Either way, he would not let himself become like him. He had to apply caution to his behaviour when it came to Lilly. She had the ability to make him lose himself and he never lost control. Ever.
He passed over her chemise, slipped on his trousers and flung the rest of his clothes over his arm before grabbing his shoes. Lilly threw on the cotton garment, unaware she was now silhouetted against the window. A roaring sound echoed in his ears as all the blood drained from his head downward. Evan dragged in a breath and expelled it slowly.
Lilly slipped her hand in his and wordlessly led him upstairs to her room. In spite of every instinct to pull back and retreat to his room, he found himself climbing into bed next to her and pulling her supple body into his. Inhaling the scent of her hair, Evan groaned inwardly. What was he doing with this woman?
Chapter Sixteen
Lilly forced herself to ignore the plummeting sensation in her stomach when she walked into the dining room the next morning. In spite of Evan coming to her bed after their dalliance in the study, he had returned to his own bed some time during the night, leaving her cold and alone.
Why she should be disappointed, she didn’t know. After all, why else did they have separate rooms? And she should have been grateful he allowed her some space. But not waking in his arms or with the brush of his rough thighs against hers had left an empty pain in her heart.
“Good morning.” He barely lifted his gaze from his newspaper as he sat formally at the table.
Lilly sat tentatively and eyed the lace of the tablecloth as one of the servants served her breakfast. “Good morning,” she mumbled and willed herself out of her foolish mood.
Just because her parents shared a room, did not mean she and Evan would. Her parents had shared a great love. She and Evan did not. Few couples shared a bed all night—why would they be the exception?
She glanced at him to find him peering over his paper at her. He swiftly lifted it to cover his gaze and she suppressed a sound of frustration. Back in a jacket and waistcoat, his necktie was firmly in place, his shirt tightly buttoned. No hint of the sensual, relaxed man from last night remained. Would she ever hear flattering words from his lips again?
Maybe he had thought more carefully about her behaviour and was angry with her?
Coughing, Lilly broke off a piece of toast and waited for him to look at her. It didn’t work, so she coughed again. The paper lowered, a dark brow arched.
“Are you unwell?”
“No, my lord, perfectly well.”
The eyebrow arched higher at her formal tone and he lowered the paper with a sigh. “Have I displeased you?”
Yes, she wanted to say. Yes, he should have been in her bed. He had displeased her immensely by not waking her with kisses and tender touches, with soft words and his rare smiles. But the words refused to come and she lowered the toast, appetite gone. She was a mistress and this was her lot. What more did she expect?
“No, Evan, all is well.”
His eyes narrowed and he placed the paper on the table. “I am having a modiste sent up from London this week. Madam Aubert. She is well known in London for her fashionable dresses. She shall take your measurements and create you a few new dresses that I am sure you shall love.”
“Well, you do still owe me a dress after you destroyed one of my best.”
“I do.”
“But tell me, what is the point in dressing your mistress in the finest clothes, if no one is to see me in them? I could just as well wear my old dresses if I’m to spend the rest of my time hidden away in this house.”
“You don’t want new clothes?” A line appeared between his brows, as if he was baffled by her words.
“It seems a mighty waste of money, Evan.”
She remembered her mother’s excitement when her father would send for new clothes for them both—and Lilly used to revel in her enthusiasm as a girl, enjoying the treat of new dresses. Her mother reminded her that to dress well made many things forgivable. As if somehow wearing a fine gown would change their situation. Lilly came to loathe those dress fittings. How she would rather wear a dress several seasons old yet be able to go to London. Now, she no longer missed those events. A short time in the society of Lady Stanley’s friends had taught her enough to know her girlhood fantasies of balls and handsome men were just that... dreams. She almost pitied the girls who believed such events would bring them lifelong happiness.
“I should not like people to think me miserly with regards to my mistress.”
“Since when do you care what others think?”
His jaw twitched as he eyed her. “You will forgive me, Lilly, but is this not what a mistress wants? Fine clothing, a comfortable home?”
“I would not know.”
“So your mother didn’t want those things?”
“Perhaps. But I am not my mother.”
“Indeed you are not. I met her once, you know. My father had just passed and your father brought her to Hawksley Manor. She was far more placid and charming than you.”
“You met my mother?”
“I did.” He leaned forward, gaze delving into hers. “She was a fine woman. I was sorry to hear she passed.”
Lilly felt as though she had been placed on a merry-go-round and made to remain until she was dizzy. His eyes twisted her insides and the sudden change in conversation made her head whirl.
“It was a few years ago now,” Lilly managed to force out of a tight throat.
“But I’m sure you still miss her.”
“She was my only true companion for many years,” she snapped. “Of course I miss her.”
Evan shook his head marginally but said nothing of her snippy tone. Her mother had passed in her sleep on a particularly cold night. Breaking the news to her father had been almost worse than discovering her mother’s cold body that morning. He had been devastated and withdrew into himself. In one night, she lost both her parents—parents who had always been so involved with each other, she feared they didn’t remember she existed at times.
She curled her fingers around a teacup and noted how the china shook in her hand when she lifted it. Lilly placed it down again for fear of spilling the contents. At times, she loathed them for their selfishness, at others she envied their love. And in spite of their failings, she had been comfortable and well educated—more than many illegitimate children could boast. Shame warmed her cheeks.
“Shall I bother sending for Madam Aubert?” Evan asked.
Lilly let loose a wry smile. She couldn’t help but be grateful for his abrupt tone that broke her melancholy. Either he was uncomfortable with the way the conversation had turned or he sensed she did not want to be pushed any further. She observed him for a moment and concluded the latter. The man had become far too adept at reading her already.
“Send for her if you will.”
Evan’s lips quirked. “So grateful.”
“Forgive me, should I come to your feet and thank you from there?”
“No, but I could think of a few ways you could thank me.”
Lilly opened her mouth and snapped it shut again. Images from the previous night assailed her. Her fingers tingled with the memory of his skin beneath them. Her body tensed when she recalled him buried deep inside her. How did he take her from annoyed to aroused in mere moments?
He lifted his head to indicate a paper package on the side console. “I forgot to give that to you yesterday.”
Unable to control her curiosity, Lilly got up from the dining table and snatched the package from the side before sitting with it. She drew out the string and peeked at Evan. He appeared to be buried in his newspaper, but she caught him peering over the top of it at her as if waiting for her reaction. Pulling the brown paper aside, she drew in a breath.
“A sketch pad!”
The paper lowered again. “That will stop you from having to sneak around at night, will it not? I picked it up in London. Lady Stanley mentioned you love to draw.”
“I do.”
“This is wonderful, thank you.”
He grunted, lifted a shoulder and tucked himself behind his paper but not before she spotted a little softening in his eyes.
***
Madame Aubert proved to have a wonderful eye and to Lilly’s relief seemed entirely disconcerted about visiting a mistress. As she instructed her to lift her arms, the dressmaker took her measurements and smiled with satisfaction.
“Beautiful breasts,” she commented. “You shall fit well in some of my new designs. I can see why the marquess is so enraptured with you.
Lilly felt heat rise to the tips of her ears. “I don’t think he is enraptured, Madame.”
“I attend to many women and their rich lovers. He is enraptured.” The middle-aged woman’s expression brokered no argument.
A strange fullness settled in her chest at the idea of Evan being so enchanted with her. She didn’t think she had ever captivated a man, yet if he truly thought her plain he would not have taken her as his, would he?
If only he would not leave her at night. If he were so enthralled, why did he insist on returning to his own bed after making love to her? It should not, but it left her aching and empty to wake alone.
Madame Aubert’s feathered hat tickled her nose as she took her waist measurement. “I see you in teal,” she said. “It shall liven up your hair and bring out your beautiful skin.”
Lilly had been amused that Madame Aubert had no French accent. With the woman’s flair for clothing and her elegant features—a long nose, dark hair and a surprisingly line-free face for her age—to hear an English accent took her by surprise. It was, Madame Aubert confided, useful to give the appearance of being French in her business but she had no ability to master the French accent.
“But,” Madam Aubert said with a laugh, “by the time they have seen my creations, my clients forget that I am not French at all, and thus my reputation in London as a fine French dressmaker continues.”
Unable to resist laughing herself, Lilly eyed the woman with renewed admiration. She had no husband from what Evan had told her, and she had created a thriving business. It made her feel as though she had achieved so little in her life. Still, a year with Evan and she could go on to achieve her dreams and help further the suffragette cause.
A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts and Lilly called for whoever it was to enter, half hopeful it might be Evan and she would be able to decide if Madame Aubert was correct and she had him enraptured.
Instead it was Mrs Hargreaves with a letter. She handed it over wordlessly, bobbed a curtsey and left. Lilly shuddered. The woman had yet to warm to her and she wasn’t sure it would ever happen.
Madam Aubert fussed around with some material samples while Lilly opened the letter and scowled at the signature. Her cousin, Henry. What could he possibly want now? She had written to him to inform him his belief of Evan’s involvement in her father’s death was incorrect and that she would be here for the next year so he could rent out the house as he wished, but she intended to return as soon as Evan had given her the money she was owed. She assumed Evan had made his own arrangements with regards to the debt as Henry made no mention of the money owed.
But he did mention coming to stay. Lilly rubbed her forehead. Why would he want to do such a thing? Maybe he felt ashamed at his cousin selling herself to pay off his debt but she thought it unlikely. After all, it had been her decision and Henry was not the sort to worry about others. As pleasant as he was, he rarely thought deeply about anything.
Another knock at the door sounded. “Come in,” Lilly snapped and braced herself for another cold look from Mrs Hargreaves.
A set of wide shoulders in a white shirt filled her vision first and she lifted her gaze to meet his dark eyes. Without his necktie, he never failed to steal her breath. The tiny bit of flesh at his collar reminded her of what it was like to have him naked in bed and her belly swooped.
Madame Aubert pressed a swatch of teal fabric to her breast. “What do you think, my lord? This colour makes her most radiant, do you not think?”
“Indeed, most radiant.” His gaze travelled up and down her approvingly.
It was wholly inappropriate being in front of him in only her combination, the thin cotton garment which left her ankles on display, but Madam Aubert appeared not to notice and Lilly conceded nothing about her acquaintance with Evan could be considered proper.
“A letter arrived, I believe. Is anything amiss?”
“No, it was from my cousin. He...” She frowned. How to broach the subject? She supposed as usual it would be no good in trying to hide things from Evan. “He intends to visit. In the next two days.”
“Visit? Why in the devil should he want to visit you here?”
“Perhaps he wishes to check on me?”
“Is that usual for him?”
She shook her head. “No. In truth, I cannot fathom it.”
They had never been close though he was one of the few who did not treat her as if diseased. She didn’t blame her father’s family. After all, could they be expected to be kind to the woman who stole him away from them? Her father’s wife had been bitter indeed that her mother had conceived a child and she had not. But Henry liked to ignore anything that might disturb his happiness and therefore, in the few moments they spent together, pretended there was nothing at all strange about their family connection.
“In two days you say?”
“I’m afraid so.” She hoped he didn’t intend to check Evan out himself or worse, accuse him of murder. Perhaps he wished to discuss the debt with Evan.
Evan did a fair job of masking a grimace. “I shall have Mrs Hargreaves order in something nice for dinner.”
Her heart sank at having their time interrupted by her inept cousin but she forced a smile. “I hope you shall have some dresses for me before then, Madame Aubert.”
The woman lifted her head. “You are in luck, my dear. The wonders of modern society means I have many ready-to-wear dresses at my store. I shall have them sent by train. But I must insist on a few custom gowns.”
“I cannot wait,” Lilly said.
“Nor I,” Evan commented, a hint of a smile on his lips. She almost groaned at the devilish glint in his eyes. She hoped he didn’t intend to destroy any of her new gowns.
Chapter Seventeen
“Are you to show me around then, cousin?”
Lilly glanced at Henry across the breakfast table. He insisted on behaving as if he were visiting with friends rather than with the man to whom he owed a debt and his mistress—the woman who had sold herself to pay off that debt. Somehow his persistently genial manners made the whole situation worse.
“The countryside around here is very beautiful,” he remarked. “A little more flat than Hampshire perhaps but very charming.”
A grumbling sound of irritation came from behind the newspaper Evan was holding. Lilly clasped her hands together under the table and stopped herself from kicking Evan in the shin. He had been unbearable since Henry intruded on their solitude. The man really didn’t do well in company and she suspected he resented that they did not have the freedom of the previous week. With Evan planning to return to London at the end of the week, they might get very little time together.
Henry might have only been with them for a day but Lilly already missed Evan’s visits to her bed. If only he would agree to stay for a whole night. Waking alone never failed to remind her of the disgrace of her situation. Every morning she felt dirty and used until he whispered some heated words or gave her an intense look, and then it would all be forgotten and she failed to stay annoyed with him.
“We can go out on horseback if you wish. There is a delightful stream and copse that is worth visiting.”
/> Evan lowered his paper. “It promises to rain today.”
Henry placed his cup of tea down and looked to the window as if surprised by the observation. “It shall hold off long enough surely?”
“If we head out straight away, we shall miss it,” Lilly agreed.
They might not but she could no longer bear the stifling atmosphere in the house. Tension simmered between the two men and though Henry appeared determined to remain affable, she saw the occasional tightness of his jaw and the odd glint in his eye. She didn’t know her cousin well enough to know if he had a temper—the few times they had seen each other he had always been pleasant to her—but she didn’t wish to wait around and see if he did have one.
“You shall get wet,” Evan said to no one in particular.
“I shall have the horses made ready,” she said, ignoring him.
“Excellent.” Henry grinned, his cheeks almost as red as his hair. “I have a hankering for a decent ride. Carriage travel is well enough, but it does make one rather tired and stiff.”
“You shall get ill if you get wet.” Evan had lifted his paper again but his words were clear enough.
Lilly managed not to roll her eyes and stood. “Come then, Henry. Let us get some fresh air. It is somewhat stifling in here,” she said pointedly.
A grumbling sound came from behind the paper but Evan said no more. Good. Let him sulk. Just because he was a marquess didn’t mean he should behave so abominably.
Henry bid Evan good day and was rewarded with a gruff response while Lilly asked Anne to get John, the stable hand, to ready two horses.
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