He looked away, then, and the hard swallow felt like a fist in the middle of her solar plexus. When it was followed by more silence, the depth of it had a colder realization suddenly sinking into her bones. “Jed. I...I passed, right?”
He looked at her. “They gave you a patch, didn’t they?”
She slid off the table, stood up, her legs weak, to match her voice. “You didn’t answer my question. Jed—I passed the qualifications test, right?”
He drained his bottle. “Listen, it’s late. And you’re right, there will probably be fire tonight. We might get called out.”
“Jed Ransom, you tell me the doggone truth right now. I passed, right?”
His jaw tightened. “No.”
She stared at him. Set her bottle down and reached out for the table. “What. Are you. Talking about?”
He made a face, shook his head. “You could have passed. I knew it. But...you fell coming up that last hill during the ninety-minute pack-out test and...well, I knew you had it in you. I knew, by then, that you could do it—you just had the look. And then I don’t know what happened. I just clicked the stopwatch. I don’t think I realized I’d done it until you got up and passed the finish line. And then I couldn’t tell anyone, so...”
“But I finished. I got up.”
“And you probably made it. In fact, I’m sure you made it. That’s why I wrote down a passing time.”
“You lied for me.”
“But look at you now. One of the best—Kate—”
She walked away from him, shaking her head. “Now, it suddenly all makes sense. I never really got why you were so angry after—” She rounded on him. “No wonder you’re so hard on the recruits. Because you—you regret passing me!”
He gave her a hard look, and she read assent in it, and more. “Oh no. You followed me into the fire that day because you thought you’d made a terrible mistake in passing me and...and because you knew that if I died, Dad would destroy you. You didn’t blame me—you blamed yourself.”
His jaw tightened. He swallowed, nodded. “I saw you headed right into the fire, and I thought...I’ve killed her.” His breath emerged shaky. “I knew I’d made a terrible mistake, and by then it had gone from bad to worse because...”
“Because I kissed you.” She was backing away from him now, her hand over her chest. “That night at Grizzly’s, after the test. After they’d handed out our patches.”
And from his expression, he was right there with her, caught in the memory. The music low as he pulled her onto the dance floor, ran his hands down her back, molding her to himself as they swayed with a rhythm that belonged only to them.
After years of adoration, of hoping, of proving herself in his world, it had all come together as she’d tucked herself against his sculpted, work-hardened body. She’d curled her arms up around his neck, caught in the aura of the only man she’d ever loved.
She’d pressed her lips to his neck, not thinking, just a crazy moment of abandon. But she’d just landed one of the most elite jobs in the country, felt invincible. Unbreakable.
And in Jed’s amazing arms, beautiful.
Then he’d lifted his head and she saw desire in his eyes. When he bent his head to kiss her, she knew.
He loved her, too.
Or at least she’d thought so.
Now, emerging from the memory, her mouth dried. Her voice emerged broken, scratchy. “You regretted kissing me.”
“No—I...” He came toward her then, and she batted his hands away.
He looked stung. “Yes, okay. I did. But not at the time. I’d been watching you for five weeks, and every day you became more—I don’t know—amazing, maybe. And I thought you’d be okay—I told myself I’d be there, and that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
His voice softened, his expression almost desperate. “Kate. You were so...happy that night. And I saw you dancing, and I knew the other guys were seeing the same thing.”
She frowned. “What are you saying?”
“I just knew that Jock would kill me if anything happened to you—”
Oh, this was just getting worse. “So...you danced with me as a favor to my dad?”
“No! Yes. I mean, I—I wanted to be there. I was dying to dance with you. And then, you smelled so good and fit so well in my arms, and I’d sort of been dreaming of kissing you since the day I met you, but you were always off limits and...” His expression turned earnest. “I just stopped thinking, okay?”
“We kissed, Jed. And it wasn’t some little peck on the cheek but—well, I don’t remember ever being kissed like that. In fact, you danced me right outside and pressed me against the building. And—oh...That’s why you stopped. Why you drove me home. Why you practically stiff-armed me the rest of the season.”
Until, of course, the Porcupine fire.
Pain edged his eyes.
Jed’s voice was soft, apologetic. “I’m sorry I kissed you, Kate.” He made another face then shrugged, his voice dropping. “I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t resist you.”
She blinked at him, his words a flame inside her, burning away the romance to the truth. Her voice turned flat. Hard. “So, what you’re saying is that I made you, what, lose control of that legendary Jed Ransom composure?”
He gave another shrug and she wanted to lunge at him.
“You...jerk. Here all these years, I thought we had a—well, if not a romance, a moment. That you—I don’t know—came after me that day in the fire because you, call it crazy, had feelings for me—”
“I did have feelings for you. But I was also your jump partner.”
“And babysitter, apparently. Nice job, Jed. Do you kiss all the girls you’re supposed to be watching out for?”
A muscle twitched in his jaw.
“So let me get this perfectly straight. Dad sent you to Alaska to make sure I failed. And when I didn’t, or rather, when you didn’t fail me, which I have yet to figure out—”
“Because you deserved it,” he said quietly.
“Isn’t that sweet. Except you lied to get me in, which makes no sense whatsoever—and then, after I get my patch, which I didn’t deserve, you decide that I’m too wanton to be left alone on the dance floor, rescue me by muscling away every other guy—and by the way, I have this suddenly horrifying picture of you threatening every guy on the team should they even harbor a hint of interest in me—oh my gosh, you did!” Her mouth opened, and she shook her head, stepped back, her hand up. “Wow. That I didn’t see coming—”
“Kate, what did you expect? You were the only girl on a team of sixteen men—”
“Woman. The only woman, who could take care of herself, thank you. And my teammates weren’t cavemen.”
His dark expression suggested otherwise.
“Perfect. Well, fear not, they kept far away from me the rest of the summer. But let’s get back to the point, which is—your superman powers were suddenly weakened by my kryptonite powers of seduction, so you kissed me only to go into a full-out panic over the idea that you’d made a mortal mistake in letting me pass, so you decided to follow me into a wildfire instead of trusting me to get out of trouble on my own. Did I sum that up correctly?”
He swallowed. “You left out the part where you saved my life?”
“Whatever. You wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for me. And not just because I couldn’t control my chute and get back on course, but for my wanting to be a smokejumper in the first place. And putting you in a position where you had to choose between me and Jock Burns, your hero. No wonder you blamed me. Now it all makes crystal-clear sense. I can’t wait to find out what else you are going to”—she finger quoted—“‘protect me from.’”
“Kate—”
“You know, Pete Brooks said that he was in love with me. Maybe you need to head down to the Hotline, see if he’s still there. Maybe you can take him out back, work him over a little before he succumbs to my powers.”
“Okay, that’s enough.” He came tow
ard her, and she couldn’t help it.
Her hand went up in a slap.
He caught it before it hit his cheek but jerked back, his eyes hard. “What’s wrong with you?”
She was shaking even as she ripped her hand from his grip. Didn’t apologize. Then, tightly, “I’m not to blame for your broken leg or the fact that you dropped out of smokejumping after Alaska. Or even the fact that you kissed me. I will, however, take the blame for calling you a coward. That one’s on me.”
He flinched then, just slightly.
“What you haven’t figured out yet is that you and Dad both failed. Epically. Because I’m one of the best smokejumpers you’ve ever met—”
“I know.”
“No, actually, you don’t. But you will. Oh, you will.” She walked past him, off the deck.
When she didn’t hear movement, she turned. “I need to get my Jeep.”
“Kate, don’t leave it like this. C’mon, let’s talk—”
“We’re so done talking. I don’t know what I thought—maybe that bringing you up here and talking about Dad, we might find answers or something.” She gave a harsh laugh, and it threatened to rip away the fine veil of her control, push out the burn from her eyes. “Boy howdy, did we.”
He came off the deck toward her, but she put up her hand. “You said it right, Jed. I promise to stay way, way out of your way.” She turned and stalked out to the bike. “By the way, you’d better keep your distance. I’d hate for my presence to make you lose control.”
Jed watched Kate drive away in her lemon-toned, soft-top Jeep, dread lining his throat as a cloud of dust from the Hotline parking lot rose in her wake.
Somehow he’d made it worse. When he’d told her about Jock and Jock sending him up to Alaska, he’d only meant for her to see how much the man loved her. After everything, he thought she needed that.
He hadn’t meant to ignite her fury.
You will. Oh, you will.
Words to turn him cold, despite the heat slicking down his back. Kate trying to prove herself could only mean that this might be the summer her luck ran out.
Right before his eyes.
The Hotline still hosted a few late-night revelers, the music spilling out in the gravel drive. He had no desire to go back inside, his instincts confirming her words.
There will be fire tonight.
Indeed, the night had turned deadly, the crackle of lightning occasionally shattering the dark sky over the nearby rumple of mountains.
He gunned his bike and pulled out onto the road, headed back to the ranch house he’d finally purchased just off base.
He couldn’t believe she’d nearly slapped him.
I can’t wait to find out what else you are going to protect me from.
Maybe herself.
The worst of it was, for the most part, she’d guessed correctly.
The guilt he’d felt when he realized that he just might have ensured her fiery death on a mountain.
He still couldn’t explain why he’d passed her that day.
Or, later, why he’d muscled away the likes of her teammates, like Gus or Donut, for his right to dance with her.
But the minute her arms curled around his neck, the minute she leaned her head against his chest, he stopped caring why he’d come to Alaska. He’d lost himself a little when she kissed him, tasting of french fries and the salty tang of her beer, and even that hadn’t warned him off or stopped him from kissing her back and surrendering without a thought to tomorrow.
Who knows what might have happened when he dragged her outside of Grizzly’s that night if she hadn’t whispered Jock’s old nickname for him. I thought you’d never come around, Cubby.
A jolt of reality. Jock’s voice ignited like a blaze in his head. He’d jerked away, disentangled himself, pretty sure he’d left his heart behind in her grasp.
Judging by tonight, he still had the ability to lose a little more of himself every time he got near her. By the end of the summer, he might not have anything left.
She simply didn’t get it. Of course Jock didn’t want her to jump—and it only got worse after their near-death fight on the Porcupine River basin.
Sometimes, in the subsequent years, listening to the stories of her so-called bravery, jumping into fires under conditions that a sane man would run from, Jed went somewhere private and lost it.
Simply sank down, his head between his knees, a hand on a garbage can, a cold sweat shaking through him.
Then he’d drive up to Jock’s place to find the man staring glassy-eyed at the stars, going through his own personal trial and execution.
A part of Jed truly believed that deep down inside, Kate had a death wish. And for that, yes, he wanted to reach out and shake her, good.
Or just pull her to himself and never let go.
Probably what he should have done seven years ago instead of shoving her out of his life.
Coward, indeed.
Jed pulled into the gravel drive, parked the bike, and climbed off. The tiny three-bedroom, ranch-style house, a log cabin once upon a time provided by the Forest Service, sat only a half block from the fire base, facing the runway.
If he turned, he could spot Jock’s silver Airstream a half mile away on the cliff overlooking the base, watch the lights wink out or blaze into the night, a come-hither beacon.
Not for him.
He pocketed the keys, headed up the driveway. Clearly his roommate, Reuben had returned. With company. Conner’s black Ford 150 sat next to Reuben’s Silverado.
The absence of Pete’s Charger only slightly niggled at him.
“You know, Pete Brooks said that he was in love with me.”
He strode up the walk and banged open his door a little harder than he intended.
Stifled a curse.
Reuben and Conner stood in the middle of his living room—his empty living room—holding his Wii controllers like golf clubs. A game of Wii Sports-Golf flashed on his new flat screen.
His other furniture, however, hadn’t simply been pushed out of the way. Oh no, like a good hand-crew, Conner and Rube had completely emptied the room of anything that could cause trouble, like they might if they were digging a fire line right down to the mineral soil.
“Where is my sofa?” Jed asked just as Reuben took his swing.
“Ah! Crap. It went wide.” He turned to Jed. “Really? Don’t you know the rules of golf? No talking while someone is taking a shot.”
Jed glared at the six-foot-two bull rider. “My end table? My coffee table? My recliner?”
Conner slid off his perch on the dining room table, stepped up for his swing. “We moved them.”
“I see that. Where?”
“Pete’s room. They’re stacked on his bed.”
“Stacked...”
Conner lifted a shoulder, along with the hint of a grin. “His fault for trying to come onto Gilly tonight.” He glanced at Reuben who nodded, didn’t smile.
Ah. Right. Still...
Jed turned, walked down the hall past Reuben’s room to Pete’s, the larger one with the king bed. Sure enough—the sofa, recliner, and coffee table lay on the bed, as if exhausted from their labor in the family room. The end table perched on Pete’s dresser.
Jed stood there, picturing the ensuing battle between Pete and Reuben. “I’m not amused!”
Nothing.
He returned to the family room where Reuben stepped up for his next shot, his stance wide, holding the controller like a driver.
Jed leaned on the door frame, shook his head. “Tell me again why I agreed to rent you a room?”
Reuben looked up, glanced at Jed, raised an eyebrow. “Quiet on the green.”
Jed launched himself at him.
Reuben’s shot went off the screen as he threw up a hand to ward off Jed’s tackle.
They landed with a thump near the dining room table. Conner moved out of the way, watching.
“Yo! Bro—!” Reuben hooked his leg around Jed’s leg as Jed grabbed h
is arms, yanked them back. “What’s your deal?” He wiggled one arm free and jammed his elbow hard into Jed’s ribs.
Jed kneed him in the back. “I like my house the way it is!”
Reuben rolled, caught Jed’s fist, but missed the other arm grabbing him in a headlock.
Jed felt the man’s fists pummeling his ribs and relished it, fueling the adrenaline. He needed this, something to burn off the heat of his fight with Kate.
Reuben head-butted him hard, and Jed’s nose bloomed pain. He let go, howling.
Reuben got up, rasping, wiping his face. He bore a scrape on his cheek.
Jed lay there, his eyes watering, just staring up at his two teammates, who peered over at him.
No one said anything.
Then Reuben held out his hand to Jed, who grasped it. As he pulled Jed to his feet, he turned to Conner. “Your shot.”
A beat, a glance at Jed, then Conner walked over, reactivated the waiting game.
Jed picked up a chair he’d knocked over from the table and sank into it. Felt his nose. Didn’t feel broken. He ran his knuckle under it, just in case, and came away with a trickle of blood. Super. He fished out a bandanna and sat with it pressed against the burn.
Conner’s shot landed on the green to cheering from the Wii crowd.
“Wanna play?” Reuben said.
Jed shook his head.
“Wanna hit me again?”
“Maybe.”
Conner leaned against the table. “Kate has that effect on people,” he said, not looking at Jed.
But Jed looked up at him. “How do you know? You worked out of the Boise base—you two didn’t—”
“Chill. Not even close. Kate has a strict no-dating-firefighters policy. But I do remember a few squad bosses who looked like they wanted to drop her out of a plane without a chute.”
No dating firefighters, huh? Did that mean she’d dated...others?
And why not? It had been seven years. He shouldn’t expect her to pine for him.
Not like he had for her, at least.
Jed checked the blood, found it had already stopped. “If I could, I’d take her wings from her, ground her permanently.”
Where There's Smoke: inspirational romantic suspense (Montana Fire Book 1) Page 6