by Toni Aleo
“That was fantastic. Grenade right? By Bruno Mars? Fallon loves that song, but I’ve heard it so many times because of her, that I hate it,” she said with a laugh, “but no joke, I could listen to you play it over and over again. That was awesome.”
“Thanks,” he said. His grin couldn’t get any bigger as he laid the violin softly down before stretching his arms out in front of him. When he heard the bell, Audrey looked over at him.
“Food’s here, come on,” he said before heading for the door.
“You’ll need to play that piano for me,” she said behind him.
“Sure, why don’t you stay up here, and I’ll go get the food. We’ll eat and then I’ll play for you.”
“Awesome,” she gushed as he made his way down the stairs quickly. Paying the delivery guy, and grabbing two more waters, Tate made his way up the stairs, thinking things were going well between them. After last night and this morning, he was nervous that Audrey’s walls would be firmly back in place, but she seemed okay. He just hoped she stayed that way. Making his way back upstairs, he entered the room to see her sitting on his piano bench, moving her fingers along the keys.
“It’s so pretty,” she giggled as she stood.
She came over to him to help with the bags as he nodded, “Thanks, it’s been passed down through my family for years. If I wouldn’t have played, Matilda would have gotten it.”
And if she hadn’t died.
“Matilda?” she asked, dropping down to the ground, crossing her legs before unpacking the bags.
Tate dropped down beside her, looking down at the food she had placed in front of him, “Yeah, my sister.”
“Oh! I didn’t know you had a sister, how old is she?”
“Um, she’s uh,” his heart was in his throat. He didn’t want to talk about Matilda’s death, or his parents. He didn’t want Audrey to see that side of him yet. It was dark, and scary. “17.”
“Cool! Does she look like you?”
Tate nodded, “Yeah, but she’s gorgeous.”
And Matilda was. Long, long blonde hair, big ocean-blue eyes, big puffy red lips, and pink dusted cheeks. She was the most beautiful girl ever, just like his mother.
“That’s so sweet,” Audrey said with a grin before munching on her taco.
Tate sat for a minute staring down at his food. He wasn’t hungry anymore, his stomach was in knots and he wanted nothing more than to tell Audrey the truth but he couldn’t. Not yet, not when his heart felt like it was ripping apart. Tate had no doubt that he was strong, but when it came to his family, the grief took over. He knew breaking down in front of the girl he wanted to be with was not a good way to convince her he was a strong man. So he would keep that to himself for right now. Wait for the right moment to tell her. When that moment would come, he had no clue, but hopefully soon.
“What does your dad do?”
Tate looked up, and swallow loudly before answering, “He was a doll maker.”
“A doll maker?” she asked confused.
Tate smiled as he nodded, “Yeah, he made these beautiful little dolls that my sister adored. You remind me a lot of them with your big bright eyes and plump cheeks. I think that’s what drew me to you that night.”
Audrey made a face, eyeing him before saying, “Because I look like a doll?”
“Hey, these dolls were beautiful. You should take that as a complement.”
She laughed as she nodded, “Okay.”
Not wanting to eat, Tate got up, and went to the piano. Before moving his fingers to the keys, he glanced down at Audrey. She was looking up at him, her taco half way to her mouth. “You aren’t going to eat?”
“No, I want to play.”
Audrey nodded her head, “Well please, don’t let me keep you. Play on Mr. Oooooder.”
Chuckling, Tate began to move his fingers quickly across the keys. He was playing We Found Love by Boyce Avenue. It was his favorite at the moment, and it also held a lot of meaning for him. The song was about finding love in a hopeless place, and with the way Tate was feeling, it fit. He didn’t think he could ever find love after Elsa’s leaving him, and losing his family, but in walked Audrey Parker. He wasn’t saying he was in love, but he felt something for her. She was everything he needed, and he just needed her to figure out that he was something she needed too.
Finishing up the song, he glanced over to find her watching him. Her knees pulled up under her chin, her eyes glossy as she watched his fingers move. When he was done, he put his hands above his head, taking in a deep breath.
“I wish I could be like you.”
Tate looked down at her and asked, “How so?”
“Following your dreams. You play hockey, the ultimate man game, and you play amazing instruments, and you’re funny, outgoing, and carefree.”
“I do what makes me happy. Life is way too short, Audrey. So short.” he said, thinking of how short Matilda’s had been.
Audrey watched him for a moment and then nodded, “I agree.”
“So do what makes you happy, don’t hold back.”
Audrey nodded again, “I’ll try.”
“Good.”
***
Later that night, Tate and Audrey lay on his hanging couch watching TV. After eating all their dinner, they cleaned up their mess and headed downstairs to watch Survivor on his new DVR. He had no clue how he lived before having his DVR. It really was a lifesaver for a TV junkie. Tate was in oblivion, lying beside Audrey while watching one of his new favorite shows. For some reason, Audrey had been quiet since leaving the upstairs and it made him nervous that he had upset her, but she didn’t fail him when it came to her commentary.
“That girl is a moron.”
“I agree,” he laughed as he took a swig of his water.
“She’s gonna lose, ‘cause she is dumb, who gives the idol away!? Morons! Jeez,” she said shaking her head.
“Yup.”
When the show ended, Tate sat up, deleting the show before looking down at her. Audrey was lying on his pillows, looking right at home. He would love to come home to her every night.
“I have a question for you,” he said finally. He had been waiting for the right moment to ask and she looked so at home that now seemed to be a good time.
“Sure.”
“Why did you freeze up on me last night when I asked you about having kids?”
Like he expected, she froze up again, looking away from his gaze. “I didn’t.”
“You are now.”
Audrey smiled, as she shook her head, “How do you already see through me?”
Confused, he said, “I didn’t know I was.”
“Yeah, you are and I don’t want to talk about it okay? Can we just watch TV?”
Tate wanted to say no, and push through until she answered him, but he knew that would get him nowhere. She would tell him, she just needed to trust him more. Hopefully that would be soon because he needed to know why it bothered her so much that he wanted children early.
“We are too close for comfort,” Audrey muttered.
“Oh, I’m sorry, are you uncomfortable?” Tate asked quickly, that was the last thing he wanted to do.
“No, that’s the problem.”
Tate’s brow came together, “I am confused.”
“I’m not uncomfortable at all, when I should be.”
“Why?” he asked, still confused.
“Because this shouldn’t be this easy, we shouldn’t be able to get along this easy, be able to connect like this when I’m not right for you.”
Tate thought for a moment and then smiled as he said, “Sometimes it is and you are the only one who thinks you are not right for me. I don’t think that at all.”
“Tate…” she groaned.
“Yeah, Audrey, I know. Friends.”
But that needed to change.
Chapter 14
Don’t make cupcakes while I am gone, and if you do, please make sure they are gross.
A stupid little grin sat on Audrey’s fac
e as she read the text message from Tate. He had sent it at 4am, and Audrey hated that she missed it but even if she was two hours late, she typed back a response anyways.
I don’t make gross cupcakes, dear sir.
You are probably right, ma’am, so you should not make any.
Audrey smiled as she sat up in bed, leaning against her knees as she typed back.
I won’t. Who would eat them with me? Instead, I will run.
When his response came, a loud giggle escaped her lips.
Please don’t watch out for poles.
How did she already miss him?
It didn’t get any better. Each day seemed like weeks, and with each text or phone call, it only got worse. It was weird how used to him she had become. They had only been friends for a week but it seemed like months. She couldn’t believe how much she missed seeing him push his tongue against his teeth as he thought of something or when he smiled. Or how loud his laugh was, or the 2am wake up by him playing the piano. But most of all, she missed how intensely he would look into her eyes when they talked.
Audrey had never had a guy actually care when she talked. Even over the phone, she could tell that Tate was paying attention and that he cared about what she was telling him. And Lord knew it was a bunch of crap! All she could contribute to the conversation was all the TV shows he had missed, or things that happened at work, which was basically a bunch of nothing. The only useful information she could give him was about Aiden’s hockey games, and how the little bugger scored his first hat trick.
Tate, on the other hand, was busy. They had won the first three games, and were hoping for another win that following night. Tate loved traveling in the southeast. Apparently it was nice and warm. Tate loved being back in Florida, but did miss Tennessee. He, Erik, and Phillip had been really busy hitting up the clubs when they could. Lucas didn’t like it, but Tate said they always made curfew. Overall, they mostly talked about nothing, and Audrey couldn’t have been happier.
The sad thing was, while Tate was having a blast, Audrey sat at home, sad he was gone. To top things off, Levi had texted her again about meeting up for drinks. She told him ‘no’, like a good little girl, but it didn’t stop her from wondering what he wanted. Did he miss her? Was he thinking of her? Or did he just want sex?
Sheesh, why did she even care?
Looking up at the Panera Bread menu, Audrey decided that she really had to stop caring. Levi only wanted one thing from her. Every time he contacted her, it was about ‘getting together’ and Audrey knew all about his ‘getting together’. She didn’t want any part of it either.
Having decided on her favorite soup and salad, Audrey was ordering when a tap came on her shoulder. Audrey turned to see a bright familiar face.
“Elli,” she gushed, wrapping her arms around her friend, “how are you?”
“Good, thank you. How are you?”
“Okay, thanks, on lunch break?”
“Sure am, and Lord, am I hungry. This baby is already eating like Shea!” Elli said rubbing her belly fondly. Audrey smiled down at Elli’s growing bump before looking up at the mommy to be. Elli looked amazing, a dark red skirt with a black and red blouse that flowed over her tummy perfectly. Of course, she wore red and black polka dot heels and damn it, Audrey couldn’t help but think she wore them better than she did.
“You look amazing, Elli, honestly,” Audrey gushed while be green with envy. Elli was the perfect mother, a wonderful wife, and a business owner, add in her awesomeness, and she was everything Audrey wanted to be.
Lucky bitch.
“Aw thanks, Audrey. That means a lot; I’m feeling kinda blah lately.”
“Well hopefully you’ll get out of that,” Audrey said, and Elli nodded.
“Yeah, I think it’s ‘cause I miss my hubby. It’s hard when he gone,” she said sadly.
“That sucks, Elli. If you need anything, please let me know.”
Elli smiled widely at her before taking her hand in hers, “Thank you so much, I’m good. I got this…I think.”
Audrey giggled as Elli continued to smile. “Wanna join me for lunch?”
“I would love too,” Audrey answered.
With food in hand, the women entered a booth and sat across from each other. Elli smiled up at Audrey and said, “So, I talked to Fallon yesterday.”
“Oh God,” Audrey groaned jokingly.
Elli giggled as she waved her off, “Nothing bad, just she informed me that you’ve been hanging out with my star goalie.”
“Key word there, Elli, hanging, nothing more,” Audrey said dryly.
“I think it is more, and so does Fallon.”
“I don’t think y’all know what you’re talking about.”
Elli laughed, rolling her eyes as she took a bite out of her chicken salad sandwich. It looked way better than Audrey’s salad and soup. Now Audrey wanted a sandwich. Damn it, she hated when she had food envy!
“I saw the way y’all were at Shelli’s birthday, I think it’s cute.”
Audrey shrugged her shoulders, “He’s easy to get along with.”
“Is that it?”
Audrey paused, and then looked up at Elli. She was bursting to tell someone and maybe Elli wasn’t the right person, but damn it, she asked!
“No,” Audrey gasped.
Elli looked up in surprise and then smiled, “Wow, I was only picking. I didn’t expect that at all.”
“I like him, like really like him. A lot. But Elli, it’s just so hard. He so much younger than I am, and well, I’m scared he only wants sex. Plus I’m supposed to be in love with this other guy, but to be honest with you, I haven’t thought about him except when he texts me. It’s insane, and I feel like a two bit whore.”
Elli blinked twice, her sandwich halfway to her mouth. Placing it on her plate, she took in a deep breath, “Well, goodness me.”
“Right?!”
Elli smiled, “Audrey, the age thing is stupid, I wouldn’t even think twice about that.”
“But I’m almost 29, he just turned 21!”
“So? At least he can drink legally.”
Audrey shrugged her shoulders, “I guess you’re right.”
“I am and let me tell you, Tate is not looking to just sleep with you. What would give you that idea?”
“Elli, I think it took him 4 minutes to get me in bed.”
Elli took in a sharp breath, “You already slept with him?”
“Yeah, the night of Fallon’s bachelorette party.” Ignoring Elli’s shocked expression, Audrey went on, “I take back my previous statement; the more I talk to him the more I know it isn’t about sex anymore. It’s about us. He hasn’t been subdued about his feelings for me. He likes me, but I’m the one holding back and putting up walls.”
“Why?”
“Because, I am,” Audrey answered sadly, “because I’m confused and not sure what is right and wrong.”
“How so?”
“Do I go with the guy who only wants sex and who I know is the wrong choice but a safe one, and I know no one can get hurt, well maybe me, but I’m used to it,” Audrey said referring to Levi. “Or do I go with the guy who wants me but that could change and then we both could get hurt, because I could fall for this guy. I know that hands down.”
The more Audrey thought about it, the more she knew she could. They had so much fun together and if she would stop with the walls and secrets, there was a chance she and Tate could be happy. But even with that dream staring her in the face, she couldn’t help but see Tate walking away when she told him she was defective. It could happen. Then what would she do?
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Audrey. I am beyond confused.”
Audrey could tell she was confused. Hell, Audrey was confused.
“Here is my question,” Elli said.
“When your mind wanders, who comes up? Because that’s the person who matters, that’s the person you want.”
“You make it sound easier than it is, Elli,” Aud
rey groaned, leaning against her hand.
“It is that easy,” she said, standing, “I gotta to use the bathroom, but let me say this first.”
“What?” Audrey asked.
Elli smiled, “I think you should go with Tate.”
Yeah, I want too.
***
Tate sat on the beach, his toes in the sand as the sun was warmed his face. The surf was running up on his legs and Tate felt like everything was okay in the world. He could make a list of things that were wrong, but he wouldn’t think of that. He would also try to resist the urge to call Audrey and tell her he missed her. Not right now, it was too early. Instead, he would relax, and prepare for the next game.
The Assassins had done well on the road. Beating Washington, Carolina, and then Tampa Bay, Tate was feeling good, especially with two out of the three games being shut-outs. He was on his game, but that could change at any second. All he could do was hope it didn’t. Tate didn’t feel it would, he felt good, really good.
Pulling his phone out, he checked his Facebook, okay, he checked Audrey’s. The girl was obsessed and posted everything she did. He knew the ins and outs without even being there. He would never tell her he checked it consistently, but he did. The other day he found himself laughing at the fact that he had been on his phone as much as Audrey was. She was rubbing off on him, and he didn’t mind at all.
Leaning back onto the hot sand, Tate looked up at the cloud free sky. He wondered if his parents and Matilda were up there, looking down at him. He wondered if his dad was proud of him, and if his mom was upset that he hadn’t been playing as much as he wanted. He had been so busy and it was hard to take a guitar with him when he was on the road. He hoped that Matilda was happy, and safe. Most of all, he wondered if they missed him as much as he missed them.
Closing his eyes to keep the tears from falling, Tate took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. He needed to get it to together, he was supposed to go out with the guys later and if he kept thinking about things that he couldn’t change, he wouldn’t be in the mood to go. When his phone signaled a text message, Tate opened his eyes and raised his phone above his face so he could read what it said.