by Toni Aleo
“What?” she said reaching for the stereo and turning it down. She looked back over at him to see sweat dripping down his face. He was gasping for air, and his eyes were wild with what looked like fear.
“Stop the car, Audrey, now!” he yelled again.
Audrey pulled to the side, and before she could even stop the car, he was out of it, slamming the door behind him. Audrey put the car in park and hopped out as she screamed, “Tate! Stop!”
But he didn’t.
He kept walking, his hands laced behind his head as he took in deep breaths. Running up to him, which was a hard feat in 5 inch heels, Audrey moved in front of him to stop him. “Tate, what’s wrong!?”
Tate wouldn’t talk to her though, he moved around her. She took a hold of his arm, stopping him, “What the hell?!”
“You drive like a fucking maniac, Audrey! You could kill someone doing that! Are you nuts?”
Taken aback, Audrey stopped, her eyes wide in confusion, “I watch what I’m doing.”
“No, you don’t. You are the worst driver, and I refuse to ride with you any longer. I’m walking back home,” he said moving around her and down the side of the highway. Audrey blinked a few times as anger bubbled inside her. Catching up with him again, she stopped him.
“I am a safe driver, thank you!”
“You are delusional,” he said simply, not looking at her.
“So you are not going to dinner? You’re gonna pout and go home cause you don’t like my driving? You could have driven, Tate!”
“I’m going home. I don’t have anything else to say to you, Audrey.”
“Well I still have a lot to tell you! So fucking stop for a minute and talk to me! Act like a damn adult! I’m sorry, I won’t do it again!”
Tate turned quickly, almost knocking Audrey off balanced as he got in her face and said, “Leave me the fuck alone.”
Audrey froze.
She could see in his eyes that he was extremely upset, but Audrey didn’t understand why. Not saying a word, he held her gaze, his eyes wild as he took in a deep breath. He then closed his eyes, running his hands through his hair as he let out a frustrated yell, scaring Audrey to the core. Turning away, he started walking down the busy highway, cars passing by quickly, but she didn’t think he cared. Something was very wrong, but he had no desire to talk to her about it, and it pissed Audrey off to the extreme. Weren’t they supposed to be able to tell each other anything and everything? What the hell was his problem?
Fuming, Audrey made her way back to the car, and got in, slamming the door behind her. She then let out her own frustrated yell before starting the car and driving off. For once she didn’t touch her iPod, or even her radio. She rode in silence, begging herself not to cry.
By the grace of God, she made it to Fallon’s without crying, but the drive was all a blur and she knew she wouldn’t remember it later. Her mind was going at speeds faster than Shea Adler’s slap shot trying to figure out what the hell she had done to Tate. She had never seen him that angry and she didn’t understand what happened, hell, she probably never would until they talked.
If he even wanted to talk to her.
With her shoulders hung low, Audrey made her way up the drive way to Fallon and Lucas’ house. Feeling the way she did, she couldn’t even take in the beauty of the gorgeous home that Lucas had bought before Fallon had come back into his life. Audrey knocked on the huge door and let out a long breath. When it opened and Aiden wrapped his arms around Audrey’s waist, she felt a little better, but not much.
“AA! I’ve missed you!”
Audrey didn’t have to fake her smile, she missed her little buddy. Wrapping him up in her arms, she kissed him hard on his cheek before letting him down. He then led her into the house and towards the kitchen. Something smelled fantastic, but for once Audrey didn’t care what Fallon had made. She was debating if she should even stay, maybe she should go back home and try to talk to Tate. Surely after a long walk in the cold, he would have calmed down by now. But should she? In a way she didn’t deserve his angry lashing out, but, this time, she had caused it. It wasn’t like when Levi would just yell for no reason, this was different and she needed to fix it.
But how?
When Aiden and Audrey entered the kitchen, they found Fallon at the counter, with Lucas behind her, kissing her exposed shoulder. They were the picture of happiness and lust, and it made Audrey miss Tate more.
“Mom! AA is here!” Aiden yelled out, making both of them jump before looking up from the counter. Fallon smiled as she moved away from Lucas, and towards Audrey. She hugged Fallon tightly, and when she pulled away Fallon looked behind her, before looking back at Audrey.
“Where is Tate?”
“Well ‘hello’ to you too,” Audrey said dryly as Lucas gave her a sideways hug.
“Hey, how you doing?” Fallon said with a roll of the eyes, “Where is Tate?”
Audrey shook her head, “He didn’t come.”
“Why?” Lucas asked.
Audrey shrugged her shoulders, “We got into a huge fight over my driving and he walked back home.”
“What?” Fallon asked, her face transforming into the same confused expression Audrey wore.
“Yeah, he said I drove like a maniac and then left. I don’t know.”
Lucas pulled his phone out and then a minute later dropped his it from his ear, and then looked over at Audrey, “He isn’t answering.”
“Yeah I know, I tried a few times too,” Audrey said, sadly.
“What were you doing that he didn’t like?” Fallon asked.
“I was dancing, and singing, like always.”
“Well that is weird,” Fallon said, biting into her lip.
“No it isn’t,” Lucas said. Both women looked over at him as he went on, “He is really weird when it comes to riding in the car. I mean, who wouldn’t?”
“Huh?” Audrey asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well you know, with how his family died and all.”
It was as if Lucas had thrown Audrey into the boards, knocking the air out of her. She couldn’t breathe, and her vision was getting blurred. Surely, she heard him wrong.
“What?” she gasped.
Lucas eyed her before looking over at Fallon, who wore the same worried expression Lucas did.
“Please tell me you knew his family had been killed in a car accident, Audrey,” Fallon said slowly.
Audrey shook her head as she clutched her neck in utter shock. Tate never said anything about that, quite the opposite really! He never once said his family wasn’t alive anymore, but then again anytime they came up, he always did change the subject. What the hell? Moving without speaking, Audrey made her way out the house and into her car while Fallon and Lucas yelled after her. She ignored them. She had to leave, she had to talk to Tate.
She had to find out why he never told her.
She had to make sure he was okay.
What the hell had she done?
***
Tate was pretty sure he was about to pass out.
Along with being frozen from head to toe, his hands wouldn’t stop shaking and his heart was still beating in overtime. Tearing into the house, he slammed the door shut, while rubbing his hands together for warmth as he rushed up the stairs. When he reached his room, he threw off his coat. Then, in a daze, he went to the piano, dropped down onto the bench and opened the cover. He sat there feeling his hands touching the keys. Just to experience the normalcy of it.
Taking a deep breath, fighting against the tears that wanted to fall, Tate replayed his argument to Audrey as his hands moved freely against the keys. He couldn’t believe how careless she was in the car. She danced like she was on a dance floor. She sang at ear piercing levels, and she was more focused messing with her player than she was paying attention to the road. What if she had lost control of the car? What if she would have run head on into a car that was filled with a family?
What if he lost her too?
Taking in a shaking breath, Tate continued to play his mother’s favorite song, trying to get his mind off things that he couldn’t change. Somewhere in the middle of the song, he started to cry as the thought of something happening to Audrey overwhelmed him. He had already lost his family due to someone’s stupidity, and he couldn’t lose Audrey; not now, not ever. When he couldn’t play anymore because of his shaking hands, Tate let his face fall in his hands as the sobs ripped through him.
Would she even want him after the way he acted? He should have handled everything differently but he couldn’t. His anxiety took over. His need to protect her and his anger at her lack of consideration for herself made him act like a complete jerk. She probably didn’t understand his outburst, and how could she? Had he told her about his family? Nope, and how many openings did he have? A million? He should have told her weeks ago, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t utter the words that broke his heart every time he thought of them. He hadn’t even told her about his driving anxiety, even though he knew she would understand, and that she wouldn’t think anything less of him. She wouldn’t care. The only thing she would care about is helping him.
So why hadn’t he told her?
Was it a fear of having her know everything? No, it couldn’t be. He wanted her to know everything. Could it be because if he told her, it would be like living it all over again? She would have questions. She would want to know what happened, how she could help to make it better. It was who she was. She was a helper. So what was the reason?
Tate held his face in his hands, the tears sneaking out and landing on his legs. What if he lost her? What if she was so appalled by his outburst that she was done with him? She had dealt with idiots and assholes, and he had just turned into one. It could have all been avoided if only he had told her the truth about his family. He had told her everything but that. How could he expect them to move forward if he couldn’t even tell her about something that had left a big hole in his life?
He had to tell her.
And it had to be now.
Tate dropped his hands and stood up. He stopped when he found Audrey in the doorway. She was bundled up in her coat, her nose red from the cold. Her eyes were glued to his, and she looked scared out of her mind as she moved her hands together and apart. He could tell that she was nervous and hated that he had done that to her. He never meant to.
“The door was unlocked,” she said quietly, her eyes never leaving his.
Tate nodded, his heart starting to beat fast again while his body begged him to run and hide. Instead, he moved around the piano towards her, stopping right in front of her, his eyes locked with hers. “I’m glad you are here,” he said softly, “I need to apologize.”
Audrey shook her head, “No, that can wait. I need you to tell me why I had to hear from Lucas and Fallon about your family. Why didn’t you tell me, Tate?”
Tate looked down at his hands, watching them shake as he took in quick gasps of air, not knowing what to say. He should have known that Fallon and Lucas would have said something, and he was sick with the fact that they had been the ones to tell her. He was supposed to be that person, not two people who had no clue about what really had happened.
I’m such a idiot, he thought while his heart jackhammered against his chest. When her hands came into his, holding them tightly to make them stop shaking, he broke. His eyes filled with tears all over again as he lifted his face up so he could see her better. “Did I do something to make you not want to tell me?”
He shook his head, still not able to look her in the eyes as he said, “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Do you not want to tell me?”
Tate shook his head again, “I do. I am just scared.”
“Scared?”
“I am scared you will think I’m weak,” he said, looking up at her.
Her brows drew in as she shook her head, moving in closer to him, “Tate, I would never think that. You’ve obviously been through a lot and I understand it has to be hard to talk about. But I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me? Do you not trust me?”
“I do trust you.”
She still looked confused as she said, “Okay, do you want to talk about it?”
“No, but I need to tell you.”
“You don’t have to, Tate.”
“I do,” he said before leading her across the hall to his room. Sitting on the bed, he brought her down beside him. He leaned against his knees, trying to catch his breath while feeling her watch him. His heart was going crazy, his breathing out of control, and his palms were drenched with sweat. But he knew he had to do this. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath before reliving that horrible night.
“I was at a championship game when Elsa came running onto the bench, screaming to me. No one knew what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. I skated over to her and I only heard the last part of what she said. ‘There’s been an accident.’” Still not looking at Audrey, he shook his head, “She said that my family was in it, and that we needed to get to the hospital right away. I was in a trance, I guess, getting out of my gear, getting into her car and the whole ride to the hospital. I didn’t know they were dead, but I felt like something was seriously wrong. I had this feeling in my chest,” he said holding his hand to his chest, “it was as if I was losing them, and they were taking part of me with them. It was one of the most awful feelings I had ever felt. When I got to the hospital, it all got worse.”
Audrey had grasped Tate’s hand in the middle of his story, and he squeezed it tight. He looked up to see that her eyes were pooling with tears. He too felt like crying but he couldn’t, not now, he would never get through the story if he did. It was as if he was ripping open the wound and pouring salt into it with every word he said. Yet, he had to go on with the story. “We lived in a small town, everyone knew everyone. The woman behind the hospital’s reception desk was one of my mom’s friends. She was crying. When I asked for my mom and dad, she shook her head, choking back tears as she pointed to a cop who stood with some doctors. I knew then that they were gone. Like a zombie, I approached them at the same time they turned to look at me. It was like a movie,” Tate said with a laugh, “and I was watching it all happen from the sidelines. The cop, I knew him, he had arrested me when I was a kid for breaking windows with hockey pucks. He cupped my shoulder and shook his head, and then said, ‘I’m sorry son, they have all passed.’ It’s funny that I can still remember that, huh?” he asked with an empty, soulless laugh. Audrey shook her head, her free hand cupping her throat as her eyes stayed locked with his. Without waiting for her to answer, he went on, “He then went on to tell me that they were driving to the game and they had to pick up Matilda from dance. They were running late, but I knew they would be. Well, dad went a back way and was coming around a corner when these guys in a truck bigger than my dad’s came around the same corner but in my dad’s lane, hitting him head on. It killed mom and dad instantly. Matilda made it to the hospital but died minutes before I got there. There were five guys in the truck, and they all survived having only minor injuries. They were all high and drunk, being stupid instead of driving.”
“Oh Tate,” Audrey said softly, but he shook his head and went on, “I had to do a legal identification of the bodies.”
“Surely not, they knew it was your family,” Audrey interjected, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I know, but apparently they had to have the next in blood line to do it for it to be official,” Tate said, shaking his head. “It was horrible, and I ended up puking all over the side of the building,” he whispered, tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “Seeing my baby sister bruised and lifeless was worse than seeing my parents for some reason. Later I figured it was because she was supposed to live and have a vibrant life. She was going to be a famous dancer. She had planned to go on this dancing show in Europe as soon as she turned 18. She missed her birthday by thirteen days. All because some stupid idiot wanted to be reckless. He took her li
fe; he took her and my parents from me. Three of the most amazing people were ripped from me, and I still haven’t recovered from it.”
Tate looked up at the ceiling, swallowing the sob that wanted to escape before he went on, “That’s why I freaked out tonight. I have an intense car anxiety. That’s why I really don’t sleep at night because I see my sister lying there, dead, when I close my eyes. I miss them every minute of every day.”
“Tate, I’m so sorry,” Audrey said, squeezing his hand while wiping her cheeks, “I wish I could make it all better, I promise, I’ll never drive like that again, I’m so sorry,” she cried.
“Thank you, love, but you have to understand that is why I freaked out on you. I would never scream at you like that, and I apologize for that, but I was scared for you. I’ve spent the last year and a half, empty, missing my family while trying to figure out how I was going to go on. Thankfully, I got this chance to come to the United States, and then to the Assassins. If I hadn’t, I never would have met you,” he said cupping her cheeks in his hand, wiping away the tears with his long thumbs. “Audrey, I felt like I had nothing left, but you came along and changed it all. I couldn’t imagine losing you. I need you to know that.”
Shaking her head, she cried, “I couldn’t imagine losing you.”
“Then please, be careful, it takes a millisecond for something to go wrong.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that, and about your family. It must have hurt so much when I would bring them up.”
Tate nodded, “It did, but it was my fault. I should have told you a long time ago, and I am sorry I didn’t.”
Audrey wrapped her arms around his waist, snuggling her face against his chest. “It’s all out in the open now. Everything will be okay. We can only move forward from this.”
“You are right, and I don’t want to move forward with anyone but you, love.”
She nodded, squeezing him tightly before she placed a kissed against his collarbone. Nothing was said as the two held each other for a long time, and Tate wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He expected her to have more questions but she didn’t. She only held him, which was what he needed. Finally, Audrey moved away from him, standing up before she slowly undressed. He watched as she kicked off her heels. Then she unzipped her dress before throwing it on his dresser. She looked back at him and said, “Let’s go to bed.”