Dirty Secret Baby

by Alycia Taylor

  I probably should never have gone into the shower with her the other night. Because all it did was prove to me that she really was that good and that I hadn’t imagined it. I had slept with many women over the years. I’d never found it particularly hard to get women. It helped when you were in the line of work that I was in, and that I kept winning races. But, even though the sex could sometimes be great, it was nothing like this. I had never connected with anyone the way that I connected with her. When we had sex, I’d forget about everything and everyone in the world around me. The only thing I could concentrate on was her. It pained me to think about it now. I’d told her I didn’t want it to happen again, but who was I kidding? It was the only thing I wanted. I was just far too scared to go down that road again with her. There wasn’t just us to think about now. There was Bobby too.

  Bobby was the reason Savannah and I felt so comfortable around each other. With him around, we all felt like one big happy family. It was strange how easy he made things feel. Of course, the moment he wasn’t around Savannah and I would begin to stumble over our words and make sure that we were busy with something so that we didn’t look each other in the eyes. Then Bobby would walk in, and everything would be back to normal again. He had no idea what an impact he had on us and how good he made us all feel with him around. I’d tell him one day. Right now, I still had no idea what was going on.

  The strangest thing that had started to happen to me was that I was now no longer upset with Savannah anymore. The anger that I had first felt for her when she’d knocked on my door to tell me she had my child, had vanished. I just couldn’t be mad with her. And, because of the easy routine we had fallen into, life just didn’t seem so bad anymore. I lay in bed the other night, thinking about what it would be like to have sex with only one woman again for the rest of my life, and I realized I didn’t mind. As long as that woman was Savannah. The thought scared me.

  I spent the rest of the day working harder than usual. When I worked, I didn’t get a chance to think about her as much. The distraction was just what I needed.

  “Wow, you’ve already finished on that bike?” Spike said to me later that day.

  I smiled and looked at what I had done. He was right, something that would have taken me two days had only taken me one. “Yeah, I guess it just feels good to finally be working on the bikes again. I’ve always loved it, you know.”

  “Good to have you back. And a big thank you to the tall beauty out there,” he said and indicated to the office where Savannah was sitting. He winked at me, but I just shook my head and looked away.

  Even though I had never told anyone about my true feelings from six years ago, or even my true feelings at the moment, I had a feeling that Spike knew. He’d seen her race me all those years ago. He knew what an impact she’d had on me. I tried to ignore his gaze as I went to wash my hands and pack up for the day.

  As I walked into the office, I froze as I saw Savannah by her desk. She was leaning over the filing cabinet, and I had to resist the urge to walk up to her and grab her. I wanted my way with her again, and it was very hard to ignore like that. She turned around and smiled and I felt the heat rise to my face as if I had been caught.

  “Uh, hi,” I said. “Good day?”

  “Great day. I’m way ahead of schedule, and I have a whole bunch of ideas I want to talk to you about sometime. I have a whole list of things that I wrote down today, and the ideas just keep coming and coming. I can’t seem to stop them,” she said excitedly. Then she stopped and shook her head as if she had said something wrong. “I mean, if you want to of course. I don’t want you to think I’m taking over or anything.”

  “Are you kidding me? It’s great having someone like you around. You’re the only person to have ever worked in the office to actually have some initiative like this. And I include myself when I say that.”

  She laughed. “Well, that’s good to know. I like it here. I like putting things in order.”

  “Are you saying my shop was a mess before?”

  “Yes,” she said firmly, and we both laughed.

  “You’re absolutely right.”

  “I mean, this filing cabinet was in no order at all. I have no idea how you even got things done around here.”

  “I know. I’m not exactly an office sort of guy you. I’m a racer; this whole shop thing has been an adjustment for me. I never thought I’d actually own a shop. I’m good with some elements of it, but clearly not all of it.”

  She smiled. “I’m sure it has been. But you’ve done a great job. I’m just kidding you, you know. It might have been a mess, but it’s still impressive what you’ve done. Not many people choose the route you did.”

  “Thank you. So, you hungry? I was thinking of taking you and Bobby out to that burger place that I’ve been promising to take him too.”

  “Are you kidding me? I’m always hungry. And yeah, that would be great. I wonder how Bobby is getting along today? It’s so strange not having him by my side all the time.”

  “He’s with Pop. I have a feeling he’s having a great day. You know what the two of them are like when they are together. You would swear Pop is his grandfather or something. Those two are so sweet together. He has Pop wrapped around his little finger, you know.”

  She giggled. “Yeah, he has me wrapped around that little finger too.”

  “Well, count me in on that too. That boy is a charmer.”

  “Just like his father,” she said, and I could see she immediately regretted her choice of words. A deep blush formed on her cheek as she looked down and quickly hurried with her paperwork.

  I chuckled inwardly but didn’t say anything. Bobby wasn’t there, so it was only natural that the two of us were going to be awkward around each other.

  “Well, I’ll be leaving in five minutes. We can pick Bobby up and go out to eat. I’ll invite Pop along too.”

  “Looking forward to it.”

  I gulped as I walked away. I was looking forward to it too. Probably way more than I wanted to.

  Chapter Twelve

  Savannah

  I woke up that morning feeling hot. The covers were thrown off me, but I was still wearing my pajamas. There was no way I was going to take them off anymore. Axel hadn’t come into the basement again, but I wasn’t going to take a chance. And if he did, I didn’t want him to think I was just lying there and waiting for him. I wondered if I wanted him to come into the room or not. I kept telling myself that I was glad that he hadn’t come back for more, but I wasn’t sure how much I believed that. It had been like a sexual awakening for me. I hadn’t experienced anything so passionate in six years. And the last time had been with the exact same man. It was hard not to think about it even though I tried. It would come to me at night when there was nothing to distract me. Or in the shower. Whenever I showered, I pictured him coming in. But, of course, he never did. He said that it wouldn’t happen again and I believed him. The only thing that annoyed me was how disappointed I was that he had laid down the rules and that he was sticking to them. I wished the old lawbreaker in him would make him want to come back to me. But I couldn’t be the one that made the first move. I had no idea what he wanted out of me, or where things were headed. All I knew was that I had to tread carefully.

  I was getting used to waking up without Bobby too. In a way, I liked the quiet mornings now. I knew Bobby had plenty to occupy him in his new bedroom and I knew he was always up early chatting away with Axel. I could sometimes just about hear their voices, and I’d lie in bed and smile at the thought of them together. Bobby was a happy child, and I was very lucky to have a kid that hadn’t completely melted down after everything he’d been through. He just took everything in stride. I wondered if he got that from Axel. Axel had also been incredibly calm despite the fact that we had come in and completely changed his life. It was only me that seemed to stress about everything. Perhaps I needed to be a bit more like them.

  I got out of bed and stretched. I looked at the time and was once
again surprised to see that I had slept in. For years I’d been an early riser, but ever since coming to Axel’s, I’d found myself unable to get up early in the mornings. I wondered if it was because I felt safe here. Bobby had told me that the other day, in his own way.

  “I like it here, Mommy,” he’d said when I was putting him to sleep. I’d spent an hour reading a story to him until I could finally see him start to fall asleep.

  “I like it here too,” I said to him and smiled.

  “But you said we were going to get our own house. Can’t we stay here?”

  I smiled sadly and shook my head. “No, this isn’t a permanent solution for us. I’m working on getting us a new place. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you can see Axel all the time.”

  “Sometimes I wake up in the night and worry that you aren’t here. And then I remember where I am and I feel happy and go back to sleep.”

  I sighed. “I do the same, Bobby.”

  I thought of that now as I got changed, and made my way up the stairs to see what the boys were doing. I was going to have to start making a plan to find a new house soon. The longer I stayed with Axel, the harder it was going to be on Bobby when we went our separate ways. I would have to talk to Axel about it one day when Bobby wasn’t around, but it wasn’t the easiest conversation to start. I had no idea what Axel even thought about the situation. He’d been very good to us, but I was sure he would want his space back. He’d been living alone for so many years before we got there, and Bobby wasn’t exactly very good at giving him space.

  “Mommy!”

  I smiled at the sight of Axel and Bobby in the kitchen. I had no idea what they were doing, but they were sure making a mess of it. Whatever it was, it sure looked like fun. And as Bobby came over to hug me, I noticed a trail of flour following him. I laughed.

  “Morning you two. Wow, what’s happening here?”

  “We’re making pancakes!” Bobby yelled with excitement.

  “You are?”

  Axel turned around and smiled. “We thought it would be a fun thing to do together. Turns out Bobby is pretty handy in the kitchen,” he said even though I knew it wasn’t true. Bobby was probably the reason the kitchen looked in the state it was. But it was nice of Axel to say that and Bobby grinned at Axel and then back at me.

  “I’m helping.”

  “I can see that. Wow, this is great. Is there something I can do?”

  “Want to make the coffee?” Axel said.

  “Coffee coming right up.”

  We all worked together in the kitchen for the next half hour. I made coffee, and then I cleaned up the mess that they were making as they cooked. Afterwards, we all sat down at the kitchen table to eat. The pancakes were messy, and in the most bizarre shapes I’d ever seen—thanks to Bobby’s creativity—but they were delicious.

  “Wow, these are great. Maybe you’re going to be a chef one day, Bobby?”

  He grinned. “I think so. But I’m only going to make pancakes. People will come to my pancake restaurant.”

  I giggled. “You know what? I think that’s a great idea. And you can make all your pancakes weird and wonderful shapes and flavors. You’ll be so popular!”

  “YES!”

  “So, are you excited for today?” I asked Axel. After breakfast, we were all planning on going to the track to watch him race. I wasn’t sure who was more excited though: Axel or Bobby.

  “Oh yes. Especially knowing little Bobby here is going to be watching me. The pancake chef himself. You still coming?”

  I smiled. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  We finished eating and got ready to go. Bobby was beside himself as we rode in the truck. He helped Axel attach the bike to the truck and giggled the entire way. He just couldn’t believe what was happening. I tried to imagine what it must be like to be a six-year-old watching a race for the first time. I was excited even though I knew exactly what to expect. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how thrilled he must be to be a part of it all.

  When we got to the track, Axel introduced us to some of the crew. We knew Spike from the shop as well as a few guys we’d seen since working there, but a lot of them were people I hadn’t met before. Bobby was very excited and was on his best behavior the whole day. They let him get quite involved, and he got to get a closer look at all the bikes and meet all the racers. I felt good to be surrounded by all these people. I’d always loved being around bikes, and I felt an affinity towards people that felt the same. I was glad that Axel didn’t tell them all who I was or who my father was. Not everyone knew about XMC, but I had a feeling these guys would, and they might not take kindly to me being there.

  We made our way to the track to wait for the race to start. Bobby was beside me, and he could barely stay seated. He kept bouncing up and down in anticipation. When it was Axel’s turn to race, I watched his eyes widen, and he jumped up from his seat. He looked at me in amazement.

  “This is so cool,” he said.

  I smiled. “Yeah, it really is.”

  “GO DADDY!” he screamed.

  I shut my eyes, squeezed them and opened them again. It was the first time I had heard him say that word and it took me completely by surprise. I had never told him to call Axel that, and I was almost certain Axel wouldn’t have done so either. Bobby had done that all on his own. I gulped as I watched him. My heart swelled with a mixture of emotions. I loved Bobby more than anyone in the whole world, and I would do anything to protect him. I just hoped I was doing the right thing. My heart thrashed against my chest as I watched the race and Bobby. For the first time since we’d arrived, I felt like we were all a family. But we weren’t. We were all avoiding the truth, and I had no idea how to make things better. I just had to hope and pray that everything was going to work out fine.

  Axel came second, which was incredible because the guys he was up against were some of the best. When he came to see us, he was bursting with pride, and I wondered if he had ridden even better with the knowledge that his son watching him.

  “Daddy!” Bobby yelled when Axel got near and ran towards him.

  For a brief second, I saw that Axel was frozen on the spot. He was clearly as surprised as I was with the name. He looked at me, and I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. I wanted him to know that I hadn’t been the one to put that word in his head. Axel looked at Bobby and grinned, picked him up and threw him in the air.

  “Was that fun?” he asked.

  “It was so cool. You are fast like lightning! We had the best time.”

  I walked up to them and smiled. “You were great, Axel. Bobby is right; you were so fast. You haven’t lost your touch over the years, that’s for sure. Thanks for letting us be a part of it. Bobby loved every second of it.”

  “My pleasure. It was good to have an audience. I was trying to show off. It would’ve been nice to come first though, but you can’t win them all.”

  “Are you going to do it again? Can I do it?” Bobby asked.

  Axel chuckled. “No, it’s over for today. But don’t worry, there will be plenty more. And you have to be much older to do it yourself. So maybe one day when you’re big, I will take you. Is that a deal?”

  “That’s a deal!”

  Axel looked at me. “So, we’ve been invited to Pop’s for a family barbeque, and I’d love you and Bobby to come. Dominic and Candice are going to be there too, and I’d love for you to meet them. Candice is going to be here for a while because they wanted to be home to have the baby. I’ve told them all about you.”

  I gulped. I hoped he’d told them good things. I was the woman that had suddenly appeared in Axel’s life with a child in tow. I wasn’t sure if they were going to take kindly to me. But Axel was smiling at me. And also, if Dominic was Pop’s son, I figured he couldn’t be all that bad. Bobby was tugging at my shirt begging me to go.

  “That sounds wonderful. Yeah, let’s do it,” I said.

  “YAY!” yelled Bobby.

  Chapter Thirteen

>   Axel

  I had wanted nothing more than to win the race just to show off in front of my new family. Of course, I highly doubted that I would. I was up against one of the big guys. Still, I was disappointed because I hated losing. Usually, I was terrible to be around when I lost a race. It was not often that I got upset or moody about anything, but losing a race always set me off. And yet, seeing how happy Bobby had been to watch me had completely changed me. I was walking around with a smile on my face that I was unable to hide. Bobby was beside himself with excitement. He had loved every second of it, and that had just made me love it too. He was a bundle of energy and wanted to know everything about drag racing. We’d even put a helmet on him, which was huge on his little head, but he’d walked around showing everyone that he could and telling them that his daddy was a racer.

  I was shocked when I heard him call me Daddy. By the look on Savannah’s face, I got the impression he’d done it without anyone telling him too. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. Part nervous, part happy, part scared, part proud. All these emotions rolled up inside me. In the end, I decided to settle on happy. I was in too much of a good mood to truly think about it too much. I knew that I had some big decisions to make in the future, but as I walked up Pop’s driveway with Bobby holding my hand, I knew that he would be included in those decisions no matter what.

  “You obviously won,” Pop said to me as he opened the door.

  I laughed and shook my head. “Nah, I came second.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “You did? You don’t look like a man that came second. You look like you just won the big prize.”

  I looked down at Bobby and smiled. “I guess I did.”

  Pop gave me a strange look before bending down to give Bobby a big squeeze. Then he walked over to Savannah and gave her a hug.