by Toni Aleo
Surely he wasn’t leaving after last night. They had made sweet burning love, he had whispered how much he had missed her, and how he was never going to leave. He told her everything she had wanted to hear, playing with her heart strings. So why was he in a rush getting ready?
“What are you doing?” she finally asked.
Levi glanced up, then back down at the white button up shirt he was buttoning. “Janet has called like 10 times, I think she knows I went home with someone which sucks ‘cause now I’m going to have to listen to her bitch all day.”
Whoa, say what?
“Excuse me?” she croaked out as her pulse kicked up a notch.
Levi glanced over at her and when his eyes met hers, a condescending smile went across his gorgeous mouth. “Oh come on, A, you really didn’t think this was a start to something again, did you?”
The air rushed out of her as Levi shook his head and started moving around the room. She moved off the bed, grabbing her dress from the night before and sliding it on. Her hands shook, uncontrollably, as she zipped up, turning to face Levi. Her heart was beating so hard that she felt like her chest was vibrating. She didn’t want to fight with him, she wanted to go back to bed, and cuddle. But he had taken that fantasy away from her. He was still with someone.
Audrey took in a shuddering breath before saying, “You slept with me, and you’re still with someone?”
Levi rolled his eyes as he tucked his keys in his pocket, “Yeah, so?”
“Oh my God,” Audrey said, her hands coming up to her stomach. She felt like she was going to puke. Again, she believed his lies, his sweet words. AGAIN! It was disgusting. What the fuck was wrong with her?! Why did she always trust him! “You said you missed me!”
“I do, I miss fucking you but I don’t want you.”
“You asshole!” Audrey screamed, her heart breaking all over again while not affecting him at all.
“You’re killing me here, A, when are you ever going to figure it out? I don’t want to be with you.” Audrey glanced up to see him as he reached the door. He turned and pinned her with a distant look, “I just want to fuck you. See ya around, Cupcake.”
Audrey took in shuddering breaths as she listened to Levi run down the stairs. When she heard the front door slam, she fell to the floor, holding her knees close to her chest.
I just want to fuck you.
How many times had she heard that? Even with knowing the outcome of their reunion, how could she let this happen? Why did she always do this to herself? Why couldn’t she see through his lines and lies? Or any man’s lines? As the questions swam in her head, she sat staring at the dark mole that was on her knee. Slowly her vision started to cloud with tears, and when they started to fall, she popped up and ran to the bathroom. She didn’t want to feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, it would make everything worse.
Audrey jumped in the shower, not caring about the beautiful dress that her sister picked out. She turned the water on the hottest setting, filling the shower with steam. The dress started to hurt against her skin and she started to tear it off, destroying it. The pain coursed across her skin, she didn’t know if it was from the water or from Levi.
She felt dirty, disgusting.
Grabbing her loofa, she started to scrub her body, crying as the roughness and the heat of the water continued to burn her skin. She welcomed the pain, though. With every swipe of the loofa, she didn’t feel as dirty. She needed to get the smell of Levi off her! She couldn’t take it. Never had she felt like such a cheap piece of ass. Not even when she woke up beside Tate, did she feel this dirty. No, only Levi could do this to her.
When she finally felt clean, she dropped to her bottom, pulling her knees up under her chin, as the sobs started to rip out of her. She was basically screaming as she cried. She felt like the biggest whore this side of the Red River. So nasty that not even a dog would lick her face. She had never felt like such a failure, well, other than when she had the abortion but that was years ago. She had always thought highly of herself. Knowing that one day everything would work out. But at that moment, she didn’t feel like things were ever going to get better.
How did she keep getting herself in these kinds of messes? She should have known that Levi didn’t want anything with her, he hadn’t before so what made her think he had now? Was it the hope that maybe he had missed her, that maybe this time she was good enough? What made Janet better than her? Audrey was beautiful, funny, peppy, and damn it, she was freaking amazing! Why wasn’t she good enough for him? Why didn’t he love her!
As she rocked back and forth, her body becoming numb, Audrey still couldn’t figure out what she had done wrong. Part of her knew she never would, either. The other part, like her heart, needed to accept it and move on, but it was hard. And at that moment, crying at the bottom of her bathtub seemed like a good idea. All she needed was her neighbor to start playing his piano and everything would be better. When Audrey remembered that the piano playing would be by Tate, a new round of tears rushed along her cheeks. She had fucked that up too.
God, she was such a winner.
Audrey stayed in the bath until the water ran cold. When she couldn’t take it any more, she turned the water off and climbed out, wrapping a towel around her splotchy red body. She felt better, a good cry and hot shower usually helped her cope with the pain. Her head still wasn’t right, but really she probably never would be. Not until she learned that she wasn’t the one messed up, it was actually the idiots she continued to date.
As she made her way back into her bedroom, she wrapped her head with a towel to dry her hair. It was early but she needed to get up and get going. Nora, her mother, would be coming by that afternoon with Aiden. He was staying the week with her while Fallon and Lucas were in Goa. Even in her state of depression, she was still excited for the week. They had a lot planned and being with Aiden would take her mind off dickhead.
Audrey went to her drawer and pulled out shorts, a tee, and underwear throwing them over her shoulder onto the bed. When she turned from the drawer, she came to a halt in front of her bed. The sheets were tousled and stray pillows lay on the floor with her panties and bra from the night before. As she stared down at the bed she and Levi had had sex in, her eyes filled with tears as her heart started to beat in overdrive. She reached for her underwear and went through the motion of putting on her clothes as her body started to shake. Then without thinking, she ripped the sheets off the bed throwing them out the opened door into the hall. One by one the pillows joined them before she ran to the hall, picked up everything and ran down the stairs. It surprised her that she didn’t fall on her face when she did this. The next thing she knew she was throwing the sheets and pillows out on the front lawn.
Audrey turned again and ran back up the stairs. She then reached for the mattress, pulling it off her bed. Again, she was surprised she got the king size mattress down the stairs, only knocking off picture frames from the walls and slightly twisting her ankle. She was pretty amazing when she was dead set on doing something. As she pulled the mattress through her living room, she knocked over a bookcase and two end tables before she got it out the door. When she laid that on top of her sheets, she clapped her hands before running back inside to grab anything that reminded her of Levi.
One by one, picture frames flew out the door, hitting the mattress with so much force, that when they landed, they bounced off and broke.
It was so invigorating!!
She found anything and everything that reminded her of him. All their favorite shows, DVDs, their favorite snacks from the kitchen, their favorite blanket. It all had to go! She stood in front of her pile of Levi, breathing hard, as she thought about anything else that could be in the house. When she remembered the old Xbox that sat in the closet, she ran inside and grabbed it before going back out and throwing it in the pile. Still breathing hard, her body covered in sweat, she ran her hand through her wet hair as the tears welled up in her eyes.
Stupid asshole.
There was only one more thing to grab but she knew it was going to take a minute, so she took a second to catch her breath as she silently said goodbye to their things. Even though she wanted to kill him, it still hurt to see their things go. To see him go. After she calmed down a bit, she turned to go back inside. When she hit the top step of the porch and saw Tate sitting in a lawn chair, drinking coffee, she let out a loud scream. Tate let out his own girly scream before falling out of his lawn chair, coffee flying in the air before landing at her bare feet. When it didn’t burn her feet she realized it wasn’t coffee, but chocolate milk.
“What the hell!” he yelled, standing up quickly.
“You scared me!”
“How!? I’m just sitting here. You are the one throwing stuff and screaming out obscenities!”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“What? I am sitting here, enjoying my milk and watching the show! What did you want me to do, say ‘Hey Audrey, I am watching you de-clutter your house, do you need help?’”
Audrey narrowed her eyes, but then it was like a light bulb went off. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, I need help! Come on,” she said walking back into the house. When she went to one end of the couch, she looked up to see Tate standing in the doorway. “Grab the other end.”
“Huh?”
“Help me,” she knocked her body into the end of the sofa, “get this sofa out.”
“Really?”
“Yes! Or I’m gonna do it myself!”
Tate shrugged his shoulders before he bent down and took the other end. They carried it down the stairs and to the pile that lay in the lawn. She threw down her end and without much choice, he threw down his. Audrey then ran inside, getting matches and the lighting fluid from the grill before running back outside. Once there, she started to drench the pile, making sure it was good and wet before she struck a match. Audrey threw it down on the pile and watched it become engulfed in flames. It was a beautiful sight watching Levi’s things burn. She hadn’t realized that doing this would be better than sitting on the bathroom floor bawling her eyes out. As the fire burned, she felt someone take a step closer to her and she remembered that Tate was there.
“Please don’t tell Lucas or Fallon,” she whispered as her couch, the same couch she made beautiful sweet love to Levi on, burned.
“I won’t,” he said softly, “can I ask why?”
“Because they will think I’m psychotic.”
“No they won’t. It’s not like you’re rocking back and forth on the floor, crying. That’s when you have hit rock bottom.”
Audrey looked up into Tate’s soft eyes, “I did that before I started the fire.”
Tate seemed to cringe as he looked away. She watched his profile, the light from the fire bringing out the stubble that lined his jaw. When he turned to look at her, he smiled. “Come here,” he said, and then he took her hand in his, bringing her close to him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She went willingly, really needing a hug at that moment. As tears rolled down her cheeks, she took in a shaky breath as she watched the fire burn.
“Are you allowed to burn things in your front lawn?” Tate asked.
Audrey shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t care.”
They stood, wrapped in each other’s arms for a long time. Her body was in overdrive from waking up to Levi’s leaving, to de-Levi-ing her house, to being in someone’s arms again. Tate’s arms tightened around Audrey’s body, his head resting on the top of her head and she knew that Tate didn’t want anything from her. He just wanted to hold her because she was hurting and that alone was refreshing. She was tired of people always wanting things from her, and for once she felt like someone wasn’t only being nice because they wanted something but because they cared and were worried about her.
Tate made her feel like that.
Just like her things, Audrey’s body also was on fire. She wanted Tate. She wanted to stay in his arms forever. She missed him more than she had missed Levi and she had no clue who he was. She didn’t care though. He seemed like a good person. Young as all get out, but a good person. She couldn’t even think twice about being with someone right now after everything with Levi. And also because Tate probably thought she was a psychotic slut. She hadn’t started on a good foot with him, so her hormones were going to need to slow down. She really needed to get it together.
When a fire truck, a fire marshal and four cop cars pulled up, Tate’s body shook with laughter.
“I guess you can’t.”
***
Tate watched as the emergency response teams left. Audrey stood beside him taking in deep breaths as her eyes stayed on the pile of junk that had been drenched with water from the fire trucks. Tate still couldn’t believe the show she had put on for him. It was quite the site: watching her grunt, and cuss as she threw each item out in the lawn. When she got the matches and lighter fluid he wanted to laugh but he could tell she wouldn’t like that much. She was visibly upset, and he wanted to know why.
When she glanced up at him with a sheepish smile, he smiled back. Then they both started to laugh. She held her stomach as she laughed loudly, adding in a little snort here and there. That made him laugh harder and soon he was bent over laughing.
“What a show, huh?”
Tate smiled, “It was interesting.”
Audrey giggled, “You probably think I’m a psychotic slut.”
Tate’s smile fell as his eyebrows drew together, “I don’t think that at all.”
She waved him off, rolling her eyes, “I just set fire to a couch and a mattress, and other things. I’m pretty sure that gets me a one way ticket to Crazyville.”
Tate shook his head, “Obviously, you are upset.”
“Upset is a good word for it, but I think psychotic is better.”
Tate scoffed, “I think you are being too hard on yourself.”
She looked up surprised. They shared a long look before she nodded, “I’m always too hard on myself.”
“See, even you know that you aren’t a psychotic slut.”
“Oh, I don’t think I am. I said you probably think I am.”
Tate shook his head. He was so confused, “I don’t think that at all. Why would I?”
Audrey looked down shyly, “Like I said, I burnt up some furniture but before that I slept with you only knowing you for 5 minutes.”
Ahh, okay. That was where the slut part came from.
“Audrey, I just think that you had the same passion I had, and we acted on it. What’s wrong with that?”
Audrey smiled as she shrugged her shoulders, “I had never done that before.”
Tate grinned as he nodded, “Well, I’m glad I was your first.”
She giggled as she looked away again. “I’m sorry for the way I acted at the wedding, I was a bitch.”
Tate shrugged his shoulders, a small smile pulling at his lips, “Don’t think twice about it.”
She gave him a bright grin before moving her hand through her wet long hair. Tate took in a deep breath as he kicked around at the grass with his bare feet. He had this need to know everything about her. Knowing that it was she who lived next door still made his pulse kick up. He hoped that she would get to know him and maybe something would develop. He was intrigued by her and more than a little attracted to her. He wanted her. Bad.
“You want to tell me what happened to cause you to set your furniture on fire?”
Audrey shrugged her shoulders before looking up at him. Her eyes were cloudy with tears and it tugged at his heart to see her like that. He wanted to gobble her up in his arms again and kiss away the pain but that would be rude. She obviously needed time, so for right now, he would keep his hands to himself.
“Like always, I fell to another wicked scheme.”
“What do you mean? Wait,” he said before she went to answer, “Why don’t we go have a seat, I’ll get us some hot chocolate and we’ll talk.”
Audrey nodd
ed slowly, “That would be nice.”
Audrey settled herself on the porch, while Tate ran through the house getting together two cups of hot chocolate. He had finally finished getting the condo decorated with his things, he probably should have invited her inside, but she seemed happy to sit on the porch. It was chilly but it was still a bright beautiful morning.
When Tate came outside, Audrey was sitting on the top step, wrapped in a blanket and she had a coat on, too. He had thought she would be cold when he saw her in her short shorts and tank but he guessed her adrenaline was running on high and she didn’t feel the chill. She must have now. Tate sat down beside her, handing her a bright purple Assassins’ mug before settling in beside her.
Audrey took a sip and smiled over at him, “This is good.”
Tate smiled widely. It was his mom’s hot chocolate recipe from back home. He loved it and he loved it even more that she liked it. He continued to grin, his body filling with warmth from the girl beside him and for some reason he wasn’t shy about his smile around her. Maybe it was the way she would smile when he did. It made him feel good, like he didn’t need to hide the gap between his teeth.
“So, wicked scheme?” He knew he said scheme wrong. It sounded more like schewe when he said it. Oh well, she must have gotten the point because she nodded.
“Yup, like always. I always take shit from idiots.”
“So, in other words you haven’t found the right guy?”
She laughed as she nodded, “Nope, but I’ve found every wrong one on the way.”
Tate nodded, “So, what did this idiot do to cause you to burn stuff?”
Audrey ran her finger along the rim of her mug before looking up at him, “Why is it so easy to talk to you?”
Tate was a little confused by her question. He grinned while shrugging his shoulders, “I’m not sure, but I’m glad I am.”
Audrey eyes soften as she nodded, “It’s nice.”
Tate continued to grin, “It is. Now tell me.”
Her smile fell as her hand slowly went up to a piece of her hair. She started to twirl it slowly around her finger as she stared over at the pile of burnt mess. “I went home with someone who I have been sleeping with for the past eight months when I knew I shouldn’t have. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want to be with me, but for some reason I keep hoping for something that is never gonna happen. I woke up to him getting dressed and he proceeded to tell me, he only wants to have sex with me, he doesn’t want to be with me.”