by Toni Aleo
Audrey let out a soulless laugh, shaking her head. “I don’t want to be friends with benefits with you, Levi, I want a relationship, I want to get married. We’ve been doing this dance for eight months; don’t you think it’s time?”
“No, and I won’t tomorrow or the next day either,” he said standing up. He ran his hands over his buzzed hair, looking up at the sky. “I don’t understand why you are keeping yourself from me? I know you want me. I want you, so let’s do this. Why keep us apart?”
“Because you don’t want all of me! You just want my cooter!”
Levi shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips, “Yes, I want it, Cupcake, but I want to spend time with you too. Give me another chance.”
They stayed looking deep in each other eyes as the room stayed eerily quiet. It seemed so easy to take his bait, to be his puppet for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t have to worry about the rejection from another man; she wouldn’t have to worry about finding someone who wouldn’t want kids because Levi didn’t want them at all. Levi was her out, her easy cowardly out.
But like everyone had said, she was better than that.
Standing up, Audrey shook her head before saying, “I love you, Levi Moss-”
“Now, Audrey, I’ve told you about that word-”
“No! You shut up and let me finish!”
Levi’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms across his chest. “I love you, I do, but I am not going to settle for crap and want more when you want nothing but sex from me. I am a good woman. I would take good care of you, and I deserve more than this. When you are ready to give me that, when you are ready to love me, and give us a chance, then call me. I’ll come, ‘cause I love you, but not until you tell me you’re ready to give us a real fighting chance.”
Audrey couldn’t breathe. It felt like her heart was in her throat and her heart was pounding against her chest. Levi shook his head, his hands resting on his head before looking up at the ceiling. When he looked back down, his eyes a soft brown color, Audrey thought she had won.
But then he said, “I don’t want you like that.”
Feeling beaten, Audrey’s shoulders slumped and she looked down at the desk. Willing the tears to stay at bay and begging herself to stay strong and confident, Audrey looked up and said, “Then get out of my office.”
Chapter 11
“I’m totally messed up.”
Audrey moved around her kitchen, her phone to her ear while popcorn popped and she nursed a 40oz beer. It had been a 40oz beer kind of day. But even with her feeling like her heart was about to break, she was proud of herself for not crying. It was the first time in weeks that she hadn’t cried over Levi. Maybe telling him what was on her mind was closure or something. She had always been so agreeable, let him run things. But for once, she stood up to him, and it felt fantastic! Yes, her heart was broken because of his rejection, yet in her heart she really felt that he was coming around.
He loved her. She just knew it.
“I don’t know why,” Piper said, “I really don’t understand what you see in him or what you are waiting for. He doesn’t treat you right.”
“But he does sometimes, and those times are really good.”
Piper let out a frustrated breath. Audrey could just see her rolling her eyes “Explain to me the nice things he has done ‘cause every time I’m around y’all, he is a dick.”
Audrey was the one to roll her eyes this time, before saying, “When we are alone together, he is so sweet.”
“No, he isn’t. You told me that he hurts you when y’all do it,” Piper countered.
Audrey made a face, “Well, yeah, but he hasn’t done that since Lucas tried to kill him way back when.”
“Well hallelujah for that, but still, he isn’t worth it. You need a man who is nice to you all the time, not when it is convenient for him! Plus, Audrey, he basically only wants to do you. I mean come on, maybe he’ll want the things you want in the future? How don’t you see that he is playing you?”
Audrey wanted to stomp her feet in frustration. No one understood Levi. Yes, he was a dick most of the time but he had a hard upbringing. His dad beat him as a child, his mom was gone most of the time, and his brother slept with any girl Levi brought home. He didn’t trust anyone, and didn’t feel that they would stay around. Audrey understood that and she wanted to help him. Levi had the potential to be a really good guy, but he just hadn’t had the right girl to help him get there. Audrey knew she was the girl to do it. She could love him the right way.
But at the same time, what if everyone was right? What if she was being naive and stupid when it came to him? What if he was playing her? What if thinking he would change was probably the stupidest thing she had ever done? Was she wrong for telling him that she would wait for him because really, she shouldn’t?
Blah, being a single woman wanting a man was so hard.
“I know what you are saying, Piper, I do, but I can’t just give up.”
Piper scoffed, “Why the hell not? He doesn’t deserve you!”
“I understand your frustration but you just don’t understand, Piper, you can have anyone you want--”
“Oh my god, don’t you even! You can have any man and you know that, you’re just settling for crap. Stop it!”
Yes, Audrey could have any man she wanted but she couldn’t keep them. Piper didn’t understand that. No one did.
“I love him, Piper,” Audrey said, “I just can’t stop.”
“I know you just can’t stop but you can damn well try. There are so many other guys out there. For example, hot goalie. It’s obvious you like him; I mean you went home with him after only talking to him for a minute. Y’all have something, so act on it.”
Audrey shook her head even if Piper couldn’t see it, “I was drunk and we are just friends.”
“You are such a liar. I see the way he looks at you, and when you actually look at him and act normal, I can see that you like him.”
“I do not,” Audrey lied, “we are friends.”
“Whatever, friends who are bound to be more.”
“Hells bells, Pipe, he’s a baby,” Audrey stressed, “I am almost seven years older than him.”
“Who gives two shits? He’s hot, he wants you, and he’s also really funny, you like funny. He’s way funnier than Levi ever was.”
Audrey shook her head again before taking a long gulp of beer, “He may be funny and sexy but he won’t want me for long.”
“Why?”
Audrey paused for a moment trying to come up with an excuse, and then she said, “Cause, I’m older.”
Audrey wished she could just tell Piper about her situation, but she hadn’t even told Fallon. No one knew but her mother and she kind of wanted to keep it that way. She felt like a failure for not being able to have children, but in a way it wasn’t her fault. It was the doctor who did her abortion, who messed her up. Thanks to him, he not only took her unborn child, but he took her future ones too. It was the biggest mistake of her life, but she really had no choice in the matter.
“Audrey?”
Audrey brought herself back to the conversation, shaking her head, “Sorry, I was daydreaming.”
“Hopefully about making sweet love to sexy yummy Goalie and leaving Levi in your dust. Goalie obviously doesn’t care about your age so why should you?”
When a knock came at the door, Audrey wanted to drop to her knees and thank God for interrupting this conversation. “Oh, Pipe, let me let you go, it’s the door. I think Tate’s here.”
“Tate’s there? So I’ve been talking till I’m blue in face and all along you were planning on having him over for round two?”
“For the love of God, you horny thing! He is coming over for DVR night! Sheesh,” Audrey laughed as she made her way to the door.
“That’s stupid, round two sounds like more fun,” Piper laughed.
“We are friends,” Audrey stressed again, “That’s all, get Tate out of your mind, and help me find ano
ther man since you are so against me being with Levi.”
Maybe she should look for someone else; maybe Levi was a waste of time. She should look for an older man, one who doesn’t have an inkling to have a child. Maybe she could be like a trophy wife or something?
“Oh, I will, but I still think Goalie would be your best bet,” Piper said again.
“Goodbye, Piper!”
“Goodbye, darling, do something naughty!”
Hanging up the phone, Audrey shook her head. Piper was crazy. It was plain and simple. While part of Audrey wanted to agree with Piper about Levi and get her an older man, her heart couldn’t. Levi just needed some more time without her, knowing that he wasn’t going to get an easy lay and that Audrey wanted more. That’s all he needed, and then he would be back.
Or maybe, she was just a big idiot.
With a heavy heart, Audrey opened the door and all thoughts of Levi, Piper, older men and even her heavy heart disappeared as Audrey looked up into the face of her ‘had to be’ friend.
Feeling like she was lost in the clouds, Audrey took in the sexiness that was Tate. He stood tall with a carton of ice cream in one hand, and his other hand tucked tightly into the big heavy coat he wore. His jeans were dark, and the shirt that peeked out of the jacket was a light green color. His hair was pulled back into a black beanie, with only a few of his blonde locks falling into his deep blue ocean-like eyes. His neck beard was growing in thick, and for some reason she wanted to tuck herself under his chin and run her nose through the coarse hair, over and over again. Looking past the sexiness that was his neck, Audrey saw that his lips were curved in a lazy grin while he looked down at her with fierceness in his eyes.
And for once, Audrey was self-conscious.
It was weird because that never happened. Audrey loved the way she looked and always thought she looked good. Like now, she was wearing a pair of short yellow shorts with dark blue tights underneath. A white and dark blue polka dot flowy top completed the outfit since she didn’t wear shoes. She loved her hair up in a high bun, and her makeup was perfection. She never felt out of place, or thought that what she put on didn’t do wonders for her body. She had been a thicker girl her whole life. She had always been ten sizes bigger than Fallon. It used to bother her a lot when she was younger, but it hadn’t since she had the abortion.
The abortion changed everything.
But looking up at Tate, watching his eyes roam her body, she couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. Did he like her outfit? Did he like her hair and everything? Did he think she was sexy with yellow shorts? Even when Levi would tell her directly that she was a fatty, Audrey never listened to him. She was confident in her body type. She took care of herself, except when she binged on cupcakes, but then again, what woman didn’t? Audrey loved who she was. Even though she didn’t let Levi’s put-downs bother her, it still hurt a little that he didn’t like the way she looked. But never once did she second-guess herself with anyone like she was doing with Tate. Why? What was so different about Tate?
Ah, this friend shit is so hard; she thought letting out the breath she was holding.
“Hey, Tate,” she forced herself to say, “Come on in.”
Tate smiled, moving passed her as he said, “Thanks, I was wondering how long we were going to stare at each other before you let me in.”
Audrey giggled as she shut the door, and went towards the kitchen. “You were staring just as hard there, guy,” she joked before grabbing the popcorn out of the microwave.
“How could I not?” she heard him say. She looked at him over her shoulder as he went on, “Yellow is an eye catcher. I notice your bum is okay?”
Audrey blinked a few times and then turned to see that she poured all her popcorn on the counter, totally missing the bowl. She let out a frustrated groan before muttering, “It’s just fine, friend.”
She proceeded, angrily, throwing the popcorn in the bowl as Tate came around the island. The light green long sleeve shirt he wore was tight around his shoulders and arms. Audrey could see every muscle and every delectable line of his body through the thin fabric. Audrey shook her head in disgust. How could she want to follow her selfish thoughts and give in to the undeniable attraction between them? It was wrong. It was selfish. Hello!? She knew better. Maybe this friend stuff was a bad idea. Audrey wasn’t sure she could control herself to keep from ripping off his clothes and having her way with him.
“Oo, cupcakes,” Tate said, pointing at her large cake stand of cupcakes, “Can I have one?”
“Sure,” Audrey said with a nod as he opened the top of the glass stand and took one, “They are Cinnamon Toast Crunch cupcakes.”
“You had me at sure,” he said with a mouthful, “God, these are fantastic.”
Audrey giggled as she went to the fridge to get him a drink. Turning she asked, “Do beer and cupcakes go together?”
Tate shrugged his shoulders, “They do in my book.”
“Mine too,” Audrey said with a grin before handing him a beer.
“Thanks,” he said around another mouthful. He reached for another cupcake and smiled up at her. “I like sweets.”
Audrey giggled, “I can tell.”
“Did you have a nice day?” he asked still stuffing his face.
“It was long, how about you?”
Tate nodded, “I’ve been at it since 6 a.m. Lucas and I played around this morning.”
“Sheesh, that’s crazy.”
“Yup,” he said with a nod, licking his lips free of frosting.
Looking away, Audrey asked, “Wanna go watch TV while you stuff your face?”
Tate nodded, taking another cupcake and his beer as he followed her towards the couch. Audrey sat down, bringing her legs under her bottom, while placing the bowl of popcorn in her lap. Tate fell beside her, leaning against his knees as he devoured another cupcake. With a shake of her head, Audrey turned on the DVR, the theme music to Storage Wars filling the room. But instead of singing along and watching the opening credits, Audrey found herself watching the muscles move in Tate’s back.
Her fingers had been there.
Audrey closed her eyes, willing herself to forget the image of him naked as Tate asked, “What’s this show about?”
Telling herself over and over again, ‘not to think about it’, Audrey opened her eyes to see that he was looking at her, his eyes and grin, playful. Audrey smiled, how could she not? He was just so cute, and sweet! Frosting lined his lips and crumbs were all over his shirt. Even with the desire to lick every morsel of frosting off his succulent lips, Audrey found a way to say, “It’s basically the best show ever.”
Tate nodded, “Is it? How is that?”
“Simple,” Audrey said, “You follow four sets of bidders at this storage auction through the mission of finding the perfect storage locker. It’s amazing, each bidder is hilarious and I just love it. You will too, I know it.”
Tate laughed, “How do you know?”
“I just do,” she said pushing into him with her shoulder. It wasn’t planned and once she did it, Audrey regretted it. Her whole body sizzled from that simple touch and with one look into his lust filled eyes; she could tell his had too. What the hell was wrong with her? There needed to be rules when it came to him.
One being, no touching!
“Let’s watch the show,” Audrey groaned, leaning back against the couch and munching on popcorn. Tate leaned back also, his hand reaching over into the bowl as they watched. Nothing was said, only giggles and the occasional, ‘No way’, when the bidders on the show would find something amazing. Audrey provided what she thought was fantastic commentary; Tate would laugh and joke around with her. It was so easy and stress free to hang out with him. They didn’t talk about anything important; they didn’t discuss the past, nothing. They just enjoyed each other’s company, and the show.
Four hours later, they were done with all the shows Audrey had saved, and she found herself right back in the lusting boat she was in befor
e. Tate glanced over at her, and smiled.
“So you were right, I like that show.”
Audrey smiled, “Told you. It’s amazing. Tomorrow I’m watching Swamp People. Another favorite.”
“Swamp People?”
“Its fantastic. Alligators and bayou talking folks! It’s awesome. You gotta come over for that.”
Tate nodded, “I’ll be here.”
“Cool school,” she said tucking her knees under her chin.
Audrey watched as Tate took a long swig of his beer before he took in a deep breath. Looking over at her, he asked, “Tell me something.”
“Something?”
“Yeah, anything. I feel like we’ve just watched TV. I only know that you like reality TV, have a tendency to burn things and bake kick ass cupcakes. I know there is more to Audrey Parker.”
Audrey laughed, “There is.”
“Well, tell me something.”
Audrey went blank. Then she started laughing again, “You put me on the spot! You ask me something.”
Tate smiled, leaning his head against back of the couch while Audrey controlled her laughter. “What’s something no one knows about you?
Audrey put her finger to her lip, trying to think of what to tell him. The only thing no one knew was that she had the abortion, other than that, there wasn’t anything. “I don’t know. I’m really open.”
“There has to be something,” he said with a grin.
Audrey thought for another minute and then grinned, “Okay, it’s not something that no one knows but it’s a little weird and I always get weird looks when I do it.”
Tate sat up, his arms coming across his chest, “And that is?”
“I only eat green candy.”
Tate’s eyes got wide as if he was shocked about something. “What?”
“No really, I hate any other kind. Only green.”
“That’s so weird because I do the same thing,” Tate said with a laugh, “mine is orange though.”
“Not uh!” Audrey said with a snort.
Tate laughed, “Really.”
“That’s so funny,” Audrey said, still not able to stop laughing. Tate joined her, both holding their stomachs as they giggled and laughed. It was so easy to laugh with him, she liked that.