”
Something froze in Claire’s gut. “Do you drink? Do you gamble?”
He shook his head so vehemently his wild hair flared out around him. “Not any more. Never got into gambling, thankfully, but I used to drink to excess. I figured out after a while that it didn’t help my business head any, and I quit. I didn’t want to be like him.”
“So your dad drinks, gambles, and wanders. You don’t drink or gamble but you like to travel. Is that right?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
Did she mistake the lilt of hope in his voice? “Traveling isn’t a sin, Noel.” It nearly choked her to get the words out.
He whirled around on the gravel road and grabbed her other hand tightly in his. His eyes searched her face. “Claire, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
She bit her lip and forced herself to hold his gaze. “Like how?”
“With you. I wasn’t looking for love. Just someone who’s company I could enjoy for a few months.”
She’d always known that, but it still slapped her like a frozen dishcloth. She tried to pull her hands free, but his grip intensified. “I wasn’t — I’m not — looking for love either. Green Acres is enough for me.”
Noel’s eyes bored into her soul. “You deserve better than me. Your-your kids deserve a devoted father. One without all the baggage I’d bring.”
Whoa. His mind had gone way beyond come away with me.
“You’re not the only one with baggage.”
Domino plopped down on the road and burrowed his nose into his paws.
&nbs
p; Claire clutched Noel’s hands. “My dad hauled us all over the country while he chased the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. My mother got fed up with it and stayed put in Denver when I was a teen. Dad kept going. My brothers are a mess — nowhere near as grounded as your sister.”
Noel looked into her eyes as though he could see down to her toenails through their portal. “So your father loused up his sons, too. You and Amber are strong. Maybe it’s easier for girls when their dad takes off.”
Nice try. “I doubt it.” Claire tugged her hands free and stuffed them into the pockets of her capris. She sidestepped him and continued up the road, hoping he’d follow.
“You deserve someone better than me.”
She whirled to find him rooted to the gravel right where she’d left him. “Not better.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Different, then.”
Tears threatened to boil over. Hadn’t she thought the same thing? That he was an awesome guy if only . . . If only. “What you’re saying is I’m not worth sticking around for.”
Noel clenched his teeth. “I didn’t say that at all. I’m trying to be honest about my own shortcomings, not yours.”
The pain was too great. She had to protect herself somehow. “But you’re admitting I have some.” Oh, Claire, don’t go there. You know you have issues. Everyone does.
“You’re putting words in my mouth.” His hands twitched at his sides and for one brief moment it looked like he’d close the distance between them and kiss her senseless.
It scared her that she wanted him to.
“I won’t be taking my meals with the crew for the remainder of the season. Please route any requests through Jess. She’s more than capable of handling things.” He turned on his heel and strode toward the farm.
Claire’s feet were one with the road for too many seconds. “Noel, wait! You can’t mean this.” She started toward him.
“It’s better this way. You’ll thank me later.”
A Farm Fresh Romance Series 1-3 (A Farm Fresh Romance Box Set) Page 44